https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 21 Apr 2026 02:28:59 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment/page/2#post-2295395 Fri, 18 Sep 2015 20:25:32 +0000 ladybee 2295395@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@knittylady: I've become 80% sure I want a third this week. I will be either 34 or 35 so I think I'm going to get a genetic blood test. I'd like to find out early before I over attach to girl. Plus I'd like to find out alone so I can process in private. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment/page/2#post-2295386 Fri, 18 Sep 2015 20:14:40 +0000 knittylady 2295386@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@skipper2010: @reverie: Don;t mean to thread jack, but I wanted to say I'm totally torn on what to do next time around! I totally see the merit to each: waiting until babe is in your arms, because of the love rush etc., and wanting to be emotionally prepared… </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment/page/2#post-2295300 Fri, 18 Sep 2015 18:30:40 +0000 rachiecakes 2295300@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladybee: He did.<br /> He grew up in a very abusive household and his older brother is a criminal. I think he felt he would be safe with a girl and had a lot of fear raising a boy because he had no positive male role models. </p> <p>All the HB &amp; IG pics and posts about brothers make me yearn for a second boy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment/page/2#post-2295292 Fri, 18 Sep 2015 18:22:47 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 2295292@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladybee: I had this too. I only felt better when we went to a wedding (the groom was one of 2 boys) and the brother/best man gave the sweetest speech. At that moment I just wanted my boys to have that kind of bond and support each other like that, and I hope that they will!</p> <p>+1 to feeling like queen of the castle... DH always tells the boys they have to take care of me 😊</p> <p>Your feelings are totally reasonable. Unfortunately I think youwill only feel better with time. Maybe keeping an eye out for good brother examples will make you feel better! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment/page/2#post-2295286 Fri, 18 Sep 2015 18:06:55 +0000 ladybee 2295286@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rachiecakes: Did your husband find therapy helpful? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment/page/2#post-2295283 Fri, 18 Sep 2015 18:03:58 +0000 rachiecakes 2295283@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BandDmommy: my husband went from talkative and giddy to pissed off and stormed out when the tech said we were having a boy. He wanted a girl so bad. He actually went into therapy the rest of the pregnancy up to our son's birth. </p> <p>@ladybee: grieve, mourn - don't feel guilty. :::big hugs::: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment/page/2#post-2295276 Fri, 18 Sep 2015 17:57:08 +0000 travelgirl1 2295276@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@californiadreams: II really, really struggled with the idea of a boy. I never imagined myself as a boy mum because I'm one of four girls and up until last year I only had nieces on my side, and obviously a daughter. But T is the sweetest little thing, I'm so grateful for him now. You already know how awesome baby boys are, I know, but I totally understand your disappointment. Congratulations though, L is awesome, baby brother is going to be just as brilliant! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment/page/2#post-2295252 Fri, 18 Sep 2015 17:10:57 +0000 lemondrop 2295252@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I love what @lovehoneybee: about mourning for what you won't have, either way! I've always wanted the two boys, brothers to get messy with and have a blast with, but sure a piece of me was sad not to experience the girl side of things. </p> <p>I also love what @jedeve: said- totally nailed it! Bonding was hard for me to wait 10 months during pregnancy, no matter the gender. Once you meet them though, I totally had the, "oh, it's you!" moments with both of mine after they were born. Also 100% about still doing the stereotypical girl stuff with boys- we dance, we cook, we play with dolls, and kitchen toys. We still do cute (matching, yeah, I'm THAT mom!) outfits. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment/page/2#post-2295172 Fri, 18 Sep 2015 15:41:44 +0000 Mrs D 2295172@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is why we are finding out (tomorrow) and I am terrified.</p> <p>We have DD and I am expecting #2...DH desperately wants a boy - whether he will admit it or not. And that means I desperately want a boy for him. He did tell me the other day "K would love a sister - I truly will be happy either way - healthy is always whats most important" and I know he means what he says.</p> <p>If we find out its a boy tomorrow it makes everything about not choosing to have #3 that much easier. However if it is a girl, I know there is a part of DH that will be crushed - and I think its ok to feel that way and have expressed this. He is adamant about this being our last - I could go either way depending on how good of a baby this one is. </p> <p>No real point in my comment other than understanding how you feel, thinking its perfectly normal and sending you hugs! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment/page/2#post-2295151 Fri, 18 Sep 2015 15:25:26 +0000 californiadreams 2295151@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladybee: i had the same discussion today after i just found out about my second boy. i was always done at 2 and then i thought, hmmm maybe we can have a third once both boys are in school. And i totally get what you mean about the u/s killing it. I wish we didn't have to wait almost 20 weeks to find out because i realize now that as time has been going on in this pregnancy i was getting attached more and more to the idea of a girl and convinced myself i was having one! I wish the pregnancy test told us gender from the get-go, that would probably make this a whole lot easier! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment/page/2#post-2294023 Thu, 17 Sep 2015 17:54:40 +0000 ladybee 2294023@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@reverie: I was so sure baby was a girl, that the u/s killed me. Now I'm grieving for my daughter I always imagined. DH said we can have a third if I want when LO1 goes to kindergarten but that's 4 years away so I doubt I will. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment/page/2#post-2293188 Thu, 17 Sep 2015 07:58:53 +0000 reverie 2293188@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel the same way. I hate that I care. I find out in two weeks and honestly I will feel crappy either way. I know that I'll love my kid and a same gender sibling is something I never got to experience, but I also want to experience being a girl mom. I find the limbo of waiting to be the hardest part.... so I finding out early to get it over with! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment/page/2#post-2293134 Thu, 17 Sep 2015 07:16:26 +0000 skipper2010 2293134@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladybee: I'm pregnant with #2 right now and have a boy at home. This is honestly one of the reasons why I'm TG this time around. I feel like once they hand me my baby I won't care if it's a boy or girl, but I know I would feel disappointed if I found out during pregnancy that it's another boy. I actually really REALLY enjoy being a boy mom right now, and am a little nervous about the potential for girl drama because DH and I don't handle that well, but I would love to experience one of each. The disappointment doesn't stem from the thought of having another boy, but more so from the thought of never having a daughter. At the same time though my heart just melts at the thought of two brothers bonding and playing together and becoming life long friends. There is something really special about the relationship same sex siblings share so I try to focus on that. Just know you're not alone in feeling this way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment#post-2292774 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 17:20:19 +0000 ChiCalGoBee 2292774@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like @knittylady: I'll admit that I had some level of disappointment until I met my son. Now I wouldn't trade him for 1,000,000 girls! For me the trouble came thinking about boys I'd known/taught who were hard to handle-but those boys aren't MY son, and wrapping my head around that helped me see why I was struggling. My whole life I've wanted to experience parenting a child of each sex, so I'll admit that I still hope to have a little girl some day, too. I think it's okay to feel that way! Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel, while knowing that the second you lay eyes on your next precious boy that you will fall head over heels for him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment#post-2292747 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 16:37:57 +0000 ladybee 2292747@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you everyone for you kind words and your reassurance that this is normal, and with time, will pass. Today was a hard day, one of our friends announced this morning that they are having a girl. Having people understand my feelings makes me feel better, and like they will pass sooner. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment#post-2292409 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 11:14:46 +0000 LuLu Mom 2292409@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH had some gender disappointment when our youngest was announced a girl. We both deep down knew she was another girl but he was holding out hope. I love that my girls get to know what having the relationship of sisters, but him growing up with brothers, I think he wanted to witness that relationship. We think we are done with 2 girls, but there is still a chance we will try for a 3rd, but I just know deep down we will have 3 girls. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment#post-2292344 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 10:04:57 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2292344@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: I love everything you said!</p> <p>@ladybee: Congratulations on your boy - I know that it's tough now. I was really excited when we found out that we're having our second boy, but it was because it's all I know! Like @jedeve said, think about all of the things that you love about your LO now...and it's not because he's a boy, but because he's your child. You get to mold and shape your boys to being really awesome men to their significant others. Not to mention, a brother's bond may not be like a sister's bond, but it can be super strong as well. I look at how great my brothers get along, and they're 6 years apart with me in between. They also married some pretty awesome women, and the 6 of us get along as if we're all siblings. </p> <p>There are definitely things you're allowed to be sad about. While I hoped for another boy, I am sad that I won't ever get to go wedding dress shopping, or do a little girl's hair, but I also have 2 very fun nieces that I get to spoil and do those things with as well, because I have such a close relationship with my SIL. </p> <p>Overall, it's perfectly normal to have some disappointment, but once you see his sweet face, that will all go away :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment#post-2292328 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 09:50:22 +0000 Adira 2292328@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Gender disappointment is such a real thing - don't feel guilty. I experienced it too when we found out our second and last was also going to be a boy. I'm glad we found out while pregnant because it gave me time to mourn the daughter I would never have and get excited about the prospect of raising brothers! And boys are AWESOME! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment#post-2292316 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 09:42:03 +0000 .twist. 2292316@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lovehoneybee: Totally Queen of the castle! </p> <p>I realised a big difference about my disappointment after I had L. I wasn't, at all, disappointed about him. I just wanted to be a girl mom TOO. He's my entire world and I'd never change that. I do mourn not being able to have a girl and give L a sister, or to put bows in a girls hair, or pass down my barbies. But those things do not take away any of the love I have for L. And we have a BLAST. You will too. </p> <p>And yea, what @jedeve: said. She's got it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment#post-2292133 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 07:33:04 +0000 ms.line 2292133@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: This! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment#post-2292026 Tue, 15 Sep 2015 22:45:07 +0000 autumnlove 2292026@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always wanted a son and I have 3 girls. I was a little sad the first couple of days but it always turned into excitement after that.</p> <p>Congrats! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment#post-2292009 Tue, 15 Sep 2015 21:58:24 +0000 Foodnerd81 2292009@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@californiadreams: with my second, I wanted a boy for DH and a girl for DD. I really didn't even care for me! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment#post-2291985 Tue, 15 Sep 2015 21:21:43 +0000 californiadreams 2291985@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@travelgirl1: you hid it well, I thought your biggest concern was changing diapers on a boy! I have a friend with 2 younger brothers and no sister and she says she has always loved being the big sister to her brothers and couldn't imagine it any other way. I actually heard her say this to my sister who was disappointed her second was going to be a boy because she wanted a sister for my niece. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment#post-2291983 Tue, 15 Sep 2015 21:15:59 +0000 californiadreams 2291983@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladybee: aww I had a feeling when you posted the gender after your anatomy scan that you had some disappointment. I may be in the same boat after Friday and I know I will feel exactly the same as you do. In fact I've been building myself up for the possibility since before I got pregnant and I think the biggest consolation is how wonderful I think a brother would be for DS. In fact I think I want a boy for him and a girl for me! I also had disappointment in my first pregnancy because I wanted a daughter so badly and it was just a matter of getting used to the idea which took time and to keep focusing on the positive points of having a boy. Hugs to you.<br /> Eta. And obviously once my son was here, I fell head over heels in love and cannot my imagine or would want my first born as anyone but him. He is the light of my life and I have no doubt that I'll feel the same way with a second baby. And so will you. I think the hard part is the pregnancy because you haven't fallen in love with your child yet the way you will once he is here. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment#post-2291969 Tue, 15 Sep 2015 21:03:27 +0000 travelgirl1 2291969@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had gender disappointment because I really wanted a sister for my DD and couldn't imagine myself with a son at all. But now my baby is here, I love him so much and he is everything I ever wanted. I think gender disappointment is very normal, and feelings change once your lovely baby is born. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment#post-2291956 Tue, 15 Sep 2015 20:49:24 +0000 jedeve 2291956@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Think about all the reasons you love your oldest. You don't love him because he is a boy, or in spite of being a boy, you just love him! I have two boys and I love how goofy, headstrong, good natured my little guy is. But I don't think of him as a boy, just as my kid! It's hard when you are pregnant and only know one thing about your kid, their sex. But soon you will meet him and have so many reasons to love him you won't even think about the sex!</p> <p>And also, think about the things you might have looked forward to about a girl. So many of those things you can still do with a boy. I cook with my boys, and we read books about witches and fairies. They have a toy kitchen. When they are older, I will teach them to knit. The world has changed a lot - it's not as restrictive as it was! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment#post-2291952 Tue, 15 Sep 2015 20:46:47 +0000 teawithpaloma 2291952@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband ached for a brother. Think of the gift you have given to your son! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment#post-2291944 Tue, 15 Sep 2015 20:40:33 +0000 wrkbrk 2291944@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladybee: DW and I had a preference for a daughter because really its all we know! We are one and done. It's a boy and we truly did get over it. Give yourself some time and I assure you you will too - before you meet him even!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment#post-2291930 Tue, 15 Sep 2015 20:27:18 +0000 Mrs. Oatmeal 2291930@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was initially quite disappointed that Little Oats was a girl. I was convinced that she would be a boy, and it took a few days to get over it.<br /> I hated feeling that way, and I still don't know why I felt like that. </p> <p>You'll fall in love with this baby too- he will be exactly what you need. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment#post-2291919 Tue, 15 Sep 2015 20:20:19 +0000 Foodnerd81 2291919@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BandDmommy: DH has always said if we had two girls he wouldn't try for a third in hopes of a boy, because he would end up with three girls and couldn't handle that. Then driving home from the ultrasound he was like, well, maybe one day down the line we might want a third... I told him that discussion was off the table while I'm still pregnant! </p>