https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 23 Jun 2026 04:46:45 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/goofing-off#post-2816579 Mon, 16 Apr 2018 12:42:17 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2816579@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@youboots: Yeah, so frustrating! </p> <p>@peachykeen: Same here-reasoning doesn't work-if anything she seems to take it as a challenge. I agree that distraction plus giving ourselves more time has been the best strategy. Also, adjusting my own attitude. I think a lot of O's stuff is anxiety based, even though it manifests differently than I usually expect anxiety to look. She's still hyper vigilant about watching people's expressions and is so sensitive to everyone's mood. So I think a lot of it is her sensing me rushing and feeling uncomfortable so she reacts poorly. It looks happy, but probably isn't most of the time. Yesterday was a much better day!</p> <p>@snowjewelz: Yeah it seems to be pretty common toddler behaviors. The challenge for me is remembering why it's happening (anxiety, most likely in O's case) and not reacting with frustration! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/goofing-off#post-2816518 Mon, 16 Apr 2018 09:05:58 +0000 snowjewelz 2816518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 3 year old definitely went through a phase like this where she refused to get changed/refused to take a bath, etc. So one thing I started reinforcing and still do now is the order of things. For example, on Sunday's I solo both kids to church and back and so I really need her cooperation to help me out. So I drill into her head the the order after we get inside is "wash hands, change clothes, iPad then lunch". Also when we go to Friendly's once in a blue moon, I tell her the order is "drink, lunch and only then ice-cream comes" :silly: So that has helped a lot and now at almost 3.5 she recites these orders back and even reminds me! </p> <p>And during those super hard days of her just not wanting to do what is needed, we really just give her a final choice of either you do it, or we do it, and just do it as gently as possible, even if it was with lots of tears/struggles. Sending lots of hugs to you; just keep changing to yourself that this too shall pass :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/goofing-off#post-2816401 Sun, 15 Apr 2018 10:23:58 +0000 peachykeen 2816401@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh and one other thing is pointing out after the fact what she missed out on because she was so slow. </p> <p>So when she wants a braid for school I explain that we would have had time for a braid if she'd gotten dressed faster but we have to settle for a ponytail. Tell her we'll try again tomorrow. </p> <p>Or at bedtime, tell her we can't read books tonight because she took so long getting ready for bed and now it's too late. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/goofing-off#post-2816400 Sun, 15 Apr 2018 10:20:35 +0000 peachykeen 2816400@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is DD1 (3.5 now) to a T. It doesn't seem to matter how early we start getting ready, the end result is the same - rushing into the car on the verge of being late (or actually late). </p> <p>Reasoning with her works only rarely ("daddy is leaving and you'll have to miss the music"). I have the most success with distraction (talking about what we're doing later that day, what she did yesterday, that it's supposed to rain, etc) - seems to sometimes snap her out of it - and sometimes turning it into a game ("we need to put our clothes on and beat daddy downstairs!")</p> <p>Sometimes nothing works and it's just a rough morning. I'm totally with you on the frustration of happy defiance though - not only is she not listening, she thinks it's funny! :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/goofing-off#post-2816393 Sun, 15 Apr 2018 09:44:31 +0000 youboots 2816393@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DD can be like this. While saying I’m so cute. It’s almost the opposite of a tantrum which are very rare for us, but this behavior and taking forever to do things is a daily thing. I know she’s doing it on purpose but does want to go to school/dance whatever. I know she is great at school. I don’t usually yell, but I’ll tell her that I have to help her and put on her shoes and lift her into the seat instead of crawling up. She can completely dress herself- I try to give her 5-10 minutes and just put the clothes, socks and shoes in front of her while I finish getting ready. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/goofing-off#post-2816371 Sat, 14 Apr 2018 21:11:46 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2816371@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mama Bird: We actually did miss gymnastics today because by the time we finally got in the car and drove there class was more than half over. Definitely gave her something to think about the rest of the day, although I'm not sure she's old enough to really connect her behavior with it, especially since its a 45 min drive to get there </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/goofing-off#post-2816367 Sat, 14 Apr 2018 20:34:29 +0000 Mama Bird 2816367@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I get this all the time, and it drives me crazy. I get where the kids are coming from, but it doesn't take away from the problems that result from them dragging their feet - being late to work meetings, class, their friends' parents thinking twice about meeting up with them because they wait 40 minutes for us to get to the playground...</p> <p>Maybe think twice about making the threat about cancelling activities, and be ready to follow through when you do make it. I've actually cancelled things several times when we were very late. It hasn't stopped goofing off, because kids are kids, but they know that when I say we're not going somewhere if they're dressed in 10 minutes, I mean business. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/goofing-off#post-2816366 Sat, 14 Apr 2018 20:21:43 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2816366@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BadgerMom: I think our girl takes this as a challenge. She seems to get more defiant when pressured. :bummed: </p> <p>@hummusgirl: I know this is what I'm supposed to do. Its SO HARD for me. But thanks for the reminder. Just so doesn't come naturally to me. </p> <p>@peaches1038: I like the calming our bodies. I'm going to try it more. Asking if she needs my help often triggers more outright defiance. Sometimes it seems to work better just to step in and help. </p> <p>@Mrs.Someone: So hard! I feel so guilty losing my temper when she's basically just being silly. </p> <p>@looch: Great idea. I'm going to try this. It may work now, or at least soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/goofing-off#post-2816357 Sat, 14 Apr 2018 18:32:08 +0000 looch 2816357@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One thing that I learned was to ask my son what he needed me to do so he understood what I was asking him to do. It was eye opening, and it seems like your child would engage like this at a younger age than my son did. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/goofing-off#post-2816351 Sat, 14 Apr 2018 17:50:48 +0000 Mrs.Someone 2816351@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh, really needed this today. My 3.5yo was screaming very shrillly that my ear started hurting. Nothing we did got him to stop and I finally yelled at him. It worked, but I feel crappy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/goofing-off#post-2816347 Sat, 14 Apr 2018 17:10:08 +0000 peaches1038 2816347@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a happy and silly 29 month old and what seems to work for us is similar to pp. I say, "oh we are having so much fun, but it's time to calm our bodies and _______". Sometimes I have to get down to his level to help him calm down. I also use the phrase "do you want to _____ or do you want mama to ______?" I don't make the "mama" option seem like a punishment though, they are both valid choices where I get what I want either way and he feels in control. I basically just use these 2 phrases on repeat as calmly as possible so doesn't see that it bothers me. It's exhausting but mostly successful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/goofing-off#post-2816344 Sat, 14 Apr 2018 16:50:58 +0000 hummusgirl 2816344@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes! The thing that's helped me the most is trying to make things into a FUN GAME even when I want to yell/cry. I learned a lot of tricks from the book "How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen." My 5-year-old still does this so I've had a lot of practice...</p> <p>For example:<br /> - Who can put on their shoes faster, S or mommy?<br /> - (my kid is very into birds) I'm a snake trying to get to those baby peregrine falcons in the nest (bathroom) and you're the mama falcon - try and stop me!<br /> - [British accent] It's time for all the little boys in England to brush their teeth. Come come!<br /> - [swings shirt around in a circle] It's crazy shirt that can't be caught and put on! Bet you can't catch this shirt! It's over here - now here - ohhhh you caught it and are putting it on - I can't believe you caught crazy shirt! </p> <p>I try to try at least 1-2 fun/silly approaches before I lose my sh*t and devolve into pleading/yelling. It helps a lot if I've gotten enough sleep. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/goofing-off#post-2816339 Sat, 14 Apr 2018 15:21:41 +0000 BadgerMom 2816339@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have a happy defiant too. I get the best results from counting to 3. I give him a simple consequence. “If you don’t help me put your shoes on I’m going to pick you up and do it.” And then I count. If I get to three and he’s still screwing around I physically (but gently obviously) do it for him. That usually results in tears. But after a few times of follow through, I rarely get to 3 anymore. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/goofing-off#post-2816335 Sat, 14 Apr 2018 14:47:04 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2816335@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: so frustrating! So although we missed gymnastics this morning (not as a punishment, just because we literally were too late to bother going, she ended up having a really nice morning at target and the playground, going mostly at her pace. Gave us both a good restart. Sometimes I need to just give up on my agenda. </p> <p>@justjules: Yeah, we had that happen with the car seat and it kind of worked, but I have that conversation with her almost every time she gets in. It doesn't help that we do a lot of driving. </p> <p>@MrsBucky: YES! Such a good reminder. That's totally it for me. I tend to expect a verbal request to work and get annoyed when it doesn't. Adjusting my expectations is really helpful. </p> <p>@Hypatia: I agree that this is sometimes the issue, but there are times she does it fairly calmly too. She'll look me right in the eye and say, "I'm a funny girl." :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/goofing-off#post-2816330 Sat, 14 Apr 2018 13:53:00 +0000 Hypatia 2816330@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think there's a difference between being happy and being manic. The state of mind you describe sounds unhealthy to me, not a simple case of being happy. I think all kids get into that state sometimes, and it's our job to talk them down from it. </p> <p>I start by having her make eye contact with me. "---, look at me." You might have to start by actually kneeling down to her level at first if she can't do it just by asking her to. Then once she's doing that, I tell her she is too excited and she needs to take some deep breaths. I show her what that means and ask her to do it with me. We do this at least three times. "I need you to get control of yourself. If you don't have control of yourself, we can't do X." I talk to her about what getting control means. Then I ask her to do something really specific, careful not to string commands together (go get your shoes. Okay, now put your shoes on. Go get your coat. Now put your coat on.) while i watch, trying only to directly help when she can't do something. But it requires direct supervision, to let her know that if she dawdles that we are going to go through the breathing routine again until she does it. The exercise isn't a punishment per se but a kind of behavioral training. I try to positively reinforce it by rewarding her with a small treat (Hershey kiss) when she completes the get-out-the-door steps without goofing off. I think part of problems like this is that she has created a cycle, a stimulant and response pattern, and to stop it you need to establish new patterns for her to follow. </p> <p>Unfortunately, I think it'll require more work initially, but hopefully she will get out of this routine. I don't think 2.5 is too young for these kind of expectations. It's hard, though. Even when you have a plan, sometimes it's just crap. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/goofing-off#post-2816326 Sat, 14 Apr 2018 13:27:36 +0000 MrsBucky 2816326@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This pushes my buttons too, so the best thing I can do is be prepared to gently intervene/ help every time. I find I get most frustrated because I don’t want to move/ get up/ chase him / whatever so im annoyed and put out once I finally do. Once I started assuming I’d need to help him, I give one direction and if he doesn’t follow I saw “thank you for showing me you need help” and physically move him to do whatever is next. Now I only get frustrated when I’m tired and worn out rather than every day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/goofing-off#post-2816324 Sat, 14 Apr 2018 13:23:55 +0000 justjules 2816324@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 2.5 year old is like this sometimes!</p> <p> If it’s getting ready (or something similar like climbing into the car seat) then I usually ask “do you want to do it or do you need mama to help you?” He usually says he wants to do it. If he is still taking too long then I say “ok you are taking to long. In 5 seconds mama is going to help you” calming count to 5 then man handle him into his shoes or whatever it is. Then quickly move on. After a few times of that, he is now taking the 5 second rule seriously and will be quick because he wants to do it himself. </p> <p>Things like “can you do it fast like a __ (cheetah, lion, whatever animal he is into) also sometimes work. </p> <p>It’s so frustrating! So I’m with you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/goofing-off#post-2816319 Sat, 14 Apr 2018 11:38:39 +0000 Foodnerd81 2816319@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Commiseration here. My 4.5 year old still does the same thing (along with tantrums and flat out defiance). And I get so mad- stop laughing and hugging your sister and put on your shoes! The only solution I have is to leave so much extra time to do anything, but that really just leaves less chances to do fun things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/goofing-off#post-2816316 Sat, 14 Apr 2018 11:08:00 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2816316@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So this appears to be somewhat of a trigger for me. I'm not sure why. The only thing that really gets me frustrated/angry with our 2.5 year old is this special brand of defiance. I call it happy defiance. She's a very high energy, happy, active kid. She's also really ahead in both receptive and expressive language which I only mention because I worry it leads me to expect more than she is capable of in terms of impulse control. Basically the more important it is that we get something done, the more of a good ball she turns into. She runs away when I try to get her dressed, starts kicking her legs instead of putting her shoes on, basically moves as slowly as possible until I'm so frustrated I'm threatening to skip whatever activity we are attempting to get to. She REALLY wants to go, so its not that she's trying to avoid going, she just has gotten really good at pushing my buttons. </p> <p>I know logically that she probably can't really control it and threats don't really work (and make me feel like crap). In some ways I feel like it would be easier for me to handle if she were having tantrums or being flat out defiant. I feel bad getting mad at her for being happy/silly! </p> <p>This morning I mentioned that we might miss gymnastics because we were running so late. Her response, "yeah, because I was feeling so happy." Ugh. I'm a horrible person. Advice? Commiseration? Am I just being a jerk? </p>