https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Apr 2026 18:10:08 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-or-doula#post-139804 Fri, 27 Apr 2012 08:37:29 +0000 Weagle 139804@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a wonderful relationship with my mom, and I can't wait for her to be around for my recovery... but not the birth. There is no way that she could keep her emotions in check while I'm working for the non-medicated birth I hope to have. It would just be hard for her to see her child in pain. She would stress me out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-or-doula#post-139774 Fri, 27 Apr 2012 08:18:25 +0000 heffalump 139774@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think a plus about not having your mom there is that after the baby comes you get to spend time just the three of you, as your new family. If your mom is there, she's likely to want to scoop up your LO right away. </p> <p>Could you have both? Or have the doula and have your mom waiting there for backup if you want her? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-or-doula#post-139773 Fri, 27 Apr 2012 08:14:02 +0000 plaidpants 139773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pelikila: I agree! I didn't trust my mom to stay calm and I knew it would just make me really stressed out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-or-doula#post-139766 Fri, 27 Apr 2012 08:09:24 +0000 plaidpants 139766@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I used a doula for all the same reasons! Natural childbirth, laboring at home for as long as possible, having an advocate in the hospital, having someone there with lots of experience who knew the hospital, etc. </p> <p>It's a really personal decision, but I think it definitely made a difference in my delivery. I was lucky enough to have good nurses, but I was in labor for at least two shift changes, so I was glad to have someone with me the whole time who knew the hospital and who knew exactly what I wanted. She was also very respectful of my husband and she helped him support me, rather than just taking over herself sometimes. And I felt comfortable telling her when we wanted some alone time - I'm not sure I could say the same if it was my mom in the room!</p> <p>Also, my doula was a certified massage therapist so that was awesome! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-or-doula#post-139758 Fri, 27 Apr 2012 08:01:17 +0000 pelikila 139758@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My relationship with my mom is much more difficult/contentious than yours so I knew I didn't want her with me during labor and delivery. If you truly think your mom can keep a cool head and make decisions with your desires forefront in her mind rather than making decisions based on the fact that her daughter is in pain, then I say go with your mom. However, when we took our med-free focused child birth class, one of the students asked what the instructor (she was a registered L&amp;D nurse, mother of 2, certified lactation consultant, etc) thought about moms in the delivery room she cautioned that many moms, even moms that are professional nurses, forget their reasonability when they see their "baby" in pain and all of their knowledge and medical training goes out the window. If you really want a natural birth, that may be harder for your mom to support you on attaining or help you remember your desire for one if she struggles with seeing you in pain. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-or-doula#post-139750 Fri, 27 Apr 2012 07:43:37 +0000 chopsuey 139750@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom was a great cheerleader and I was happy to have her in the delivery room with us. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-or-doula#post-139742 Fri, 27 Apr 2012 07:24:09 +0000 ameals 139742@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Did anyone have a good experience using their mom (grandma-to-be) in lieu of a doula? </p> <p>I have a great relationship with my mom, we planned my wedding together with no problems and we are very like-minded. I only get two people in the labor room and when I mentioned that I'd met a doula I liked, my mom seemed disappointed. </p> <p>I was considering a doula since I'm using an OB/hospital but would like to try for a natural birth, plus it's my first baby. I am interested in having someone there to navigate the hospital for us and help me figure out what interventions I really need and which ones I may not (something I'm worried about). Also, I like the idea of having a part of my "team" there the whole time, no matter what nurses are on staff that day and since my dr probably won't show up till the end.</p> <p>Anyway, on the one hand I would like my mom to be there--she does comfort me a lot, she had three kids herself and I think she would be great at making friends with hospital staff, etc. Plus a doula is an extra expense we can barely afford. But I'm worried about losing someone with some more knowledge about medical procedures that can help me decide what I need. I'd like to labor at home as much as possible, and I wonder if a doula will have a better idea of when I need to go the hospital for real. I wonder if it's too much pressure on my mom to help me make those kinds of calls on her own. </p> <p>DH is wary of doulas (too "hippy" and expensive for him) but he's also a little worried my mom will take over his job (he likes her, btw, but a doula may be more aware of including him). He keeps saying whatever I want, but that's not helpful!</p> <p>Anyone have any advice on this? I am having a hard time figuring out what I want--I love the idea of a doula but I can't shake the feeling that I'm going to want my mom there! </p>