https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 11 Apr 2026 21:49:18 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-569651 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 21:49:46 +0000 apis 569651@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Before DW and I had any ultrasounds we had joked that while she wanted a boy, I wanted a girl. But then, after we had agreed that we did want to know the gender, I can remember almost tearing up at just saying the words, "my son". And I'm 100% sure that she would have felt the same saying "my daughter".</p> <p>I agree with @MamaMoose that when you're handed your baby, all of those other considerations just fly out the window and you stand there, staring at your LO as the most amazing thing you've done in your life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-569343 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 17:05:00 +0000 BKCaribBaby 569343@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think if you have a preference whether expressed or secret, you will be disappointed if you don't get that preference regardless of when you find out. I've actually been pretty annoyed at the emphasis on gender that others have made throughout my pregnancy. People for some reason don't believe that I don't have a preference either way. (Gasp! It's possible!) It's really opened my eyes to how engrained gender stereotypes and mores are even in 2013. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-569312 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 16:42:02 +0000 sarac 569312@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a huge part of why I find out. I have a girl. I'd love for her to have a sister, but I'd be really sad not to have a son. Either way, next time, I'm going to be a little disappointed along with really happy, and I'd rather do that at 20 weeks. If I had one of each, and literally it did not matter, I'd go team green. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-569309 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 16:39:06 +0000 shopaholic 569309@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think gender disappointment would be worse being on Team Green and thinking or hoping for something opposite the whole 9 months. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-569305 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 16:36:59 +0000 Ree723 569305@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just don't think any mother, after delivering a child, would be able to feel disappointment about a gender once she lays eyes on her baby. I just can't fathom going through all of that and then saying "oh no! I didn't want a boy/girl!" Whereas when it's an obscure thing, (20 week u/s), it is much, much easier to be disappointed.</p> <p>I know so many people who have been disappointed when they learned the gender ahead of time but have yet to meet a single person who was disappointed with the gender when they went team green. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-569288 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 16:24:58 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 569288@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think it makes a difference either way. I think those that are going to have it, they'll have it regardless of when it comes.</p> <p>I will say that in a difficult pregnancy, finding out the sex helped me bond. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-569285 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 16:23:01 +0000 Modern Daisy 569285@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is exactly why I am not going to be team green. For people who can do it, I think it's awesome and probably the best team to be on, but I know I'll work myself up for wanting a boy or a girl then be disappointed at birth if it isn't what I was expected. </p> <p>At first I was worked up for a boy, now I"m worked up for a girl, it goes back and forth :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-569264 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 16:15:00 +0000 rachiecakes 569264@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: :( horrible abuse. as far as his family, he never knew anyone but his parents and brother, and both males were awful people (sex offender/murderer awful). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-569209 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 15:47:05 +0000 heartonastring 569209@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know. I'm Team Green and am totally okay with having either a girl or a boy, but I would tend to think that if one person was leaning one way or the other in terms of their hopes, they would be less disappointed after the baby arrived than if they found out via an ultrasound. </p> <p>After you've gone through labour and have finally seen the baby be born, I don't think you are too likely to be disappointed about its sex. OTOH, I've also heard it said that people found it easier to bond with their baby if they knew the sex ahead of time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-569199 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 15:44:37 +0000 MamaMoose 569199@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rachiecakes: if I remember your hubs had a bad relationship with his own dad and was scared of continuing that cycle? In a specific case like that I can certainly understand needing time to prepare. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-569194 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 15:41:25 +0000 .twist. 569194@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Yoyo: Same! Although I haven't delivered yet... </p> <p>I would love to imagine pure joy and excitement at the birth of whatever I'm having. However, I know that if I don't have a bit of time to adjust to a boy (it's already getting easier as I kind of prep myself for that possibility and just convince myself it's a boy) I would be disappointed at birth if it were a surprise. I feel horrible admitting it but I have two boys already and a husband, that would be 4 boys against me and two of them aren't fully mine to begin with. I just think it would be hard. So the extra time will leave me the chance to get super excited about MY baby boy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-569184 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 15:37:34 +0000 rachiecakes 569184@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm convinced DH would've walked out of the delivery room if he had to find out we were having a boy at birth.<br /> It still took him a couple months after DS was born to come around. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-569171 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 15:32:34 +0000 Mrs. Yoyo 569171@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wanted time to adjust, and I'm glad I had it. I would like to think I'd have felt nothing but joy at delivery regardless, but finding out early was the only way to guarantee that for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-569122 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 15:08:11 +0000 runsyellowlites 569122@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: "I simply can not fathom feeling ANY disappointment when your child is handed to you."</p> <p>THIS exactly!!!! Babies that aren't born yet are still very "abstract" in how we can love/accept them. Once they're born though most all pre-conceived notions go out the window. Given that, I don't think it's realistic for someone that needed to adjust to the news upon u/s to assume that it would've been the same upon delivery. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-569107 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:59:20 +0000 cascademom 569107@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH and everyone around us seemed to want us to have a girl. At the anatomy scan, we got news that it's a boy. It definitely gave us time to adjust to it. When he was born, one of the doctors went "It's still a boy." Knowing beforehand really helped us get used to the reality of a boy. Now, it's no big deal. It just means we're going to try extra hard for girl next. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-569098 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:53:22 +0000 MamaMoose 569098@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think ultrasound causes way more disappointment. I simply can not fathom feeling ANY disappointment when your child is handed to you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-569085 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:49:47 +0000 BelugaBean 569085@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would rather have had time to adjust. We wanted a girl so badly and I believed so much that she was a girl. At the gender ultrasound, the technician asked me to guess and being horrible at reading ultrasounds, I said boy. DH's face gave away how upset he was. Then we were told that it was actually a girl and I had been looking at the umbilical cord. So for us, we would have needed the time to adjust to having a boy because I was also crushed when I thought it was a boy (and I still feel awful about feeling that way). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-569063 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:43:09 +0000 sorrycharlie 569063@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also think it helps to know ahead of time! I was thrilled we were having a girl (secretly wanted one!) but thought we were having a boy. I would have been excited for a boy, too though - thinking that's what we were having!</p> <p>the second baby I definitely want to find out - I had a dream the other night that I gave birth to a boy for baby #2 and was disappointed. I know in the real world, I'd get over it quick and love him, but I still want to know to adjust to the idea :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-569061 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:42:48 +0000 rachiecakes 569061@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH was terrified of having a boy. I was just happy to be pregnant. We found out at the 18 week U/S that we were expecting a son and it definitely gave DH some time to adjust. He went to therapy and was excited by the time DS arrived. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-569059 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:42:32 +0000 Foodnerd81 569059@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Thehistoryofus: It's also different for DH and me, at least, in that I truly don't care-- I see so many good sides of either one, that I am so glad I didn't get to choose. But he would rather a boy because he thinks he'll bond better-- but I know he'll get over it. We had friends in a similar situation, and everyone was SURE they were having a boy, and now the dad says he loves having a girl and would be thrilled if that's all they ever have. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-569047 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:39:32 +0000 autumnlove 569047@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was a little disappointed when we found out the gender at 16 weeks for my LO. I think it helps to know ahead of time! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-569045 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:38:36 +0000 LuLu Mom 569045@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it helps for sure, we talked about not finding out with our next one, but we both decided we wanted that time to plan for whatever gender it is! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-569037 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:36:55 +0000 T.H.O.U. 569037@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Minnie_Girl: I agree, that was part of the reason I wanted to be team green! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-569035 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:36:34 +0000 Mrsbells 569035@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it helps to know ahead of time </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-569032 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:35:56 +0000 T.H.O.U. 569032@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: I do wonder if its different for moms vs dads. I think moms get over it quicker at birth because they just delivered a baby and the pregnancy is over (so they are happy with either a boy or girl). But a dad doesn't necessarily have that excitement. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-569031 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:35:20 +0000 Bao 569031@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would almost think having time to adjust to it (finding out on u/s) would be better. It's almost like opening a gift you were not expecting....how well can you handle it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-569019 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:32:33 +0000 blackbird 569019@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A friend of mine was really upset (for a couple months) when she did her gender scan. But now that the baby is here, she isn't upset at all! I think she needed the time to process pre birth versus after.</p> <p>I think a lot of disappointment comes from people not taking the bigger picture into account and not getting too caught up in an idea or guess. After all, it's a 50% chance!</p> <p>I'm psyched to know ahead of time. But I can't imagine being disappointed either way since the goal isn't a specific gender but a healthy baby. Particularly with the first! I'd have been pumped either way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-568993 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:27:22 +0000 Minnie_Girl 568993@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@kiddosc: Because I was team green during pregnancy, I actually focused a lot on NOT creating a vision in my head of what the baby would be like. I thought it was important that I not get my heart set on gendered expectations. </p> <p>Having grown up with three sisters, I have this strong sense that it's not fair to kids to push them towards being a certain way (girl=pink clothes and ballet, that kind of thing) when I know how different each person is! </p> <p>I think that if you go into pregnancy/parenthood with a really gendered mindset, it can be hard either way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-568984 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:25:20 +0000 Foodnerd81 568984@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm still pregnant and team green, but I'm a little worried that DH will be disappointed if we find out it's a girl at birth-- he would really like a son, although I'm sure he'll come around. I've wondered if it would be better for him to get over his disappointment early, but you are probably right in that after the whole labor and delivery thing, we will both be so glad just to have the baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gender-disappointment-after-birthteam-green#post-568973 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:21:31 +0000 runsyellowlites 568973@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it (u/s) most definitely makes for more gender disappointment. Especially with as many post as I've seen about moms &amp;/or dads disappointed after gender u/s.</p> <p>We were team green &amp; hoping for a boy but were ecstatic when P was born a girl. I can almost guarantee that there would've been atleast a bit of disappointment sometime from our 5 month u/s to the birth had we found out.</p> <p>ETA: DS was REALLY hoping for a brother and I KNOW that him finding out he had a sister at the same time as meeting her GREATLY diminished his disappointment. I can only imagine how 4-5 months would've been with him knowing before she got here. We he did find out he was disappointed for about 2 minutes and then fell in love when he held her... the disappointment was short lived as opposed to asking me WHY I couldn't change it or if the u/s was right. lol </p>