https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 17 Apr 2026 12:40:56 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-half-obedience#post-2680549 Sun, 15 Jan 2017 23:00:25 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2680549@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: she definitely wasn't tired of eating, we hadn't even started the meal yet! lol I might try the robot thing sometime! I bet it could make her laugh and encourage compliance. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-half-obedience#post-2680225 Sun, 15 Jan 2017 00:22:30 +0000 irene 2680225@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Her misbehavior sounded like she wanted attention, or maybe she is done with the meal already and is getting bored, and want to show you that she can do things that is controlled by her, not you. I would try this: </p> <p>empathy &gt; state the fact &gt; offer 2 choices</p> <p>This is from a parenting class I took. So it goes like this: "hey honey, (Empathy)I understand that you are probably bored sitting down, and want to show us what you can do on the chair. I know, it is fun! And (State the fact) it is actually not a good idea because we are having dinner, and this is bad manners, so sitting on your heel is not OK. (offer 2 choices) So you have two choices. How about you come down and hop on the floor 10 times like a bunny, and sit down properly like mommy and daddy does, or you can leave the table and go wash your hands while mommy and daddy finishes eating? (or whatever 2 choices that you are OK with)</p> <p>I would also talk to her afterwards (could be next day when everyone is calmed down) and asked her what happened. Don't try to answer for her. Listen to her reasoning. Then explain why everyone has to sit down during dinner, and ask what should mommy and daddy say and/or do so you actually would listen and sit down?</p> <p>OR, sometimes I do this: </p> <p>If I ask nicely and DS doesn't listen and do something that is unacceptable, I would start saying in a robot voice: "Oh... I am freezing.... I am freezing..... I am.... frozen". Stop all movement as if you froze in time. Your husband can do that too. See what she does. If she starts getting scared and called, mommy! daddy! Then use your robot voice and say, sit.... down.... to.... unfreeze... Once she sits down you guys unfreeze, and say, boy! I thought we were going to be frozen forever! Thank goodness you sat down! </p> <p>This is something I invented and it works for us 60-85% of the time lol. My DS (4 years old) hates it if I pretend to be frozen and he would get scared. Think what would your daughter dislike. In a way this is giving her power to control over you guys, but I think it is OK because she is using her positive behavior to initiate a change in the situation. I would still talk to her the next day and see if you both can brainstorm a solution though.</p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-half-obedience#post-2680222 Sat, 14 Jan 2017 23:52:33 +0000 travellingbee 2680222@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littlejoy: also love this! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-half-obedience#post-2680221 Sat, 14 Jan 2017 23:50:13 +0000 travellingbee 2680221@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: this is great! We also choose to avoid power struggles. Because it escalates and no one wins. I love your approach! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-half-obedience#post-2680204 Sat, 14 Jan 2017 22:36:15 +0000 Mama Bird 2680204@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd say "good enough, you're not going to fall off your chair now!" Seems like your LO is quite aware of why you asked and did the bare minimum, then decided to turn it into a power struggle. I'd want to make it clear that in my opinion they did what I asked and there's nothing to power struggle about. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-half-obedience#post-2680197 Sat, 14 Jan 2017 22:12:15 +0000 808love 2680197@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Depending on the situation, I would either let it go (if it didn't bother me and/or felt it was an inappropriate age expectation) or call her on it right there if it wasn't a safety issue ("You need to sit down with your bottom flat on the chair, not on your foot next time. OK?"<br /> -If just ignoring me, I would suggest LO saying "Yes, Mom" for right there. LO knows this is a 'drop the conversation' signal. If there was continued defiance instead of signal to cooperate (which there shouldn't be because it was a compromise) I would restate the rule and then time a follow up talk at a better moment, elaborating on reason, stating the rule and briefly touch upon how it affects others, gaining compliance for the plan or vision for future action. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-half-obedience#post-2680157 Sat, 14 Jan 2017 19:43:35 +0000 Chuckles 2680157@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I love what @littlejoy: said. I agree that not getting into a power struggle is key at this age (or any, I guess), so I like the idea of acknowledging it in a casual way. I would add that you could give more enthusiastic praise/reinforcement when LO does the entire thing of whatever you've asked (e.g., thank you so much for sitting down when I asked. I really love eating dinner with you!) and just calmly acknowledge minimal obedience (e.g., I'm glad you sat down - in a less enthusiastic tone). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-half-obedience#post-2680133 Sat, 14 Jan 2017 17:47:50 +0000 caterw 2680133@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I absolutely hate this, but I think you have two separate issues- the safety and the attitude. I would probably let the sitting thing go "Thanks for sitting down" and then give a consequence for the disrespect. We call it being a sassy molassey at our house- DD has to apologize the first time and then gets a short time out for repeat offenses. She is 3. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-half-obedience#post-2680117 Sat, 14 Jan 2017 16:24:02 +0000 littlejoy 2680117@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't like looking at it is "obedience" ... just living together (and being safe). If the rule is not standing in the chair, then I could care less if she's sitting on her foot. Our LO definitely makes a point to tell us when she's half listening. I would just say "thanks for sitting down ... that's silly you're sitting on your foot" - take the "power"out of the struggle. If we ask her to do something, and she flat out refuses, we use natural consequences. She threw food at lunch, so lunch was done. I don't feel a need to punish. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-half-obedience#post-2680111 Sat, 14 Jan 2017 15:22:43 +0000 Maysprout 2680111@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It depends on the situation. I want my kids to understand the 'why' behind certain rules so questions or pushing the boundaries I don't always mind and will explain why yes or no to what they're doing. That being said anything to do with significant safety issues that they've already been taught there's no pushing the boundaries or reminders. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-half-obedience#post-2680109 Sat, 14 Jan 2017 15:17:55 +0000 hummusgirl 2680109@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm with you, I would not pick that battle. It's a case by case basis but I try not to make a power struggle over obedience just for the sake of it. If standing is not safe and that's why you wanted her to sit, then she fixed that issue and I'd move on. I guess we'll see in 10 years whether this approach results in a laid back, happy, respectful family dynamic (the desired result) or hopelessly entitled and indulged kids!</p> <p>ETA I am planning to become more strict about things like table manners as they get older, but I don't want to punish for developmentally appropriately things that, chances are, they'll grow out of naturally in a few years. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-half-obedience#post-2680108 Sat, 14 Jan 2017 15:14:16 +0000 gingerbebe 2680108@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sunshine: yeah the problem is the willful disobedience and disrespect, which DH and I will not allow. So we try to rearrange the circumstance where he's invited to be a helpful and talented collaborator and feel GOOD about obeying instead of a power struggle that's just going to be a lot of tempers and yelling. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-half-obedience#post-2680106 Sat, 14 Jan 2017 15:07:21 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2680106@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: I like that. My DD is like your DS which is a main reason I'm more inclined to let it go. Why fight with her when she's basically done what I said. Thank you for sharing what you do instead of getting into senseless power struggles. I will definitely try your method! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-half-obedience#post-2680104 Sat, 14 Jan 2017 15:01:25 +0000 gingerbebe 2680104@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son gets more defiant when things come to a head like that so we've tried to work on ways to be less confrontational when we get half assed obedience (it takes the piss out of me as I am the less patient parent).</p> <p>So if DS was standing up on the chair at dinner (which happens a lot), we would say "sit down please" in a firm but pleasant tone. If he doesn't listen or ignores us, we repeat "look at mommy/daddy" over and over until we get eye contact. Then we say "do you think you can be a big boy and sit down at the table like a nice boy?" If he does it all the way we cheer and compliment him and gush over what a big boy he is. If he half complies then we say "Good try - I know it's hard to sit down. Can you try again and put your bottom on the chair like a big boy?" If he is still disobedient then we say "okay well you don't have to sit anymore" and take him off the chair and set him on the floor. He usually pitches a fit about it and then we will say "do you want to sit in the chair?" If no, then he's excused. If yes, we say he has to sit on the chair because if he doesn't he will get an owie and we don't want him to get hurt. Then basically he complies or we end his meal. </p> <p>We basically do this for everything. Essentially he gets a command, an invitation to be a big/good boy, then a natural consequence (taken off the chair and on the floor), and an invitation once more to be a good boy. </p> <p>We've seen a lot of success with this approach - basically asking if he can be a good boy and then sympathizing that it's hard to do whatever I've asked him to do, and lavishing praise on compliance. Somehow this takes the focus off a power struggle and defiance and instead redirects the attention to whether he can be a good big boy. </p> <p>Obviously not perfect and I am working on my patience but DH does it really well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-half-obedience#post-2680100 Sat, 14 Jan 2017 14:43:20 +0000 bookwormmama 2680100@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the fact that she was waving it in your face is more of an issue than sitting on her feet. Because I would agree, that if the rule is to not stand on the chair, sitting on the feet would be ok with me. And if she had just said it once to figure out the specifics of the rule like @Woolly Mammoth said I would be ok with that. The bigger issue for me would be that she was bragging about half listening to see what she could get away with. I guess in that case I would have pushed more to sit on her bottom and if she continued to not listen and throw it in your face I would have given her whatever punshiment you use. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-half-obedience#post-2680099 Sat, 14 Jan 2017 14:33:54 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2680099@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@stiletto_mom: I can see it both ways! Part of me is like, why make this a thing? She sat down, ill choose not to pick that battle. But I'm the other hand, she was being very purposeful and very disrespectful about and that shouldn't slide. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-half-obedience#post-2680098 Sat, 14 Jan 2017 14:31:48 +0000 stiletto_mom 2680098@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I agree, no "half" compliance. Especially if he/she is making sure you know they're disrespecting you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-half-obedience#post-2680096 Sat, 14 Jan 2017 14:20:21 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2680096@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Woolly Mammoth: that was my approach but DH thought she needed to sit completely on her bottom because that's what I originally said. Then I of course, couldn't tell if I was being too permissive or not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-half-obedience#post-2680061 Sat, 14 Jan 2017 11:27:51 +0000 Woolly Mammoth 2680061@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My three year old does this all the time. It drives me up the wall, but I think it's just his way of figuring out what the specifics of the rule are.</p> <p>So if he describes what he's doing, I'll usually just say, "It's okay to sit on your feet. The rule is don't stand on your chair." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-half-obedience#post-2680051 Sat, 14 Jan 2017 10:18:02 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2680051@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What's your family "policy" on half obedience? For example, last night, DD was standing on her chair at the kitchen table. I asked her to sit on her bottom. She then purposely went out of her way to sit on her foot and made sure to make a comment about it to me. DH and I disagreed on we should have handled it, resulting in neither of us doing a good job. How do you handle things like that? </p>