https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 24 May 2026 02:42:32 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guests-after-baby-1#post-486021 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 12:49:00 +0000 purrpletulips 486021@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When I had DD my parents (3hr drive) came the week after she was born and stayed 3 days because DH had to go out of town. MIL (18hr drive) came when DD was 3 weeks old, stayed with us for one week but secluded herself in the guest room the majority of the time. DH was home for the first 5weeks of DD's life but that was only because he got laid off the week before she arrived.</p> <p>With DS, my parents came the day before my induction and stayed for 5 days (they took care of DD while I was in the hospital and then stayed a couple more days). DH was home for 1 week and MIL hasn't come yet. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guests-after-baby-1#post-485650 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 11:09:11 +0000 MamaJ 485650@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL was at our house when we came home from the hospital because she was babysitting our dogs. She left shortly after though. We didn't have any company stay with us and I'm really glad we didn't. I don't think I could have handled it. My MIL is around all the time now and it drives me a little nuts! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guests-after-baby-1#post-485631 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 11:02:52 +0000 Anagram 485631@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not due till July either, but here's how I'm *hoping* it will go. My mom will come for 1 week right away. My due date is bad timing for her, because it's her first week back at school (in her state, they have year-round school and the end of July is when the new year starts), but hopefully she will be able to take family leave for a week. Then, I hope to have DH's parents come for a week or so (may even be shorter, because they both work).</p> <p>Then, when DH's parents retire in October, that will be right around the time my Mat leave is over, so I'm hoping they will come for longer, like 1-2 months to watch our LO, because I don't want to put an infant in daycare! Hopefully, with them, we'll be able to somehow make it till LO is 6 months and can go to day care. </p> <p>I'm super lucky to have great in-laws. DH was trying to tell his parents to plan on coming for the birth, and his mom told him that usually girls prefer to have just their own mothers there and that he should check with me. Score! They're so awesome. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guests-after-baby-1#post-485539 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 10:36:30 +0000 boiledpnut 485539@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We decided not to have overnight visitors for 2 weeks after DS was born. We wanted time to get adjusted without having too many people telling us what to do (our moms!). We wanted to figure things out and learn about our little guy first. We also didn't want visitors for 24 hours at the hospital so we could bond and get some rest. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guests-after-baby-1#post-485530 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 10:34:07 +0000 blackbird 485530@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know that it is going to be impossible to keep my mom and MIL away. However, DH and I made the rule that NOBODY can stay the night. My parents live 4-5 hours away and will have to stay in a hotel. Period. I have already let them know...they bitched a little, but have accepted it. And I don't want them at the house from sun up to sun down, either! Hopefully they are only in town for about 4 days. Mom says they will help, but my mom's idea of helping usually ends up with me being overwhelmed and stressed. She wants to show me how to do everything for the baby, and that will drive me batty--the last thing I need is to be corrected and questioned over every single little thing. My parents are kind of intense people, despite claiming to be chill :) I'm not one to cry on my mom's shoulder or turn to her for emotional stability, so that's moot for me. Her mom stayed with her for 2 weeks, so I think she wants to pass that on. </p> <p>I really want that first week to be about the three of us, but I know we will have visitors. I just hope they respect my privacy and give me a little space, particularly when I duck into a back room to breastfeed. DH will have that first week off, too, and will hopefully run interference :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guests-after-baby-1#post-485515 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 10:29:40 +0000 PrincessBaby 485515@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also wanted to add that my ILs just got here Fri and wanted to stay a couple of weeks with us...DH didn't want me banished to the bedroom while BFing or having them on top of us after learning our lesson with my family...He told them beforehand that they will need to get a hotel. The pre-Mom me would have felt guilty for basically saying they're not welcome to stay with us, but at the end of the day, 2weeksof them in our house would suck the sanity out of me, so I am grateful that DH nipped it in the bud and I'm just rolling with it bc it's what's best for US that matters. Not what's best for them. This is the first time in my life that I am putting myself before others and not caring if they're inconvenienced! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guests-after-baby-1#post-485510 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 10:28:24 +0000 Foodnerd81 485510@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mamabolt: I like the idea of them not being able to stay with us, but it isn't really feasible for us, probably, since everyone is so far. </p> <p>Lots to think about. I never really thought I would have to deal with this at all but my mom is already saying how I will call her when I go into labor so she can start driving! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guests-after-baby-1#post-485495 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 10:23:40 +0000 mamabolt 485495@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents live 2.5 hours away, MIL lives four hours away. We told them they were welcome to come visit and meet the baby right away but we would not be having overnight guests the first two weeks. My parents came to visit the day she was born, MIL came for a few hours the day after we came home. DH and I stayed home with LO for two weeks. I loved this time while we were figuring things out as a new family. Once DH had to go back to work, my mom came for 10 days. This was perfect so I still had an extra set of hands during the day, and she was a great help around the house and not just there to enjoy the baby. MIL came for a long weekend after my mom left, I would not have done well if she had been there any longer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guests-after-baby-1#post-485494 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 10:23:07 +0000 DillonLion 485494@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: DH and MIL were both off at the same time. By week two I was handling baby on my own and felt equipped to do so. I'm glad I had extra help in the first week as opposed to spreading it out </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guests-after-baby-1#post-485493 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 10:22:51 +0000 PrincessBaby 485493@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DD is the first grandchild on my side, and we live 14hrs away from my family by car...So I have been getting major shade about them worrying they'll never get to see her and will miss out on so much. So I really wanted them to be here for her birth so they could be a part of it all. We flew my parents in a couple of days before my induction and they stayed a week. In retrospect, although I love them dearly, I wish we would have waited to fly them in a couple of weeks later. Trying to figure out a newborn and not being totally confident about what you're doing-just wanting to get to know your baby - was a lot more physically and emotionally overwhelming with my parents kind of in the way. Jus having to coordinate things with/for them as far as when they were coming/going from hospital, or what they were going to do for dinner since they were totally unfamiliar with the area- all of those little extra worries I could have done without...Plus we didn't get a ton of bonding time with them &amp; DD bc we had no idea what we were doing so we kind of hogged her while we tried to figure her out. I also BF, which is a whole new experience and really takes up 90% of baby's awake time in the first couple of weeks.</p> <p>My brother, SIL, &amp; sister came to stay after she was 1&amp;2 weeks old and it was a lot less stressful bc DH and I were more together and less...Bewildered!</p> <p>So I say get them to wait...And don't feel bad about it. That time of newness/bonding belongs to you and your LO. You need it. As a family. And you have to put your foot down for the sake of what's best for your LO- that's one thing I've learned. Can't feel guilty or worry about hurting feelings, I just have to do what I think is best for my baby and they have to get over it. If they can't, that's not my problem bc I only care about LO:) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guests-after-baby-1#post-485492 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 10:22:43 +0000 immabeetoo 485492@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: we were by ourselves after we left the hospital and I liked it that way. My mom came and<br /> heled at four weeks when we moved and it was right when adrenaline wore off so it was perfect. I think in the beginning it was good for hubby and I to figure out a rhythm and bond. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guests-after-baby-1#post-485489 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 10:21:40 +0000 DillonLion 485489@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL stayed with us for a week after the baby was born and it was a God send. She was nothing but helpful with housework and watching baby while we got a little rest. I had a really tough time emotionally and having her there was so incredibly helpful. My mom lives nearby so she didn't stay overnight. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guests-after-baby-1#post-485487 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 10:19:41 +0000 brownie 485487@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I made the rule that no one could come for 4 weeks after. This worked for us because I'm not particularly close to my mom and I'm very independent. His parents didn't bother to visit so it wasn't an issue. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guests-after-baby-1#post-485485 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 10:19:20 +0000 SleepyMonkey 485485@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: I wanted dh there in the beginning too! It was good bonding time with the baby and in the beginning I was so overwhelmed and anxious that I needed him there to calm me down. My mom and my dh were both so wonderful and supportive in different ways. So I liked having both of them there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guests-after-baby-1#post-485478 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 10:16:03 +0000 Weagle 485478@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: I definitely wanted DH there, guests or not. I would have been very upset if he waited to take leave. I also wanted my parents there immediately. They are super helpful, and sometimes you just want your mom, you know? My ILs came after about a week and a half. It would have been fine with me if they had waited until about a month later. It's difficult to have them visit, and I was still not feeling well after delivery. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guests-after-baby-1#post-485473 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 10:13:37 +0000 KayKay 485473@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@foodnerd81 DH took his 1 week off the week LO was born. The hardest week was the one in-between his paternity leave ending and when my mom came -- it was only 1 week, but it was overwhelming and lonely! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guests-after-baby-1#post-485471 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 10:11:13 +0000 Foodnerd81 485471@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For people who had guests staying- did that affect when your SO took off from work? MIL was suggesting that DH take his paternity leave later, after our 'help' had left, but I know I'm going to want him there right away, at least the first week. I think he gets 2 weeks of pat leave plus plans to take another week, probably, at some point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guests-after-baby-1#post-485470 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 10:11:12 +0000 KayKay 485470@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My in-laws came on Thursday after LO was born -- she was born on a Monday and we came home from the hospital on Weds. I didn't want them there immediately, since I felt the same about us having some time to figure out things on our own. I had even originally asked if they could stay at a hotel near us since our house is small, and I wasn't sure if I would be up for guests 24/7. I changed my mind on that part, but I still think I would've preferred a bit more time alone before they came.</p> <p>My mom came for a week 2 weeks after LO was born, and it was the best thing.</p> <p>I definitely appreciate having some alone time with your new little family once the baby comes, and then my preference would be to have my mom come fairly soon after for a couple weeks. Like others have said, even if you like your in-laws, it's just not the same as having your own mom who you can cry/vent/etc to. My mom was also a lot more helpful in taking care of both of us (not just the baby) and I was more comfortable asking her to do stuff around the house. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guests-after-baby-1#post-485454 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 10:04:50 +0000 mrsjyw 485454@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents are only 20 min away but stayed w us the first month (usually my mom) helping me w baby, Cook, clean etc. At nighttime after her work. She never got in our way or forced us to follow her ways...she was a godsens for us and the only reason dh and I managed to get decent sleep in the first few wks. </p> <p>Ils are also only 20 min away and came for weekly visits/dinners.</p> <p>Elsewise we didn't have many visitors until christmastime when friends were home. Which by then dh and I were findimg our baby groove and welcomed the compan! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guests-after-baby-1#post-485452 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 10:03:32 +0000 MaisyMay 485452@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom ended up only being able to be around Saturday-Tuesday which was the whole time I was in the hospital...so no help at home. My IL's live an hour away and came each day we were in the hospital, and then came to visit for a few hours 3 days after we went home. </p> <p>LO is only 2 weeks old, and I wish somebody would come visit! I get really lonely when DH is at work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guests-after-baby-1#post-485450 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 10:03:22 +0000 lisa1783 485450@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom came and stayed with me for 30 days immediately after the baby was born and it was AWFUL. The very first night she actually took my baby out of my arms and said I had fed him long enough and just took him to her room and told me I needed to go rest. I know she was just trying to help but when I have another child, I am definitely letting her know that she cannot come for at least two weeks after the baby is born and that she can stay only a limited amount of time. When she was here, I felt like she really impeded on me and DH bonding with our LO because she kept wanting to hold him and take care of him because she didn't think we could do anything on our own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guests-after-baby-1#post-485445 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 10:02:04 +0000 rachiecakes 485445@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom came to stay with me for the first three days I was home and she was really helpful. DH was working and mom being there allowed me to shower and not stress. </p> <p>I would have been a mess if MIL was there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guests-after-baby-1#post-485442 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 10:00:10 +0000 SleepyMonkey 485442@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wanted my mom there right away. She was at our apartment when we got home from the hospital and stayed 5 days and she was amazing. Cooked every meal for us and helped me breast feed and just let me cry on her. I was so sad when she left! I like my mil too but she's just not my mom! Mil came after my mom left for a few days. She was helpful too though but I didn't feel like I could cry on her! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guests-after-baby-1#post-485438 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 09:57:36 +0000 autumnlove 485438@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents and brother live about 7 hours away. </p> <p>My parents came about 2 weeks after LO was born and it was nice because they wanted to help with everything but I got sick of that fast. I was happy when they left 6 days later because I felt like my mom was always in the way.</p> <p>Next time, I want my parents to be here before Baby 2 is born so they can help with LO.<br /> My brother came a few days after my parents left and he helped out a lot. He ran errands, helped around the house, took care of the dog, cooked and cleaned. He stayed 4 days! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guests-after-baby-1#post-485427 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 09:51:09 +0000 Beebug 485427@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My Mom is 10 mins away, so did not stay with us, no need!</p> <p>DHs parents are across the country so came one day after LO was born. Did not ask, it was just assumed ok, and did not go well. It's not that I didn't want them, I just wanted the company and not the help, or at least not their version of help. The three week trip was cut short to 10 days.</p> <p>For me, getting home, and the three of us finding our way was really important to me. I felt like I was going insane with MIL here, and we both felt such relief when we got our house to ourselves. </p> <p>Tough lesson learned though, MIL and mine relationship probably wrecked forever! </p> <p>Do over? Define appropriate timeline for them to stay, and define what "help" means to everyone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guests-after-baby-1#post-485421 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 09:46:57 +0000 Foodnerd81 485421@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Immediately after having baby (especially your first), who came to visit and/or stay with you? Who did you want there? Did you have time with just the 3 of you, or was there a grandma there right away? What did you WANT right away?</p> <p>I was really surprised when we told our moms and both of them said they would be coming *right away*. I kind of thought we would have some time on our own, since we live kind of far from family (4-5 hour drive from mine, cross country from DH's mom), so I hadn't considered that they would come right away. Now I'm not sure what I would want right away, but I sort of thing maybe I would want only my mom right away while I figure things out, learn how to breastfeed, etc. I really like my MIL, but I just wouldn't be quite as comfortable the first few days. And I want me and DH to have time to bond! They would probably be staying with us, in the nursery while baby stays in our room, so could really only be one at a time unless we find a bigger apartment.</p> <p>So, wondering what people had happen and what their preferences would be if they could do it all over again. </p> <p>Note, I'm not even due until July, totally thinking way ahead :) </p>