https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 13 May 2026 12:15:26 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-1#post-1783196 Sat, 26 Jul 2014 18:56:48 +0000 Mrs. Bum 1783196@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-1#post-1783093 Sat, 26 Jul 2014 16:04:58 +0000 Ms.Mermaid 1783093@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do they know that you have a problem with their alcohol consumption? If they know that you have an issue with it, then I would point blank say, "you can't have her overnight unless you can promise that neither of you will drink when you have her" and then enforce that. </p> <p>If they don't know it's a problem to you, you can either start with that, "I don't know if the two of you realize how much you drink, but it makes me uncomfortable when you drink with my kid in your care." If they tell you that it's not a problem and they have it under control, you can tell them that's fine, you're not accusing them of being an alcoholic, but the rate at which they consume alcohol makes you uncomfortable and they do not get to say that it's not a problem just because they don't think it's a problem. </p> <p>Agreed that they are not entitled to overnights. They aren't going to change because you asked them to, but they might realize if they have to not drink for a night or two, that it's really hard for them to give up. (My dad is a recovering alcoholic and he wasn't willing to admit he had a drinking problem until he had to go a week without drinking.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-1#post-1783061 Sat, 26 Jul 2014 14:55:58 +0000 travelgirl1 1783061@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry you're dealing with this, I can see why it would be stressful and that you do want them to spend time together.</p> <p>But, ultimately, I would not let my LO sleep over in that situation and if my LO was upset with me about it that's okay, I expect her to be mad with me when I make decisions on her behalf sometimes. I also think that although grandparents might want sleepovers with grandchildren, they're not a right, they're a privilege, so shouldn't be expected, especially in difficult circumstances.</p> <p>I like @Applesandbananas: idea that your mom could stay at your house. Or, maybe you could stay at your parents' with LO too. </p> <p>Whatever you decide, good luck, it must be very difficult. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-1#post-1783051 Sat, 26 Jul 2014 14:43:00 +0000 deerylou 1783051@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would not be comfortable leaving my child unattended, under the care of known alcoholics. Emergencies can and do happen, and at least one adult caretaker always needs to be able to drive and otherwise respond accordingly in situations like that. It would be a non-issue for me; I couldn't even give it a go unless they were committed to sobriety. </p> <p>I'd probably have a heartfelt conversation with my parents and try to inspire some change in their lives - for their own health and well being, and their bonds with your children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-1#post-1783045 Sat, 26 Jul 2014 14:39:18 +0000 Sapphiresun 1783045@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@crystbum: Unfortunately when adults make decisions there's consequences, such as not being able to have overnights with their grandkids. I'd speak to them about not asking LO if she wants to spend the night, since it's not going to happen and it's unfair to get her all excited about it just for you to have to say no. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-1#post-1783034 Sat, 26 Jul 2014 14:31:16 +0000 Applesandbananas 1783034@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@crystbum: can you explain it to your mom and see what her reaction is? If she seems willing to be sober while responsible for your LO, then I think you could give her a chance. Maybe call and check in after bed time and see if she's sober and if not, go get your LO and put the kibosh on overnights. If you're not comfortable with that, what about having a girls night where you and your LO sleep over and then you're there to be the sober adult and your LO gets grandma time?</p> <p>Or, your mom could stay over at your house and get extra time with your LO!</p> <p>If you get push back at all, or just can't get comfortable, then tell them not to ask your LO if she want to stay over. That's not fair for them to put you in that position! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-1#post-1783028 Sat, 26 Jul 2014 14:22:08 +0000 Smurfette 1783028@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't let LO stay overnight. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-1#post-1783022 Sat, 26 Jul 2014 14:12:44 +0000 regberadaisy 1783022@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would not let my child stay overnight with alcoholics either. They want her to stay overnight so bad they need to prove to you they can abstain when they are responsible for her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-1#post-1783020 Sat, 26 Jul 2014 14:11:23 +0000 Mrs. Bum 1783020@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't wanna keep my girls from them and I don't. We visit often but steer clear from the spending the night. But of course now my lo is old enough that she want to stay there and when the ask her if she wants to of course she says yes. So that puts us in a tough position </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-1#post-1783016 Sat, 26 Jul 2014 14:07:54 +0000 singingbee 1783016@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@crystbum: I wouldn't be comfortable with my child staying overnight in that situation. It stinks, but I would rather be safe than sorry. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-1#post-1783015 Sat, 26 Jul 2014 14:07:17 +0000 Sapphiresun 1783015@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think when you're with them, note that you don't want them to get drunk around your kids. And if they do, leave.</p> <p>As for them staying with your parents I just wouldn't. If they ask why, tell them you're not comfortable with leaving your children with people who are potentially going to get intoxicated. There needs to be at least one sober adult with your children at all times and until it can be guaranteed that will happen, no baby sitting. I wouldn't trust them until they have a significant amount of time sober. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-1#post-1783014 Sat, 26 Jul 2014 14:06:25 +0000 Mrs. Bum 1783014@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>it's rough because my daughter and my mother actually have a very good bond they're very cute together and usually my mom won't drink until night time when lo is about to go down for bed </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-1#post-1783012 Sat, 26 Jul 2014 14:05:02 +0000 simplyfelicity 1783012@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @swedishfish. I am sorry you are going through this and I can see why you would be very concerned. I don't think this is one of those situations where you can make an innocuous comment and hope it "lands." You have to be painstakingly honest and decide if you trust them even if they have given their word.<br /> If they downright refuse, then that is that.<br /> It would be "easier" to avoid having them stay over but I can imagine them not being very happy about that for long.</p> <p>Once again, I am very sorry that you have to go through this but you are obviously making the right decisions for your kids. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-1#post-1783011 Sat, 26 Jul 2014 14:05:01 +0000 Mrs. Bum 1783011@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Applesandbananas: yes we hardly ever send her over and let her spend the night there. We come up with excuses. But lately they make it known to both my husband and I that they want to spend more time with her and have her overnight. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-1#post-1783009 Sat, 26 Jul 2014 14:01:14 +0000 Applesandbananas 1783009@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh that's tricky. Is there any way to get out of sending her over? Avoidance is usually my go-to in awkward situations. If they ask why she can't come, you would have an opening to explain being uncomfortable with their drinking. </p> <p>Are there a few reasons you could give for why you're uncomfortable? For me it would be that I would want there to always be someone sober to be able to take LO to the ER should something awful happen. Maybe explaining your discomfort would help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-1#post-1783005 Sat, 26 Jul 2014 13:56:38 +0000 swedishfish 1783005@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't trust alcoholics to watch my LO alone overnight. There are alcoholics in my family and they will never watch my LO alone. Unfortunately you can't change them. They have to want to change. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-1#post-1783002 Sat, 26 Jul 2014 13:53:09 +0000 Mrs. Bum 1783002@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How do I speak to my parents about not being comfortable with them drinking alcohol around my babies? Both are alcoholics and have been for many years and my lo is two, we also have a 3 month old. Mainly, we are not comfortable with them drinking when they have our 2 year old by themselves. When my husband and I are there with them it's fine. .to a point. But, if they want to keep her over night, we don't want drinking. </p>