https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 09 Apr 2026 22:25:50 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hand-me-down-etiquette#post-2848800 Tue, 02 Oct 2018 20:55:48 +0000 Mama Bird 2848800@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: defInitely junk :bummed: I unpacked the bag today, and there were some women's dresses and sunglasses and an opened pack of diapers at the bottom. My kids haven't even worn diapers for more than a year. It's like she was planning a trip to Goodwill and didn't quite make it. I ended up not saying anything because of minor kid emergencies, but it would have been better to get it off my chest, because now it's going to be at the back of my mind every time I talk to her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hand-me-down-etiquette#post-2848773 Tue, 02 Oct 2018 18:54:23 +0000 pachamama 2848773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I like secondhand stuff from friends. Anything I don't want I give away on my local mom FB group. This is coming from someone with a VERY pushy mom who dumps shit on me all the time... and I yell at her not to give me unwanted stuff, but to a friend who thought she was prob being nice, I definitely would not say anything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hand-me-down-etiquette#post-2848754 Tue, 02 Oct 2018 17:57:37 +0000 Mrsbells 2848754@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mama Bird: to me it sounds like she was trying to be nice. I think telling her you dont need some of it isn't really necessary. But next time if she offers to hand down more things you can just say no. I dont think she thinks of her son's old things as junk </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hand-me-down-etiquette#post-2848680 Tue, 02 Oct 2018 13:22:18 +0000 Mama Bird 2848680@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone! I couldn't say anything in the moment because DH picked up the bag and didn't look inside till he got home. He was sure it was just what we'd talked about earlier. </p> <p>Guess I'll send her a quick text saying thanks, but we don't need most of this and should I just get rid of it. I'd probably not even say that, but the kids are friends and we hang out sometimes. Maybe it's silly, but I don't want someone I see a lot to think I'm scrounging for other people's random junk. I'll definitely shut down any offers from her in the future. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hand-me-down-etiquette#post-2848613 Tue, 02 Oct 2018 08:52:37 +0000 misolee 2848613@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can see both sides too. She prob thought you could use them and didn’t do it out of any bad intentions. Some people’s standards are different. I get stuff all the time from random ppl and I donate it if it’s too dirty/stained/frayed/worn out. I also get shocked or appalled and the dirtiness/work outness of the clothes. And I also toss and donate it if the clothes is not my style. </p> <p> Just donate it quietly to avoid awkward interactions. Sheets especially can be used at your local animal humane societies or animal shelters . They are always looking for towels and sheets for the animals. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hand-me-down-etiquette#post-2848571 Tue, 02 Oct 2018 06:56:00 +0000 annem1990 2848571@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I probably wouldn’t say anything, but it is very odd. Some people’s social skills are bizarre :wink:.</p> <p>My MIL does this to us all the time. Sometimes she asks, and even if I say “No” she still brings it. I think people genuinely think they are “helping” you by giving you anything and everything. Obviously some of us don’t feel that way (aka Me!). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hand-me-down-etiquette#post-2848557 Tue, 02 Oct 2018 04:10:21 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2848557@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As long as you know she does not want anything back to hand down to someone else once your son outgrows it then I would just sell it or give it away. Next time, I’d go over the items with her while she’s there and send her back with the items you don’t want. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hand-me-down-etiquette#post-2848551 Mon, 01 Oct 2018 22:22:27 +0000 Jennibenni 2848551@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn’t bother saying anything to her, I would get rid of it at the nearest charity store, and I would decline any future offers. That is SO WEIRD though. People are strange. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hand-me-down-etiquette#post-2848543 Mon, 01 Oct 2018 21:29:18 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2848543@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We also have several buy nothing/neighbourhood groups on FB that people post big boxes of random stuff saying take what you want and pass it along if you wanted to see if you can find a home for it. I agree it’s now yours to deal with unfortunately. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hand-me-down-etiquette#post-2848542 Mon, 01 Oct 2018 21:26:40 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2848542@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That does seem a bit weird, like she’s using you as a junk pile basically! I’ve only ever been handed down clothes but I basically take anything offered and then we have a big box downstairs we chuck everything into we don’t want and then eventually drop it off at a donation place. In your case I would just donate what you don’t want and don’t say anything. But if she brings you a pile of crap again I would just say oh thanks but we are good for extra now! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hand-me-down-etiquette#post-2848541 Mon, 01 Oct 2018 21:26:36 +0000 Hypatia 2848541@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can see both sides to this. She took your assent to mean that you’d appreciate ANY item her son has outgrown/doesn’t want/doesn’t need. She probably thought she was doing you a favor because you expressed interest in the initial offer. She definitely should have made her intent clearer, and given you an easy “out” to decline the extras, but in the end, it’s just a miscommunication. </p> <p>I would not say anything to her about it. You agreed to it by not openly declining when she showed up with the items (you could have said, “Oh, actually, we are purging a lot of our toys and bedding ourselves, I don’t think we have room for more!”). </p> <p>But once someone gives you something, it’s yours. You could paint the toys, set the bedding on fire, etc and there’s nothing wrong with that because they now belong to you. So I’d just shrug and chalk it up to the extra stuff being the “price” for the clothes you can use. I’d just donate everything else, even if it’s inconvenient. </p> <p>The bedding doesn’t freak me out. Then again, I’ve bought used cloth diapers before and I’m a big believer in the power of the washing machine. </p> <p>I completely empathize with you, though. Social interactions are so awkward with stuff like this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hand-me-down-etiquette#post-2848540 Mon, 01 Oct 2018 21:22:50 +0000 Foodnerd81 2848540@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I would text saying there was some stuff you couldn’t use, would she like it back or prefer you pass it in or donate it? Then if she offers stuff to you again decline. I wouldn’t make a big deal about it though- it’s just easier to let it go and move on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hand-me-down-etiquette#post-2848538 Mon, 01 Oct 2018 21:10:17 +0000 Mama Bird 2848538@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a little annoyed right now, and not sure if I should say something or not. A while ago, the mom of DS's classmate asked if DS could use some clothes and shoes her son had outgrown. He's taller than DS, so he does wear bigger stuff.</p> <p>I'm all about reusing stuff sustainably, so I said sure. This week we made a date to meet, and she brought over... some clothes, a pair of shoes, and what seems to be half of her son's toy closet. Some bedsheets, even. I'm positive we never discussed toys or bedsheets.</p> <p>It was nice of her to take the time, but I don't want this stuff. We're not her junk disposal. I suppose I could take it to be donated, but frankly she should have done it herself. Her work schedule is much more flexible than mine. </p> <p>Should I say something? Maybe tell her we don't need this and does she know anyone else who needs it? Or just quietly toss the things we don't need? I know how hard it is to find a new home for things your LO has outgrown, but I'm still fuming. Maybe the bedsheets have icked me out big time on some subconscious level :silly: </p>