https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 18 Apr 2026 22:16:59 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery/page/2#post-2880479 Thu, 11 Apr 2019 15:39:30 +0000 foodiebee 2880479@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@crazydoglady: We just say that privately, not around her. As for DH being "the father," it always catches me so off-guard that I've never managed to say a word in response. Your MIL sounds similar to mine. I honestly think DH has more anxiety about it right now than I do, because like you and other posters have said, I do truly believe this will all calm down once everyone gets to settle into their new roles in the family dynamic. I think in the long run she's going to be a wonderful, doting grandma. I also agree that establishing boundaries will be helpful for everyone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery/page/2#post-2880472 Thu, 11 Apr 2019 15:02:53 +0000 PawPrints 2880472@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My kids have their own room at each grandparents' house, but they're local and sleepovers are happening at least once a month. Your situation sounds nuts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery/page/2#post-2880467 Thu, 11 Apr 2019 14:43:46 +0000 crazydoglady 2880467@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@foodiebee: So my MIL was a wee bit overwhelming (i.e. wanted to come to the hospital to help get us into the car, sent us an overwhelming amount of gifts, always wanted to see DS, was LIVID when my husband was unavailable by text for a few hours...ummm...I was giving birth...) I think a lot of it came from her anxiety and uncertainty about what it meant to become a grandmother and the role that she would play. I was very BEC with her and possessive of my son and afraid that this would be a big issue...but it wasn't. She did calm down BIG time once we hit our stride. DS (now 3.75) typically goes to her house one afternoon on the weekends. She often comes over for just a few minutes to hold baby girl (7 months.) She spoils them at Christmas, buys holiday outfits, etc. We just needed to map out our roles which happened naturally. </p> <p>I would start with boundaries now so they get used to following your lead (especially if they are reasonable people.) I would personally stop joking about the incubating "her baby" because it fuels the fire. I get that you might be saying it to exemplify how ridiculous her sentiments are, but to me, it doesn't seem like a good idea. When she mentions something about DH being the father, I would counter with how "yes and I am the mother and joint decisions will come from US." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery/page/2#post-2880448 Thu, 11 Apr 2019 13:20:37 +0000 Grace 2880448@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My aunt did this. I’m super jealous. Would be so handy. My mom got a playpen and we bought a second booster-high chair. And she has a bunch of toys/books for them. As for the separate room, just let her know that you are rooming in for the time being, but that eventually, you kid having their own room will be awesome (this coming from someone who has to put the pack and play right up against our bed and the older kid on the air mattress by the door). I would kill for a room to put the kids in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery/page/2#post-2880381 Thu, 11 Apr 2019 08:35:51 +0000 foodiebee 2880381@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bees_knees: @bhbee: Ohhh yeah, taking the baby out of sight would be a trigger for me, I think! My MIL is bursting with excitement, which is very sweet, but thrown in the mix are these weird comments like about how XYZ needs to happen "because the baby is DH's and DH is THE FATHER." (Her emphasis.) It always makes me think, "Okay so? What about that I'm the mother?" We half-joke that she thinks I'm incubating a baby solely for her, but it's the kind of joking that is tinged with anxiety! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery#post-2880354 Thu, 11 Apr 2019 00:00:27 +0000 bhbee 2880354@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bees_knees: haha been there ... my MIL is still bitter I think that she has to “share” DH with me ... I always think in my head she wants to get rid of me and take my place :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery#post-2880352 Wed, 10 Apr 2019 23:53:47 +0000 bees_knees 2880352@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bhbee: omg my MIL does this too! Drives me insane. She even does it with our toddlers/preschooler and finally DH had to tell her to knock it off because she was taking them out of sight in busy public places 🙄 I think she does it because she doesn’t like to share any attention? She also doesn’t know how to play with kids besides showing them videos on her phone so she isolates herself with them. </p> <p>Sorry. Sore subject 😂 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery#post-2880289 Wed, 10 Apr 2019 17:25:55 +0000 Alba4 2880289@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, but both sets of grandparents bought a crib so we wouldn’t have to lug ours every time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery#post-2880255 Wed, 10 Apr 2019 14:07:18 +0000 DillonLion 2880255@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My in-laws kept a lot of baby gear at their place, but it was usually some kind of hand me down thing from another family member. And they also kept LO for long stretches of time, 3 hours away, so it was needed. </p> <p>I think a full, decorated nursery would be a little weird, especially considering the frequency of your visits. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery#post-2880181 Wed, 10 Apr 2019 10:34:47 +0000 nana87 2880181@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Neither my parents nor in-laws did this, but mil bought a pack and play, and my mom would always borrow one and borrow car seats from my brother in advance of our visit so we wouldn't need to bring it, and she bought an inflatable toddler bed...but not a whole room! also my parents and in-laws have downsized since we've had kids, so having a full kid-room in an apt when it's only used a couple times per year is an excessive use of space! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery#post-2880169 Wed, 10 Apr 2019 09:33:19 +0000 MaryM 2880169@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I voted no. But MIL probably would have if I hadn't said "No thanks!" to her offer of two cribs from a coworker with twins who was moving. One for our house, one for hers! </p> <p>I freaked out a bit about it. She lives like 30 minutes from us. I couldn't fathom why she thought our kid needed a bed at her house. Even if we were asking her to watch him for a night, I feel like little kids do so much better in their own house and when it's so close, why wouldn't she come to us?</p> <p>He's over a year old now and I think DH has taken him to her house once. Otherwise, she's come to ours. And never overnight...so... </p> <p>Hopefully your MIL is excited and reality will soon set in! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery#post-2880168 Wed, 10 Apr 2019 09:32:42 +0000 bhbee 2880168@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I totally get your weird feelings about this even though I also think it’s well meaning. It’s funny your line about “like it’s her baby” because my MIL always does this thing when she holds a baby where she tucks them inward and walks out of the room and it always bugs me, like she is abducting my baby 😜 - 7+ years into parenting and still makes me feel weird! My MIL did not buy a ton for her own house because they have too much clutter to add anything, but she went crazy buying clothes and toys and such for a long time. It was her love language. It is definitely not mine, but it’s a good exercise in letting things go :happy: - my mom actually has way more gear but it doesn’t bother me because even though we only visit there 3 times a year, it all gets good use then (and most is picked up used). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery#post-2880137 Wed, 10 Apr 2019 06:47:44 +0000 Pumuckl 2880137@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well my MIL didn't totally outfit the nursery but she bought a crib, changing pad, bathing tub and some other utensils. We didn't visit too much either. But it was fun for her and it was nice for us to not having to bring all that stuff when visiting. </p> <p>Also I think it is just a way of showing how excited she is to start the next chapter of her life, which is being a grandparent. </p> <p>Also it might be a great chance/reason to her to start a do-over of her house ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery#post-2880081 Tue, 09 Apr 2019 17:25:44 +0000 PinkElephant 2880081@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can understand why you feel overwhelmed by this - I think whether or not it's creepy depends on your MIL's personality. Mostly I think it's super sweet and well intended - it shows her excitement. And she's probably planning it as a "grandkids room" for all future grandkids. She may cool it when she realizes how expensive a project it is to fully outfit a nursery! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery#post-2880042 Tue, 09 Apr 2019 14:53:53 +0000 Chuckles 2880042@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have to say that at first I thought, whoa that's excessive and would throw me off a little, too. My parents live nearby, babysit overnight once a month or so, and never set up a full nursery. They did get a pack and play and, I think, a booster seat, but that was it in terms of big supplies. They have tons of toys, of course.<br /> But then I thought about my MIL and how, even though we go and stay with her a few times a year (a 6 hour drive away), she made no effort to get anything for our son when he was little. We had to schlep the pack and play, high chair, toys, etc, in the car and it was such a pain. Plus it just really felt unwelcoming. So I would just try to be appreciative of your MIL's excitement, even if it seems unnecessary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery#post-2880038 Tue, 09 Apr 2019 14:48:24 +0000 Bluemasonjar 2880038@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL had a room for our nephews when they were little and she did the same thing in their new house for my boys. She started with a crib and changing table then added a toddler bed and 2 booster seats at the dining table. Honestly she keeps them a good bit and it makes it very nice when we go to visit that I don't have to bring as much with me. </p> <p>My parents live farther away and we only go there 1-2 times a year but both have a booster seat/high chair, pack n plays and toys. My Dad even bought an extra car seat because he likes to drive my older LO around. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery#post-2880033 Tue, 09 Apr 2019 14:22:11 +0000 JennyLayneAZ 2880033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I voted yes, but I really mean "sort of". My mom watched LO full time for us for the first year and a half and now 3 days a week, so she got a crib (hand me down from her coworker) and pack n play, but she just set it up beside the bed in the spare room, not in place of. She never got a changing table, she just changed her on the bed (with a towel beneath baby). I think doing a full nursery may be overkill, but I bet she's just excited for a grandbaby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery#post-2879958 Tue, 09 Apr 2019 10:24:38 +0000 Shantuck 2879958@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's sweet. Neither my parents nor my in-laws have an official room set up as a nursery but both sets have a high chair, crib, baby toys, baby feeding supplies, etc. It's so great not to have to lug stuff back and forth. I think it is sweet that she is already planning to take an active role as a grandparent. The crib my mom bought has already been used on at least 9 babies (my own, my sibling's, my cousin's, lent out to others, etc.). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery#post-2879936 Tue, 09 Apr 2019 08:57:29 +0000 BUNBUN 2879936@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My ILs got a bunch of hand-me-down stuff (travel crib, pnp, high chair, toys) from a friend who had it for her grandkids, but she stopped short of setting up a nursery because she knew that the baby was sleeping in our room at home for the first 6-12 months.<br /> FWIW, I think this is your MIL's excitement, and I think your SIL is getting the worst of it, haha! I might dissuade her from buying a crib and push for a convertible car seat so you don't have to lug that with you. Maybe a pnp because that's something you can take from room to room as needed. Emphasize that a crib takes up a lot of room but maybe suggest age appropriate toys or books. We have a library at our ILs and my parents' house so that DS has lots to read that seems new and exciting because he only sees those books twice a year - same with some of the toys.</p> <p>ETA: We live a 3hr flight from both sets of grandparents. Bath toys are great and "grow with them", as is a non-slip bath mat for kiddos. The high chair got used a lot, especially since they have nicer furniture that I didn't want to scratch up with a booster or travel chair. The pnp got used until he was 18 mo, but DS is big, you might use it longer. The car seat is the biggest convenience, I love not having to fly with a car seat, even though I have to reinstall it for them every. single. time. I picked out this one, and it's light enough for them to lug around and fits well in their cars<br /> <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B006PB2B6O/ref=oh_aui_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&#038;th=1" rel="nofollow">https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B006PB2B6O/ref=oh_aui_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&#038;th=1</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery#post-2879935 Tue, 09 Apr 2019 08:55:05 +0000 foodiebee 2879935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Love reading all these responses, all! So interesting to hear all the different ways things work for people.</p> <p>@Pollywog: DH was surprised that she hadn't opted for a car seat instead when I told him about this convo. They come to see us about four times a year (retired, way easier to travel all that way than it is for us with our jobs), so it makes a lot more sense for a car seat than a nursery.</p> <p>@Foodnerd81: Yep, DH is concerned about the optics of kicking his sister out of her room when she is over there alllll the time vs us. </p> <p>@SweetiePie: Hand-me-downs would make sense! One good result of this was me mentioning the convo to DH, who expressed how strongly he wants to room-in, something I didn't know before. </p> <p>@irene: I feel this way too. Her enthusiasm is uber sweet and is better than the alternative! But it's been so over the top that I worry her expectations will never be met. It's a lot to put on a kid who hasn't even been born yet. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery#post-2879883 Mon, 08 Apr 2019 22:50:06 +0000 Corduroy 2879883@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents set up my old drop side crib and what I think was my dad's playpen/death trap (with metal springs for entertainment). They've had the crib in my old room for 7 years now and it's probably been slept in a dozen nights between the four grandkids. My parents seem to love having it set up but new stuff doesn't sound so bad to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery#post-2879852 Mon, 08 Apr 2019 19:43:27 +0000 irene 2879852@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In a strange way I feel sorry for your MIL... She probably is expecting her world will change completely and she will see the baby a lot... and she is going to be so sad when the crib will be used once (or twice). Babies grow up so quickly, they won't be sleeping in a crib that long. But yes, I am with you, I'd feel weird too.</p> <p>In a way it'd make more sense if she creates a kid's room... that would last at least 10 years.... a nursery lasts ... hmm... 1 year.</p> <p>I do have to say, while my mom or my ILs didn't get a full nursery, they did buy things that makes absolutely no sense when you think logically. My FIL bought a tricycle when we visited years ago. DS was too young for it. ILs are in a different country and 4 hours of plane ride from us, we are not in a good relationship (he can not make it more obvious that I am not a part of the family amongst other things), so we visit them very very rarely. Ended up I don't even think DS ever used the tricycle. It is just their very intense love for your child shown physically - they don't know how else to express their love. I just have to remind myself that when DS have a family and have a baby I can't be doing that myself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery#post-2879851 Mon, 08 Apr 2019 19:37:34 +0000 pachamama 2879851@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>MILs plans are a little much but as I like to say, it's kind of a "positive problem" 😊 babies bring such joy to families, something i didn't understand til I had babies myself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery#post-2879850 Mon, 08 Apr 2019 19:34:23 +0000 brownepiano 2879850@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In-laws are close by (one hour away) and they got a packnplay, high chair, plastic dishes, toys, etc which changed as the kids have aged. </p> <p>What I don't get is they live in a 4 bedroom house, none of the kids live at home anymore but we all visit and DS has stayed over for the weekend several times, and every time he just stays in their room... Not one of the 3 other rooms! I kind of wish they had turned one of the other rooms into a "kid" room but maybe someday. </p> <p>I think a full nursery is overboard, but probably will turn into a full kids room which is awesome. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery#post-2879846 Mon, 08 Apr 2019 19:10:22 +0000 Jennibenni 2879846@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it is a little weird since you live far away and won't be there often. It would be less odd if they were going to be babysitting a lot or something. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery#post-2879845 Mon, 08 Apr 2019 19:07:28 +0000 lamariniere 2879845@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL did, but she watched one of my nephews (same age as my DS) at least twice a week when he was a baby, and then his little brother, so it wasn’t weird. We actually moved in with them for 9 months when my DS was just over a year old, so it was nice that she already had everything. Maybe it’s a little strange since you don’t see her often, but I wouldn’t overthink it too much, she’s probably just excited to have a grand baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery#post-2879844 Mon, 08 Apr 2019 19:00:26 +0000 SweetiePie 2879844@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL did. I thought it was super bizarre. But she used all hand-me-down stuff from a family friend (who we know). So it was sort of like she was offered the stuff, she figured why not, so she did it.<br /> They live 1.5 hours away. I think she also thought our kid(s) would be staying there way more than they do. Meanwhile our first son didn’t stay there overnight until he was like 3! And not in a crib anymore.<br /> She ended up having a 2nd grandson (my BILs) and she does watch him regularly in her home so it ended up getting a lot of use. And now I figure that if we’re there for a holiday our 2nd baby can nap there. But he’s 13 months and that has yet to happen. </p> <p>So. I agree it’s weird. And especially weird that you’re 8 hours away. I would have DH tell her it’s totally unnecessary because of how infrequently you visit. And her daughter still uses it. And youre more than happy to roomshare when you do visit (and in fact prefer it, say it like that). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery#post-2879843 Mon, 08 Apr 2019 18:59:06 +0000 Pollywog 2879843@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My m bought a pack n play, car seat, high chair, learning tower,play house, and a toy chest full of toys. I judge,but it's a good compromise because her first choice would be to buy everything for our house.</p> <p>My MIL bought a new crib for her first grandchild. The only one to have ever used it was #11 about 16 years later for a nap. She also has a fair number of toys she's saved and a high chair. And car seats in her van.</p> <p>Honestly, I'd say to skip the crib and ask for her to get a car seat, especially if you fly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery#post-2879841 Mon, 08 Apr 2019 18:26:32 +0000 erinbaderin 2879841@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I voted other, because my parents did buy a secondhand crib that we’ve used with both kids - they’re about four hours away and we visit probably four or five times a year for a few nights at a time. I definitely appreciate it, because it feels like a more comfortable bed and it means we don’t have to pack as much. They’ve also bought some toys and stuff at garage sales. It’s nice for the kids to have some things they’re not used to when they visit.</p> <p>Oh, and my mom has her own high chair from when she was a baby, which her father actually made, and she insisted it was safe and I spent every meal petrified that it was going to collapse in a pile of kindling. I was pretty happy when the boys got too big for it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-making-their-own-nursery#post-2879838 Mon, 08 Apr 2019 18:11:41 +0000 snarkybiochemist 2879838@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents have used the same crib and high chair for all 4 of their grandkids and just keep them stored when not in use. They have not set up an actual nursery. My MIL borrowed a few things from her niece who had a baby a few years ago but not a pack n play/crib so we do still travel with that and we see her once a month or so. </p>