https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 16 Apr 2026 16:27:51 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2617390 Wed, 07 Sep 2016 17:20:36 +0000 Boogs 2617390@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know exactly what you mean and this is something I have a hard time letting go of myself. Nothing is more frustrated when you prepare healthy options for your LO and they don't use it and just feed LO whatever they want. I've decided to more pick and choose my battles and one huge thing everyone knows is no soda. So, I might not fight about LO eating barely any real food and still getting treats like candy or cookies, but I do have to draw a hard line somewhere. I think when you give a little room and pick and choose things that are more important to you, it makes it easier for others to comply. They still get to "spoil" LO and you somewhat still get your way. So so hard, though, I completely understand where you're coming from. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2617036 Wed, 07 Sep 2016 08:31:14 +0000 Tanjowen 2617036@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catlady: I have a similar problem with my parents. My mom watches LO 1-2 times a week for me when I work, and I'm pretty sure he eats whatever he wants, which is crackers and cookies.</p> <p>I combat it by sending a fruit &amp; veggie heavy lunch and snacks, and also packing the amount of milk I want him to have in a day. That way I at least now it's getting balanced out and they can still spoil him. The only rule I ask them to follow is they can only give him water and the milk I send, no other drinks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2617032 Wed, 07 Sep 2016 08:24:19 +0000 Maysprout 2617032@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've spoken up about this even though we only see my parents for a weekend maybe once a month. I'm not super strict about sweets and if they have a happy meal once in awhile - ah well. But my parents were giving them sweets instead of dinner, then switched to several poscicles or like a shit ton of cookies after an incomplete meal plus Gatorade before bed. It made their behavior terrible and sleep impossible. It makes no logical sense to me why and not at all how they did things with us. </p> <p>But I just am the bad guy and say no and take things away when I'm around and set limits. I also have brought up a couple times I don't like having to become the bad guy when they're around - my kids are their first grandkids so i think they're trying to figure things out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2617019 Wed, 07 Sep 2016 08:05:20 +0000 LuLu Mom 2617019@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes we deal with this, and honestly we just let it go. We have a great relationship with both of parents. they both spoil our kids with treats when they are with them but I remember my grandparents doing the same thing and I turned out fine :) I know when they come home from grandma's house I have to 'deprogram" it and we can get back on track after a day or two. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2616928 Tue, 06 Sep 2016 20:58:28 +0000 catomd00 2616928@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>2-3x a month wouldn't be worth the argument for me, but it's your kid and your rules. However, it sounds like a lot of the reasoning behind it is more your own anxiety over the "what ifs", which is a different issue. I totally get why you're worrying about the things you are, but I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit that you're setting a solid foundation for healthy eating at home, so that going to grandmas every now and then isn't going to turn your kids into horrible eaters. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2616848 Tue, 06 Sep 2016 18:19:40 +0000 catlady 2616848@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: You know what's terrible? My dad is LO's dentist (and he knows she has cavities). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2616837 Tue, 06 Sep 2016 17:19:11 +0000 Mrsbells 2616837@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catlady: i completely understand your frustration. Its a very difficult position to be in. At the recommendation of LO's dentist I actually bought them approved treats they could give her such as only hershey kisses rather than the sticky chewier candies they were giving her. As well as packing her meals. Its not a situation you can ever fully control because like you said they dont take you seriously. But I told my parents the dentist wasnt happy with her teeth and they were really hurting her by giving her so many sweets and that seemed to hit home a bit </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2616830 Tue, 06 Sep 2016 16:59:31 +0000 hummusgirl 2616830@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the best way to prevent pickiness is to offer a variety of foods and not make value judgments about them. If you're offering healthy stuff 27 days out of the month and the other 3 they're eating junk, I think that's a pretty good ratio. :-) </p> <p>When we stayed at my MIL's house recently, LO had french toast for breakfast with nutella and M&amp;Ms! :shocked: He loved it and I think it added to the magic of grandma's. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2616779 Tue, 06 Sep 2016 15:37:42 +0000 catlady 2616779@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks all for your advice. I want to be clear that I am not someone who is 100% against treats and our LO is definitely not deprived. Everything in moderation. I'll probably say something to my dad but stop worrying about it as much unless LO starts to spend more time away from us.</p> <p>I think this all stems from my secret worry is that LO will end up like her first cousins, who refuse to eat anything except hot dogs, frozen waffles, and sweets. Actually DH's whole family is a mess with food. I think MIL is literally the only one on his side (other than DH himself) who has ever eaten a vegetable in my presence. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2616752 Tue, 06 Sep 2016 15:01:26 +0000 Mama Bird 2616752@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If it's not very often, it's probably more an annoyance than a health issue. Fending off tantrums about why this food is not served at home is no fun.</p> <p>For what it's worth, I usually don't worry about the occasional junk food, I have a neighbor that does this and we've had to argue over it. At one point B had a bad digestive problem that was made way worse by bread and cookies, and we had to make him eat veggies he hated for a month. If she invited him over I said he's not allowed to come till he has dinner at home. I didn't want to give the neighbor the gross details so she now seems to think I'm a little cuckoo, but who cares... he got better and that's what matters. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2616741 Tue, 06 Sep 2016 14:42:55 +0000 kiddosc 2616741@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: This! True healthy eating habits include learning to have treats and other junk foods in moderation. Saying your child can never eat a happy meal, or a popcicle is pretty extreme and I really just think you'll drive yourself crazy trying to maintain that. Especially as your child gets older and starts asking for some of those things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2616717 Tue, 06 Sep 2016 14:16:56 +0000 yoursilverlining 2616717@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Let it go; unless a happy meal once a month or so is the hill you want to die on with your inlaws. Just my 2 cents, but maintaining and fostering true healthy eating habits and relationships with food include "treats" and unhealthy foods too, so that it isn't forbidden fruit or something to be gorged on because you'll never get it again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2616711 Tue, 06 Sep 2016 14:11:27 +0000 AnnabelleG 2616711@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's tough and can be so stressful. My parents have also introduced foods we haven't given our toddler, and it's always a question of when to let it go and when to say something. In regards to food, I kind of treat it like I treat any major parenting choice (like sleep routine, screen time). When my mom became more of third caregiver than an occasional babysitter, we had a bigger conversation about parenting styles. She really doesn't like setting limits because she wants to keep my LO happy, but that doesn't work when they're together regularly. Whoever is helping you with your child (nanny, daycare providers, family members) need to respect your parenting choices. I think it's up to you to decide what's "regular care." Maybe 2-3x a month isn't, and so letting it go is totally fine! But if you're worried about it, talk to them. Maybe they also need other ideas about "spoiling" too, not just food based? Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2616710 Tue, 06 Sep 2016 14:09:37 +0000 lamariniere 2616710@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL feeds my kids food I don't approve of all the time (not just sugary snacks, but lunch and dinner foods I don't normally serve and juice all day). However, we only see my ILs a few times a year. It still really gets to me since I make a huge effort to feed them healthy, high quality food at home, but these days I try to look the other way and I don't say anything since visits are so infrequent. If we saw them often, I would definitely say something. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2616707 Tue, 06 Sep 2016 14:05:10 +0000 avivoca 2616707@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catlady: I can totally understand that. H eats pretty nutritious foods at daycare and at home, but she's super picky and sometimes all I can get in her are chicken nuggets (and only nuggets from CFA, she refuses all other nuggets). Often, she'll pick fruit for her side instead of fries too, so I feel better about getting the nuggets. Either way, I hope you are able to get on the same page with your parents and respecting your wishes for food. This is such a hard age and it's hard to get grandparents to adhere to what we say goes sometimes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2616705 Tue, 06 Sep 2016 14:04:33 +0000 Jess1483 2616705@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catlady: Since the issue seems to also be in the "power struggle" realm, I'll also mention what we've done with in-laws. It won't be totally relevant, because my in-laws are almost never alone with our kids, but we said something like<br /> "IL, we know you love the boys and we know you want to spoil them. Since you don't see them often, we want you to be able to spoil them, too! However, we are trying really hard to establish good eating habits. Please ask us before offering the boys treats. When they are older, it won't be as important, but for now, the number of treats they get really affects their day/eating habits/etc." Then we rewarded the heck out of MIL, who followed that rule, and restricted FIL, who didn't follow the rule. They seemed to both fall in line much better after that conversation.</p> <p>Again, perhaps not totally relevant, but it might help a bit? My ILs were relieved to know that we wanted them to be able to spoil the boys, but were able to accept our boundaries a bit more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2616702 Tue, 06 Sep 2016 13:59:32 +0000 Anagram 2616702@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>These threads always make me happy we have the grandparents (our parents) we do--they don't give our kids tons of junk--maybe a rare offer of ice cream or something when all the adults are having some, too. But not frequently and definitely not if I've said no! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2616697 Tue, 06 Sep 2016 13:53:09 +0000 pwnstar 2616697@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sunshine: It's so hard! I totally get that. And trust me, it was crazy uncomfortable to do it. Especially the first time. But it gets easier every time. And it also creates an environment where everyone knows who's in charge. I am direct but calm about it--like telling a grandparent that I have already made a decision and that I would appreciate if they would respect my decision and not contradict me in front of my kids. And then I change the subject and move on. It's been very effective. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2616695 Tue, 06 Sep 2016 13:52:13 +0000 catlady 2616695@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jess1483: The one treat thing is a good idea. I may try this with my dad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2616690 Tue, 06 Sep 2016 13:49:52 +0000 catlady 2616690@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@avivoca: Mostly just the sugar/junk aspect and the fact that I want to maintain her healthy eating habits and not pick up on the terrible habits of our family members (we have anorexia and extreme pickiness like FIL on one side and obesity on the other, so I just worry about this quite a bit).</p> <p>@Mrs. Sunshine: This drives me crazy and we go through this too (especially the comments about mommy/daddy being no fun). I'm sorry you have to deal with this every day.</p> <p>@pwnstar: I think maybe this is why the situation is starting to bug me. The "not respecting my parenting wishes" thing drives me nuts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2616678 Tue, 06 Sep 2016 13:43:47 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2616678@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pwnstar: you're right. I'm just not good with confrontation/don't want it to become a "thing" but you're totally right. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2616670 Tue, 06 Sep 2016 13:38:31 +0000 Jess1483 2616670@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At 2-3X a month, I'd probably let it go. My mom is with my boys 2-3X a week, and she follows my guidelines for treats (mostly). The biggest problem is what she sees as a treat v. what I see as a treat (to her, a granola bar with chocolate chips isn't a treat, it's just a granola bar.) But overall, she feeds them lots of fruits and vegetables, so I let those things go.</p> <p>My ILs see my boys only 2-3X a year, so we try to relax a bit more with them. But there's a power struggle issue there, too, so it's a bit more complicated.</p> <p>The thing that worked with my dad (who sees my boys about once a week) is telling him the boys could have one treat a day of his choosing, but that's it. Just the one. It means they end up with a pretty big treat, but at least there's only one (and my LOs have pretty good self-regulation and won't finish anything too big). He needs reminders, but generally if he can make a big deal of the one treat, he doesn't just give him crap all day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2616668 Tue, 06 Sep 2016 13:38:03 +0000 pwnstar 2616668@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sunshine: I address issues like that head on. I have straight up told family members not to contradict me in front of my kids. It clears things up quickly. Because frankly, that's complete bullshit. And as adults (and presumably parents themselves), they know better. They will do it for as long as you put up with it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2616661 Tue, 06 Sep 2016 13:32:23 +0000 pwnstar 2616661@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catlady: If it's about one meal or the occasional treat, I'd let it go. If it's about not respecting your wishes and instructions as a parent . . . ? No. Just no. Family members who can't be trusted to follow directions don't spend unsupervised time with our kids. Period. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2616651 Tue, 06 Sep 2016 13:28:51 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2616651@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes but for me the issue is that we see them everyday. Every. Single. Day. And they offer DD1 the food then say "ask your mom first" so then WTF am I supposed to do? I can always say no but that wouldn't go down well. My MIl is okay about it but FIL and my husbands grandma just shovel crap food down their throats and all 3 will make comments in from of my DD about how mommy is no fun or doesn't let her have things or I'm being unfair when I say no to marshmallows after a cookie or a second cookie or whatever. It is maddening. My DH is extremely picky and the claims are that DH never even drank water until he was a teen which is crazy insane to me. I don't know what to do. i have no advice just commiseration and maybe a little perspective about frequency. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2616646 Tue, 06 Sep 2016 13:25:50 +0000 psw27 2616646@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If it is only a few times a month, it probably wouldn't be a big deal to me.... Except if it was causing consistent problems at home - like tantrum meltdowns over cookies - then I would say something. Is your LO old enough to understand that those are "special treats" that she only gets with her grandparents? And I agree - the fact that they are introducing things to her that are causing issues is a problem (like chocolate milk - my kid doesn't know what that is and I want it to stay that way!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2616635 Tue, 06 Sep 2016 13:13:26 +0000 Shantuck 2616635@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If it's relatively infrequent, I'd probably let it go as well. I'd just explain to her that some of those things are special treats from grandma and grandpa and that we don't have those things at our house. I actually remember my grandma feeding me cookies for breakfast when she was in town and my grandfather on the other side bringing me to the grocery to let me pick out candy from the bulk candy bins. I remember those both being really special treats. I'm sure my mom was annoyed but I understood that those were not things that I would get to enjoy everyday and have really sweet memories of them spoiling me (my mom was a Jane Fonda workout fanatic and we were not allowed to even have sugary cereal much less cookies and candy regularly). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2616627 Tue, 06 Sep 2016 13:04:10 +0000 avivoca 2616627@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catlady: Do you avoid because it's too much sugar, or is there a dietary issue? If it's the latter, I'd definitely say something, but if it's just because you don't want her to have that much sugar, I'd make sure she knows that it's a special treat that she gets at Grandpa's house only. But I'm more lax about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2616626 Tue, 06 Sep 2016 13:02:18 +0000 Foodnerd81 2616626@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My dad likes to spoil her but we only see them a few times a year. He will also always ask before giving her something but I'm pretty lax with it since it's so rare. </p> <p>However we have things that are only at grandma and pop pops house. Like, only pop pop has special Cheerios (honey nut or other flavored ones), we can't get them at our house. So far she accepts that kind of thing. But they also are giving her sweetened Cheerios, not giant cookies and donuts, so not quite the same. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-and-unhealthy-food#post-2616624 Tue, 06 Sep 2016 13:00:34 +0000 petunia354 2616624@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, but DS is with my mom everyday so it was getting out of hand. I let it build up and then one day I totally snapped. He was having little cookies after lunch and then ice cream sandwiches in the afternoon every day on top of orange juice in the morning and yogurt with sprinkles for breakfast, it was getting out of control and affecting how he was eating at home. I think I needed to have that reaction for her to really understand how I felt and take me seriously. My DH is a little fanatical about what DS eats and trying to balance between him and my mom was getting difficult so I just had to put my foot down. It was hard to do, but completely worth it.</p> <p>If he only saw them occasionally then it would have been a non issue, I'm totally ok with treats now and then! </p>