https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 22 Apr 2026 20:08:21 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-troubles#post-2169993 Thu, 07 May 2015 08:05:28 +0000 Mrs. Goose 2169993@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think everyone is doing their best in this situation. It's good that she doesn't mind if you discipline her son and her consistency in the situation is positive. Because they are the same age and see each other frequently, this is likely just a phase. How is he playing with other children? How many other children does he play with in a small or even large group setting? It's difficult for kids to communicate for a good five years even when they start speaking!</p> <p>Also, as long as your child doesn't ever seem upset or reluctant to go play with his friend then I don't think it is harming him. Also, it's great that you don't see him doing the same behaviour, which would be another indicator that the friend's behaviour is having a negative impact on him.</p> <p>I would keep encouraging him to verbalize his feelings, which is really important and also encourage him to remove himself from the situation if the other child doesn't listen, just walk away. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-troubles#post-2169285 Wed, 06 May 2015 15:58:54 +0000 Keybee 2169285@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That is really frustrating, I'm sorry.<br /> I'm not sure what you do if your child is aggressive, but I bet there are online articles and books about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-troubles#post-2169280 Wed, 06 May 2015 15:57:05 +0000 Jess1483 2169280@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hummusgirl: she is really consistent about first time--warning and time out and second time, leave. It doesn't seem to bother him to leave. I wish that were the answer. And I hate that she has to work so hard to get her and her kiddos out the door and then cut play dates off so often.<br /> @littlebittyhouse: I know she is grateful we continue to play with them. And really, I don't want to stop. The little boy is sweet and funny. I hate the situation more for her than for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-troubles#post-2169192 Wed, 06 May 2015 15:15:47 +0000 hummusgirl 2169192@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What if, when he turns violent, his mom says "Ok [name], play date's over" and just takes him home? It might be hard especially if they haven't been playing long, but he'd get the idea that she means business. </p> <p>My kid doesn't generally act out like that but the other day he ran down the street and into the alley while I shouted to stop, and so I took him inside and we didn't go to the park like we had planned. He hasn't done it since (though he's done plenty of other crazy things - ah 2 year olds!). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-troubles#post-2169170 Wed, 06 May 2015 15:08:53 +0000 littlebittyhouse 2169170@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have any advice really - I have an LO who out of nowhere will hit or throw and it really is the most awful thing ever. I pretty much limit playdates because there are a lot of people who get really offended despite me actively addressing the behavior when it happens. You're a good friend for keeping up the playdates and I speak from experience when I say that I am sure that this friend appreciates your kindness more than you know. Having a LO who can be aggressive is super isolating at times and very very frustrating :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-troubles#post-2169040 Wed, 06 May 2015 14:13:42 +0000 Truth Bombs 2169040@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jess1483: Oh, ok. Then yes, if your son is visibly upset by the behavior and the other child has no reaction to that I would be more hesitant about playing together really often. My LO every now and then will bite/hit, etc when she gets frustrated but when she sees that one of her friends is upset by her bahavior she gets really upset herself and says sorry and usually starts crying too because she feels bad. And she's the same age as your LOs so I definitely think it's possible for a toddler to feel empathy when they have hurt or upset their friend. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-troubles#post-2169002 Wed, 06 May 2015 13:54:57 +0000 Jess1483 2169002@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: oh, I should explain. LO was crying, and I asked him how he felt. He said "sad." I asked why. He said "name throw sand." I said "do you want to tell that to him?" He said yes. So I didn't put words in his mouth, but he is not particularly verbal and needed help re-phrasing it to his friend. My son is clearly upset when these things occur and will talk about them later.</p> <p>Also, while I agree it's a phase in the long run, this has been occurring for at least a year. They are moving in 3 months, which at least puts an artificial date on the end of the behavior, but it's definitely been at least a year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-troubles#post-2168997 Wed, 06 May 2015 13:50:52 +0000 Truth Bombs 2168997@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As long as your son isn't in any real danger, and your friend is trying, I would grin and bear it, it's likely just a phase. Also, you should definitely give your son the opportunity to talk to you about it, and continue to ask him if he wants to play with that friend. But I would not instruct him to say things like "it makes me sad when you throw sand" unless he comes up with that on his own. You don't need to put words in his mouth, because he may not be actually feeling what you think he is feeling. If your son isn't upset, dont force the issue. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-troubles#post-2168993 Wed, 06 May 2015 13:47:14 +0000 Jess1483 2168993@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2PeasinaPod: yeah, I don't really want to stop the play dates either. I do address her son (she is fine with it) and had LO today say "it makes me sad when you throw sand." And then he kicked sand 2 minutes later when I was right there. </p> <p>I don't mind continuing to try. He is only 2. I just want to make sure I'm doing the right thing for my son, too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-troubles#post-2168959 Wed, 06 May 2015 13:10:58 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2168959@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In this case, since she's clearly making a very good effort and is at her wits' end, I'd continue the play dates. My LO plays with the neighbor's two boys next door, and they can sometimes be aggressive. I think that as long as the parent is doing something and it's not really causing my son harm, I'm ok with it. If there's an issue, she addresses it immediately.</p> <p>Can you ask her if she'd be comfortable with you using her disciplinary techniques on him as well? This way it's more of a village that is helping him to understand his behavior is unacceptable rather than *just* his mom? </p> <p>The other day, one of the little boys pushed LO down the slide and he got a little upset. I told LO to tell the little boy, "no pushing, please." I'm all about being polite regardless of how mean someone else is to you, and he's able to verbalize that. I also will repeat it to my neighbor's son and she has no issue with it. Maybe the two of you could try to work out a system to help her LO understand that the behavior isn't tolerated. It's going to take work, but I think stopping the play dates isn't the answer right now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-troubles#post-2168941 Wed, 06 May 2015 12:49:48 +0000 Jess1483 2168941@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a dear friend whose son is the same age (same birthday!) as my son (both 2.5). We get together regularly (1-2 times a week) with the boys and they really enjoy each other. Unfortunately, her son is a bit aggressive. He often hits, throws sand at, or kicks my guy. Although my son isn't an exclusive target, he does seem to be more aggressive toward him than other kids (but my DS is tiny and he is on the bigger side, which probably plays into it). </p> <p>When something happens, my friend always addresses it, tries time out, makes him apologize, and if the behavior continues, takes him home. I feel like she's doing her best, and she feels awful when her son behaves this way. We both try to prevent the behavior, but it often comes literally out of nowhere (not retaliatory, etc). They can just be playing one second, and he pushes the next. She always encourages her son to give my son space, but that doesn't always prevent it (she also has a 6 month old, so she can't always be as close to him as she'd like. </p> <p>My son still likes her son. He will say "friends name no hurt me" when we are starting to play, but if I ask if he wants to play with him, he always says yes. He says he is nice and understands that he is making a bad choice. When something happens, I always encourage DS to talk to me and later his friend about his feelings and point out that friend is in time out because of his choices. My poor friend is at the end of her rope with the behavior and feels awful (when it happened today she sobbed and repeatedly apologized and asked why we are even willing to play with them.) So:</p> <p>1) would you continue to arrange play dates? If so, any tips on helping them play safely?<br /> 2) any suggestions for my friend (she is more than willing to hear advice, especially about this issue)<br /> 3) any suggestions for me as I talk to DS about his friend's behavior? I encourage him to verbalize "stop" or "I don't like that" but he generally won't. </p>