https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 16 Apr 2026 05:45:59 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage/page/2#post-717938 Mon, 15 Apr 2013 16:50:49 +0000 LovelyPlum 717938@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all. I promise I'll respond to everyone individually when I get home. If it's OK, though, right now I need a safe place to vent.</p> <p>Today has been a total doozy. I got some strange stomach cramps yesterday under my rib cage and all down my front, which I figured were part of this new strange experience that my body was having. Well, when I got to work this afternoon, a fever and aches/chills accompanied them as well. I was freaking out...I've had friends with complications post-m/c, and I was terrified that something wasn't going right. The rational part of me wondered if I was just blowing things out of proportion, but the non-rational side won, and I called my doctor's to see what they said. </p> <p>The wonderful nurse at my doctor's got me in right away, and the good news is that I don't have a uterine infection *just* a stomach bug. Of course, as soon as he said that, I felt so foolish...why couldn't I just be normal about these things? I kept apologizing over and over, saying that I was sorry that I took up their time. To a person, they were wonderful-told me to stop, making sure I knew that I need to be gentle with myself. I know I have to, but I just feel like I should be in control, you know? But my body and my emotions have a different idea right now, and I need to accept that and give myself permission to feel exactly what I am feeling, no more, no less. </p> <p>So as I sit here trying to catch up on all that I missed for this afternoon's adventure, I am giving myself permission to feel. I am only human. I am only 5 days removed from my miscarriage. I don't have to have it all together. And that's enough. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage/page/2#post-715034 Sun, 14 Apr 2013 20:24:59 +0000 Mrs.Someone 715034@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LovelyPlum: Sorry you're going through this :( I had a similar experience (very early m/c). My next period came right on schedule. Emotionally I was able to start processing it once the bleeding started, but I still cried a lot. It took at least a month to not cry when thinking about it, probably longer. Take care of yourself, you'll get through it... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage/page/2#post-714985 Sun, 14 Apr 2013 20:03:52 +0000 singingbee 714985@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LovelyPlum: again, my heart aches that you have to through this. We miscarried at 20 weeks, so I had to deliver. Physically, I felt okay about 2 weeks after delivery, though I want cleared to do anything until 6 weeks. I got my period one month after delivery and it lasted for a while and would stop and start a couple of days. Emotionally, that took me a lot longer. It probably wasn't until about 3-4 months that I started to feel like our loss wasn't the only thing on my mind. I felt like i could deal okay with people, etc. I had some major up and down moments me I would just start counting good moments and if people asked how I was doing, I would say that at that moment I was having a goof moment. Hang in there. Hugs and prayers. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage/page/2#post-714833 Sun, 14 Apr 2013 18:52:16 +0000 futuremama 714833@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LovelyPlum: So sorry you've had to go through this. It's a heart-wrenching experience. Especially when you go to completely elated to devastated. Physically, I bled for about a week (I was 8 weeks along) when I miscarried naturally. I was lucky in that my period returned right on time (actually a day or two early). With my first miscarriage, however, it took about 7 weeks for my period to return.</p> <p>It has taken me longer to heal mentally though. It definitely gets easier over time. You need to take the time to grieve your loss. Don't let anyone make you feel like you need to move on quickly. I had a few people tell me, "At least it was early". It doesn't matter. It's a heartbreaking loss regardless of the timing. I'll be thinking of you. If you have any questions, please let me know. Unfortunately, there are a lot of women who have been through this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage/page/2#post-714736 Sun, 14 Apr 2013 18:24:17 +0000 LovelyPlum 714736@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Bumping this thread. I hate that so many people have had this, but this is really really helpful. Thanks.</p> <p>Quick question on the physical (as opposed to the emotional) side of M/C: how long did it take your body to bounce back, so to speak? Maybe more importantly, how long did it take you mentally? It's been 4 days, and my brain still feels like mush. I'm not sure if it's emotions, stress, or a combination thereof, but I can't seem to get ANYTHING done. This would not be such a big deal if it weren't two weeks before finals, where my workload is the worst. All I want to do is sleep. How do I help? Do I just have to give it time? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage#post-408313 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 16:33:34 +0000 mellybelly 408313@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: Yes. It's like people come out of the woodwork all of a sudden to support you and tell you they've been through it too.</p> <p>@stargal: I love that image of your mom and baby together in heaven. I'm so sorry for your losses but so glad to think of them together! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage#post-408281 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 16:21:02 +0000 Ash 408281@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I always picture my grandma rocking our angel in heaven. She loved rocking all of her grandbabies so it only makes sense they are together. :)) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage#post-408192 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 15:45:56 +0000 stargal 408192@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>the hardest part was dealing with the anger and sadness after losing the baby. knowing how many weeks i *should* of been pregnant and seeing other ppl around us having children. also when i got pregnant again, i suffered from crippling anxiety and PTSD and it was really hard to make it through the pregnancy.</p> <p>the best part: this will sound weird to some but i lost my mom very suddendly about three months after my misscariage and knowing that her and my lo are together in heaven comforts me. my mom lived for her kids and grandkids so it only made sense that she have one in heaven with her. also my son, if i didnt lose my first baby i would never of had my Pierson, and i cant imagine not having him. he is everything to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage#post-408173 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 15:40:18 +0000 Cherrybee 408173@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mellybelly: I was amazed when I had mine how many people said that it had happened to them - but had never mentioned it previously. </p> <p>I love the image of your baby in heaven - I picture mine a bit older, maybe 7 or 8, racing about, the whole of heaven his playground. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage#post-408167 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 15:36:23 +0000 sslm 408167@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mellybelly: I felt the same way. It's almost like a sisterhood. It's nice, there's so much support out there bc so many people have gone through it. I'm all teary now just thinking about how instrumental that is during my "recovery". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage#post-408158 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 15:32:50 +0000 MrsTiz 408158@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs Checkers: One thing people said a lot was, "You'll get pregnant again!" or "It's so common." I felt like this really minimized the intense loss I felt. </p> <p>Very well said, I haven't been able to put into words why that upsets me, so thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage#post-407570 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 11:19:11 +0000 mellybelly 407570@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also, I feel like I've somehow been ushered into a secret "club" of women who have been through this. It feels like no one outside of this club even knows it exists. I don't know if I'm describing this very well, but does anyone else feel the same way?</p> <p>It's not a club I would ever have hoped to find myself joining, but now that I've had a miscarriage, I don't know what I would do without it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage#post-407554 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 11:13:52 +0000 mellybelly 407554@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just really appreciate all the support and the community that is comprised of all you lovely ladies (and gentlemen!) who are willing to share your stories - both the good and the bad. It has been so helpful to have your input and know that I am not alone. </p> <p>I can definitely relate to a lot of what has been said. I now can mostly hold myself together emotionally, but I surprise myself by random bursting-into-tears moments that I just can't see coming. </p> <p>I know this community has a wide range of religious beliefs, but something that has brought me great comfort over the past week is picturing my little one in heaven, being held in the arms of God and passed around by all the angels. He is in a better place where there is no suffering, pain, sadness, etc. I miss him everyday but I hope to meet him someday in heaven! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage#post-406771 Mon, 19 Nov 2012 18:10:10 +0000 MsConfetti 406771@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The hardest part to me was the what could have been and the second guessing myself. I am horrible on the latter- I think over and over " should I have not done this? Should I have not eaten that"? etc. It's tough, I don't think there is any easy part about it. Hang in there and be kind to yourself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage#post-405188 Sun, 18 Nov 2012 17:56:32 +0000 MrsH 405188@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agreed with most of the above - for me it is hardest to think about where I would be. (i.e. 30 weeks preggers, etc.).</p> <p>I'm sorry for your loss. It sucks but it does slowly get better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage#post-404377 Sat, 17 Nov 2012 21:05:01 +0000 Ash 404377@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I came across this blog today (from pinterest, nonetheless) and thought I'd share this woman's m/c experience.</p> <p><a href="http://myblessedlife.net/2009/07/remembering-my-angel-baby.html" rel="nofollow">http://myblessedlife.net/2009/07/remembering-my-angel-baby.html</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage#post-404199 Sat, 17 Nov 2012 16:43:29 +0000 singingbee 404199@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladybee: I think for my husband, wanting a baby was sort of a far off idea, like it was taking some getting used to. But when it's ripped away from you, you realize how much you really wanted it and how real it already was. You just don't think you will be the one it happens to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage#post-404058 Sat, 17 Nov 2012 13:44:06 +0000 ladybee 404058@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jennimac: I have to agree, this is by far the best teaching year I have had. A lot of changes are happening in our district and sometimes I think about how hard it would have been to miss 8 weeks of that. If I'm going to have a GREAT group of kids I don't want to miss any of it!</p> <p>For us, DH and I are much closer. I think having it and then having it taken away made he want a baby way more than he did previously. I've always been nutty about wanting one :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage#post-404047 Sat, 17 Nov 2012 13:34:13 +0000 Ash 404047@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mellybelly: I'm so sorry for your loss!!!!! </p> <p>The hardest part about our miscarriage was never getting the chance to meet our baby... having our dreams and plans for this baby ripped away from us. The second we see "pregnant" or those two lines, we start planning our future with our baby... what will he/she look like... will he/she have my eyes or DH's laid back personality? How will we paint the nursery? What will we name him/her? OMG WE'RE GOING TO BE PARENTS! All of these things go through our minds in a matter of seconds. And then before you know it, it's gone. We officially miscarried at 7 weeks and for a week and a half prior to it being "official" I spent in in limbo, wondering when and if it was going to happen. I left work early on days I just couldn't handle the unknown (I worked in OB). All I did was cry. Everything reminded me I was losing our baby. I still wonder what could have been. BUT this has made me realize I'm human and cannot take anything for granted EVER. It has brought DH and I much closer. It made us realize how badly we want to start a family. And it made me realize how common a m/c is and how painful it is to lose your baby, even if it was at 7weeks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage#post-403978 Sat, 17 Nov 2012 12:12:24 +0000 MaisyMay 403978@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: Morning sickness was a huge reassurance to me. Like you, I didn't get it last time, so when my stomach started rolling around, it made me feel a lot better. I did have a freak-out when right around the same time we had our MC, I lost my symptoms, but a quick dr appt and they found that I had a low hormone that we were able to treat, and all was well. I've also found that I don't complain about pregnancy stuff as much. There are times when I am really uncomfortable or hurting, but at least I'm pregnant and will have a LO here soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage#post-403675 Sat, 17 Nov 2012 04:58:58 +0000 sorrycharlie 403675@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry for your loss :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage#post-403672 Sat, 17 Nov 2012 04:51:25 +0000 Cherrybee 403672@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaisyMay: That's great news about your friends! It's also a real comfort to me to hear you say that everything felt sweeter in your current pregnancy, post 1st Tri - I'm actually looking forward to nausea because I didn't get there last time (I'm sure I wont be saying that after weeks of vomiting!) but the worry overpowers the joy at this stage. It's good to hear that doesn't have to last! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage#post-403578 Fri, 16 Nov 2012 23:54:52 +0000 MaisyMay 403578@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For me, the hardest part was dealing with reminders and having to tell people after the fact that we weren't pregnant anymore. I had some friends ask me how the pregnancy was going a few months after the miscarriage. It was a very difficult reminder. </p> <p>Some friends of our had fertility issues and told us that at least we knew we could get pregnant, whereas they didn't even have that consolation. I agreed with them about that.</p> <p>For me, the one good thing that came out of the M/C experience was that I was able to relate so much better to other women who were dealing with something similar. There have been so many women who needed a shoulder to cry on that I was able to provide. Plus, it made everything about this pregnancy so much sweeter! Once we passed our miscarriage point with this pregnancy, everything else felt so much easier!</p> <p>Oh, and the friends who had fertility issues are expecting a child in April! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage#post-403575 Fri, 16 Nov 2012 23:47:23 +0000 ChelseaRose 403575@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a hard time with what would have been my due date. </p> <p>The only good thing was conceiving again and giving birth to my baby boy 10 months to the day after the miscarriage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage#post-403569 Fri, 16 Nov 2012 23:27:28 +0000 singingbee 403569@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My positive is that I wouldn't have been able to start in my own classroom this year. I moved to 6th grade and it has been so wonderful. I'm having the best school/work year ever. I wouldn't have had that if we had our baby. It would have been great to have our baby, but if I have to find a positive in my loss, that could be it. </p> <p>I said it on a previous post, but I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It's not an experience you want to have, but it's one that shapes the rest of your life. My husband and I are closer than ever. I didn't think I could love him any more than I already do, but seeing how he helped me and was so strong just magnified my love for him. </p> <p>Since our loss was so late, they let us take pictures and spend some time holding our daughter. Seeing my husband holding her and trying to see if she looked like me or him was heartbreaking but it was also rewarding because I know he will be the best father when we have our take home baby. I was being strong for him when we were doing that and takig some pictures because that's what he needed to do to bond with her and find some closure for him. It will open your eyes to a whole new side of your relationship and while I don't like why we experienced it, I'm glad we it made us even closer than before. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage#post-403563 Fri, 16 Nov 2012 23:16:13 +0000 singingbee 403563@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with all the previous posters. I've experienced everything they said. </p> <p>For me, one the hardest parts was running into people who hadn't heard. I felt like I was doing okay, hit the 'hard' milestones: original due date, events where you Thought you would have a baby, students/people asking about how I'm doing......and then I would run into someone who didn't know. They could I wasn't pregnant anymore and assume I had the baby. Then, they would ask how my baby was. I would have to explain. </p> <p>Having lost our baby at 20 wks I feel like I can't relax whenever we get pregnant again. I'm going to be constantly worrying something is wrong. We hit all the 'milestones' you should to get out of the 'scary miscarriage time' and it still happened. It's hard not having any control over what can happen. It's frustrating to be right back where you started and everyone else is having babies left and right. People are asking if we are still trying. It's just hard having so many unanswered questions. </p> <p>But, I do know there is joy to come. I just have to have faith and trust. It's hard. But, I know the end result will be worth it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage#post-403415 Fri, 16 Nov 2012 20:13:23 +0000 junebugmama 403415@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a lot of miscarriages. At this point it's hardest for me when people ask me if Jax is my first baby. I should have 5 children, but obviously telling them that would just make them feel awkward. It however reminds me of all of the loses I have had, even though it's an innocent question. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage#post-403407 Fri, 16 Nov 2012 20:05:12 +0000 sarac 403407@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have not experienced this hell, but I want to say - thank god for this community. I'm so glad it exists so that we don't all have to feel like we're the only ones struggling or suffering with difficult things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage#post-403323 Fri, 16 Nov 2012 18:47:52 +0000 MamaMoose 403323@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with some of the girls who said the hardest part for me was worrying that I would never be able to carry a pregnancy to term. Because miscarriages are so common doctors won't do any testing (and probably wouldn't find anything anyway) to figure out why the pregnancy didn't stick. So for me knowing that something went wrong but not having and real answers was very very difficult. We were very lucky and got pregnant on our first try (second cycle) post miscarriage and I'll be 39 weeks on Sunday. I just remind myself that if I hadn't lost that baby I wouldn't have THIS baby and this must be the baby God intended for me to have. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hardest-part-of-a-miscarriage#post-403311 Fri, 16 Nov 2012 18:38:36 +0000 Mrs Checkers 403311@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I agree.</p> <p>The hardest part was having SO many friends around us getting pregnant and missing our baby we would never meet. The grief was overwhelming at times, but with time, it did get better. </p> <p>Another thing that was hard was things people would say to try to make me feel better. Sometimes people just say a lot of things that should never come out of their mouth! Oftentimes it's well-intended but sometimes saying nothing or a simple, "I'm sorry for your loss" is best. One thing people said a lot was, "You'll get pregnant again!" or "It's so common." I felt like this really minimized the intense loss I felt.</p> <p>Some positive things? :)</p> <p>Going through this really brought my DH and I closer together. I think pain has a way of doing that sometimes. Sometimes the people who feel it the most are the only ones who can understand, and we really had to lean on each other during that time.</p> <p>I think pain also has a way of connecting people...you have a different lens/perspective on how you see things after experiencing something like this. You deeply feel for people who have experienced this kind of loss, and you understand it. You can feel it in your bones. And your heart breaks for them. If you never experienced a miscarriage, you might feel sad when a friend goes through it, but it's different.</p> <p>I am so sorry for your loss. </p>