https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 21 Apr 2026 22:45:17 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name/page/2#post-1766582 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 22:08:26 +0000 Booker504 1766582@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My stepdaughter, adopted internationally at 13 months, has an American first name and her birth name became her middle name. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name/page/2#post-1596440 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 07:31:43 +0000 hotchildinthecity 1596440@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>With the child we're interested in, the birth mom named him and we actually really like the name. It has a nice meaning and easily would have a short nickname he could go by. We would also like to honor his heritage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name/page/2#post-1594312 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 06:52:18 +0000 Dandelion 1594312@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My friend adopted a baby from Taiwan last year. They knew almost right after the baby was born that they were getting her, even though it was almost a year to get her home. But, they chose a name for her right away and the place where the baby was staying (orphanage? I don't know) called her by that name as soon as they let them know. I think, though, the baby's middle name is something Chinese. But my friend is also from Taiwan so I think it bonds them a bit. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name/page/2#post-1594252 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 01:02:04 +0000 Arden 1594252@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pen: I especially wouldn't change it in the case of an older international adoption. I'd be doing everything I could (including learning as much as I could of their home language) to keep their culture alive and a part of them! People can just learn to pronounce it. :P </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name/page/2#post-1593823 Fri, 25 Apr 2014 18:32:52 +0000 Mrs. Pen 1593823@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm bumping this thread because I find it really interesting...</p> <p>What about the case of international adoptions, where many times you get the referral before the child is a year old, however you can't bring them home until they're much older - do you give them a name that's more Americanized so to speak, so that it's easier to say? Even though this toddler has gone by X name their whole life? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name#post-783848 Wed, 15 May 2013 15:49:17 +0000 Vegmama 783848@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have several adopted children in our family ... for those with a name change, at least one of their original names (first or middle) is now their middle name. It was important to my family to keep part of the name as a way of honoring their biological family &amp; where they came from. Ages when adopted (for those who had their names changed): 3 months, 10 months, 1.5 years. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name#post-783844 Wed, 15 May 2013 15:47:03 +0000 ShootingStar 783844@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A good friend of mine is adopted from Korea, and her parents moved her first name to be her middle name and gave her an American first name. I'm pretty sure she's totally happy with their decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name#post-783781 Wed, 15 May 2013 15:29:29 +0000 purrpletulips 783781@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My friends encountered this question/issue when they recently adopted; part of their adoption agreement was that the birth mother got to name the baby. When he was born she selected a first and middle name strongly associated with her religion (but not with theirs). When they finalized the adoption they kept the names she gave him as additional "middle" names and added a new first and middle name; he has five names if you put them all together. They have always just called him by the first name that they chose. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name#post-783748 Wed, 15 May 2013 15:18:31 +0000 SugarplumsMom 783748@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If we were to adopt, I'd want a newborn and I'd want to name my baby. I'd honor her heritage and culture by making sure s/he grows up learning about it, eating traditional food, and I may even try and learn the language. But I want to name my baby, not go by a name someone else gave. Even if the baby isn't a newborn (but still a baby), I'd still want to name her/him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name#post-783695 Wed, 15 May 2013 14:59:14 +0000 daniellemybelle 783695@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it depends on the situation. In the case of an infant adoption, I absolutely think the adoptive parents should choose the name. If they can communicate about it with the birth parents (assuming it is an open/amicable situation) then I think that's great, but honestly I think parents who adopt should do what feels right to them. If it feels right to you to honor the birth parents by including the name they picked in some way, then that's great! But I don't think you should feel obligated.</p> <p>However, with older kids / international adoptions, I think it gets tricky. I think if we adopted internationally, even if it was a baby, we would keep their original name as a middle name as a part of their heritage. If the child was old enough to know and say their own name, and it was a name I could live with, I would keep it. If I couldn't live with it, I would try to change it to something that sounded similar for the child's ease of transition. That's just my personal preference though - I think parents should do what is right for them with the counsel of those working with them on the adoption! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name#post-783281 Wed, 15 May 2013 12:34:37 +0000 ValentineMommy 783281@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My birth mom names my Kirsten, and my mom, when I was adopted, named me Kristin. She says she never knew my birth name and just always wanted to name her daughter that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name#post-663688 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 11:13:22 +0000 shopaholic 663688@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: :D </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name#post-663684 Sun, 24 Mar 2013 11:03:07 +0000 Mrs. Polish 663684@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our birth mom chose to name Isaiah the name we picked. The hospital asked her what she wanted to name him and she was confused that she would have to pick a different name and was fairly upset because she wanted him to be Isaiah. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name#post-597996 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 16:32:42 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 597996@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@loveletter: it absolutely makes sense:) I by no means meant to "diss" or "punish" the birth family by changing the name. My only hang up is...once a person adopts, that child is THEIRS and they have no obligation to honor the other family bykeeping the name. Visits (if that's the agreement) and honoring the heritage of that child and speaking nothing bad about the birth parents is an obligation. But, I feel like naming a child is such a GREAT honor that his parents should have, and you will be the parents:) So, you should have that. I do get where you're coming from though, and again, by no means do I think renaming the child is a way of dissing the biological parents. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name#post-597875 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 16:01:12 +0000 Weagle 597875@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Some friends of ours have three adopted children. One was adopted as a newborn, and the other two were older. They kept the names given by the birth other and changed their middle names to family names. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name#post-597685 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 14:54:19 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 597685@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: I didn't know that! Interesting. I guess we will never know what the birth moms of my cousins chose, unless they do meet them and share that information. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name#post-597647 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 14:43:48 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 597647@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@TurtleDoves: birth parents, like it or not, will always be a big part of the child's life (open, closed and international included). The child is going to have deep and passionate feeling about their family of origin and including and honoring them in various ways is so important to the child's adjustment and mental well-being. I know a child who came from the foster system from a horrible situation, but her adoptive family has wisely chosen to speak about the birth family in terms that the child won't internalize as her own self somehow being bad.</p> <p>And just an FYI (one which I didn't know until I entered the adoption process), is that most people choose the word "placed" rather than "given up" because of the difference in perception to the child. "Given up" can feel like a really negative thing to them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name#post-597623 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 14:35:48 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 597623@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@adnama: birth parents are encouraged and counseled to choose a name as part of the process. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name#post-597613 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 14:32:20 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 597613@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our birth parent (well birth dad) chose a name. It was pretty, but do far out of our comfort zone that we couldn't really use it. But, we took pictures of the name tag and chose to honor that name in the baby books and memory box.</p> <p>Naming is claiming as many adoptive parents say, and it is an important part of becoming a family. However, It is nice to honor the birth family in whatever way you can as well, including the name-- even as a middle or second middle.</p> <p>Our birth mother chose not to give a name to give us that honor. She likes the name we chose which is really good. Also the SS card got messed up (they confused first and middle), so M may have an opportunity later to alter her name in a way that pleases her. We decided not to fix it right now to give her the chance later. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name#post-597611 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 14:31:28 +0000 Mrs. Train 597611@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think with adoptions it is also situation. Like @Arden: story a new name can be a new start. With babies and open adoption I think you really have to get a feel for how your relationship will be. Our birth momma,Ed our son chance. She explained it to me in the hospital by saying we liked chance because I was on birth control and you know what are the "chances" of that. I did not want that to be his legacy so we choose to give him a name from our family. Sometimes there can be a very good relationship and a name can be thought of together. But until you are matched or really until papers are being signed you never know what to expect. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name#post-597601 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 14:27:15 +0000 Kemma 597601@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: you just made me snigger...and will you be buying your adopted child an all in one suit with undies on the outside too?! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name#post-597581 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 14:19:06 +0000 photojane 597581@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I plan on adopting, so this is something that I have thought about. If we adopt domestically, we'll most likely do newborn adoption, and we will choose our own name. I don't think we'd include the given name at all unless we knew the mom, and wanted to honor her. I'd feel more comfortable with a closed adoption though, I think. If we adopt internationally (which is the current plan), we would adopt an older child, and would obviously keep the child's name. If the child has a hard to pronounce name, we'd either just pick a similar sounding English nickname or let the child choose an English nickname. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name#post-597579 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 14:18:48 +0000 mrbee 597579@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If he had an unusual name like Kal-El, I might rename him something simple like Clark. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name#post-597576 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 14:17:35 +0000 cheesetomywhine 597576@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mum changed my little sisters name. She removed the first two letters since her nickname that we used did not include them. Example being the name Isabel and having it changed to Belle (not her name). She was a foster child and her name was officially changed when she was adopted at 3, though she came to live with us when she was 1.5. She has not had any trouble with the change. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name#post-597528 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 14:06:00 +0000 Arden 597528@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I said before that if it was an older child I'd give them the option of choosing a new name. Here's why. </p> <p>I know a family whose children were all were given really bizarre and long names by their mentally ill mother. Their parents separated, and the mother sexually abused the children. When the kids were removed from the home and full custody given to their father and his new wife, the father told the kids they could choose new names for themselves and start a fresh new "normal" life. It was so therapeutic for those girls to leave everything behind and start again. They picked normal names that they loved, and they have adjusted wonderfully.</p> <p>After watching that family I decided that if I ever adopted an older child who had a difficult background, I would give them the option of choosing a new name, if they wanted to. I would never force a new name on them though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name#post-597501 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 13:59:29 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 597501@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Train: agree.. really nice of you to allow them to choose one of his names! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name#post-597489 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 13:56:01 +0000 Mrs. Train 597489@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@adnama: in a closed situation I would absolutely name my child with no hesitation. To be honest I still named my child with no hesitation. He has a second middle name from his bio family which I thought was good enough. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name#post-597468 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 13:50:12 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 597468@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Train: I'm in Ontario, Canada and it's a closed adoption. My aunt/uncle never met the birth parents, and came to the hospital after they had left to pick up my cousin. I guess that's why they picked the name! Once my cousins turn 18, they can get the information about their birth mothers from the lawyer they went through. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name#post-597453 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 13:46:41 +0000 Mrs. Train 597453@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@adnama: I think it's really depends on how adoptions are handled in your state or even at the hospital. We were not given a room and were only allowed to visit when the birth family agreed. Each day he was in the hospital we saw him for a few hours then went home. In our state the birth mother doesn't sign until she is being discharged. (Some are 24 hours). We were actually treated a bit poorly by hospital staff as if we were not welcome. So the birth mother filled out his birth certificate and then we were issued a new one when things are finalized. </p> <p>It's really situational and a birth mothers choice but he can't stop you from changing the name </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/given-name-or-new-name#post-597440 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 13:41:25 +0000 loveletter 597440@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@adnama: From what I understand, it's pretty typical for the birthmom to pick out a name and to call the baby that during the hospital stay, until she signs the relinquishment papers. At that point, a lot of adoptive parents will choose a new name.</p> <p>@TurtleDoves: We view the birthmom placing her child for adoption as an extremely loving decision and she will be giving us the most amazing gift! We also want our kids to grow up knowing that we really value &amp; honor where they came from and their biological families. I feel like keeping their name is one way of showing that to the child and that's why we may consider it when we get to that point. Hopefully that makes sense. </p>