https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 24 Jun 2026 10:06:37 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-without-kids-just-dont-understand#post-2532657 Sat, 23 Apr 2016 05:22:07 +0000 looch 2532657@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well, I didn't get the changes that would happen once I became a parent...as a single person, how could I have anticipated it? None of my friends had kids, we all just had ourselves to worry about.</p> <p>Now, I try to make an effort, but it's not always in a timely manner. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-without-kids-just-dont-understand#post-2532642 Fri, 22 Apr 2016 23:38:01 +0000 JennyD 2532642@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My BFF and I started struggling when I was pregnant. She said one day that I was the most miserable pregnant woman on Earth (not that she was wrong) and I cried for an hour. </p> <p>She was hurting and so was I. Eventually I told her how much that hurt. And she told me how much she missed me. We both tried harder. I made a real effort to get out and see her. And she was patient with me. </p> <p>I think if both of you are invested in the friendship and want to remain friends, you'll do what it takes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-without-kids-just-dont-understand#post-2532635 Fri, 22 Apr 2016 23:02:28 +0000 Mrs.Pinecone316 2532635@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I never had this issue with my friends, most had kids already and the ones that didn't were never like that but I just wanted to say I understand where you are coming from. I have a 12 month old and I feel like I am such a slacker at texting people back a lot. Sometimes it literally too much for me to simply reply to a text, even if it would take a few seconds if you already are having one of those days where you have a million things to do a text back feels like another thing on the to do list. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-without-kids-just-dont-understand#post-2532622 Fri, 22 Apr 2016 22:27:24 +0000 Meow 2532622@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Meowkers: I'm kind of a mix of you and your friend right now. Between my best friends and me, I'm the one with the more insane life at the moment - two jobs and primary caretaker for a very ill parent whose brain injury left her severely impaired. Every day is a living nightmare, some days worse versions and some days not so horrible and I'm so drained physically and emotionally.</p> <p>But I still would make time for coffee or casual lunch or dinner once a week with my best friends if I could. Even when my husband is home (he and I are together only about a week out of the month due to our jobs) I'd still make time to meet my gfs if they asked. (And they're single girls working 9-5 jobs and not taking care of any family members so they def have more time than I do.) So the fact that they rarely initiate contact or blow me off is very upsetting to me. Like how hard is to text me once a day (or even every 2-3 days) and ask hey how are you. I know what they'd say, "you're always busy," "we never know when you're home." It's all excuses to me. It literally takes all of 2 seconds to text "you home today?" Or "want dinner next Wednesday?" If they WANTED my friendship they'd make more effort, it's that simple. And I think that part hurts the most, feeling like you value the friendship more than the other party.</p> <p>I think your friend loves you and wants your friendship. I'd consider that flattering, despite how crazy your life may be right now. Maybe just try to text her more often? Initiate more? I know that for me, I've always been resentful of how I'm always the initiator in our relationship. And it really wouldn't take much to make me feel valued, like just being texted on a regular basis. That's it, they wouldn't even have to meet me every single week or have real conversations on the phone. Reassure her you love her too and you do value her friendship but life is just tough on you right now. And then make more effort when you can in the near future. If she still can't understand that, well, maybe she's not a great friend to have anymore. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-without-kids-just-dont-understand#post-2532605 Fri, 22 Apr 2016 21:35:22 +0000 caterw 2532605@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have lots of childless friends and I'm lucky in that most of them totally get that I am busy with my family. We get together one on one once every few months for a long lunch or cocktails or something. I also make an effort to include them in baby events like birthdays and doll tea parties. I have only lost one really amazing friend that I have known since my freshman year in high school. We just could not connect after I had my daughter, plus I'm pretty sure she has never liked my husband and was upset that we got married. It was extremely upsetting that she would let a friendship go that has spanned half our lives, but I don't really feel like I need to put all the effort in and never receive anything back. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-without-kids-just-dont-understand#post-2532475 Fri, 22 Apr 2016 17:11:20 +0000 jedeve 2532475@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Meowkers: I get it. Yes maybe we have the "time" to answer everyone's texts, but not always the energy every single day. When you spend all day every day caring about others, you need some alone time too, not just immediately pouring in to someone else. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-without-kids-just-dont-understand#post-2532459 Fri, 22 Apr 2016 16:39:23 +0000 skipra 2532459@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One of my mom friends has complained about this and I totally get it. I only have a few child-free friends and we've drifted apart but no hard feelings that I know of. But one of my sisters doesn't have kids and it can be tough when we are all together. It's almost like she competes for attention with all the kids. She'll want to go out to bars late at night and doesn't understand why we can't just get babysitters all the time. Each time I've announced a pregnancy to her she's also had a negative reaction, like this time saying if she got pregnant she'd have an abortion. So yeah I get it when the people you love just don't understand how things change. It is hard and sad to see your close relationships change so much. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-without-kids-just-dont-understand#post-2532413 Fri, 22 Apr 2016 15:31:22 +0000 catomd00 2532413@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: I have to agree. Most of my friends get that I don't have tons of time to chat on the phone and I usually can't just drop everything for a spur of the moment weekend away, but there Are 24 hours in a day that I can find 5-10 minutes to talk. It's all about balance and give and take in the friendship if it's important to you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-without-kids-just-dont-understand#post-2532393 Fri, 22 Apr 2016 15:10:52 +0000 Modern Daisy 2532393@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think some people just get it and others don't. I was really lucky with my friends that most of them were understanding and welcomed me with open arms when I finally had a free night or minute. But I was a bmaid for my one childless friend who is kind of selfish and it was sort of a nightmare. I didn't have $500 to spend on a dress and an entire weekend to be away from my family for an expensive Bach party and it clearly annoyed her. She just had a baby so I'm waiting to see how she handles it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-without-kids-just-dont-understand#post-2532304 Fri, 22 Apr 2016 13:39:11 +0000 LuLu Mom 2532304@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: I'm agreeing with you on this one. For me friendships are a huge part of why I am the way I am, It's important for me to make time for my friends. I can see in the crazy newborn stages my friends understood if I didn't get back to them right away, but I made sure to always get back to them. (we are all moms now, but most weren't at the time #1 was born.) My best friends are like my sisters, and I would be a mess if they weren't in my life. </p> <p>I know parenting can be isolating, but don't let it overtake you, you need outside relationships. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-without-kids-just-dont-understand#post-2532302 Fri, 22 Apr 2016 13:38:19 +0000 Pumpkin Pie 2532302@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think people are just built differently. It may be true that your friend doesn't understand the demands of having kids, Have you tried to have an honest talk with her about the struggles?</p> <p>I tend to agree with @Truth Bombs. It seems like I have more of a common perspective with her. If someone is important to me, I make a huge effort to keep in touch. Even if its by text, email. If I can't get to them quickly, I send a quick message later on and say something like "sorry I couldn't get back to you before, its been a hectic day. Would love to catch up soon." That's me. I try to show with my actions what I say with my words.</p> <p>I have a friend who has kids and devotes all her time and energy to her family, and she says that people who arent in the same position don't understand, and that may be true. But, I think its also true that she can take 2 seconds to send a message to the people that reach out to her and care about her.</p> <p>Even when I'm busy, I try to send a quick "hey' thinking about you text, email". Its just important to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-without-kids-just-dont-understand#post-2532262 Fri, 22 Apr 2016 13:13:42 +0000 Mrsbells 2532262@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Meowkers: I have friends who dont understand either. I dont feel guilty about it. I calmly respond to texts like the one your friend sent you by saying sorry is been hectic and that's all. As a mom and wife and also having other things going on my friendships need to be with people that understand my juggling act </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-without-kids-just-dont-understand#post-2532257 Fri, 22 Apr 2016 13:07:25 +0000 Truth Bombs 2532257@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'll be the dissenter. Yes, having kids and a household and a husband and a job that all take my time and energy can be overwhelming. But if someone is important to me, I make time to check in and keep in touch. If she's wanting you to constantly go out and do non-family friendly things, that's not ok, but if she's not exaggerating when she says you can't find 2 seconds to text her, I would be upset in her shoes too. There have been some friendships along the way that I have drifted away from now that I have so many more responsibilities and less of myself to give. But for the people who I really care about and want to maintain a friendship with, they deserve some of my time and attention too, even if (and maybe even moreso) they are in a different stage of life than I am. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-without-kids-just-dont-understand#post-2532254 Fri, 22 Apr 2016 13:00:16 +0000 youboots 2532254@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think you really get it until you have a squirmy babe who needs constant love, care and attention. Those without children can try to be empathetic &amp; understanding as much as possible. I am one of the last of my friends to have a child so I was on the other side for a long time- a good friend has a 6 year old. I remember going to PBK shopping for his nursery several times in her last trimester, watching him when he was under a year while she packed for a business trip, or bringing dinner by when her cop husband was on nights. I just tried to go to her and make it easy. It did not matter what we were doing just that we were together. I'd say invite her to do boring mundane things and make them fun. Grocery shopping, just coming over for wine on a weekend during naptime. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-without-kids-just-dont-understand#post-2532244 Fri, 22 Apr 2016 12:50:04 +0000 oldsoulmama 2532244@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry you're having a tough time with this. I was on her end many many years ago and eventually I "got it". Now that I have little ones, and a demanding job, a house, and all of the other stressors, I no longer chit chat with friends. I totally understand what you mean when you say you just need a moment to yourself. So now we just schedule a night out for dinner or drinks every so often. I understand how she feels, but maybe this will be her cue to find other single friends to chat with. And meet up with you from time to time in person. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-without-kids-just-dont-understand#post-2532127 Fri, 22 Apr 2016 10:55:50 +0000 MrsBucky 2532127@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My bestie had kids before I did- her first was born 2+ years before my son. After about a year, I remember talking to her about what it was like for her, and how she just simply didn't have the bandwidth to invest in anyone besides her DH, DD, and maybe 1-2 friends (and occasionally at that). Maybe it was because I was looking forward to having children myself, but I totally got it, deeply appreciated the time and energy she was able to invest in me (limited though perhaps it was), and was totally fine with needing to be the one to "make more of an effort" for a while. Sure enough, when I had my first, she traveled across the country for my birthday a few months after he was born with her second in tow, to meet him and have some time with me/us. I still think about how incredibly grateful I am for that visit and how our relationship has successfully ridden through the waves of seasons of our lives.</p> <p>All of which is a super long winded way of saying that I think it depends on the individual, but any friend worth their salt will do their best to empathize with where you're at, and trust that you are doing the best you can. Seasons of life can be hard on friendships, but do you best and trust that that just has to be enough! </p> <p>Also I could imagine there might be some jealousy and mourning underlying the anger that maybe she hasn't fully processed herself? I remember mourning how my relationships would change when my friends were starting to get married.... because I knew it would be different. Not that it gives you more time or energy to invest in her, but realizing that her sadness is because she cares about you and is mourning things having to be different might make it easier to accept that she's hurting and not be angry with her back for being angry at you? </p> <p>Sorry for the ramble. Empathy coming your way. I hope you guys get to a better place in time! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-without-kids-just-dont-understand#post-2532125 Fri, 22 Apr 2016 10:50:44 +0000 BSB 2532125@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think certain friends without kids don't get it. I do think there are some people who don't have kids and do get it. Either they have experience babysitting or are TTC for a long time and been around certain parenting boards *cough*.... Hellobee. </p> <p>So sorry about your best friend and not understanding. I would be really sad if my best friend said that to me. Almost all of my friends are parents now so they all understand. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-without-kids-just-dont-understand#post-2532122 Fri, 22 Apr 2016 10:48:45 +0000 rachiecakes 2532122@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry :heart: </p> <p>I have a few friends that are probably irritated that I don't pick up the phone after 5pm. I solo parent at night, I cook dinner, bath, bedtime, and I don't really get that "time after LO goes to bed" because he goes to bed the same time I do.<br /> I'm probably annoying to the 'let's go out some night' friends, too for the same reasons. </p> <p>Can't please everyone. I absolutely am that friend that will keep in touch forever, even if I can't text/call every day. My nearest and dearest understand that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friends-without-kids-just-dont-understand#post-2532113 Fri, 22 Apr 2016 10:35:22 +0000 Meowkers 2532113@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I got into a huge fight with my best friend last night. She doesn't have kids (or a significant other). In a nutshell, she feels like i disappeared on her and said "you don't even have two seconds to text me?"</p> <p>From my perspective, she is the person I talk to most besides my husband and my mom (and my 15month old DD). That may not be enough for her, but that is all i have to offer right now. I tried to explain to her how emotionally stretched thin I was and that sometimes, when I had two seconds to myself, all I want to do is sit quietly in my car in the driveway and not talk to anyone.</p> <p>The more I think about it this morning, the more I realize that my friends with kids totally get this. We can go weeks without speaking and pick right back up without any hurt feelings. My few friends without kids...not so much. </p> <p>Is it just me? Have other women experienced this difficult shift in friendships?</p> <p>any insight, commiseration, or advice on how to diffuse this situation with her would be appreciated. </p>