https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 14 Jun 2026 11:46:11 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-not-respecting-food-intolerances-vent#post-82367 Sat, 25 Feb 2012 23:16:27 +0000 Red 82367@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so upset for you. I can't imagine having guests over and knowingly serve them something they can't eat. </p> <p>I'm on a restricted diet because of LO's allergies as well and my friends always ask what I can and cannot eat or if I can email a recipe that they can prepare when we come visit. Of course, I always tell them not to worry and that I'll bring my own food but it's the thought that counts. </p> <p>To be honest, your friends don't sound much like friends to me. I'm at the age where quality counts more than quantity so if I were you, I would pointedly ask about the menu for the next event and if there's nothing you can eat, just tell them that you can't make it. If they don't call back with an adjusted menu with at least one thing you can eat, I would write them off. But that's just me..... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-not-respecting-food-intolerances-vent#post-82317 Sat, 25 Feb 2012 20:17:16 +0000 pastemoo 82317@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@brownie: :( No one ever deals with this well. I was allergic to wheat for a year and half (with massive hives for a day or more) and my in laws always ordered pizza when I came over. It SUCKED.<br /> I'm sorry your friends aren't taking your allergies/intolerances seriously. You might need to confront them about it, or just eat before you go, and offer extremely boring food when they come over to your place (make a point to explain how it's not spicy, low fat, and tree nut and peanut free.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-not-respecting-food-intolerances-vent#post-82286 Sat, 25 Feb 2012 18:42:11 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 82286@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@brownie: Bummer. I never trusted anything because even Montreal seasoning (for example) has soy in it and would make for miserable nights. Any processed ingredient may have caesin or soy lecithin. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-not-respecting-food-intolerances-vent#post-82285 Sat, 25 Feb 2012 18:41:02 +0000 chopsuey 82285@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow. I would talk to them about it. I mean, wtf. Why would your "friends" make food you can't eat? I'm super annoyed for you!!!<br /> If they don't start taking your needs into consideration I say stop going to the dinners. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-not-respecting-food-intolerances-vent#post-82275 Sat, 25 Feb 2012 18:24:28 +0000 brownie 82275@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: I did that when I did funny Paleo diets, or the total elimination diet. At this point my diet isn't terribly limiting. For instance, last night it was turkey burgers and mashed yams for dinner. The turkey patties were okay and there are cheap, safe, easy to buy buns. They put milk in the yams (not necessary). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-not-respecting-food-intolerances-vent#post-82270 Sat, 25 Feb 2012 18:09:16 +0000 mrbee 82270@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Some people have trouble understanding food allergies and preferences. I went low carb years ago, and a friend of mine thinks it's just dumb and is always putting out crackers and chips when I go over.</p> <p>Other than that, the friend is a good one and so I just ignore it. But if the friendship isn't worthwhile otherwise, then it sounds like it's time to move on. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-not-respecting-food-intolerances-vent#post-82223 Sat, 25 Feb 2012 14:21:22 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 82223@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just always brought my own food to events. With me it was milk, soy, sesame, eggs, and other stuff. No one should have to build a menu around those restrictions! It was really hard for me, let alone people who didn't have intolerance issues. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-not-respecting-food-intolerances-vent#post-82215 Sat, 25 Feb 2012 13:48:39 +0000 heffalump 82215@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly it sounds like you don't want to be friends with them so I would just stop going. Either that or you could ask them to make something that you can eat, stating that you do so for them and you feel left out when they don't do so for you. Or you could bring your own food. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-not-respecting-food-intolerances-vent#post-82213 Sat, 25 Feb 2012 13:33:01 +0000 MrsH 82213@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>a) talk to them about it (both what you can eat and that you don't feel included), b) if you don't see that they are accomodating you then perhpas it is best to part ways.</p> <p>I am GF and have this same problem all the time (even with family). Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-not-respecting-food-intolerances-vent#post-82151 Sat, 25 Feb 2012 11:00:02 +0000 brownie 82151@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I have been on this diet for 6 months so they know. They just don't care or bother. Yesterday they specifically told me what was in the food that I couldn't eat. Yet, they had just bought them so they could have bought something different. They know. They were our closest friends but not so much anymore. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-not-respecting-food-intolerances-vent#post-82108 Sat, 25 Feb 2012 04:57:19 +0000 mediagirl 82108@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@brownie: I'm sorry you're having to deal with that with your "friends." I think I might step back from people like that if they can't handle the fact that their friends is a little bit different. There is nothing abnormal about food allergies. When our friends invite us over or out to eat, they always make sure it's at a place where my husband can eat (he can't have nuts, tomatoes or dairy). </p> <p>I don't understand why people can't be just a little more understanding. Sounds like you do it for them but they're not reciprocating. That's sad! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-not-respecting-food-intolerances-vent#post-82098 Sat, 25 Feb 2012 04:31:04 +0000 looch 82098@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Could it be that people simply don't know what is ok to make? I have a friend who is vegan, down to wearing the natural shoes, and she always says that people just don't realize what's okay for her to eat or not. </p> <p>Are they close friends? I know that sometimes it's worth it just for the socialization, but if it makes you mad or stressed out, maybe you can suggest another activity? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-not-respecting-food-intolerances-vent#post-82079 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 23:59:20 +0000 brownie 82079@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@anbanan15: You totally understand. Sometimes it is hard to find people that do understand. I wish we lived closer so we could have a support group. They don't understand how it works or what sorts of bad things happen. I understand why there are parents who want a peanut free life (I don't necessarily agree with it. Yes sometimes we have to segregate). I guess I just expect those closest to me to care a bit more about me. This isn't a one time occurrence this is an ongoing issue. </p> <p>I get made fun of all the time because I am super picky (no vegetables, no chunks in my food, etc.) I can usually handle that. And if they make food that is safe for me to eat, but that I choose not to eat that is a different story (I wish they would have been thoughtful but it isn't the same).</p> <p>When I had a super restricted diet, I also brought the food and it wasn't an issue what they were eating. Now it is less restrictive (I know not perfect but I can eat a lot) and they know there is safe foods. </p> <p>(and @mrbee:)Yes, one of the people that make it hard to go there is someone who really has no respect for anything or anyone. I don't know how it would be if he wasn't there. I just don't know if it is worth fighting them on it. Dinner is Friday after work so there isn't an opportunity to eat or make food before hand. So at that point it is just not going. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-not-respecting-food-intolerances-vent#post-82077 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 23:50:09 +0000 mrbee 82077@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@brownie: I've thrown a lot of friendships away for similar reasons... over time, I've learned that some people just aren't sensitive to issues like these.</p> <p>If the food intolerances issue wasn't there, would you still want to be friends with this crowd? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-not-respecting-food-intolerances-vent#post-82068 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 23:15:19 +0000 brownie 82068@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I'm not entirely sure their "friendship" is actually what I need if they have no regard for me in general. I feel like we try to accommodate and take into consideration the people and they don't take us into consideration. It just doesn't seem even at all. I am not sure that their friendship is what I need or want. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-not-respecting-food-intolerances-vent#post-82067 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 23:15:00 +0000 anbanan15 82067@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry for the novel. I'm tired and I rambled.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-not-respecting-food-intolerances-vent#post-82066 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 23:14:10 +0000 anbanan15 82066@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can relate. DS has FPIES, so he and I are not eating many foods (I'm eating 6 foods total right now and he is eating 2 of them), including all of the Top 8 allergens + gluten, as well as potatoes, corn, all forms of meat, etc etc etc....</p> <p>I always eat before going or bring something along that I can have. I always tell people not to worry about eating infront of me and I don't expect them to not eat something just because I can't have it or to make something special for me. </p> <p>That being said it is hard! Some people are respectful and even with my blessing will not eat infront of us. Others take it as their chance to have all of my favorites and make it obvious. Some people think it's time to make fun of the only foods I can eat stating that they smell so bad and complain the entire time so I wont eat infront of them anymore. And yet some think it is funny to tease me and DS and say how they are dying to give him his trigger foods just to see what will happen...those are the sick people and the ones that aggrivate me to the point you are at. DS has an ER letter for his allergies, it's sad those people want to see me have to use it (and the worst part is they are family).</p> <p>My point is people are rude and there is nothing you can do about it and no one will understand what you are dealing with unless they are in your shoes. If you feel not going to these meetings is right for you and your sanity then don't go, but maybe eating before hand or bring your own food will be enough to let your still enjoy the time together with your friends? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-not-respecting-food-intolerances-vent#post-82063 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 23:06:32 +0000 mrbee 82063@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@brownie: If they aren't making food you can eat, you have no choice really!</p> <p>In any case, at least you could enjoy their friendship even if you can't enjoy their food? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-not-respecting-food-intolerances-vent#post-82062 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 23:03:58 +0000 brownie 82062@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I can but they get hurt that I wont eat what they make. If I make my own food it doesn't make sense to go there at all because I would be making it when they make their food. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-not-respecting-food-intolerances-vent#post-82056 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 22:57:24 +0000 mrbee 82056@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Can you make your own food and bring it? That might be the safest way to make sure you have food that you and your son can enjoy! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-not-respecting-food-intolerances-vent#post-82053 Fri, 24 Feb 2012 22:52:48 +0000 brownie 82053@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a group of friends that meet every week for dinner and games. My son is MSPI and so neither he or I eat any sort of dairy (whey, casein, etc) or soy (soy lechithin). I am also just in general an extremely picky eater which I understand is my issue.</p> <p>Well we take turns making food for this dinner activity. My friends can't be bothered to even attempt to make sure there is food that I or my son can eat. Last week we made 3 different sets of enchiladas 1 that was less spicy because one of the friends doesn't like spicy food, 1 that had lots of cheese and 1 for me that had no cheese in it. So we make exceptions for their personal preferences. But my intolerance isn't worth enough to worry about.</p> <p>One of their kids has a peanut allergy, one of the adults just developed and allergy to tree nuts, another of the adults had their gallbladder out and we can't have too much fat. So we aren't allowed to have those anywhere near. My sons issue apparently aren't anywhere near as important. </p> <p>I am just so upset by their blatant disregard for us. I really don't know how to handle it. I want to be childish and may thai food with peanuts and almonds for next week so they can't eat. But I know that isn't an appropriate way to deal with it. What should I do? At this point I am planning on no longer participating the the dinner and games. This could mean I lose them as friends but where they really my friends? </p>