https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 15 Apr 2026 04:03:41 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/going-against-the-grain-and-saying-it-is-ok-not-to-make-time-for-yourself#post-1596401 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 06:54:51 +0000 Dandelion 1596401@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with this, too. I don't need a break from my kids .I truly enjoy spending all my time with them. I just spent a week in the hospital without them and people said at least I get a break. I didn't need a break! I need my kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/going-against-the-grain-and-saying-it-is-ok-not-to-make-time-for-yourself#post-1596393 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 06:49:26 +0000 T.H.O.U. 1596393@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>"Taking time for yourself" can me different things to different people! </p> <p>For me, sometimes just having quiet time in my PJs with some snacks is the best "me" time! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/going-against-the-grain-and-saying-it-is-ok-not-to-make-time-for-yourself#post-1596387 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 06:45:11 +0000 Adira 1596387@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Totally agree with this!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/going-against-the-grain-and-saying-it-is-ok-not-to-make-time-for-yourself#post-1596371 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 06:14:42 +0000 mrs. wagon 1596371@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Totally in agreement with you!! For me, until life was more under control, taking time for myself just added to the stress, just like you. Even though I was constantly stressed, the one thing that made me feel better was when things ran smoothly or I discovered a new way to make things more efficient. And the only way to do that is to just grind it out every day! Bravo to you for writing this :) oh, and after life got a little more manageable, taking time for myself (carefully scheduled out so it didn't interfere with our flow!) Has been wonderful! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/going-against-the-grain-and-saying-it-is-ok-not-to-make-time-for-yourself#post-1596365 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 06:08:42 +0000 looch 1596365@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yup, I am in agreement that you have to figure out how to do it on your terms. Just as all children are different, so are their parents! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/going-against-the-grain-and-saying-it-is-ok-not-to-make-time-for-yourself#post-1596358 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 06:01:57 +0000 DillonLion 1596358@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Good job, Momma. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/going-against-the-grain-and-saying-it-is-ok-not-to-make-time-for-yourself#post-1596277 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 23:33:11 +0000 googly-eyes 1596277@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree. I think everyone has to find their own way, and especially when LOs aren't sleeping and giving parents a break in the evenings, that often means survival mode! We all have to do what works for us...and the unnecessary things that just stress me out often go out the window! That said- when it becomes necessary to get out for one's mental health, then that's important too, but otherwise, yeah, do what works! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/going-against-the-grain-and-saying-it-is-ok-not-to-make-time-for-yourself#post-1596275 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 23:27:47 +0000 Dagny 1596275@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really appreciate this post @LIZZYWIZ. I really struggled through the first year and I was really over people telling me to make time for myself. For me it just made more sense to me to put all of my attention on LO, the household, DH, etc. Thanks again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/going-against-the-grain-and-saying-it-is-ok-not-to-make-time-for-yourself#post-1595580 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 09:42:18 +0000 lizzywiz 1595580@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@prettylizy: thanks! I don't actually know how that works but maybe I'll look into it. Except I don't write except for these threads, so maybe not :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/going-against-the-grain-and-saying-it-is-ok-not-to-make-time-for-yourself#post-1595579 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 09:40:29 +0000 lizzywiz 1595579@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I say it every post: I love how hellobee takes the 'feeling alone' out of the equation :heart: Thanks for the replies, ladies!<br /> @lepamplemousse: I don't think you are being argumentative at all! like you and @californiadreams: said, it should be doing what you want to do, even if what you want to do is focus on/be with your family.<br /> I guess what I was trying to say is that I was definitely feeling pressure, in the form of,"You really need to make time to work out- you'll feel so much better!" "Just get out of the house, even for a half hour - you'll feel so much better!" "You and your husband need some alone time...you'll feel so much better!" ...you get the idea, lol.<br /> And I BELIEVED that, so I tried, even when a half hour away meant staying up later to do laundry or the idea of working out at 8pm when baby was asleep made me want to cry. I felt like a modern woman failure for not having a well balanced life.<br /> @mrbee: described it well: for me, survival mode meant going to work and taking care of LO, and letting everything else go, even self-care. And this wasn't just when LO was sick. Embracing that improved my mood and outlook more than any of the stereotypical new mom stress remedies.</p> <p>@Greentea: I loved that you said, "I love you." ...maybe too much :silly: . I might need to work on some self affirmations, lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/going-against-the-grain-and-saying-it-is-ok-not-to-make-time-for-yourself#post-1595335 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 22:07:03 +0000 lepamplemousse 1595335@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: So I'm not trying to be argumentative but I always felt the whole "do something for yourself" thing meant that you should do whatever you want to do. So if you want to take take time away from your LO and get a massage, then you should. If you want to focus your all of your time on your ailing daughter, then you should. It's whatever you want to do. If you don't want to have coffee with a friend then by all means don't. It sounds like your stress wasn't coming from "doing something for yourself" but in the all of the unsolicited advice you had received on what you should be doing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/going-against-the-grain-and-saying-it-is-ok-not-to-make-time-for-yourself#post-1595333 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 22:05:44 +0000 Grace 1595333@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that's really smart. Being a new parent can be so stressful. I think it's the wrong idea to tell people to do something for yourself/have a shower/take a nap/ leave the housework/get out for the day. Rather we need to focus on what makes life less stressful. And that is different for everyone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/going-against-the-grain-and-saying-it-is-ok-not-to-make-time-for-yourself#post-1595321 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 21:57:41 +0000 Periwinkle 1595321@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Bravo! Well written and so important. Sometimes we just need to make it through, and adding one more task (even if it's a positive one) can be too much. I'm so glad you have yourself that break and are now enjoying that time, when and if it works for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/going-against-the-grain-and-saying-it-is-ok-not-to-make-time-for-yourself#post-1595236 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 20:59:09 +0000 ALV91711 1595236@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: Thank you for posting this. It is so true. For me getting one morning to get some extra sleep and going to get groceries alone is all the me time I need. I'd rather be with DS. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/going-against-the-grain-and-saying-it-is-ok-not-to-make-time-for-yourself#post-1595232 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 20:51:37 +0000 MrsMccarthy 1595232@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Totally agree! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/going-against-the-grain-and-saying-it-is-ok-not-to-make-time-for-yourself#post-1595226 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 20:46:19 +0000 daniellemybelle 1595226@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I love this! I feel like there is a lot of pressure to "go &amp; do." Sometimes what you truly want is to just focus on your LO, and REST when you can! I'm sure with all you have going on, that feeling is multiplied by 1000! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/going-against-the-grain-and-saying-it-is-ok-not-to-make-time-for-yourself#post-1595115 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 19:31:24 +0000 mediagirl 1595115@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: I hear you. I struggled with this a lot and would make and then cancel plans because last minute I just couldn't do it. Me time to me is spending time with my daughter on weekends. If I get to spend time with my daughter and a friend, bonus if they have a child who gets along with mine. </p> <p>Some people don't need friend time or exercise or time to cook to feel healthy. They just need to be alone or with their family. I found that was what made me happy. </p> <p>Good job finding out what you need. That's what is most important! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/going-against-the-grain-and-saying-it-is-ok-not-to-make-time-for-yourself#post-1595057 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 19:03:01 +0000 prettylizy 1595057@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: I think this could make a really interesting guest blog post! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/going-against-the-grain-and-saying-it-is-ok-not-to-make-time-for-yourself#post-1595047 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 18:57:18 +0000 rachiecakes 1595047@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: I had similar feelings when DS was small. I went back to work at 7 weeks. Everyone stresses how 'they're only small for such a short time', I really wanted to breastfeed - the last thing I wanted to do was go out with friends. I already was losing 50+ hours a week of my baby, I didn't want to lose another minute.<br /> Now that he's bigger and I know he really loves his sitter/daycare/relatives, etc. and he tells me how much fun he has, I enjoy the time to myself more (when it happens). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/going-against-the-grain-and-saying-it-is-ok-not-to-make-time-for-yourself#post-1595025 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 18:38:28 +0000 californiadreams 1595025@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I definitely think taking time for yourself means doing what YOU want not what other people think you should want. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/going-against-the-grain-and-saying-it-is-ok-not-to-make-time-for-yourself#post-1594993 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 17:59:09 +0000 Torchwood 1594993@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm glad to have read this. I can really see myself feeling the same way. I don't like going out, or hanging out with people! Feeling a bunch of pressure from other people to do more for myself will definitely frustrate me, so I'm glad for the reminder ahead of time that I don't actually have to do it! Especially since we may be looking at some issues that would make parenting even more intensive, like you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/going-against-the-grain-and-saying-it-is-ok-not-to-make-time-for-yourself#post-1594974 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 17:39:51 +0000 Greentea 1594974@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: I love you. I think it is important to follow your intuition like it sounds like you are. Um, I don't have time for friends for instance, and it isn't my priority right now. My lo is only little for a little while and I am so typeA I give 100% to everything. So, she is what I am doing right now and I pour myself into it and it is kicking my ass! I know everyone has a different dynamic but I don't have anyone to watch lo for example, it's just me, so I am really embracing it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/going-against-the-grain-and-saying-it-is-ok-not-to-make-time-for-yourself#post-1594967 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 17:30:17 +0000 mrbee 1594967@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: when our kids are sick, we go into survival mode! Can't imagine chronic health issues!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/going-against-the-grain-and-saying-it-is-ok-not-to-make-time-for-yourself#post-1594959 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 17:19:32 +0000 Cherrybee 1594959@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a great post! Thank you! </p> <p>When I was on my 6 month maternity leave, everyone was obsessed with me getting out of the house. Get out every day, get fresh air, go to coffee mornings, see friends..... its all I ever heard, especially once my PPD became really obvious. Oh and - take a shower! "I'll watch E while you take a shower", "You look exhausted, have a shower", "Let the baby cry for gods sake so you can take a shower". Gah! I know that getting out and about - and personal hygiene! - has been key to many a woman's recovery but, for me, things started getting better when I finally relieved myself of the need to leave the house and allowed myself to wallow in my own filth! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/going-against-the-grain-and-saying-it-is-ok-not-to-make-time-for-yourself#post-1594946 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 17:02:56 +0000 autumnlove 1594946@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Glad it worked for you! &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/going-against-the-grain-and-saying-it-is-ok-not-to-make-time-for-yourself#post-1594944 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 17:00:20 +0000 lizzywiz 1594944@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For me, 'making time for myself' was just one more thing on a stressful to do list.<br /> A little background: We are approaching the two year mark. We both work out of home and my girl has chronic health issues and didn't sleep consistently through until recently.</p> <p>I have not found the transition to parenthood and the last two years easy. At all. I enjoyed her and I enjoyed our little family but I was completely overwhelmed and exhausted most of the time. My daughter didn't sleep, so that impacted everything, but I think I would have had a hard time either way. Just my personality. The daycare,work,daycare, home,dinner, bath, bed grind is tough and I definitely wilted under the drudge. Some people are organized and efficient and can get their life running smoothly again as soon as they recover from birth. Other people have enough time and/or money that they can take time for themselves almost as soon as LO is born. Neither of these were the case with me.<br /> And, for me, having every book, magazine, and well meaning friend under the sun tell me that I needed to make time for myself, work out, eat well, see friends, etc,....um, it didn't really help. Making time for myself necessitated copious amounts of planning and scrambling. It was extra exhausting.<br /> About 6 months ago I let myself off the hook for taking care of myself. My daughter was really ill and there was just no energy to put anywhere but to her and work.<br /> And it was SO freeing to not try to fit in a workout, or coffee with a friend, or even something awesome like a massage. The daily grind was actually easier when I just focused on it and didn't feel guilty about not making time for myself. And my mood slowly improved. And parenting eventually got a little easier and the baby slept a little more and one day I actually FELT like doing something just for me, so I did. And it was great! Re-energizing instead of draining. I wish I had let myself off the hook sooner.</p> <p>Just sharing in case any other mama has felt the same way. I know this won't apply to everyone and that many people thrive on 'making time for themselves' after baby come along. That just wasn't the case for me. :grin: </p>