https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 08 Apr 2026 05:43:10 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1847597 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 15:00:41 +0000 artsyfartsy 1847597@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>True for us. DH always says when I'm happy, we're all happy! I think he loves seeing me happy regardless and that brings him joy too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1847590 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 14:58:04 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 1847590@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lovehoneybee: That's our house 100%. Happy spouse, happy house. I don't love the other phrase because it implies women are hard to please and making them unhappy ruins your life. I think women can be unhappy without wrecking everything around them!</p> <p> @Remcatt: I think it's great that you're having conversations with your husband about what makes you fulfilled and that you want to know what fulfills him as well. That's a good dialogue for partners to have!<br /> You said "Yet, again it feels unfair to him. He's having to match my standard for being mindful and caring for a partner in order for us to be happy? He could live without having to do this and be happy…" Well, yes, he could disregard your needs (and you his), but he wouldn't be a very good partner would he? It's not like he gets nothing back from being mindful of your relationship - he gets a *marriage*. It's not a one-sided thing - both partners should work to please the other. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1847571 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 14:47:58 +0000 Mae 1847571@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's true. But I also think the converse is true. I like how @lizzywiz: put it about the house only being as happy as the least happy person. I think this saying comes about because women tend to require a little more to be happy than men. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1847426 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 13:51:32 +0000 Remcatt 1847426@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjyw:<br /> @gingerbebe:<br /> Thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1847418 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 13:47:28 +0000 Remcatt 1847418@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bpcmarj:<br /> Thanks for your post! Truly helpful to hear the other way around. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1847410 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 13:40:47 +0000 mrsjyw 1847410@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: +1 us to the tee!</p> <p>DH and I don't view it in a negative way. He def says that he is happy until I am not, but he says it's because I'm proactive about fulfilling his needs and wants. And I thrive on "doing" things and encouraging him, etc. It's the lack of appreciation that can build up sometimes that makes "un"happy and that is no good for either of us :P At the end of the day, it's both of us working hard to meet each other's distinct needs in the relationship that provides balance. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1847402 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 13:35:03 +0000 gingerbebe 1847402@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Totally true for us. I'm just way more high maintenance than DH is and I totally admit that. Part of it is that I'm a lot meaner and more impatient than DH is, but basically, meeting my needs means I'm a way better wife to him and he's infinitely happier. I am very loyal and considerate to DH and work hard to keep him happy too, but I have a harder time dealing with resentment and feeling taken for granted, while he just shakes things like that off. He doesn't care if he's done the laundry 5 times in a row, while I do. </p> <p>So he is always asking me if he can help with something, if I'm happy, and thanks me profusely for things so I don't feel taken for granted. He doesn't need that much validation in return, but does thrive on encouragement and "I'm proud of you" and my fierce loyalty, so I tend to pour that on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1847344 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 13:07:15 +0000 Cole 1847344@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: that might be the most true statement ever in my house!</p> <p>For us, I think happy spouse, happy house applies. It doesn't mean he is responsible for my happiness or vice versa but we are both mindful that if we can help lighten the other person's load when they are stressed or if we can help make them happier than it is worth it. It makes my husband very happy to come home to counters that are cleared of the detritus of the day and wiped down-- it takes me ten minutes at most but having it cluttered sort of stresses him out so it is worth it for me to spend a few minutes doing that. He does other things like that for me too and it helps us both feel more balanced. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1847300 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 12:49:50 +0000 .twist. 1847300@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: lol. Like a rainbow! </p> <p>I think this is more true for my husband. I'm pretty easy to please and have a generally happy demeanour. </p> <p>My husband on the other hand is a little needier in that way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1847274 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 12:41:35 +0000 blackbird 1847274@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>True for us. If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. But not in a frivolous kind of way....I am a better mom, partner, and person when I'm happy (emotionally, physically, mentally, whatever) and that spreads to my family. You know, like a rainbow. ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1847209 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 12:22:01 +0000 Mama Bird 1847209@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: exactly! It's about making the least happy person in the household happy :) in our family that's me, so the saying is true for us - I can get hung up on silly things and walk around all grumpy, but my husband has a much better sense of perspective. But it could totally be the other way around! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1847145 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 12:02:09 +0000 lovehoneybee 1847145@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We both try to adhere to "Happy spouse, happy house" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1847140 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 12:00:06 +0000 Mrs. Lion 1847140@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: i agree. Sometimes protecting the relationship means having important conversations for the sake of growth and future happiness. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1847113 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 11:51:41 +0000 MrsSCB 1847113@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I guess the other issue is, sometimes you'll have to tell your spouse things that won't necessarily make them happy. If I'm being ridiculous about something, I don't want my DH to indulge me because "happy wife, happy life!" I want him to be honest. I just think if you go too far into the "happy wife, happy life" thing (or the reverse, though there is not common saying like this for husbands...) it sort of encourages sweeping things under the rug for the sake of harmony, which is not what I want. Obviously both spouses should have an overall desire to make the other happy, but I think first and foremost being honest and open with your communication is most important, even if that sometimes means telling your spouse something they might not necessarily want to hear. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1847094 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 11:45:17 +0000 bpcmarj 1847094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For us, I really think it could be the other way around. I am generally happy person so I feel like it doesn't take much to please me and make me happy. DH on the other hand has times where he is such a downer and it truly makes such a difference for us when he is happy. So, I find myself really working to make sure that he is happy since his emotions really affect me. So, "Happy Husband, Happy Home" is right on for us! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1847093 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 11:44:51 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 1847093@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: I agree with you. I think it's important for each spouse to strive to make the other happy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1847049 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 11:27:03 +0000 lizzywiz 1847049@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Remcatt: I think I understand what you are saying but definitely correct me if I am wrong:<br /> You have realized that you need him to change his behavior in order for you to feel satisfied with the relationship/ situation, and you feel guilty because you are asking him to change and/or increase his efforts? Is that right?</p> <p>In my relationship I have struggled with the same thing, especially if the change was a significant divergent from our 'original' pattern when we first got married. I would think to myself, "I am the one who changed, I am the one who is changing the expectations, and he is the one who has to deal with the new expectations... is that fair?"<br /> If you have already done some self inventory and determined that the problem can't be resolved through you (for ex: I feel unattractive- do I fix that or does my husband have to increases reassurances? In my opinion that is a 'me' problem, not a 'him' problem), then IMHO, you are totally in the right to ask for what you need from your husband, even if the burden of change rests on him.<br /> My husband and I have had conversations regarding this kind of thing and he repeatedly expresses that he WANTS to know what makes me happy- if I don't tell him he can't even try or debate or whatever.<br /> and on that note- you shared your expectations, but your DH is the one following through with them by choice. If it isn't working, hopefully he will tell you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1846958 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 11:00:26 +0000 MaryM 1846958@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's true, but I think it goes in both directions. Everyone in a family needs to consider how a person thinks/acts/feels and be mindful of that. </p> <p>Moreso than "Happy wife, happy life," the best advice that DH and I got when we were engaged was from a couple who recently celebrated their 50th anniversary. </p> <p>They said each day they wake up and think "What can I do to make him/her happy today?"</p> <p>It might be super simple (like me doing the dishes before he gets home and makes dinner) or it might be elaborate (him surprising me with a photo shoot for no certain reason). </p> <p>Or if we know we won't see each other that day (we work opposite schedules a lot), we keep note pads handy in the kitchen so we can write a note. Or text each other "hope you're having a great day" or something simple in the middle of the day just so we know we're thinking of each other. </p> <p>I don't think there's any magic solution to knowing what another person needs (unless they express it)...but I figure trying goes a long way even if it isn't perfect. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1846954 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 10:59:39 +0000 Maysprout 1846954@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not sure why it's a bad saying. We try to have happy wife and happy husband. I do think if either of us are unhappy or unable to shake stress it affects everyone. If the kids are fussy usually we can laugh it off or commiserate with each other but we need each other there in a good mental place in order to do that. </p> <p>I know my older daughter picks up on subtle differences in my mood and my husband is less stressed in life if his home is at least content for the most part. Seeing other people sad and frustrated can be stressful, especially to kids.</p> <p>That said I try to be low maintenance to be happy......no big gifts needed - just love and respect. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1846953 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 10:59:13 +0000 Remcatt 1846953@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Lindsay05:<br /> Right! This is getting at the core of what I've brought up.<br /> Horomones or not, it feels unfair to whomever has to work harder (in my case, DH). </p> <p>Has anyone had a conversation with DH or have insights about how this works for DH? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1846950 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 10:58:50 +0000 aegie 1846950@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do most of the household chores, parenting duties (since LO is team mommy) and work full time. My husband absolutely helps but I have to ask for it. Can you vacuum today? Can you do the dishes? And he's more than happy to do it. But the fact that I have to ask for help sometimes drives me nuts. I do things without being asked. But this is exactly why happy wife happy life is so true. If my husband's put in "extra" help (without being asked or *gasp* asks what needs to be done!), it makes me so much more happier since the work is being distributed more evenly and without me having to sound like I'm nagging. And my husband in return gets a happy wife (which makes him less stressed and happy). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1846941 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 10:56:52 +0000 Remcatt 1846941@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB:<br /> Haha!! 'Hugry wife, stressful life' is SO painfully true! :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1846938 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 10:56:33 +0000 Lindsay05 1846938@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Very true. I have no problem admitting that life would be hell for him if he couldnt make me happy. And the same with roles reversed. But I think in our situation it takes more work for him to make me happy than the other way around. Hormones are a bitch :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1846932 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 10:54:23 +0000 Remcatt 1846932@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz:<br /> I feel you on this! Thats a really great way to put it. I'm sure seeing things in the perspectice of 'You're only as happy as the happiest person in the house' will keep that balance in check when it comes from me to him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1846926 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 10:52:58 +0000 Remcatt 1846926@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs.lion<br /> I've just been thinking about what the 'other direction' looks like, i.e. what I do to keep my husband happy, and although I cook, clean, think of things for us to do, do things he asks me to do if I can, etc., I don't actually know if these are things that are actually making him happy. I'll try asking him explicitly...</p> <p>@mamimami<br /> I'll try having a conversation about what things I can do to make him happy, and about how this past week was for him. </p> <p>Thanks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1846925 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 10:52:52 +0000 MrsSCB 1846925@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't like that specific phrase because I think it's sexist. Like, "You better make sure you're pleasing that shrew of a wife or your life will be made miserable!" That being said, I do think it should be a goal of BOTH partners to make one another happy.</p> <p>ETA: DH did say recently "Hungry wife, stressful life" -- that one's true :-P </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1846923 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 10:52:31 +0000 snowjewelz 1846923@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH is always saying that :silly: It's really more a silly thing to say, b/c obviously if he bends over backwards to make me happy and he is neglected, the marriage wouldn't work. I wouldn't be happy if he's not happy too. </p> <p>I think DH does stick to the motto for the everyday small things. He always lets me pick/choose/decide whatever makes me happy; he's really not picky/particular. I think it's sweet when he says that to me b/c I know he puts me first and thinks about my happiness. </p> <p>I think what I do that makes him happy is just to follow his lead on the big things, let him be a/the man, and just giving him space to do what he likes to do too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1846919 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 10:49:54 +0000 lizzywiz 1846919@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hm. I am more of the adage that you are only as happy as the least happy person in your household.<br /> I am not saying that is healthy or true across the board, but it is true for me. I think it may be a tangent of my people pleasing tendencies.<br /> ETA- that perspective leads me to expect people in my life to be insightful and vocal regarding what the need to be happy and listen to me when I speak my mind on the issue. I can't (or won't) live with malingering negativity because it just sucks the life outta me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1846907 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 10:47:45 +0000 mamimami 1846907@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm with you. Dreadful but true. I think in general women are more open about communicating their preferences, which is why we have a reputation for nagging, making a big deal out of nothing, etc. Many men will unfortunately just suffer, keep it in and one day have an affair, move out, etc. I think that's what's behind the saying.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/happy-wife-happy-life-1#post-1846905 Wed, 03 Sep 2014 10:47:26 +0000 Mrs. Lion 1846905@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think consistently making the choice to put your relationship with your partner before all else (including your children) and to look out for their interests above your own will, in most cases, lead to a happier life. So i think it applies in both directions :) </p>