https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Apr 2026 16:30:53 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-visiting-vent#post-2878789 Sat, 30 Mar 2019 00:34:18 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2878789@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nana87: @Mrs. Lemon-Lime: No one ever talks about this kind of thing - it seems to isolating. Their behavior sucks, but thank you for sharing. It's nice to know I'm not alone. Hugs :bummed: </p> <p>@lamariniere: I meditated on what your wrote for the past 2 days and as much as I wish she is just oblivious, unfortunately, in my case, I think it's more than that. Hugs! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-visiting-vent#post-2878549 Thu, 28 Mar 2019 04:22:30 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2878549@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SugarplumsMom: that sucks especially since your LO really wants to see her grandma and that is really sweet! </p> <p>My mom is like that too. Just recently, she backed out of attending LO’s bday party. Her reason she thought the party was on his birthday (Easter Sunday). How could she though? I sent out STDs in September and their was discussion about why the party was the following weekend, I sent out additional reminders and then finally the invitation. Just READ. She’s working on-site about 5.5 hrs away and coming home for a month (45 minutes from where we live now actually). Anyway, she could have changed something on her end to be here that weekend- like push back the start of her travel home, but isn’t. Her consolation prize suggestion was “well, I was thinking your brother and I could do something ...” Umm, no. Let me stop you there. I’m not changing my plans (so many reasons) to accommodate two adults that have no decent excuse to miss his party besides poor planning. That’s the event they were invited to. I wouldn’t be so upset had she not RSVP’d yes just to tell me a week or two later she isn’t coming. Again, READ the date. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-visiting-vent#post-2878540 Wed, 27 Mar 2019 21:33:41 +0000 lamariniere 2878540@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I totally get it. We also live abroad and I would flip out on my dad if he were in the country and did not bother to see us. I actually flipped out on him once years ago back when I was single and he was in town, but only for like 5 hours. In my dad's case, he's not being inconsiderate, he's simply not thinking about it. Once we had a conversation, he totally came around to my point of view, but it literally hadn't occurred to him how I might feel about such a brief visit. I don't know if it's the same with you, but I sometimes feel like I have to be the logical parent with my dad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-visiting-vent#post-2878524 Wed, 27 Mar 2019 19:39:51 +0000 nana87 2878524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That really sucks. </p> <p>Different situation, but I can kind of commiserate. I'm trying really hard not to compare my mil with my parents, who are extremely involved and doting grandparents, and it's so hard not to just be constantly frustrated with her. For us, there's a weird mix of being uninterested and then guilt-tripping dh for not "letting" her have a comparable amount of time, but she makes barely any effort. like, she didn't even acknowledge lo2's bday, except on facebook, and then got annoyed with dh for not telling her that we'd changed our plans about having a joint party for our kids (she claimed she was "waiting" to get lo2 a gift when we had the party 6 weeks later, except we decided to make the party only for lo1 because of space constraints...) or when she is here, she'll barely engage with them--like she'll be playing games on her phone or napping the majority of the visit. And then constantly ask "when are you coming to visit next" She says she wants to help out when we need extra care (like when one of us is traveling or the kids' daycare is closed) but is totally useless and makes things more complicated. Plus if she helps we get the guilt-tripping about it and being in "debt" to her isn't worth it...I'm finding that the best way to handle her is to just lower my expectations </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-visiting-vent#post-2878520 Wed, 27 Mar 2019 19:08:27 +0000 psw27 2878520@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SugarplumsMom: hugs. I know it sucks. My brother hasn't met either of my kids and my parents choose to live in other states despite being well off and retired. :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-visiting-vent#post-2878519 Wed, 27 Mar 2019 19:01:10 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2878519@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catgirl: I'm pretty sure my mom will feel guilty in a few weeks and try to "make it up" with gifts. It really is sad. </p> <p>@psw27: Wise words. Thank you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-visiting-vent#post-2878446 Wed, 27 Mar 2019 12:53:37 +0000 catgirl 2878446@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SugarplumsMom: Not quite the same but I have a really bizarre relationship with my father (mostly due to my stepmother). We moved to our home state last summer and now live only 10 minutes from my father. He drives by our house at least three days a week. We have seen him three times in eight months. Last week was his birthday and DD made him a card. She asked if we could go to his house and I said no. She looked at me and said "Grandad doesn't want us at his house, does he? Did I do something?" It completely broke my heart and I don't know how to explain the twenty years of messed up history... My father spends a lot on gifts for her and is constantly spending money on her. But he can't be bothered to actually spend time with her, which is all she wants.</p> <p>All that to say, it sucks. And I'm sorry your mom is disappointing your daughter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-visiting-vent#post-2878435 Wed, 27 Mar 2019 12:08:13 +0000 psw27 2878435@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh. I'm sorry your mom is making your DD sad. That's the only part that would bother me. My only advice is that I've had to learn to let other people's decisions roll off my back even if I don't like or agree with them. Otherwise, I was spending too much time being disappointed over things I couldn't control. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-visiting-vent#post-2878420 Wed, 27 Mar 2019 11:17:43 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2878420@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH just got home from work and I told him about it. He teared up thinking about DD knowing that her grandma will be in the country, but won't be seeing her :crying: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-visiting-vent#post-2878410 Wed, 27 Mar 2019 10:13:09 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2878410@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@graceandjoy: @kiddosc: @macintosh: @Foodnerd81: Thanks mommas! I just needed to get this out somewhere. I decided to msg her exactly what DD said, which prompted her to call and by call, I mean video chat on IG 🙄. </p> <p>After talking to her, I don't think she ever really considered visiting us. Which immediately made me regret telling DD. After crying it out for a bit, I think I'm OK. I've known for some time that my mom isn't very motherly. Some moms plain ol suck and that's OK. Can't win them all :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-visiting-vent#post-2878403 Wed, 27 Mar 2019 09:33:28 +0000 Foodnerd81 2878403@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be upset, but also I try to just accept that parents can be crappy and inconsiderate. It’s their loss if they don’t have a good relationship with their grandkids. It’s tempting to get upset or compare it to other grandparents, resent that they don’t go out of their way more or help more, but it’s not going to change how they feel or behave. </p> <p>In the case if that trip coming up- I wouldn’t drive 3 hours each way to see someone for an afternoon. It’s just not worth it. I don’t know why I can let that crap roll off my back when other things piss me off so much. I just see so many friends get so upset by disappointing parents and I just would rather focus on the friend family I am building here. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-visiting-vent#post-2878401 Wed, 27 Mar 2019 09:26:54 +0000 macintosh 2878401@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SugarplumsMom: Your kiddo is right, but I know it makes you sad to hear her say that :bummed: </p> <p>This is totally a sore spot for me. My DH's father lives across the country and hasn't visited since right after DS was born. DS is almost 4 and he's obsessed with Grandma (my mom) who he sees multiple times per week and soon we will be living together. We tried to make sure DS talks to his Grandpa on the phone and sometimes he asks when is Grandpa coming over. It breaks my heart.</p> <p>DH also has a sister and 2 nieces who have never met DS. The sister came by herself when he was a baby but nothing since. We can't afford all the expenses to fly out there and DH's disability makes it extremely stressful for me to travel. Her family goes on lots of little trips to see their West coast family but nobody ever comes to see us :crying: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-visiting-vent#post-2878399 Wed, 27 Mar 2019 09:20:28 +0000 kiddosc 2878399@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be pretty upset about this. She obviously travels solo, so that's not the issue. I would be really hurt that she doesn't make coming to see her grandchild (EVER!) a priority. </p> <p>I really struggle that DH's parents barely ever come to see us. They only live a 2.5 hr flight away, but his Dad hasn't come since A was 8 months and she just turned 3. His mom usually makes it once a year, but last year she came on Mother's Day weekend when the very next weekend was E's birthday and party. Whenever we visit them they try to give us money to offset the cost of the visit... Keep your d*mn money and use it to come visit us! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-visiting-vent#post-2878385 Wed, 27 Mar 2019 08:24:57 +0000 graceandjoy 2878385@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SugarplumsMom: She should really hear it from your DD so she can get some perspective! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-visiting-vent#post-2878375 Wed, 27 Mar 2019 07:39:12 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2878375@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 6-yo just asked me if grandma is coming to see her. I blurted some sort of distraction side-story because the actual story is grandma is going on a cruise and will be visiting somewhere in the country for only 1 day. So no, she expects us to go and see her even though it takes 3-hrs one-way to travel where she is 🙄</p> <p>I had to explain that IF it's on a school day, we won't be able to see her. Then she asks about what day it will be and I don't know because grandma only told me in May. To which my kid responds, "she should really plan stuff early so we can see each other". She continues how she misses grandma and she's never seen her here only where grandma lives. This right here killed me.</p> <p>I should add that we live more than a transatlantic flight away from each other! And so far, we've only been the ones that's flown to visit her. My mom has only visited us before DD was born. DD is her only grandbaby :sad: </p> <p>Are your parents this inconsiderate? I understand that she's living life like a single person, but come on! </p>