https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 06 Jun 2026 17:06:21 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854692 Sat, 03 Nov 2018 20:02:54 +0000 rpparker 2854692@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I made it to my parent’s home and back without the baby coming! It was a good visit, very emotional but overall a good first step in wrapping our heads around the whole thing. We have been able to pretty much map out his entire weekend and all his friends said he was so happy.</p> <p>I told my doctor I was really worried about repeating some postpartum issues I had with DD1 on top of what would be a hard year and he was very kind and confident that we would hit this head on with whatever combination I needed of therapy, meds, etc. so I’m relieved that he wants to be proactive. And he did an “extra” ultrasound to give us a little happy this week. </p> <p> @Mrs. Lemon-Lime: We got so tickled last night looking at pictures. We shared some hard and emotional stories and some really funny ones! </p> <p>@autumnleaves: I can see that. I could almost tell myself that he was out of town or on an errand this weekend but I can’t do that 6 months from now.</p> <p> @Amorini: Totally agree that it pops up at random times. Like seeing his handwriting on a note at the house killed me but I was able to go through pictures fine. Music will have to come later bc it was a big part of life with him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854349 Thu, 01 Nov 2018 20:05:53 +0000 Amorini 2854349@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rpparker: I’m so sorry. It’s such an emotional time in pregnancy anyway. When I was at that point, I dealt with happy/sad conflicting feelings even without dealing with a death of a close family member. You are doing all of the right things: reaching out, building and prepping for a support system/therapist, trying to make room for all of the feelings to exist at the same time. Having a small child while grieving can be tricky. You prioritize the little one out of necessity and yet, if you‘re like me, it can keep the grieving process from settling in. I have found that grief is tricky in that it is on it’s own schedule. It pops up at the most random time. So just hang on and allow it to move through you. Sadness and happiness can co-exist within us.</p> <p>My brother died unexpectedly almost exactly a year ago to the day which timed with the season of DS’s first birthday, many other birthdays on DH’s side and also Halloween. So it’s a weird time of year now. We will always be celebrating birthdays and having fun with Halloween while my half of the family is thinking about my brother who died too young. Sometimes I wish the world could just stop so we could be quiet again like we were as a family those first few days. We were apart and connected by posting YouTube songs that reminded us of him. Just before reading your message here, one of my family members posted a compilation of all of those songs. After this experience, I have found that music is a good way of uniting people emotionally at a distance and a good way of accessing deep feelings. Peace to you and your family. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854338 Thu, 01 Nov 2018 18:51:11 +0000 autumnleaves 2854338@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rpparker: @newlypregnantlady: I am so sorry for your losses. :heart:<br /> I lost my mom earlier this year and so far the more time passes, I do not feel better. Yesterday was hard for me - I miss the text messages, sharing photos with her, talking with her and it was especially hard on Halloween. I hate that she doesn't get to see me be a mom or watch my boys grow up but hopefully I will be the mom that she was to me for them. I have to focus on the time I had with her and not the time I don't. Some days are easier than others. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854249 Thu, 01 Nov 2018 12:13:11 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2854249@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rpparker: kip for a middle is adorable </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854230 Thu, 01 Nov 2018 09:18:01 +0000 LCTBQE 2854230@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rpparker: @newlypregnantlady: I'm so, so sorry for your losses :heart: :heart: no advice but you both sound so strong. hugs. </p> <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854216 Thu, 01 Nov 2018 06:54:19 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2854216@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rpparker: I totally get what you said. initially I was mourning the loss that LO wouldn’t even begin to appreciate and understand. I think it helped me cope by channeling my sadness, but it didn’t take long for me to feel all the feels about what my dad meant to me. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. As our family shared stories we laughed and lovingly teased his quirks and realized he was really one of a kind.</p> <p>@newlypregnantlady: I’m so sorry. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854214 Thu, 01 Nov 2018 06:14:32 +0000 rpparker 2854214@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jennlin821: That's a good idea. We all had a very specific relationship with my dad so I think writing out kind of our story or his life as I see it would be very beneficial. </p> <p>@newlypregnantlady: Thanks for sharing. That seems very difficult. He had all his affairs in order but there is still a lot of business that you have to deal with and balancing that with emotional grief is hard. Will be thinking of you as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854202 Wed, 31 Oct 2018 23:23:21 +0000 newlypregnantlady 2854202@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m not in the exact same situation but my father passed last week and I SAH with my 3 and 1 year old. I’m not sure if I have any advice because I’m still so in it that it’s so overwhelming. My father was my mother’s caregiver and so we’re so focused on figuring out life insurance info and long term care for my mom that I am just totally emotionally closed off. </p> <p>I’ll just say that I keep telling myself that there’s no wrong way to grieve and no wrong feelings to feel. Lately I am just as angry at my father as I am devastated that he’s gone. I keep thinking about my children not knowing him. And how he was the rock for our family. My 3 year old keeps asking where he is when we go see my mom. It’s so hard. Good luck. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854172 Wed, 31 Oct 2018 14:27:45 +0000 jennlin821 2854172@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rpparker: I had a coworker whose child was named Kipton and they called him Kip. I think its a gender neutral name you could even change the vowels a bit to Kipten/Kiptan. </p> <p>I think Camille Kip is adorable, I just wanted to give you another middle name solution: Camille Kiptan or even switch them around to Kiptan Camille. </p> <p>Hang in there and post as often as you need. </p> <p>My grandmother passed suddenly when DD was 6mo old and it was tough. I wrote the eulogy and that was very cathartic. I had to process through her life - child through being a great-grandmother which helped me streamline my thoughts and memories.<br /> So perhaps writing something like that could help you? Even if you never share it out loud, it could help you process the different versions of him you are grieving. </p> <p> :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854168 Wed, 31 Oct 2018 14:10:50 +0000 BadgerMom 2854168@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so so very sorry for your loss. :heart: </p> <p>I think using Kip as a middle name sounds like a great idea! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854166 Wed, 31 Oct 2018 13:57:58 +0000 rpparker 2854166@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@agold: thank you! We have realized just these few days that he did provide a beautiful life for us because of his hard work. </p> <p>@ChiCalGoBee: @Mrs. Champagne: Pearl is growing on me! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854164 Wed, 31 Oct 2018 13:55:28 +0000 rpparker 2854164@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsMom: Thank you. I came into work for a few hours and laughed with a co-worker and that felt super good. But then you feel bad for laughing. Grief sucks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854163 Wed, 31 Oct 2018 13:54:00 +0000 rpparker 2854163@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hitchhiker: Thank you for that. We will have to make an effort to make him a part of her life even if it isn't in the way I initially thought. My 3 yo DD has seen me cry and I just tell her I'm sad and going to miss him so trying to be honest but keep in light. I think Halloween has been an easy distraction for me and her and my MIL watching her some this weekend will help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854162 Wed, 31 Oct 2018 13:48:55 +0000 rpparker 2854162@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: @lioneyes: thank you </p> <p>@muffinsmuffins: He really was special, thank you! Agreed, someone told me that losing my dad will always be apart of this new baby's story and that's ok. I emailed my brothers and my mom this morning asking (begging) that I start taking the lead on planning the memorial. Having something that feels like my "job" and that I can do from home and that gives me something to look forward to will be good for me. </p> <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Oh I love the story about the book. My DD has very specific things that she did with my dad like being at the beach so I'm hoping that we can keep those positive memories and traditions alive. It's funny though, I keep thinking about losing my dad as a grandfather for my girls and how he fit into my life currently. I haven't even started thinking about him as my dad growing up. Not even sure that makes sense but it's almost like two parts to him I have to grieve.<br /> @Mrs. Champagne: We actually called him "Kip"! It was a nickname he had his whole life. His dad went by Earl, my brother is also William Earl but goes by Bill. I do like Willa! A friend at work just suggest Camille Kip and I'm kind of loving it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854160 Wed, 31 Oct 2018 13:46:33 +0000 ChiCalGoBee 2854160@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rpparker: I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. :heart: Echoing a previous poster, I think Camille Pearl would be a beautiful ode to him. A variation of his name at the center of your daughter's. Sending love during this difficult time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854158 Wed, 31 Oct 2018 13:32:52 +0000 agold 2854158@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry for your loss. Your family seems beautiful, as does your dad in particular. I hope you find some comfort in these new chapters in your life soon. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854157 Wed, 31 Oct 2018 13:15:32 +0000 MrsMom 2854157@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so so sorry for your sudden loss. :heart: Know there is no wrong way to feel right now. Emotions are funny things and will hit you at unexpected times. You might cry when you're supposed to laugh and laugh when you should cry. But know none of it is wrong. I hope you can see your mom soon and that it helps. You are in my thoughts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854153 Wed, 31 Oct 2018 12:46:31 +0000 Mrsbells 2854153@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So sorry for your loss :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854152 Wed, 31 Oct 2018 12:43:05 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2854152@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m so sorry for your sudden loss. My dad passed away three months ago and making arrangements for his funeral fell primarily on me. When the last event took place I was really able to start reflecting on his passing and how ode without him would be. Therapy is a great place to start. My therapist really helped me move past some of the anger and regret that I was feeling. </p> <p>My LO is 2 and fondly remembers my dad and still speaks about him. Yesterday, we were going over boys vs girls and their anatomy. LO correctly categorized Papi as a boy. Sometimes I find myself wishing I could call or email him and share what’s new with LO because he would be so interested and amazed. The other night LO and I read Where the Wild Things Are using the copy I had as a little girl that my dad read me. Flipping through the pages he once touched brought tears to my eyes. As we read the book for the third time in a row and LO repeated the story with the same enthusiasm I read it brought me joy. I thought this must have been how my dad felt when I enjoyed the book with him. Overall parenting LO even during my grief hasn’t diminished the love and care and happiness I feel around LO though at times it reminds me of what LO and I both have lost.</p> <p>Do you have things from your dad you can pass onto your LO? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854151 Wed, 31 Oct 2018 12:28:02 +0000 hitchhiker 2854151@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry for your loss. It is such tough timing.</p> <p>My mom lost her mom unexpectedly when my younger sister was 6 months old. I know she had a hard time dealing with the loss. I was 4 at the time and still remember her crying a lot and it being a bit of a somber time. But I think this has had very little impact on me long term, and even less on my sister. So I don't think you should worry about the impact on the baby. Just do the best you can to enjoy her. </p> <p>I also strongly believe in the power of testifying about loved ones who have passed, as @Sams Mom mentioned. My mom is particularly good about this, so I have strong feelings about and connections to my Grandma, even though I don't think I have any true memories of her. I even remember her birthday every year. </p> <p>What about Willa for a middle name? We considered it to honor my dad's middle name, which is Willis. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854145 Wed, 31 Oct 2018 11:59:43 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2854145@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you can spend some time with your mom ASAP. </p> <p>Willa could be a girl version of william? Did he go by William, will, bill? Billy could be a cute middle for a girl if he used that. Or add a P to earl for pearl?<br /> Hugs to you ❤️❤️ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854143 Wed, 31 Oct 2018 11:48:22 +0000 snarkybiochemist 2854143@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rpparker: so hard but it was worth it. I decided to wait until my husband had gone home and it was perfect that way, but you might want more support. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854142 Wed, 31 Oct 2018 11:44:36 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2854142@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so very sorry for the loss of your dad. Your post made me teary as he sounds very special. </p> <p>My situation isn’t the same but I lost my very very special grandpa October 1st this year when my son was only 3 weeks old. The conflicting emotions are horrible and I am still struggling, especially at night when I’m up with him and alone and grieving, thinking my grandpa never got to meet my son and all the things we regret didn’t happen or won’t happen now. My mom and grandma are devastated even though it was a lengthy illness that we knew was terminal. I can’t imagine it being sudden like with your dad but take comfort he didn’t suffer as you said. I was actually going to go visit but he died the day before I went.</p> <p>I’m 3.5 hrs away from my family and the only thing that helped was texting my mom and grandma everyday, helping plan the services as best I could from afar, and coming to terms with the fact that I can’t be there right now and it’s ok. I did feel very isolated and torn but we did all make it for the memorial and my kids brought joy to an otherwise horrible day. </p> <p>My mom said to me that we will never forget that we got our son but lost my grandpa within weeks of each other. That helped me reframe it almost that it’s ok to have one amazing event and one terrible event and that’s how life goes. I think accepting your limits and not forcing anything on yourself is the only way right now.</p> <p>Side note: what about Willa? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854141 Wed, 31 Oct 2018 11:29:15 +0000 lioneyes 2854141@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so so sorry for your loss. You are very much in my thoughts right now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854140 Wed, 31 Oct 2018 11:25:14 +0000 snowjewelz 2854140@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so so so sorry. I teared up reading this because it must have been so hard to loose your dad completely unexpected, and then you can't even join your family in grieving together, and of course, being ready to give birth any moment and having ALL these conflicting emotions. Just take it one day at a time and don't feel guilty about any way you're feeling, happy or sad. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854139 Wed, 31 Oct 2018 11:24:54 +0000 rpparker 2854139@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@peaches1038: Thank you, good reminder that there is no right or wrong way to do this.</p> <p>@Sams Mom: That quote is amazing. My dad wasn't religious but I'd like to think that he has crossed paths with my daughter in some way these past few days. </p> <p>@Mama Bird: Yes, my husband was off the past two days and my MIL is coming today to help with our 3 yo DD and be "on call" for any baby stuff. She will keep DD so I can hopefully meet up with my mom. That's who I really feel like I need to be with right now. Thank you for saying that even if I'm sad the baby won't have some crazy long term suffering for it. I really really want to use a name but he was William Earl so it's been hard to think of a female fit. We had planned to name her Camille Blake (Blake after my DH's grandfather) and I keep trying Camille Earl but it just feels like I'm forcing it. </p> <p>@snarkybiochemist: Oh I love that idea. I just ordered a large print of him for the nursery but actually saying an introduction out loud seems like it would be incredibly hard but super healing. Thank you.</p> <p>@RonjaL7: My mom and brother did facetime me as they were sitting outside watching the sunset and it was great...then people starting beeping in and reception got bad so I cut it short. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854138 Wed, 31 Oct 2018 11:11:45 +0000 snarkybiochemist 2854138@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry for your loss. My situation was not the same but I will offer this up I lost my dad 3.5 years before E was born the second night we were in the hospital and after she had met all her living grandparents I introduced her to my dad it was hard and I cried (hell I am tearing up remembering doing it) but it felt good to me. Do what feels right to you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854137 Wed, 31 Oct 2018 11:09:25 +0000 Mama Bird 2854137@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh no, you too... I'm so sorry. Such awful timing. But yes, it's good that to the last, he was able to do what he loves. Is anyone with you now?</p> <p>I don't think it's really possible to feel happy right now. Don't push yourself into it. Your baby won't lack for love even if you're sad, there will be plenty of time later to focus just on them and celebrate them. Also, I don't know if you have any tradition of naming a child after the departed, but if you feel it helps... just putting the idea out there. </p> <p>Just lost my grandma. She's been in a long decline since my grandpa died, and I'm not sure if I should mourn or be relieved that it's all over. There was a cognitive decline too, so I've been missing her so much for a few years now. If there's any kind of afterlife, they're probably together now and I can't bring myself to feel sad about that. It's all so confusing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854133 Wed, 31 Oct 2018 10:35:43 +0000 RonjaL7 2854133@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry for your loss. Perhaps you can do some facetime with the family using an electronic media. Even just propping an ipad up in the corner of the room might make it feel like you are there.</p> <p>I think a therapist is definitely on the right track.</p> <p>I'm sure your father would want you to be happy about the upcoming birth of your child. And yes it is ok to have different emotions going on all at the same time.</p> <p>Thinking of you... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854132 Wed, 31 Oct 2018 10:28:20 +0000 Sams Mom 2854132@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First I am so very sorry for your loss. :heart: </p> <p>I know that my experience is not the same but is kind of the same. My grandma passed away 2 weeks after I had my son, she was my last grandparent also. Being caught in between the joy of having our son, and the grief of losing a loved one was a catch 22. You feel bad for being happy when everyone else not in the immediate baby bubble is so sad, but then it feels wrong? if you're sad when you have a newborn. </p> <p>Your daughter's birth could be a light in the darkness for your mom. In no way should your daughter be a crutch for her, but your mom coming to stay could be therapeutic for her by getting away from it all. I know it adds another level of sadness that your dad won't be able to meet your daughter, but I read an article about nostalgia today that had a great quote. "testifying to our loved ones' continuing existence." When we understand its power, we recognize that "they haven't passed on--they've passed into us." So remember all of the good memories, talk about him often, it's ok to be sad. </p> <p>Also talking to a baby that has no idea what you're saying, won't judge, or tell anyone and you don't feel like you have to edit and mince words to expectations is freeing from personal experience.</p> <p>Sorry for the rambling. </p>