https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 27 May 2026 03:37:12 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-parenting-your-kids#post-2533982 Tue, 26 Apr 2016 03:18:14 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2533982@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Although I do think kids need to get used to different adults when I'm there it's my rules with the exception of grandparents. It wouldn't even be a big deal to me to say "oh we do it this way" or whatever and move on. Of course I wouldn't bother with things like "try the carrots" but if they were in any way pushy I think I'd just nip it in the bud casually and move on quickly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-parenting-your-kids#post-2533968 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 23:55:02 +0000 mrs.kiwi 2533968@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Generally I totally don't mind my kid being parented by others unless it's a safety issue or just something majorly crazy (like if someone was yelling into his face or being EXTREMELY anything..)</p> <p>Totally agree that kids have to learn to adapt to different adults and kids alike. U know in school they might have lots of different rules and styles of teaching from multiple people! And then with extracurriculars even more so..</p> <p>I do have to say in the toddler stages I would be more protective of my kid the younger he/she is and more lax as he/she is older.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-parenting-your-kids#post-2533910 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 20:46:23 +0000 Rockies11 2533910@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ms maths: My daughter's best friend's mom has a completely different parenting style than I do - I am really lax and she is really involved. I just let her do her thing, and sometimes I feel guilty for dragging everything down. But none of the differences are major - she is very loving and well meaning so if she wants to hover while my 3 year old walks up the stairs, I think fly at 'er! I do sometimes feel pressure to parent my kid in a more active way than I ordinarily would because her bestie is getting upset that they are getting two different messages. The only time I get involved somewhere that could be considered a style change is where the other mom is having trouble getting the girls to comply with something, so I swoop in and turn it into a game. </p> <p>When I am in charge of both girls, I only use my rules, and wouldn't think to use any other rules unless I was specifically asked. I would expect the same when my daughter is at their place. </p> <p>I think where it's just a style difference, kids benefit from seeing different ways people interact so I don't mind if my child gets parented in a safe but different way with another person. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-parenting-your-kids#post-2533816 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 18:07:24 +0000 JennyD 2533816@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well. Turns out I don't do well with people whose parenting philosophies are much different from my own. So, how well do my parenting ideas go with those of my friends'? In most cases I would say we align quite a bit, and consequently I don't change my parenting much or at all. </p> <p>For those situations where we must endure the lax parenting philosophies of others (I.e family), I tend to be more strict. I guess I do tend to parent my nieces and nephews, possibly more than their parents appreciate. </p> <p>Otherwise, it depends on whose house we're at. My house, my rules, but mostly that applies to noise and mess. I can see intervening when there's a sharing issue brewing, but I can't imagine enforcing rules about what someone else's kid eats, especially if the parent is there. </p> <p>As for kids under my care, they follow my rules, but I tend to relax them a bit. Generally people don't leave their kids with me 😂</p> <p>Maybe next time you could just say "I'm good with letting them sort it out themselves" or "oh, I don't care if they don't eat that". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-parenting-your-kids#post-2533660 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 14:35:00 +0000 Ms maths 2533660@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Looch It does sometimes feel like it's a gut reaction for them. And enacting your parenting ideas is hard work! so I appreciate that it's hard to just turn it off when it comes to another kid.</p> <p>@Rattles and @Joyfulkiwi, I like the idea of thinking of it as part of socialization: it does seem like being able to move between different sets of rules is important. (And thanks for responding to my more general questions! It's great to see others' thinking on these issues.)</p> <p>@Where_C: Thanks for sharing your perspective. I don't see myself as permissive but of course that doesn't mean that they don't. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-parenting-your-kids#post-2533631 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 13:57:11 +0000 wheres_c 2533631@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have the exact same problem and I don't know how to resolve it - heck maybe you're even my "friend"!</p> <p>My husband and I come from strict cultures, neither of us are American. We are slightly more lax on our 3 year old son but I would describe ourselves as your "friends". </p> <p>At dinner we expect our son to stay seated at the table until everyone is done, eat majority of his food. He is not allowed an alternative option,if he doesnt want to eat what we've provided he has no other choices.<br /> When our friends come over for dinner, they will feed their child early, or let him get down from the table when eating etc.<br /> I think both parenting choices are equally valid, but I feel like it is a lot harder to parent my own son when he is seeing his friend "get away with something".<br /> I usually answer with "J's mommy sets his rules and his rules are different." but it's still really tough. Sometimes I just don't invite them when I'd like to so I don't have to go through my sons bad behaviour.<br /> I try my best not to parent their child.<br /> Also he is allowed to do things like jump on the couch, burp, etc. I don't tell her kid not to do those things, but when B copies him I tell him he's not allowed.</p> <p>I have another set of friends that are constantly saying that B is such a great eater and they wish their son P would eat the same. When they are over for dinner, I do "parent" their son a little but only in the hopes of helping them as they've expressed they'd like him to eat more... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-parenting-your-kids#post-2533627 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 13:54:00 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2533627@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ms maths:<br /> -How well do your parenting ideas align with other parents that you typically interact with?<br /> It ranges from very similar (like 85% in common) to very different (like 20%). If our kids are friends &amp; the differences aren't deal breakers (say, yelling or demeaning my child) then I feel comfortable.<br /> -How much do you adjust your parenting when you are with other parents and kids?<br /> Barely at all. We parent in our typical style, but may try to enforce some of the other families rules if they've said it's important to them. I want my kid to see that I'm consistent.<br /> -When you are in charge of another kid, how do you decide when you use your own “rules” vs. the “rules” of the other family?<br /> If the other family has specifically mentioned something they want us to do, we do it ("Please make him clear his plate, we've been working on it.") Otherwise, we supervise the other children as if they were our own. </p> <p>I can see how it feels like judgement or criticism, but you're right that it's most likely not that. It took me a while to get to this place &amp; be comfortable in my choices (playgroups with strangers make me a little more wary), but I made a choice to become friends with other parents &amp; that means being okay with their parenting style. Plus, I think it's good for my kids to be exposed to different rules &amp; parenting because they will experience that often - grandparents, aunts, trachers, etc will all have a style of their own and my kids need to learn to be flexible (but also where they DONT need to be flexible). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-parenting-your-kids#post-2533622 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 13:51:14 +0000 Mama Bird 2533622@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I try to say something but frame it as a joke, but only with close friends - they've patented my kids to some degree, and I theirs, although of course they all listen to their own parents much better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-parenting-your-kids#post-2533614 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 13:47:46 +0000 MrsSRS 2533614@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I often say a mild, "don't fret, they need some time to try to work it out themselves" for the second issue. No advice on the first. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-parenting-your-kids#post-2533583 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 13:14:37 +0000 Mrsbells 2533583@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If they are my good friends that I would have no problem saying "well actually our dinner policy is ....."</p> <p>on the other hand I agree with your friends about the trying a bit of everything and not avoiding veggies. I dont see how them getting your kids to do that harms your kids. sometimes its good to have kids also respect and respond to advice from your friends who might be a sort of "uncle" / "aunt" role </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-parenting-your-kids#post-2533552 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 12:54:08 +0000 rattles 2533552@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it depends on your various priorities. Is it more important to consistently have your approach reinforced or to develop/continue the relationship and play dates? I'd say something if it's bothering you and then decide if it's worth it to you to let it go. I have been there too. It's annoying, but imo, part of socialization entails my kids learning that not everyone does things the same way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-parenting-your-kids#post-2533514 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 12:09:34 +0000 Eko 2533514@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In my opinion, no parent has a right to insert themselves into another parenting situation (except for extreme life or threatening situations), no matter how innocent it may seem. This is of course when it doesn't involve their own child and it's just them inserting their parenting into yours. </p> <p>Practically speaking, I think for small things, like your food example, I would be meh about. But, for the other situation, I would say something. I think if you say things enough times they will get it and will likely back off. </p> <p>For someone I am closer with I tend to give like one pass and then am vocal on tougher situations. Not saying you need to be really confrontational, but be as vocal as she is and not intervening so she doesn't say something, because really that's just you going against your own parenting views. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-parenting-your-kids#post-2533455 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 10:54:35 +0000 looch 2533455@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ms maths: Yes, I understand completely. It's just that it becomes difficult for some parents to not intervene, even if it isn't their own child, it's like some kind of gut reaction. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-parenting-your-kids#post-2533454 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 10:52:39 +0000 Ms maths 2533454@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout, we have talked about some of our parenting ideas, although only casually. Having some more formal/explicit discussion about it probably would make a difference, but it feels like not a big enough deal for it. I'm not worried about my kids, just occasionally miffed.</p> <p>@Junebugsmama: Yes, I definitely still feel like I am working out the best way to balance my own parenting ideas with the need/ideas of other parents and kids. It’s tough!</p> <p>@Looch: It sounds like we have different parenting goals, which is fine. When my kids are interacting with other kids, I try to be aware of such differences and set appropriate boundaries for my kids. But we’re happy with what we are doing with our own kids, and the situations I was describing were about just my kids.</p> <p>I guess I’m wondering about the following questions more generally:<br /> -How well do your parenting ideas align with other parents that you typically interact with?<br /> -How much do you adjust your parenting when you are with other parents and kids?<br /> -When you are in charge of another kid, how do you decide when you use your own “rules” vs. the “rules” of the other family? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-parenting-your-kids#post-2533435 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 10:36:04 +0000 looch 2533435@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Generally speaking, I intervene before it's necessary, but the truth is, I know my son, I know his triggers, I would rather the situation be peaceful rather than him getting into trouble and reprimanded because he reacted.</p> <p>I know it's not a popular approach, but I've found when you have kids of different ages and understanding levels (and yes, even a few months makes a difference) you can't always let them work it out. I mean you can, but then the situation sometimes escalates more than is necessary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-parenting-your-kids#post-2533432 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 10:33:59 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2533432@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ms maths: Maybe you could try bringing it up at a time its not happening as a whole, "oh we are trying this technique lately with our kiddos at mealtime where we xyz. (or don't xyz in this case!)." like an informational conversational thing. At least that way even if they correct things you wouldn't, you've kinda established your parenting philosophy so you don't need to feel worried that they think you are slacking?<br /> I don't really know, I am still new to all this, but I have been in a similar situation at the park where it seems like we should let the kids work it out but also don't want to appear like I let my baby do whatever he wants or that I don't pay attention. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-parenting-your-kids#post-2533429 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 10:22:34 +0000 Maysprout 2533429@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd just mention what your rules or guidelines are, they might have different ones but they'll probably pipe down more once they know how you guys do things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-parenting-your-kids#post-2533411 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 10:12:05 +0000 Ms maths 2533411@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are very good friends with a couple that has a child the same age as LO1. We see them 1-2 times a week on average. Given how much time we spend with them, I obviously like them a lot!</p> <p>But we have some differences in parenting styles, which I would characterize as them being more directly involved in what their kid is doing and us less so. I don't generally have a problem with this, except when they end up parenting our kids in situations where I am also there and where I don’t think it’s affecting their kid. </p> <p>Some examples:<br /> -Our kids have to choose food from what's served for a meal, but otherwise they get to choose what and how much they eat. (Which sometimes means no veggies, for example) They want their child to eat some of all of the foods presented, and they sometimes try to get our kids to do the same.<br /> -Our kids often want the same toy or to be in the same space, and we try to let them work it out before intervening (or by just pointing out the disagreement they seem to be having), except if one child is physically hurting the other or if they don’t seem to be able to resolve it themselves after several minutes. (This is when it’s just our two kids involved, not our friends’ kid. If our friends’ child is involved, we generally intervene much sooner.) But they tend to intervene as soon as one child shows any distress and sometimes even when neither child seems upset at all.</p> <p>I don’t think these issues are a big deal for the kids, but they do bother me a bit. I sometimes feel a bit like I am being implicitly chastised for not doing my parenting job (which is probably not their intention, but it’s my reaction in the moment). And I think both DH and I end up over-responding (at least according to our own parenting ideas) when they are around to avoid them having to step in.</p> <p>I don’t know that this is anything I necessarily want to “fix.” But I’m curious to get others' perspective, on either side of the situation. Does this happen with any of your friends? What’s your response? </p>