https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 18 May 2026 00:24:37 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/frustrated-with-dh-am-i-overreacting#post-629460 Sun, 10 Mar 2013 22:06:10 +0000 mrbee 629460@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you were totally right to be upset!</p> <p>However, I'd be pretty bummed about the sarcasm if I were him... especially if that's not a way you guys normally talk. Hopefully he's able to focus on why you were so upset, and go from there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/frustrated-with-dh-am-i-overreacting#post-629417 Sun, 10 Mar 2013 21:48:54 +0000 Amelieisme 629417@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be mad, for sure. Breastfeeding is such a difficult journey and when you are trying so hard to make it work, it is really difficult when DH isn't quite on the same page. The problem is men often don't understand why it is so important to you, the effect that LO not taking the breast can have on your supply, etc. so they don't see it as a big deal. They often don't spend their time on parenting sites like hellobee so don't really have the background knowledge to know why you are doing what you are. My DH often just thinks I am being neurotic not giving him bottles and choosing to breastfeed instead. Probably your DH was doing what he thought was best in the situation. Just have a talk with him about it and hopefully he can get on the same page and be more supportive of your breastfeeding relationship. You are not overreacting! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/frustrated-with-dh-am-i-overreacting#post-629411 Sun, 10 Mar 2013 21:47:17 +0000 pl0508 629411@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd be mad too !! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/frustrated-with-dh-am-i-overreacting#post-629405 Sun, 10 Mar 2013 21:45:25 +0000 lisa1783 629405@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's a special bond between a mom and baby with breast feeding so I can understand why you're upset. But I think a lot of times we ignore/forget that sometimes dads want to have that connection also. So in this instance I would be upset but maybe you should also find out if your DH feels left out and is just trying to bond as well. Maybe specifically set aside one feeding that he can do if that's the case. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/frustrated-with-dh-am-i-overreacting#post-629375 Sun, 10 Mar 2013 21:34:03 +0000 Freckles 629375@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Aww, i'm sorry. I've been in that exact same situation before! I understand why you were upset, but i can also see that he did it because the baby was crying. I know if it wasn't for the breastfeeding issue, most moms would be mad at the husband for not giving a bottle when the baby was crying. </p> <p>I would definitely have a talk with him when he's cooled off. Acknowledge that his heart was in the right place but explain why you were so upset. It was a little easier when i was going through this because DH knew all the issues i was having with breastfeeding and saw how emotional it made me. I really hope he comes around and understands where you're coming from. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/frustrated-with-dh-am-i-overreacting#post-629329 Sun, 10 Mar 2013 21:19:12 +0000 Mrs. Yoyo 629329@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would have been upset, too. Even if his heart was in the right place, I remember how it felt to make sure I kept my supply up and not give bottles unless I had to. (Unfortunately, I think I went to the other extreme!)</p> <p>I agree that it sounds like maybe you need to talk about it when you've both cooled down to get on the same page. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/frustrated-with-dh-am-i-overreacting#post-629282 Sun, 10 Mar 2013 21:05:31 +0000 yellowbird 629282@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be veryyyyyy upset!! I'm super protective of my milk supply and my stash. Sometimes it's a disadvantage because I'm exhausted and I do need a break, but I end up feeling worse if I'm not the one that feeds LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/frustrated-with-dh-am-i-overreacting#post-629277 Sun, 10 Mar 2013 21:04:04 +0000 DillonLion 629277@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry. I've definitely been there, especially because we supplement with formula. But now that I'm back at work and LO STTN I am very protective of how she's fed when I'm able to nurse her. She had latch problems and the beggining and has always been a gentle sucker. </p> <p>And throwing in lack of sleep into the mix when LO has a bad night males me and DH so nasty to each other. Remember EVERYTHING is amplified when you are tired. Hang in there </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/frustrated-with-dh-am-i-overreacting#post-629248 Sun, 10 Mar 2013 20:54:54 +0000 runsyellowlites 629248@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There was a time when P began getting very lazy at the breast b/c of how she was bottle fed overnight at my moms &amp; she was very fussy at the breast for a few days b/c of it. I would've been VERY upset if DH gave her a bottle b/c she was hungry &amp; I wasn't conveniently right there. </p> <p>During that time I actually stopped pumping so I wouldn't be tempted to give her a bottle &amp; we were able to work it out together. (personally I've just heard too many moms not make it through nursing strikes &amp; their bebes "self weaning" in infancy so I have been pretty protective).</p> <p>I do know that kellymom has a write up on bottlefeeding the breastfed baby so maybe changing some technique may help and then you DH can still chip in &amp; help but being doing something to help the problem as opposed to keep it going.</p> <p>Sorry your evening hasn't gone well &amp; hope you can get lo back to the breast soon.</p> <p>And I totally agree with @mrsmate: about how your DH may feel about feeding lo as opposed to how you feel about breastfeeding so I would definitely communicate that... maybe get some literature about breastfeeding mechanics and how things like bottle feeding can affect the nursing relationship &amp; overall breastfeeding relationship overtime. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/frustrated-with-dh-am-i-overreacting#post-629239 Sun, 10 Mar 2013 20:51:51 +0000 mrsmate 629239@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It sounds like you and DH are not on the same page about how important breastfeeding is to the two of you. What do you think?</p> <p>Because he has offered to bottle feed to LO so much in the past (and then this incident), it seems like he prefers to get LO fed any way possible, and it doesn't matter as much to him which method.</p> <p>Sorry you had a fight. I don't think you're overreacting, and I think DH was just doing his best, too. That's how it is these early days when you're in the trenches. You'll both get over it soon I'm sure. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/frustrated-with-dh-am-i-overreacting#post-629221 Sun, 10 Mar 2013 20:46:40 +0000 rachiecakes 629221@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd be pretty pissed, too.<br /> Breastfeeding can be so stressful. I went back to work at 7 weeks postpartum and definitely had some bumps in the road getting used to pumping during the day, breastfeeding at night. I had a slow letdown and DS would get frustrated from getting the easy release all day from the bottle. I cried many nights.<br /> I don't think DHs understand how physically and emotionally stressful that can be. The first time I got a blocked duct I was jumping straight up out of a dead sleep screaming in pain. DH thought I was possessed.<br /> Definitely talk it out. Explain how it works. It's easy to "fix" the situation by giving the baby a bottle, FOR HIM. For you, it makes it harder. Let him know that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/frustrated-with-dh-am-i-overreacting#post-629212 Sun, 10 Mar 2013 20:44:46 +0000 Bao 629212@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hmm....I can see why you are frustrated, but maybe he thought he would give a bottle because he knew you needed a break, and could sense that? At least that sounds like something DH would do, not meaning any harm, but trying to help me out. Even though you were trying to avoid that....which is the frustrating part. I'm sorry, hopefully BFing gets easier for you soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/frustrated-with-dh-am-i-overreacting#post-629204 Sun, 10 Mar 2013 20:41:38 +0000 fellowbee 629204@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>fyi, i made an annonymous account for this post because I am sure I would regret posting it later under my real user name.</p> <p>LO has been refusing to drink from my breast off and on this week. I think it is because we have given too many bottles of expressed breast milk. LO was particularly fussy this evening and i was doing all I could to relax him and get him to drink from me because he was obviously hungry. I decided it was best to take a break and let us both relax. DH said he could also give LO a bath to help calm him. I was about to take a shower myself so i thought i would still have my shower first so i could relax and even maybe help stimulate my milk production, then LO would have his bath and as soon as he was done, i would feed him. Well, while i was in the shower, DH takes a bottle and gives LO the entire bottle!! After he watched me spend an hour avoiding doing exactly this! And several times in the past when DH has offered to give a bottle when I am home, i always give him the same answer "no it's better for my milk supply to feed him myself when I am home and also for LO to not have too many bottles, plus I would just have to pump soon after"</p> <p>So i just got so mad! I was also feeling extra cranky and overtired today because LO has been waking up earlier than usual all week and this just sent me over the edge. Usually DH and I never fight, never raise our voices, and never say snarky comments to each other. So when he said "btw, i gave LO the bottle while you were the shower", I was first shocked, then replied sarcastically, "great, so now i have to pump and LO will also continue to refuse to drink from me, thanks!" And I pushed it more by telling him why i was so frustrated and asking why he did that when he specifically knew I didn't want to give the bottle. DH got annoyed with me and yelled at me to "knock it off!" </p> <p>Now we have just been ignoring each other and i am really sad. so tell me, did I over react? DH says he gave the bottle beause I was in the shower and LO was hungry and starting to cry. I say, he could have told me and I would have rushed out of the shower. </p>