https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 27 Apr 2026 06:04:05 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2863167 Fri, 21 Dec 2018 06:31:55 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2863167@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Hypatia: the way your ILs are treating your family is just crappy. Why would anyone make a small child feel unsafe, unloved, and fearful of their own parents? If you can leave and stay elsewhere I would do that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2863151 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 23:29:32 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2863151@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Hypatia: I don't have any advice, but I feel for you. At first I was thinking (hoping?) it was just a harmless comment, but if passive aggressive (or aggressive aggressive) is the norm with them, it probably wasn't just a silly comment. I've been on the receiving end of some passive aggressive comments and then if I vent to certain people they would say in this situation things like "well at least grandma is around and loves your child so much," which is true, but I don't get the need to undermine the parents to express that love. Anyway, I don't have advice. IL stuff I would make your dh handle, but that may or may not work in your situation. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2863145 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 22:10:55 +0000 SweetCaroline 2863145@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Hypatia: Man. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. You're not overreacting. I'm not sure what I would do, but my children would never ever be left alone with them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2863144 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 22:03:11 +0000 lady baltimore 2863144@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>While I agree with others that the first comment from your original post could be innocuous, coming from a grandmother to a grandchild (without all of the other complicated dynamic), it struck me as SUPER creepy coming from FiL ABOUT MiL. Like he was having to explain away some kind of negative interaction. Even without all of the other stuff, that would have me on high alert.</p> <p>I am so sorry you are having to deal with all of this! Families are crazy! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2863123 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 20:35:34 +0000 Sams Mom 2863123@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: justnoFIL is my people! It's sad and therapuetic knowing other people deal with the bullshit we do! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2863119 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 20:26:13 +0000 SweetiePie 2863119@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Hypatia: wow I just read your follow up comment to the original post, the CPS stuff.<br /> Sorry, that would be the end. Done. Bye bye. What is your husband’s opinion on this??? I would have found anywhere else to stay in the world besides their home.<br /> Unsupervised visits would be a no go AT A MINIMUM. That’s if I didn’t go totally NC. </p> <p>It actually doesn’t matter at all if anyone agrees or disagrees with spanking in this scenario. It is not illegal, it falls under the umbrella of parenting choices/styles. Therefore everything MIL has said to your kid or to others is a no go. </p> <p>If you haven’t already, check out JustnoMIL on reddit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2863109 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 20:07:24 +0000 Kaohinani 2863109@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: My mother has called my daughter her "second chance to make things right as a daughter" and refers to herself as "mama" when speaking to my children at times. My stepfather bandaids the issue and states that she is only reminiscent of when I was little and forgets that she is a nana. (I call bologna.) When she and I had an argument last year, THAT was one of the main things I discussed when we "kinda-sort of" made up (mind you she has never apologized) and she said that my daughter is SO much like her that she should have been her daughter. All I can say is that some people are a bit "offkilter" (eskew, perhaps?) in their perceptions and in what they say ... loved ones included. It is absolutely creepy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2863104 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 19:49:08 +0000 Sams Mom 2863104@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: I can tell you personally, it's creepy as fuck. My FIL spoke of picking my son up from daycare and raising him because we could never do as good of a job as he could. We weren't as well equipped as he was to raise our son. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2863084 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 19:18:42 +0000 LCTBQE 2863084@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also just how straight up creepy is it that she thinks your kid “should” be hers?? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2863083 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 19:16:51 +0000 LCTBQE 2863083@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, this is so fucked up. Like most pp’s I’m not too bothered by the first comment, but trying to make your own kid frightened of you by suggesting she’ll be subjected to physical violence (I know you don’t think of spanking that way, but they do and that’s how they discussed it with her) — this would merit no contact for me. But actually if it was me I’d have gone no contact way before, for me it would have been the second I heard the CPS comment: fuck that shit. Are you kidding me?! Is your husband alarmed by this? I think it would be a really good idea to start a log of all these incidents, retroactive stuff too, should you ever need it to convince your husband or anyone else that she’s toxic and crazy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2863073 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 18:20:54 +0000 bhbee 2863073@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is messed up and I’m sorry. I agree that without the context the first comment is kind of an eye roll ... it would annoy me for sure, my MIL drives me batty sometimes even without any malicious context. But yeah the whole context and that second part is nuts. I hope you and dh can be on the same page and figure it out together because you need that support person. I would at least say only short, supervised visits to cut the amount being said. Again just sorry you have to deal with this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2863070 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 18:18:55 +0000 mrs.kiwi 2863070@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Hypatia: the first comment wouldn’t bother me but after reading everything else.. yikes...</p> <p>I would want to protect my family from your mil. Personally I’m too chicken to cut off contact completely but I’d talk with DH and severely limit contact and maybe not be alone with them without DH present. This is what I would do but idk where your DH is at. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2863048 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 16:23:30 +0000 psw27 2863048@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think reading this in the context of a toxic, competitive relationship that has been cultivated by your MIL - both comments are inappropriate. </p> <p>I think the first comment is innocent - IF the person saying it and her accomplice are saying it innocently - I'm not sure that is the case with your FIL.</p> <p>The 2nd comment is highly inappropriate. Her disagreeing with your parenting choices and using your child as some sort of pawn to push her agenda is incredibly wrong. Your choice to spank might not be one that I or others agree with - however, manipulating a child like that makes me sick. She should be supporting your grandchild by supporting her parents, not making her fearful of them. We call this "grooming" in the legal world - just like someone coaching a child to lie about abuse would do. </p> <p>I would tell DH to deal with it and ask that he be quite specific about why and go radio silent. His parents, his problem. The mental warfare and tug of war they seem to be pushing onto your child is not acceptable. It's like they are setting her up to hate you someday so that they can be her favorite. So twisted. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2863043 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 16:12:37 +0000 SugarMaple 2863043@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with the others about "Grandma loves you more than she loves anybody else" as being just a oddly worded term of endearment. No biggie.</p> <p>Judging your parenting choices to you child about spanking would make me extremely upset. I would have DH have a conversation with ML about that one. Not cool. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2863023 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 15:30:43 +0000 Mrsbells 2863023@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also dont see her comment as being bad. Lots of grandparents say things like that to convey they really love their grandchild and its not in anyway to take away from the parents love. Telling him it was an awful thing to say in front of the child must be confusing for your child.<br /> I think your child will start to feel that she is being pulled in different directions especially with the you taking her upstairs to try to get more info about what happened. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2863015 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 15:05:12 +0000 irene 2863015@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Hypatia: Replying to your comment not the OP, is FIL evil too, or just MIL? And wow, are you sure she was telling people she'll call CPS if she knows she will get your DD?! Who would do that? Are you sure?</p> <p>Judging from your comment alone, I would not visit with them even if my house blew up. I am sorry, why would I stay with someone who tell everyone that they will call CPS on me and that my DD can not be mine because she is nothing like me?</p> <p>Replying to the OP though, however, if your FIL is not as crazy your MIL, I wouldn't take it that drastically though. I think he blurbed it out without processing oh wait, the mother probably loves her the most, then the father, then my wife lol. He didn't say remember Grandma loves you more than anyone in the world , even your own mom! So I don't think he did it to mean harm. Like you said, he's old afterall. Besides, don't worry, as long as you guys are not LIVING with them long term, kids' minds are not that easy to brain wash.</p> <p>Finally you gotta get your DH to step in. He needs to stand up for you. You can't fight them because apparently you are nobody in their eyes. He needs to.</p> <p>Hugs. I have a similar FIL so I can understand. He has literally whispered in my DS' ear IN MY PRESENCE : "do not listen to your mom. Don't listen to her. Ignore her." -- when I was just trying to tell him to stop playing with grandpa and eat his meal at the restaurant. I exploded. DH stands up for me always and we didn't visit them for at least a year afterwards. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2863010 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 14:59:36 +0000 erinbaderin 2863010@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm another person who would have taken it as "Grandma loves you more than she loves anybody else", but the second part, where it sounds like they're protecting your child from you and all the stuff about spanking, would have me seeing red. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2863007 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 14:50:29 +0000 SweetiePie 2863007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The initial comment you overheard from your father-in-law on its own wouldn’t bother me. But when I read the other things, your mother-in-law sounds like a real POS. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2863004 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 14:42:18 +0000 JJ2626 2863004@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn’t read the responses so I apologize if anyone said this, but I actually wouldn’t have interpreted the comment this way. I would have read it as your MIL loves LO more than she loves anyone else, not that no one else loves LO as much as MIL does. Make sense? That said, she still sounds crazy so this may just be one of many things that make it worth figuring out a new way of dealing with them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2863003 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 14:27:33 +0000 CatchAFallingStar 2863003@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Hypatia: I agree with the first two responses. I don’t hunk she meant it they way you took it. She wasn’t saying she loves her more than you or anyone else does. She was saying that she loves her more than she loves anyone else in her world. I think that’s sweet. </p> <p>I don’t agre with spanking at all...ever. I think it’s a form of physical abuse in any situation. So, I can’t comment much about that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2862998 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 13:18:24 +0000 cake2017 2862998@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn’t stay there much longer if we had other options. I agree the comments were inappropriate to your child and I would be upset. I would discuss this with DH and have him address the ILs. NC to me is extreme at this point only because I feel it needs to be addressed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2862996 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 13:06:13 +0000 JCCovi 2862996@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't read the other comments, but over the first comment "Grandma loves you most", I would be seriously annoyed and have a talk with Grandma about how inappropriate that was.</p> <p>Over the comments about spanking and protecting her from you, I would go no contact. No question. I would be upfront with her about why and I would set a plan in place so she can go back to supervised contact sometime in the future. However, I don't think I'd ever allow unsupervised contact after that. Talk about undermining parenting and messing with the kids head! I would be livid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2862992 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 12:31:31 +0000 Pollywog 2862992@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What @Adira said. Also, don't understand your dynamics, but I could see that a young child would be afraid of getting spanked because you're upset. Are you sure she didn't start it?</p> <p>Also, it's 5 days until Christmas. Can they fix your heat earlier to give you all some space? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2862983 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 12:09:00 +0000 Sams Mom 2862983@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Hypatia: I will preface this with we are NC with the ILs and we spank our son. My FIL is the NPD/Cluster B in our scenario</p> <p>I can see where your FILs statement could have been meant as "She loves you more than she loves anyone else" but if he's her enabler/codependent it could totally be "Grandma loves you more than anyone else loves you" and that would piss me off. My MIL was never really malicious and on my FIL's agenda with our son, so I'm not sure what I would recommend there.</p> <p>But the telling your child that you were going to spank her because you were mad at Grandma is asanine! F that shit! Making your child think that you would take anything out on her physically because you were mad at the Grandma needs to be nipped now. </p> <p>Talk to your husband, make sure you're on the same page, and then he should talk to them first. If they can't and won't straighten their shit out I would recommend not allowing unsupervised time with Grandma and Grandpa. If that doesn't help, then NC is an option. NC is a final resort though. There will be an extinction burst, there will be a lot of drama and problems until she accepts what has happened isn't in her control (will be hell and can take a while for an NPD).</p> <p>I hate my FIL more than I thought I could hate anyone, yet I still have emotional turmoil and conflict about cutting them out 100%. My husband choose NC, I supported him, and will until he decides otherwise (if ever)</p> <p>Sorry that was a wall of text, but boundaries need to be set and respected. If that isn't possible low contact to no contact is an option. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2862979 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 11:50:59 +0000 Mamatimes3 2862979@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That 1st comment wouldn’t bother me. I would have made an eye roll, laugh, and later told my kid that wasn’t true. It seems like just in general you have issues with your in-laws. Does your husband feel the same? Really it’s somerhing you need to agree on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2862978 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 11:48:48 +0000 pinkb 2862978@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So the first part of the story "grandma loves you more than anyone.." I took as Grandma loves her more than any other person in grandmas life. Not how you describe it as no one loves your DD more than grandma does. But after reading the rest I can see how it can be taken that way n your situation. I personally would limit exposure to MIL and FIL in this circumstance ( the ones described) , and especially not letting them watch the kids. Thats just me and what my choice would be. We have different issues with my MIL that has caused us to limit her time and exposure to our children. It is always supervised by DH ( I do not go, I am usually at work and even if not I choose not to go) and limited to small visits usually once every couple weeks even though we live in the same town. It is what we have deemed best for us as a family. I don't want to cut them out and would love for them to have a good relationship. I hope that one my kids get older they can make their own decisions about MIL and it not be skewed by my opinion of her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2862976 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 11:46:17 +0000 Mama Bird 2862976@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>OK, their telling your daughter that you're going to spank her because you're mad at FIL makes me sick to my stomach. I'm not a fan of bringing kids into adults' fights, but I think I'd break that rule a little and say something like "grandma and grandpa do love you, but unfortunately they lie sometimes... take the things they say with a grain of salt." </p> <p>And I hope you can put a lot of distance between your family and the in-laws... I've got way too much experience keeping my parents at an arm's length while making it look unintentional to avoid drama. It's exhausting, but better than too much closeness with toxic family members. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2862974 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 11:44:51 +0000 snowjewelz 2862974@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What's your husband's viewpoint of the constant "upmanship" and this whole situation so far (if you've told him)? I do agree that the phrase "love you more than anyone else" is not meant to harm, but given your history I understand why you're extra irked. </p> <p>I think your DH really needs to be dealing with them b/c if I am reading correctly, you and your husband are on the same page re: spanking so they're clearly including him as someone that would "hurt" your LO. It's one thing to not agree with spanking, but a whole other thing to say those things to your child. If they have such an issue with it, they should take it up with you or their son. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2862971 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 11:31:14 +0000 Hypatia 2862971@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LBee: Maybe I need to provide more context. MIL has narcissistic personality disorder. It isn’t just a little harmless “let grandma spoil her” type of stuff. I have proof that she’s been telling people we are negligent parents. She tells people that she feels like my daughter is her own, that she can’t be mine because she’s nothing like me. She has told someone that she would call CPS on us if she could be sure she’d get the kids. Al kinds of lies that aggrandize her as the only person who cares about our kids and paint us as horrible people. </p> <p>I just kept hoping she’d be happy telling other people these things, and not be bold / dumb enough to say them to our daughter, knowing it might get repeated back to us. My FIL is 77, and we don’t want to cut them out of our lives because it seems cruel. But I honestly don’t know how much more of this I can take. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-loves-you-more-than-anyone-in-the-whole-world#post-2862969 Thu, 20 Dec 2018 11:27:33 +0000 Adira 2862969@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think your view of the comment might be skewed based on your relationship with them. To me saying "Grandma loves you move than anyone in the whole world" doesn't mean that Grandma loves her more than you do, but that Grandma loves her more than she loves anyone else. That's how I would take it anyway.</p> <p>Now the comments about you spanking her are a whole other issue... I don't know if I can really comment since I don't agree with spanking for any reason, so my opinion of the situation might be skewed. </p>