https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 16 Jun 2026 22:18:20 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/getting-your-kid-to-follow-a-request#post-2290584 Mon, 14 Sep 2015 13:45:28 +0000 irene 2290584@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a suggestion on the getting out of door part...</p> <p>Tell her you are heading out in 5 minutes. You will set the alarm to 5 minutes she better put on her shoes within this time. If the alarm sounds and no shoes on, she will go out without shoes. Then, remind her when it is 4 minutes, 3, 2, 1. The alarm goes off and if she has no shoes on still, get her out of the door without shoes on (bring her shoes but don't let her see you do it). If you will be in the car during this time that's even better (so she can be shoeless for however long it will be). She'd probably be crying but you tell her, well I told you the rules, 5 minutes is up, there is no more time for putting on shoes. After all that crying and whatever, you talk to her again and explain this is going to be how it works from now on. Give her shoes back to her there. Then I hope next day she'd get it.</p> <p>We don't have so much trouble with shoes on, but the cleaning up is driving me crazy. It can take him 30+ minutes to clean up and it often ended up with me losing my mind. Then one day my husband set the alarm to 10 minutes. He just reminded him that at the end of 10 minutes if toys are still everywhere, he will take away whatever is left over. My 3.5 year old ignored him and cleaned up very slowly... but then at the end of the 10 minutes my husband really took a plastic bag and dumped everything that is still on the floor into the bag, and took it away. My son went nuts, but the next day when I set the alarm, he just clean up very promptly.</p> <p>Another suggestion for shoes is, maybe put her shoes at the door, so when she is all dressed you just say ok let's head out now, and hopefully she will naturally put her shoes on there? That's where our shoes are and we never had a fuss about shoes. knock on wood. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/getting-your-kid-to-follow-a-request#post-2290395 Mon, 14 Sep 2015 11:29:18 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2290395@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There are times that I have to count - that usually does the trick if I've asked several times. He's not a fan of the counting since a timeout ensues once I get to three. No exceptions, which is usually why he jumps when I get to one. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/getting-your-kid-to-follow-a-request#post-2290386 Mon, 14 Sep 2015 11:26:31 +0000 littlebug 2290386@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Kimo: We use a timer, too. I set a timer and tell him he needs to have his shoes on before the oven beeps. If the oven beeps then mommy is going to do it for him. He likes to do things himself, so that usually works. </p> <p>I do the same thing for getting out of the house. When the oven beeps, it's time to go. It has caused FAR less struggle to get out the door. Most of the time, the oven beeps and he drops whatever he's doing, yells, "Oven beeped!" and rushes over to the door. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/getting-your-kid-to-follow-a-request#post-2290354 Mon, 14 Sep 2015 11:06:02 +0000 808love 2290354@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: I do too!!! Sometimes I use the 1-2-3 counting method and I think the counting is more for me than anything because it calms me down! :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/getting-your-kid-to-follow-a-request#post-2290291 Mon, 14 Sep 2015 10:14:50 +0000 Freckles 2290291@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for all the input, ladies! The weekend got away from me and it was getting hard to respond. I'm really really relieved to know that i'm not the only one with this issue, and also more relieved to know that i'm not the only who gets frustrated!!</p> <p>I think i will try the timer thing and make a game out of it, then if she doesn't do it by then i will use the "no shoes, no playground" threat. Today i needed to make things easier on my neighbour who was taking her to school, so i ended up just helping her with her shoes today. :grin: </p> <p>@808love: i wish practicing patience was much easier! ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/getting-your-kid-to-follow-a-request#post-2289801 Sun, 13 Sep 2015 15:38:45 +0000 hummusgirl 2289801@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh, this is the story of our lives. We do choices, natural consequences, taking away privileges/toys, and we follow through on threats...and it still only works about half the time. Oh and then of course there's yelling/snapping in frustration. This is a hard age - no advice but I can commiserate! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/getting-your-kid-to-follow-a-request#post-2289694 Sun, 13 Sep 2015 12:16:10 +0000 Applesandbananas 2289694@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I give him choices (not that this has a 100% success rate by any stretch of the imagination, but it has proven effective). </p> <p>He will refuse to put his shoes on to go outside so I tell him he can put them on or we don't go out. He chooses and I follow through. </p> <p>In your case, I'd give her the option, put your shoes on or I take the toy/book. If you come back and they still aren't on, take the toy/book and tell her to put her shoes on and she gets the toy/book back. If they still aren't on when you are ready to go, put them on for her and make sure she knows you're unhappy with her. </p> <p>It is generally pretty effective for my 2.5 year old, but be prepared for a tantrum the first few times you have to follow through. We use this tactic a lot and it only takes once or twice of following through to get him to take notice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/getting-your-kid-to-follow-a-request#post-2289686 Sun, 13 Sep 2015 12:09:19 +0000 808love 2289686@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think THE SHOES ISSUE comes up right at 3-4 year range. It's common and I experience it too! I think the answer has more to do with managing the transition (leaving the house) and developing a habit then anything. So things like having shoes that are easy to put on, two minute warning and a reward/bribe (you get a star or I'll tell you a knock-knock joke if you do it) motivates on typical days. On the hardest days, supervision or 'helping' is the only way. I like the timer idea though! Worth a try for some kids!</p> <p>This challenge is the first of many challenges in which we will have to creatively motivate and 'train' our kids to do the day-to-day tasks. Like brushing teeth, doing homework, making bed independently etc. They might know how to do it but not want to do it. So I've learned to sit back and enjoy practicing patience as this is our lifelong journey in parenthood! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/getting-your-kid-to-follow-a-request#post-2289666 Sun, 13 Sep 2015 11:40:12 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2289666@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Kimo: Glad to hear your son responds to that, I've been contemplating that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/getting-your-kid-to-follow-a-request#post-2289526 Sat, 12 Sep 2015 22:38:53 +0000 MrsSRS 2289526@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, and to answer the second part of your question, no you are not asking too much. It is developmentally appropriate to ask a preschooler to focus on a brief task until it is complete and simple shoes are a reasonable task well before age three. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/getting-your-kid-to-follow-a-request#post-2288819 Fri, 11 Sep 2015 13:49:34 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2288819@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: what is it about shoes in the morning?! :silly: We struggle too. I agree with @KayKay: that, if I give my son a lot of time but am not rugby there, he will get distracted. What (mostly) works for us is for me to break down the directions into single steps: 1)find your shoes 2)bring them to the couch 3)open your straps 4)put them on. If I have the energy (not very often!!) I add something silly or make it a game and then he's really into it.<br /> At school, could you just sit her in a chair and say something like "you can't do anything in class until your indoor shoes are on"? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/getting-your-kid-to-follow-a-request#post-2288780 Fri, 11 Sep 2015 13:26:26 +0000 Kimo 2288780@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've started using a timer with my son. I'll usually set it for 10 minutes and if he doesn't do I've asked in that allotted time, some privilege gets taken away. It's pretty effective to the point where all I have to do is mention setting a timer and he springs into action. He's also competitive, so this might just work with him because he doesn't want to "lose" to the timer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/getting-your-kid-to-follow-a-request#post-2288750 Fri, 11 Sep 2015 13:10:10 +0000 MrsSRS 2288750@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Try making a square with painter's tape on the floor at home. "You need to stay in the square until your shoes are on. If you leave without your shoes on you will lose X toy until tomorrow." This is completely unhelpful for school though. Maybe at school try having her sit in a corner facing the wall? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/getting-your-kid-to-follow-a-request#post-2288730 Fri, 11 Sep 2015 12:59:09 +0000 KayKay 2288730@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@freckles: no real advice, just lots of sympathy and commiseration! 3 year olds are impossible to "solve" because they aren't logical or consistent...and it drives me nuts. </p> <p>With K, I've found that giving too much time and not (at least) supervising means she doesn't do it, unless the carrot/stick is huge (e.g., go wash your hands or no lunch). So in this case, I would probably tell her to get her shoes on 15 minutes early like you do and make sure she at least starts/goes to get them. Then if still not done at 5, say something like "shoes on now or mom will do it for you", which I know means that she isn't doing it, but it saves my sanity and at least gives her a semblance of a choice. If she makes no choice, I do it.</p> <p>But, take my thoughts with a grain of salt because we have had a LOT of tantrums here lately by one 3.5 year old ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/getting-your-kid-to-follow-a-request#post-2288655 Fri, 11 Sep 2015 11:46:20 +0000 MamaG 2288655@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Unfortunately we still do this battle at 4! Some mornings are a walk in the park, others are hell. Yesterday was utter hell and the worst display of parenting by both of us and LO was covered in tears. </p> <p>I've tried the threats (and carrying the shoes with me). Unfortunately this just spirals her further out of control. We've tried all the tactics and I think when she's in this mindset of wanting someone else to do it, we probably need to give in. It's the only thing I haven't tried so far. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/getting-your-kid-to-follow-a-request#post-2288643 Fri, 11 Sep 2015 11:28:22 +0000 SeptMomma12 2288643@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: Your comment about telling her she'll have to go to school without shoes and miss playground time actually might work. When my son gave me a particularly hard time with sunscreen this summer, I would say "ok, but I'll have to tell Ms Alison that you need to stay inside when all the other kids go outside" and it almost always worked immediately! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/getting-your-kid-to-follow-a-request#post-2288639 Fri, 11 Sep 2015 11:19:50 +0000 kiddosc 2288639@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Similar to @blackbird: I'll ask him to do something, give him a reminder, tell him what the consequence will be, count to 3, follow through on the consequence. We've loaded him into the car without shoes, skipped bedtime story time, taken away toys, and sat time-out, etc. over not listening. Ugh, three year olds! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/getting-your-kid-to-follow-a-request#post-2288633 Fri, 11 Sep 2015 11:16:00 +0000 regberadaisy 2288633@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: haha but seriously. I think it's the overall 3 year old battle of wills. Some days she goes okay mommy and skips to put it on. Others she diddly daddlys doing whatever the f ever. Others it's I want my jellies! After saying she wanted sneakers and vice versa.</p> <p>I do encouraging, bribery, threats.....you name it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/getting-your-kid-to-follow-a-request#post-2288631 Fri, 11 Sep 2015 11:14:25 +0000 lovehoneybee 2288631@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>"You can be a big boy and put your shoes on, on you can sit on the step and mommy will put your shoes on." That sentence usually gets him to do it (or whatever else). He hates sitting on the step (it's his "timeout") hates the idea of not being a big boy, and really hates the idea of not doing something "all by myself". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/getting-your-kid-to-follow-a-request#post-2288630 Fri, 11 Sep 2015 11:14:20 +0000 Freckles 2288630@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SeptMomma12: I've been trying to get away from bribery but maybe I'll go back to sticker charts?...which of course is bribery. :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/getting-your-kid-to-follow-a-request#post-2288629 Fri, 11 Sep 2015 11:13:08 +0000 Freckles 2288629@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2littlepumpkins: @regberadaisy: okay I don't know if that makes me feel better. Haha.</p> <p>@blackbird: haha, maybe I should tell her she will go to school without shoes which means no playground time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/getting-your-kid-to-follow-a-request#post-2288623 Fri, 11 Sep 2015 11:09:22 +0000 SeptMomma12 2288623@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Bribery...but even that doesn't always work :sad: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/getting-your-kid-to-follow-a-request#post-2288616 Fri, 11 Sep 2015 11:06:17 +0000 regberadaisy 2288616@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>....is impossible. Some days are easier than others. This morning was not and we all overslept so that was fun. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/getting-your-kid-to-follow-a-request#post-2288611 Fri, 11 Sep 2015 11:02:20 +0000 blackbird 2288611@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>E usually LOVES her shoes, but if she won't do ask I ask in the morning, I'll say "Do you want your waffle? Put your shoes on" and she can have her waffle after her shoes are. A few times, she didn't put them on, so i counted to 10, then i put the shoes in my purse, and put her in the carseat. She cried all the way to grandma's house about not having her shoes on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/getting-your-kid-to-follow-a-request#post-2288610 Fri, 11 Sep 2015 11:00:17 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2288610@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I still have to stand there and force it. :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/getting-your-kid-to-follow-a-request#post-2288607 Fri, 11 Sep 2015 10:57:28 +0000 Freckles 2288607@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My almost 3.5 year old has been driving me crazy. I will ask her to put on her shoes 15 minutes before we have to leave so that I'm not rushing her. 5 minutes later she is playing with her toy/book while still shoeless. I remind her. When I'm ready to leave I see she still doesn't have her shoes on and I go straight to being pissed. </p> <p>Then i go through the same thing at school when she has to change into her indoor shoes. She is so distracted that she can't focus on changing her shoes. I don't want to do it for her bc at this age she knows how to put on her shoes and she should be doing it herself.</p> <p>Any suggestions on how to keep her focused on this 1 minute task? Am I expecting too much? Any suggestions on how to keep my cool despite being overly tired-uncaffeinated-up since 4:30am? 😩 </p>