https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 20 May 2026 14:04:33 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guilts-pangs#post-131781 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 10:36:55 +0000 regberadaisy 131781@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You are NOT a bad mom!! You sound like a great mom!!! A lot of the wifes of my co-workers SAHM the first few years then when the kids were school aged went back to school part time or took night classes. It was a lot of juggling but with support of their husbands it was possible.</p> <p>I think you need to tell your husband how you're feeling though!!!</p> <p>I think because you put your dreams on hold -temporarily!- makes you a GREAT mom! *hugs* </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guilts-pangs#post-131770 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 10:29:31 +0000 Honeybee 131770@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You are not a bad mom. Everyone should have dreams and goals they want to accomplish, and those shouldn't have to come to a halt simply because you got married/started a family young.</p> <p>I would really encourage you to talk to your husband and come up with a plan. I'm a SHAM of two and going to school right now to complete my grd degree; to be honest, it's really not that bad. If you want to complete your degree, having children isn't that big of a hurdle that it should stop you from achieving your dreams. Lots of women work on school and take care of a family at the same time; you can, too! Also, having a family and being a SAHM doesn't necessarily mean putting dreams of a career on hold. There are a lot of different work situations that would allow you to be home full or part-time. </p> <p>If you feel unfulfilled now, the likelihood is that this is going to contunue. Talk to your DH and work out a plan so that you both feel comfortable with your future plans. You shouldn't have to give up everything you dreamed because of family obligations that can be overcome. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guilts-pangs#post-131388 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 06:57:12 +0000 heffalump 131388@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Your not a bad mom,! It's awesome that you have things that you want to do with your life. It's hard with a LO because everything becomes about them, and you forget about you. But you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else.</p> <p>I would talk to your DH about it. That way you can try to come up with a plan for how you can get done what you want to get done. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guilts-pangs#post-131217 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 01:56:35 +0000 Rosie Girl 131217@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You are not a bad mom at all! I think a lot of moms think about how things would be different if they didn't have their kids or if they had waited. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guilts-pangs#post-130980 Thu, 19 Apr 2012 21:35:46 +0000 MamaMoose 130980@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You are absolutely not a bad mom! As the others said, you love your baby and you take care of your baby and provide everything he needs to be happy and healthy! You are a great mom! I am a firm believer that part of being a great mom is making sure YOU are happy and healthy as well. Just because you're a mom now that doesn't mean you can't do things for yourself. A lot of college programs have part time options... And some also offer child care options. Would something<br /> Like that be an option for you? I absolutely do think you should talk to your husband about how you are feeling. I'm sure he will want to help you get to a place where you are happier. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guilts-pangs#post-130978 Thu, 19 Apr 2012 21:34:34 +0000 Andrea 130978@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@tryingtobehappy: maybe just take one class online for a start? maybe your home schooling plans will change and then you'll have some credits or a degree under your belt. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guilts-pangs#post-130972 Thu, 19 Apr 2012 21:31:05 +0000 tryingtobehappy 130972@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>yeah, I plan to go back to school but I know it will be really stressful juggling that and a baby. I can do most of it online too.<br /> @Andrea: we had actually planned to homeschool our kids, so me working puts a dent in those plans...and by the time he's school-aged we'll probably have/want another kid... it's so hard to "plan" life now that there are three of us!</p> <p>@mediagirl: Yeah, it's a little of both. I mean selfishly I want to have experiences I missed, college and a career. But for my family, I wanted financial stability and the chance to have a permanent home over our heads instead of having to move every year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guilts-pangs#post-130969 Thu, 19 Apr 2012 21:30:08 +0000 mrs. wagon 130969@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You are not a bad mom. If your child is happy and healthy and you are providing for their needs and loving them, you are a fantastic mom. No matter where you are in your life and what your situation is, nothing will ever be ideal. I literally based our decision to have our first child on the fact that I was unemployed and bored. Not because I necessarily wanted or longed for a baby. !!! Does that make me a bad mom? ;) </p> <p>Think about it this way... your baby will be of school age so much sooner in your life than if you waited, which means you can go back to school and/or work almost full time so much sooner. And by then you might have a better idea of what you want to do, and you will definitely have a more clear perspective on life from your experience of being a mom. Also, when your kid grows up and moves away you will be SO much younger than other moms-- you will actually be young enough to enjoy!!! </p> <p>I know this is all probably tiny compared to the negative feelings you are having :( but know that you are not alone in feelings of guilt or doubt. I waited until I was 28, 4 years of marriage, and relatively established in my career (even though I was laid off at the time!) to have my first baby and I still dealt with guilt and doubt all the time. It's just different situations and all you can do is deal with what's in front of you (that beautiful baby!!!) and do your best at what's been given to you. If you continue to be committed to that, there's no way you can be anything other than a great mom :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guilts-pangs#post-130958 Thu, 19 Apr 2012 21:24:43 +0000 mediagirl 130958@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do you have any family around that could help out if you decided to go back to school part time? Sounds like you're a good mom, trying to do what's best not just for your family but for you, as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guilts-pangs#post-130955 Thu, 19 Apr 2012 21:22:49 +0000 Andrea 130955@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It doesn't sound like you're a bad mom at all! You just feel like there are things you have yet to accomplish in your life. What is the main thing that you wish to do - finish school? Maybe you can slowly work on that and then by the time your son is school-aged, you can have a degree and then work? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guilts-pangs#post-130935 Thu, 19 Apr 2012 21:08:29 +0000 chopsuey 130935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're not a bad mom! My mom got married young and had 3 kids! She had lots of dreams for herself and "regretted" that she couldn't make those dreams happen because she was raising us and supporting my dad's dreams.<br /> When we all left the house she went back to school and did something for herself.<br /> Is there a way you can go to school part time maybe? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/guilts-pangs#post-130929 Thu, 19 Apr 2012 21:05:54 +0000 tryingtobehappy 130929@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Never posted here, mostly lurked/stalked... but I need to get something off my chest. I feel so.. guilty for these intense feelings, like it makes me a horrible mom. Of course I love my baby like any mom does, but that hasn't made it easier..</p> <p>I got married young, but my husband is five years older than me and was ready for kids right away so after a year I gave in... but I honestly regret it. I haven't finished college and I never got to have a career, now I have a baby and even though I wanted to be a SAHM, I wouldn't even have the choice if I wanted to work because I wouldn't be able to make enough to put my baby in daycare anyway.<br /> I was putting my baby to bed tonight, and yes I love him to death, but I seriously wish I would have waited to have kids.. lived my life a little. I am soo young and now if I ever get a job I fear I'll feel more guilty for being a working mom because the way I was raised, all moms were SAHM. </p> <p>Also, because I never worked we didn't accrue a lot for savings before having our baby and don't own a house. If I had finished school and worked for awhile, we could have bought a house and had some financial security. But we don't. I feel sooo awful for feeling this way.</p> <p>I felt it the whole time I was pregnant, but just assumed it would all go away once I had my baby and saw how much I loved him... well I do love him, but I still feel this way.</p> <p>Am I a terrible mother? No one even knows this, not even my husband... I couldn't bear to admit this to him now that our baby is actually here. And he's been such a good baby too, I feel I can't even complain. </p>