https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 17 Apr 2026 09:09:15 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting/page/2#post-2706016 Sat, 04 Mar 2017 20:17:58 +0000 JennyD 2706016@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catlady: haha! This is what I started doing too. My mil likes to bring LO knock knacks from consignment stores and it kills me. And she knows it. So one day when she was giving DD yet another chipped porcelain puppy, she said (knowing full well I could hear her) "and your mom knows how to use the garbage if she needs to" 😂<br /> I totally appreciate that she understands how totally opposite we are on these things and has a sense of humour about it. So now I don't feel so bad about re-donating the knick knacks or a t-shirt I don't love </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting/page/2#post-2705357 Thu, 02 Mar 2017 22:28:46 +0000 caterw 2705357@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents and ILs can be guilty of this as well. I got my mom to stop buying crap by engaging her in my obsessive research for the "perfect thing"... she will spend a bunch of time on Pinterest looking at dollhouses or something of that nature after we have talked about what features/size/budget I am looking for. That way she can still "shop" without actually buying anything and she finds it to be fun.... And occasionally she refers to me as a "fun-sucking Grinch". But that's fine with me! </p> <p>My MIL doesn't take to this well. After many, many, many reminders about how we live in a small space and we don't want our children to be overwhelmed with things at Christmas, she got around our rules by buying them both a huge bag of gifts (each one got an outfit, stuffed animal, book, movie, and a couple trinkets) for THANKSGIVING. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting/page/2#post-2705345 Thu, 02 Mar 2017 22:03:02 +0000 Pollywog 2705345@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Here's how I tackle this, I give my mom one specific item that I need and send her on a mission. This month it is 24 month pants. Last month was pouches. She feels like she's helping (because she is) and doesn't feel the need to buy a ton of crap. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting#post-2705341 Thu, 02 Mar 2017 21:54:15 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2705341@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: I totally get where you're coming from. Our families both tend to buy a lot of "stuff", but they live states away so it doesn't happen often and my parents at least are good at taking direction (my mom send our 4 year old a book and when I told her he really liked it, she bought him the next 3 in the series). I also see what others are saying about not rocking the boat too much and how this is a "good" problem. It may be just me, but I don't know if I could leave something like this without a firmer boundary. One, I think it'll get harder over time to set a limit with them. Two, I'd carry around resentment, especially when my house was full of unwanted items. I think it's not crazy to have a conversation about setting limits on buying things, especially because they seem well-meaning. Acknowledging &amp; appreciating their attempts to "help" doesn't mean you can't also create some ground rules around it (maybe only a set number of new items in month, or they must check with you first, or none of XYZ items, or whatever else you feel strongly about) and then stick to it. I've had to tell my family before that certain gifts would not be used (an iPad for my 3 year old or a giant ride on toy with nowhere to put it) and I've kept smaller things in their packaging to donate to shelters or Toys for Tots. It's okay to respectfully set your boundaries :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting#post-2705251 Thu, 02 Mar 2017 17:55:25 +0000 Mrs.Pinecone316 2705251@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Even though these are nice problems to have I do see where you are coming from. My MIL is very similar. Loves to buy stuff and make stuff for my LO but never asks what her needs or wants or or size. A lot of stuff is the wrong size or season. She is obsessed with quilting and visits every other month and always bring a new quilt or quilted pillow or quilted something. Probably 25% of the stuff she buys are things I am happy about and the rest just seems so unnecessary and causes clutter and just a waste or money. Since she doesn't live here its easy for me to put stuff away, return things or donate. Its harder to be discrete for you since they are at your house weekly. </p> <p>I like the advice of just telling them you are decluttering and really need to cut back on the amount of stuff and stuff you are accumulating. Maybe just telling them you are going to start donating an item for every new thing thats brought in the house and that will get them to ease up a little? Its tough because they are being kind and generous but there needs to be a limit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting#post-2705126 Thu, 02 Mar 2017 14:23:14 +0000 DesertDreams88 2705126@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for all the replies. For now I've decided not to address it, my annoyances come in waves and it's just that there have been a LOT of purchases in the past two weeks. After reflecting, it's mainly the frequency that gets under my skin. If they saved their purchases for gift giving occasions, I'd feel a lot better. It doesn't matter now, but it has to stop as he gets older. They go shopping with him often and I don't want him to develop a spoiled attitude. </p> <p>@LindsayLou: @Mae: @Cole: @charlotte: @T.H.O.U.: @MrsSRS: Yeah, we have the conversation about clutter 1-2x a month. I've posted pics of his playroom on FB joking saying he can't even play in it because there's so many toys (it's true at times). I know they see it bc they're always commenting on his photos. I boxed up 5 of his 30+ toys a week ago and mentioned it to them, and they cheerily replied, "Time to go shopping!" and I said very seriously, "No, no, don't do that at all, he has more than enough." That convo has happened multiple times. I think their definition of clutter is different than my definition of clutter. They don't have to live here and they don't have to clean it up every night. </p> <p>@Banana330: @ottilie: @MrsSRS: Currently giving them things for their house is not a solution because LO never goes there - it is too far away on weekdays and weekends is our time. </p> <p>@katsupgirl: @T.H.O.U.: @erinbaderin: @bubblegum: @yoursilverlining: Yeah we tried re-direction after Christmas, before his birthday. It worked decently well. They haven't bought many toys lately - instead they've shifted towards "useful" items. I really would love for them to save their money on all the little stuff and help us buy the big things, like a bike trailer, water table, learning tower, etc. My fear is that they'd buy both the small AND big stuff. They don't have money to burn but they act like it. But I should try suggesting it... Easter is coming up. </p> <p>@2littlepumpkins: @charlotte: we don't have any more storage space. We have an entire garage wall full of his outgrown stuff, two dressers of current clothing, and two closets of toys (with shelves). for one, 13mo LO. :meh: </p> <p>@Cole: Yeah they totally see some things as needs. Sometimes I think they don't think our stuff is good enough, which is insulting, so that plays into this. I would rather have a few quality items that I researched. They would rather have a ton of items that require batteries or have ton </p> <p>@Mrs. Sketchbook: yes I definitely want to have these conversations. We need to get back to a relational place where we can talk like this, trying to empathize with each other without one side being defensive or interrupting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting#post-2704903 Thu, 02 Mar 2017 09:57:02 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2704903@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am reading this thread and it seems like most responses skew toward sparing the feelings of the buyer. I just wanted to throw something in that in the course of setting my boundaries I have had some really valuable conversations with my family that have deepened the relationship. Conservations about the value of gift giving, values we want to instill in our kids, and even what their childhood and experience parenting was like. If done sensitively and carefully there is a way to have this conversation that makes a space for their feelings and deepens the relationship. Just my two cents. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting#post-2704900 Thu, 02 Mar 2017 09:53:00 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2704900@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FancyGem: after many many difficult conservations with grandparents, many years of organizing toys, donating, decluttering, etc, my four year old asked me two weeks ago if he could donate his toys to someone who didn't have any. He said he was overwhelmed with all the toys. I got a hamper and he had it filled in a matter of minutes. I was so excited and happy he brought it up on his own. It may be impossible to change your parents. But it is totally possible for your kiddos to pick up on your good habits and stewardship of space! So just keep doing what you are doing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting#post-2704895 Thu, 02 Mar 2017 09:48:41 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2704895@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>After many years of this the boundary I set was, you can buy whatever you want but it stays at your house. The cleaning. I had to do to manage stuff I didn't buy was leading to resentment and eroding the relationship. Took a few tries to get the boundary to stick but now they get it. Last time we saw them they brought zero surpdises </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting#post-2704797 Thu, 02 Mar 2017 00:33:28 +0000 AprilFool 2704797@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, I would love if LOs grandparents lightened the load and bought any of that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting#post-2704792 Thu, 02 Mar 2017 00:04:25 +0000 ElbieKay 2704792@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think your feelings are perfectly valid. I would feel similarly. My parents watch my son twice per week and buy him more than I would like. I swear the toy cars in my house procreate while I am sleeping. We have so many.</p> <p>Before my son was born, I told all the grandparents that they are not allowed to buy him any gifts larger than a cubic foot without our prior approval. I used the fact that we live in apartment as my excuse. I know this annoys my mom, but that is her problem not mine.</p> <p>In this situation I would probably only use what you want. E.g., with the toothbrush you already have plenty so just put the extra one away and eventually you can either use or donate it. With the toys, put away anything that is not age appropriate, and consider rotating the age appropriate toys in and out of storage. You will feel like you have more control if you are curating the toy collection.</p> <p>If there is anything that you don't want your child to have, I think it is ok to say no thank you. I am not a fan of electronic toys, and when my son was an infant my parents bought him a "myPad" that was supposed to be this sort of baby iPad thing. I told them I didn't want any electronic toys and sent it back to their house.</p> <p>Just because they give you something does not mean you need to keep it, or keep it in active use in your home.</p> <p>In your case I would ask them to stop buying duplicate household supplies. That would drive me crazy because I prefer to curate my own household items.</p> <p>Personally clothes are the easiest for me to overlook because I can just choose to dress him in the clothing of my choice when I am with him. The drawer space is annoying but at least it's mostly out of sight.</p> <p>A gift is just that: a gift. The recipient can do with it as s/he likes. If they are giving these items with strings attached then you need to address that problem separately from the gifts themselves. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting#post-2704736 Wed, 01 Mar 2017 21:08:15 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2704736@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Since you are paying them to watch LO and they are spending it on things you don't want, like, or need for him is sort of a waste of your money. Idk, that's probably a bad way of thinking about it and getting more annoyed with the situation. If this was my family I would just have a direct conversation. If it were my IL I would probably just bite my tongue and find a way to reduce paying for his care. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting#post-2704628 Wed, 01 Mar 2017 16:24:01 +0000 pwnstar 2704628@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: I don't think it's trivial. At all. (And this is inspite of the fact that I wish I could rely on/trust my parents/ILs the way you do yours.) You are more than entitled to your feelings. We all have our soft spots/worries as parents. I think it's awesome that you recognize this and are looking for a way to deal with it. </p> <p>I think @LBee:'s advice is right on the money. Also, I deal with my family similarly to @Looch: in that I deal with issues head on to try to keep them from spiraling. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting#post-2704565 Wed, 01 Mar 2017 15:23:05 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2704565@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would just buy what you want and store away whatever's extra. I wouldn't bother arguing about it. The way I see it, a) it's not a big deal worth having an argument about and b) it's your house and your kid and you can buy and use what you want. If they choose to use "their" stuff then fine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting#post-2704551 Wed, 01 Mar 2017 15:12:51 +0000 MrsSRS 2704551@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL is the same. I thank her, keep the stuff for a while, then give it away. If she was in my home every day I think I would tell her first. Something like, "hey, I know you love shopping. We are so grateful for your thoughtful gifts. We've noticed that the kids play better and are happier when our house has minimal clutter so once every two weeks or so we will be giving away a bag of things we don't need. I just wanted you to know in case you wanted to save some of your shopping for Christmas and birthdays." Then I'd change the topic really fast: "LO, tell Grandma about the new park we went to!" Then I've told her and it's my house so I would get rod of things with a clear conscience. If she complained I would give her the bag instead of the consignment shop, "here, we had fun with these and they're ready to live at your house now. Thanks!" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting#post-2704498 Wed, 01 Mar 2017 14:32:42 +0000 shabang 2704498@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LBee: Good thoughts here. </p> <p>I've learned that you can't control the in laws. As hard as it may seem, try to channel Elsa on this one (let it go...) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting#post-2704474 Wed, 01 Mar 2017 14:07:44 +0000 youboots 2704474@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: great points. I think braking it down and picking the biggest issue is a good way to approach it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting#post-2704419 Wed, 01 Mar 2017 12:57:16 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2704419@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@charlotte: Agree with the "fun" of buying new things. </p> <p>Another suggestion, can you maybe research other fun things they could do together? Like have them buy a pass to the pool or to the zoo? Or to a movie? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting#post-2704418 Wed, 01 Mar 2017 12:55:57 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2704418@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I see 3 main issues here. Maybe breaking it down will help the conversation with them. </p> <p>1. You dont want to have your kids expect to have everything handed to them. New toys every week. A new toothbrush from the store just because they want it. Learning to wait and earn something is a valuable life lesson. Celebrating things like birthdays/holidays is only exciting when its different from every day. </p> <p>2. Clutter - It sounds like its getting to the point of too much stuff for your house. You should manage what you have in your house. Maybe ask them the next time they buy something to replace something else in the house with the new item. Maybe the old item goes to live at their house? </p> <p>3. You're the parent. I know how hard it is being a working parent and giving up control. So yes, you are missing out on a lot of things already with your kids (spending daily time with them) so yes picking out their toothbrush is a small control thing that you can handle. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting#post-2704416 Wed, 01 Mar 2017 12:54:50 +0000 FancyGem 2704416@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have asked them not to buy so many toys because my son doesn't like to put his toys away. He is old enough to know better. My family will buy toys for him to have at their house because they understand, but my in laws do not always listen. I will start getting rid of them soon because they seem to think it's cute to buy him things that adds clutter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting#post-2704414 Wed, 01 Mar 2017 12:49:38 +0000 Freckles 2704414@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the items you listed are pretty trivial. Grandparents love being able to buy things for their grandchildren, and i've learned to just go with it. It sounds like they do a lot for your family (regardless of whether they are paid or not) and i think commenting on trivial purchases like a magnet or toothbrush is just not worth it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting#post-2704407 Wed, 01 Mar 2017 12:35:49 +0000 GoGoSnoGirl 2704407@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: excessive gifting &amp; just general stuff buying drives me crazy. My IL's gift LO stuff every time they travel, and it's not just souvenirs, as sometimes they buy the stuff at home before they go somewhere. But other than a few mentions of wanting to simplify our space &amp; have less stuff, we just try to let it go. I do really like the idea @charlotte: had about cycling through things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting#post-2704390 Wed, 01 Mar 2017 11:49:52 +0000 charlotte 2704390@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If I was in your shoes, it would probably bother me too. I like to choose the things for my kids and I like to limit the clutter. I don't think your feelings are wrong at all. BUT. In this situation I can also see where they are coming from. Your son is a big part of their daily life and they probably feel like me when I go to Target. I'm bad about buying my son too many toys and things - just because I enjoy doing it. It is more fun to bring home a new toy and toothbrush for him than just toilet paper and wipes. I also like shopping but have everything I need for myself so the kids get too many things &lt;always trying to work on this. :) &gt;</p> <p>I would get a few baskets that can be stored out of sight or designate a couple of cabinets and keep the things in there so they can use them if they want but it won't bother you. You can tell them you are toy cycling and only keeping x,y,z out for now / keeping extra "supplies" (the toothbrushes, plates, etc) in one place so you know where to check the next time you need to swap those things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting#post-2704384 Wed, 01 Mar 2017 11:43:21 +0000 yerpie110 2704384@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL is like this, minus the childcare. Every time she visits, it's bags of toys, clothes, books, snacks, etc. for our girls. I think for her, she feels bad that she physically can't watch our children, and tries to make up for it by buying everything under the sun. I've spoken to her about it (politely), to no avail, and I've just let it go. It makes her happy and for me, it's not worth hurting my MIL's feelings over. I've just asked her to not show my daughter everything she buys (or else DD1 is going to want it all) when she comes in. I'll go through the bags and let my MIL give DD1 one item, which makes them both happy, and I go through the rest later. I either re-gift some items, sell, donate, or save for later. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting#post-2704381 Wed, 01 Mar 2017 11:34:49 +0000 gingerbebe 2704381@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had this problem with my mom and ultimately stopped using her for childcare. If you can't do that then I think you just let it go because it causes a lot of tension. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting#post-2704376 Wed, 01 Mar 2017 11:28:23 +0000 sauerkraut 2704376@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom watches both my sister's children and my baby, and she buys a lot of stuff. My sister has dealt by establishing a no-grandma-stuff-in-my-house rule, which she frequently breaks when grandma buys something she actually likes. I make frequent use of grandma-bought items, but if I prefer something different, I buy it for myself. If the grandma stuff starts feeling overwhelming, I just pack it up and put it away (or get rid of it if it's no longer useful). Grandma can take things out if she wants, but that doesn't mean I need to use them. My mother is a wonderfully giving person and is not offended by either of these arrangements. I think our situation works because no one is trying to control anyone else's behavior around baby stuff. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting#post-2704362 Wed, 01 Mar 2017 11:15:26 +0000 catlady 2704362@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have this issue to a lesser degree (plus grandparents don't provide care) and I've dealt with it in a few ways. First, I've nicely asked the grandparents to buy us less stuff, as our house is tiny and it's getting overrun with toys and kid clothes. That actually worked pretty well with MIL. My dad basically laughed at me and told me it was his job to spoil our kids, so I told him I'd start selling or donating the stuff he buys them if he goes overboard. He didn't seem to care, so I've begun actually doing it. Having done that, I've discovered that people don't really notice their gifts missing. I've donated or sold over half the clothes given to us for LO2 when he was born and for Christmas and it was so freeing. Granted, this may not work if your LO's grandparents are caretakers and want to see their stuff around the house. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting#post-2704340 Wed, 01 Mar 2017 10:47:09 +0000 youboots 2704340@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I totally understand because it feels so wasteful. my MIL can be like this- and honestly after using it for a bit they get donated to go to the consignment shop. I just can't deal with so much in my house. Kids need very little. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting#post-2704334 Wed, 01 Mar 2017 10:41:18 +0000 ottilie 2704334@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I let my parents and in-laws buy whatever they want for my son, but it is still hard for me sometimes. One thing is to suggest leaving toys/toothbrushes/plates at their house to be 'grandparent toys' or whatever (maybe hard if they are trying to move, but this is what we do). That way you aren't overwhelmed with stuff and there are fun things to do at their house. </p> <p>I would agree with people who said pick your battles, but I know it can be frustrating. I feel silly because I like saving my own money I guess, but I also like getting to pick out things for my son. I think it's fun to choose books or toys or whatever...even plates haha. And like you, nobody ever asks what he might want/need so it's not always the best choice. My husband has tried saying "we really don't have a lot of space" a couple of times, and they sort of listen to that.</p> <p>Or you could just sneakily hide/replace things they buy. We hide some of my son's toys just so he can have 'new' toys every few months (aka we cycle through things). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-keep-buying-everything-am-i-overreacting#post-2704251 Wed, 01 Mar 2017 09:32:36 +0000 yoursilverlining 2704251@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am in a somewhat similar situation, minus the grands providing childcare. My MIL is retired, well off and literally shops all day long, every day. LO is the only grandchild and our house is completely overrun with stuff. MIL buys LO multiple sets of new toys every week (we have dinner with her weekly), I could open a consignment shop with all the clothing (most still with tags on and brand new) she gives us that I can’t keep up with and she buys us stuff for our home that I often would rather buy so I had more of a decision in (i.e., bath mats, towels, rugs for the kitchen and other room, picture frames, etc.). </p> <p>Sometimes the gifting gets overwhelming. </p> <p>BUT – I echo other posters who have said this is a pick your battles situation. At the end of the day, can I put my foot down and tell her no more? Sure; but I risk hurting her feelings and creating drama and that’s just not worth it. I have worked for a while on directing and redirecting my MIL’s buying so that we end up with more things LO actually needs and wants, rather than just a general onslaught. I don’t believe that it’s my position to tell MIL how to spend her money though – instead, it’s just important for me to work with LO to have her understand how lucky she is to have so much. </p> <p>I will say, my LO is now 4.5 so this level of gifting from grandma has been the norm for a long time and LO does not have a preference for MIL or for her toys. She still gets excited about the stuff I buy her or that other people buy her. </p> <p>Join FB yard sale groups, start culling through toys and stuff and donating on a regular basis. One silverlining is you can deduct your charitable giving of toys, clothing, etc. on your taxes lol </p>