https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 01 May 2026 06:46:19 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/giving-yourself-the-closure-youll-never-receive#post-2783976 Fri, 03 Nov 2017 12:07:24 +0000 gingerbebe 2783976@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bubblegum: :grin: :heart: :goodluck: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/giving-yourself-the-closure-youll-never-receive#post-2783971 Fri, 03 Nov 2017 11:59:42 +0000 bubblegum 2783971@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: You're completely right. How helpful can I be to others when I'm spent. I'm with you on the relationship with God trust me. I removed all social media from like when DD was born because it felt like a lot of noise to me. I want to be good, happy and most of all just myself. </p> <p>Along the way of being a wife, mom, best friend, a lot of me time has been push aside. And I've become dependent on having a best friend to help me feel balanced (that's harsh but somewhat true to what I'm meaning to say) and although there's nothing wrong with that, the fact of the matter is I don't have that option anymore and need to embrace myself as my best self and best friend. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/giving-yourself-the-closure-youll-never-receive#post-2783963 Fri, 03 Nov 2017 11:09:08 +0000 gingerbebe 2783963@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bubblegum: And also because if you're taking care of yourself, you have more to give others. You can be a BETTER friend, wife, mother, employee, neighbor, colleague, whatever. You have to come from a position of abundance and being filled up when dealing with others instead of being a car running ragged on fumes, you know what I mean? </p> <p>I am a devout Christian, so bear with, but I come to that place through my faith, through respecting the individual needs I have for balance (hey, that's how God made me, why fight it?), and practicing the idea of letting others be free to live their best life. For instance, I try my hardest to let my parents, as strained as our relationship is, to live their own lives and just live my own. Its stressful and less than ideal, but I am trying to respect their choices and own my own. I have accepted that God has made me an introvert who needs a lot of alone time to recharge, so after my kids are in bed for the night, DH usually just leaves me alone so I can zone out or walk around Target or whatever. I have accepted that in order to be my best self during the day, I need adequate sleep and I have no guilt about taking naps when I need them. I have accepted that I don't like big social events and don't force myself to do them if I don't want to. I have actively cut down my FB feeds and social media circles to people I actually care about and have made a concerted effort to pay less attention to them so that I'm less distracted by the noise. And I pray for wisdom to see things as they really are, to view myself as the unique and loved individual God created me as. And all that makes me a better person to be around and interact with.</p> <p>My more secular friends and colleagues approach self-love through mindfulness exercises, meditation, actively seeking hobbies or books/music/media that spark joy in them, traveling, taking solo retreats on certain weekends during the year to recharge, or volunteering with the less fortunate. Some are really involved in their local crisis nurseries, some do professional organization like the bar or Soroptomists. Some write. Some sew. Some enter bake contests. Some are SUPER into Harry Potter and are active in FB fan groups. Whatever. Embrace the YOU. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/giving-yourself-the-closure-youll-never-receive#post-2783961 Fri, 03 Nov 2017 10:46:17 +0000 bubblegum 2783961@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: Thanks babe! Very wise words to live by. I just want to be okay with it just being me. Of course I have DH and the kids but I need to be my own girlfriend. It's gonna take time without a doubt because I haven't had to do it over 20 years but I have to try. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/giving-yourself-the-closure-youll-never-receive#post-2783957 Fri, 03 Nov 2017 10:34:28 +0000 gingerbebe 2783957@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bubblegum: YOU are enough to live your best life for. </p> <p>Even if your husband or kids or friends weren't around, YOU are worthy enough to live out your happiness and full potential. YOU are worth that education, that successful marriage, a great career, health, fulfilling friendships, and whatever else you want for yourself. </p> <p>Its less about the fact that "you're all you've got." That sounds sorta negative, doesn't it? Its more about the fact that you are worth more than enough to get off the floor FOR. Believe in the absolute best version of yourself and even when you don't feel like it, fake it til you make until it becomes your reality and how you really feel about yourself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/giving-yourself-the-closure-youll-never-receive#post-2783940 Fri, 03 Nov 2017 09:46:53 +0000 bubblegum 2783940@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: </p> [attach=7580/17/oyujq5.492x492.871ca5dc3b146f53051e4aa3e403d8b5.jpg] https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/giving-yourself-the-closure-youll-never-receive#post-2783910 Fri, 03 Nov 2017 08:05:45 +0000 bubblegum 2783910@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ScarletBegonia: I have. I just can't afford it right now. That's where I feel I am too. Everyone is over it and I get it but I think I just have to listen to the others bees here and mourn her as if she were dead.</p> <p>@Umbreon: That sounds super similar to me and my friend. Only difference is we did speak a few months back to try and just be friends again but she just didn't care enough and it all came crumbling down. I have considered writing a letter just so it's out there in the universe and out of my heart if that makes sense. </p> <p>@youboots: I'm considering the whole letter thing @Umbreon suggested. I need this to be over. Every happy thing that happens, every sad thing that happens, I so want to share it with her, but that part of my life is over. I appreciate what we did have but it's over now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/giving-yourself-the-closure-youll-never-receive#post-2783881 Thu, 02 Nov 2017 22:33:52 +0000 youboots 2783881@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Umbreon: I wrote a letter too that I eventually tossed.</p> <p>@bubblegum: I know you and I have both struggled with this. Mine was a best friend of 10 years that we had been fading for 3 years and went no contact almost 2 1/2 years ago. For me it just been time. And the realization that it would have happened eventually. I’m fortunate enough to have several close friends so that’s made the transition easier. But honestly the last 6 months or so have been a turning point. I don’t think of her very often and don’t feel the hurt and rejection I once did. I have an amazing child and husband and we are living our lives- they are who matters the most day in and day out year after year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/giving-yourself-the-closure-youll-never-receive#post-2783870 Thu, 02 Nov 2017 20:20:05 +0000 Umbreon 2783870@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know you situation, with me, it was my best friend for about 10 years. She hurt me and our friendship faded because she expected me to be more understanding and to reach out. But I was so done and she was the one who owed me the apology. So we just never spoke again. </p> <p>I hand wrote a letter, getting all my feelings out. I told her how upset I was, how I missed the good times, used some colourful language, got it all out. I kept it for awhile and would read it when I found myself thinking about her. Eventually I stopped thinking about her so much and I shredded the letter. </p> <p>It helped me get closure because even though I never said all that to her face, it almost felt like I had. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/giving-yourself-the-closure-youll-never-receive#post-2783849 Thu, 02 Nov 2017 17:59:32 +0000 ScarletBegonia 2783849@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would consider therapy. I think its important to be able to talk through things on your own timeline with someone unbiased. When I was ghosted by a man I thought I was in love with, it took me an embarrassing amount of time to get over (and I have lingering issues around trust) because I sought help from my friends and family who eventually (understandably) got sick of hearing about it. I think if I'd seen a counsellor or therapist from the start I could have processed things a lot better. </p> <p>Good luck - friendships can be so hard :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/giving-yourself-the-closure-youll-never-receive#post-2783844 Thu, 02 Nov 2017 17:21:50 +0000 gingerbebe 2783844@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bubblegum: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/giving-yourself-the-closure-youll-never-receive#post-2783841 Thu, 02 Nov 2017 17:15:59 +0000 bubblegum 2783841@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: you always are just so thoughtful and sweet in your responses and I truly appreciate that. You always take out the time to really speak from the heart and I’m so thankful. You’re completely right. I need to put me first and let the ones who love me follow. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/giving-yourself-the-closure-youll-never-receive#post-2783824 Thu, 02 Nov 2017 15:31:44 +0000 gingerbebe 2783824@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bubblegum: I think there's a self-worth component here that has to be addressed. I think there's some measure of your value and self-worth that has been tied up with having this best friend and I think THAT is something you for sure have to deal with and get over. </p> <p>You want a close and genuine relationship with a friend and there's no reason why you shouldn't have that. But if THIS person isn't willing to be that friend to you, then fine. But it has nothing to do with your worth and whether you DESERVE that kind of companionship. Of course you do. That person happened to be the last person who offered you that kind of friendship, but your value and worth was/is static, regardless of if she or anyone else is around to fill that desire for friendship. You're worthy and enough.</p> <p>I think the fact that a new bestie hasn't stepped in to fill that void makes it harder to move on, but you should feel like you're whole and enough to go through periods without a BFF. Yes, 2 years is a long time, but its not unheard of, especially with kids and school and work. </p> <p>Its like if you were in a longterm relationship with someone you thought you were going to marry (which is something you've always wanted) and they suddenly dumped you. Let's say then after months of trying to figure out what happened and being depressed and possibly trying to "just be friends," you've accepted that its over. But then let's say 2 years later you're single. Is there something wrong with you? Are you not loveable? Are you not worthy to be loved? Is the mourning over that ex really about the ex or because of a fear that you'll never have that connection again? That perhaps you are not enough?</p> <p>I'm not downplaying the pain of this situation at all. And self-doubt is natural. But I think with your MIL, and all this school fin aid drama, work, school, your kids, and this friend situation, you've - as you said in your own words - put your self last. I think you need to work on self-care and putting yourself first and LOVING yourself and really own your worth and value so that these issues don't bog you down as much. Have a winning mindset, CHOOSE to be thankful and happy, CHOOSE to not be mistreated, DEMAND to be treated the way you believe you should be treated, and keep. it. moving. And I promise you when you start feeling yourself, you will attract others to you. </p> <p>Seriously, life is too short to be weighed down with people who ain't adding to your life. Even some negative people can be a benefit to your life in some manner by teaching you lessons, but if you can't even find that in this situation, ain't nobody got time for that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/giving-yourself-the-closure-youll-never-receive#post-2783740 Thu, 02 Nov 2017 12:13:12 +0000 bubblegum 2783740@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2PeasinaPod: It's going to be tough to do, but I have to do it. Thanks love :heart: </p> <p>@kiddosc: I can't imagine how much of shock that must have been after being an important part of her wedding. I'm hoping I can find my new "person" it's been almost two years without a "person" and it's pretty lonely. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/giving-yourself-the-closure-youll-never-receive#post-2783734 Thu, 02 Nov 2017 12:09:18 +0000 bubblegum 2783734@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@oldsoulmama: My fingers are crossed the same can happen for me! Good for you for not letting her in! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/giving-yourself-the-closure-youll-never-receive#post-2783732 Thu, 02 Nov 2017 12:08:41 +0000 bubblegum 2783732@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@oldsoulmama: Thank you so much for sharing that! It really struct a cord with me. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/giving-yourself-the-closure-youll-never-receive#post-2783721 Thu, 02 Nov 2017 11:49:05 +0000 kiddosc 2783721@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a friend who totally ghosted on my when I moved across the country to be with my now DH. She was supposed to come help load the moving truck and never showed. She didn't respond to my calls and I heard through the grapevine that she was taking every opportunity to talk badly about me. I had no clue she felt that way, I had been the Maid of Honor in her wedding just a few months earlier. That was 9 years ago and I had to grieve it like a death, sometimes it still hits me as it was all so sudden and unexplained. Finding another friend to be "your person" has also helped immensely with being able to move on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/giving-yourself-the-closure-youll-never-receive#post-2783715 Thu, 02 Nov 2017 11:40:17 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2783715@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a best friend in high school who was a year behind me grade-wise. When I went to college, she forgot my birthday that September, and wasn't really apologetic. We grew apart, and eventually she just stopped responding to me. I was pretty heartbroken that she could just let our friendship go so easily, and also grieved like it was a death. I'm sorry that you're going through all of this right now. I'm hoping that it gets better :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/giving-yourself-the-closure-youll-never-receive#post-2783705 Thu, 02 Nov 2017 11:22:02 +0000 oldsoulmama 2783705@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'll also add that eventually I made new close friends, albeit years later. That helped immensely too!</p> <p>I completely forgot this but she sent me a Facebook friend request over 10 years after she stopped talking to me. I was dumbfounded -- why would she think I'd be ok with sharing what's going on in my life now after she dropped off the face of the earth a decade ago? I ignored the request without a second thought. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/giving-yourself-the-closure-youll-never-receive#post-2783703 Thu, 02 Nov 2017 11:20:05 +0000 oldsoulmama 2783703@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was essentially ghosted by my best friend in college years after we graduated. I'll never know why and for too long I blamed myself trying to guess what it was. But now I don't care anymore. Obviously there was something about me she didn't like and that's ok. </p> <p>For me, the best closure was time. It didn’t help that we had a mutual friend that kept in touch with both of us on a regular basis so her name would pop up in conversation periodically. I had to tell that friend to stop bringing her up, and she did.</p> <p>I think what eventually did it for me was the realization that our friendship was only meant to last over a period in our lives when we actually had something in common (college). I guess I got exhausted over the pain it was causing me, and that’s when I came to the realization. It’s ok to let yourself grieve. Distracting yourself doesn’t help because it doesn’t make the pain go away, it just delays it.</p> <p>I'm sorry you are in pain. I know how you feel. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/giving-yourself-the-closure-youll-never-receive#post-2783680 Thu, 02 Nov 2017 10:46:37 +0000 bubblegum 2783680@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: You're right. I just need to get there with her. With my MIL I really didn't have such an emotional tie because she's wasn't my person (does that make sense). With my ex-best friend there was so much history. I have to try.</p> <p>@Meowkers: It's coming on two years for us too. We spoke briefly before I had DD and after but nothing like before. I'm hoping you're right. I think it's so hard because I don't have any other friends in that sense. Work girlfriends sure but not like my best friend. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/giving-yourself-the-closure-youll-never-receive#post-2783677 Thu, 02 Nov 2017 10:43:20 +0000 Meowkers 2783677@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've had this happen with my best friend of 10 years. It was difificult. I feel like I went through all the stages of grief. It just took time. It been a little under two years since our "split" and I think it was only recently that I was able to just move on and wish her well without dwelling on things. It's hard but time heals all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/giving-yourself-the-closure-youll-never-receive#post-2783674 Thu, 02 Nov 2017 10:36:40 +0000 gingerbebe 2783674@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You treat it like a death and move forward. The same stuff I told you about your MIL and letting that person live their "best life" applies, but also the understanding that your friend's "best life" renders them no longer the person you knew, so they are basically emotionally dead to you. Not in a vindictive way, but gone. So you go through the full stages of grief like that person was dead and move forward. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/giving-yourself-the-closure-youll-never-receive#post-2783661 Thu, 02 Nov 2017 09:15:02 +0000 bubblegum 2783661@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@arosebyany: Holy crap! I can't imagine how difficult that must be! I'm so sorry. Mine is my childhood best friend too but the reason is very different. I really need to let it go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/giving-yourself-the-closure-youll-never-receive#post-2783654 Thu, 02 Nov 2017 09:00:20 +0000 arosebyany 2783654@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is hard, and my case will probably be really different but, I had to give me self closure over my childhood best friend. We were inseparable all the way through graduation. One day she decided to leave everybody behind(friends, family, husband and child) and go off the drugs and alchohol deep end. I had no idea! She apparently was a master of disguise becuase nobody knew she had been using drugs for quite some time. It took a few years but eventually I just realized she's never coming back. I pretty much just went through the stages of grief untill I hit acceptance. Her issues aren't about me, they're about her, they just affected me, and now I don't let them anymore. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/giving-yourself-the-closure-youll-never-receive#post-2783649 Thu, 02 Nov 2017 08:46:15 +0000 bubblegum 2783649@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Any of you had to give yourself closure since you knew you would never get it from the other party? How did you do it? I've read books, been angry, sad, numb and even reached out...I need closure over a relationship with someone very close to me, I have to give myself the closure. How did you do it? </p>