https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 01 May 2026 17:20:11 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-anyone-ever-toldyou-why-have-kids-if-you-dont-want-to-raise-them#post-489979 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 21:35:48 +0000 daniellemybelle 489979@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: Totally agree. It's so sexist. Fathers' love for their children is never questioned when they work full time. To the same point, perhaps I misread your post, @Mrs. Pen, but if your sister thinks not wanting to be home with your kids is a "heart issue," does she think all dads have a "heart issue" too?</p> <p>@artbee: You should send your friend the article that says working moms spend more time per week on average with their kids than SAHMs did decades ago. Working moms go above and beyond to "have it all" and spend quality time with their kids. I knew a working mom who was doing fun art projects and that kind of thing with her daughter after dinner 3-4 nights a week... that's way more than my (awesome) SAHM did! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-anyone-ever-toldyou-why-have-kids-if-you-dont-want-to-raise-them#post-489423 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 16:36:35 +0000 yellowbird 489423@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That comment infuriates me!! As a WOHM who has no choice but to work (hello student loans and being the breadwinner!) I think I deserve to be a mom even though I have to work. :((( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-anyone-ever-toldyou-why-have-kids-if-you-dont-want-to-raise-them#post-489417 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 16:34:31 +0000 HLK208 489417@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't like that at all. There are some SAHM's who don't spend quality time with their children, then there are some working mom's who spend every minute with their children. As long as the parents are involved, during their down time, they are raising their children! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-anyone-ever-toldyou-why-have-kids-if-you-dont-want-to-raise-them#post-489408 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 16:31:13 +0000 blackbird 489408@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do these women not realize that only about 25% of the female population stays home with kids nowadays? Statistically, they are the minority! 75% of women go back to work! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-anyone-ever-toldyou-why-have-kids-if-you-dont-want-to-raise-them#post-489349 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 16:08:20 +0000 mrsjazz 489349@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That comment from your friend is lame.</p> <p>I heard this from a friend when I was struggling with going back to work after maternity leave--she said that when she had kids she was going to stay home with them because she didn't want someone else to raise them and that I should just quit and make it work. Yep, so easy.</p> <p>@ladyfingers: I agree that this comment seems to come from women more. I've had quite a few women give me confused stares and ask, "Well, who takes care of your baby?" when I mention that I work. I always want to say, "WTF year is it again? Many women are working mothers, moron" but I don't. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-anyone-ever-toldyou-why-have-kids-if-you-dont-want-to-raise-them#post-489323 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 15:55:38 +0000 immabeetoo 489323@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with: @ladyfingers: I've only ever heard it from women's mouths! It's ignorant and mean spirited. And sexist, people don't say it to working dads! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-anyone-ever-toldyou-why-have-kids-if-you-dont-want-to-raise-them#post-489310 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 15:49:54 +0000 2PeasinaPod 489310@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom says this to me all the time now that I'm back to work and it infuriates me. She was a SAHM and thinks I should be too. She also thinks I shouldn't go anywhere with LO except for to her house and back. Right... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-anyone-ever-toldyou-why-have-kids-if-you-dont-want-to-raise-them#post-489301 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 15:47:01 +0000 MrsTiz 489301@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@artbee: He's just an ass then :) It's a nanny interview, I would sure hope the nanny would respond to a crying baby! </p> <p>@ladyfingers: I hear that A.LOT. around my family. They convinced my SIL that she was an awful mom for thinking about putting her LO in daycare. I have to put mine in daycare, I literally have no other choice. Daycare is no different than school, and could go on about the benefits of daycare </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-anyone-ever-toldyou-why-have-kids-if-you-dont-want-to-raise-them#post-489280 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 15:37:11 +0000 Bao 489280@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@artbee: oh no I get it! I would love a hand so I could eat a meal too. I was just saying, in some instances (not your friends) that people take advantage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-anyone-ever-toldyou-why-have-kids-if-you-dont-want-to-raise-them#post-489251 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 15:22:37 +0000 ladyfingers 489251@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@artbee: so very true!</p> <p>ETA (not that you should feel guilty... but that the grass is greener ;)) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-anyone-ever-toldyou-why-have-kids-if-you-dont-want-to-raise-them#post-489250 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 15:22:17 +0000 Mrsbells 489250@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have seen comments like that on boards. I just dismiss it as ignorance. In the end all kids go to school eventually and no one thinks that teachers raise the kids, so I dont know why daycare before school age is such a shocking thing </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-anyone-ever-toldyou-why-have-kids-if-you-dont-want-to-raise-them#post-489248 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 15:21:54 +0000 heffalump 489248@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Bao: those things do make sense. But my friend was holding her baby until the meal came and she took her back as soon as she finished. She really just wanted a break to eat. She didn't deserve that comment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-anyone-ever-toldyou-why-have-kids-if-you-dont-want-to-raise-them#post-489245 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 15:19:19 +0000 heffalump 489245@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladyfingers: yeah well.... I always feel guilty that lo isn't in day care because she is so shy, not as socialized (we do library classes and gymboree but obviously not the same), behind in milestones (didn't walk until 17 months), etc. The grass is always greener...... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-anyone-ever-toldyou-why-have-kids-if-you-dont-want-to-raise-them#post-489227 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 15:15:08 +0000 Bao 489227@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree, all parents could use a hand and every parent needs a break. However, I have been a nanny for several years, and you wouldn't beleive the parents who take advantage. Here are some instances, and some have even caused me to quit: a. the parent is napping day in and day out, and they aren't even sick b. there is a huge snow storm, everything is shut down, both parents are home, yet I still needed to go take care of their kids c. "I'll be late (they tell don't ask), because I need to go to the store, bank etc. These things are not ok, and make me wonder why some parents do have kids if they can't even spend a day with their kid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-anyone-ever-toldyou-why-have-kids-if-you-dont-want-to-raise-them#post-489224 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 15:14:27 +0000 heffalump 489224@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@TurtleDoves: I told him that she needs to take care of herself before she can take care of her lo, and she needs to eat to have energy to get through the rest of her day. And its not like she's always going to have a nanny following her around, normally she'll be at work. But of course she should take advantage while she can!</p> <p>@MrsTiz: he thinks its fine that shes working. He just didn't like that she didn't hold the baby the entire time at breakfast. Hes a strange guy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-anyone-ever-toldyou-why-have-kids-if-you-dont-want-to-raise-them#post-489220 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 15:12:14 +0000 ladyfingers 489220@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, I think it's a comment that comes most often from women. It's such a disgusting comment. That and when they call daycare "don't care." It always comes up in conversations about the high cost of daycare. It sort of rubs me the wrong way too when people without kids/who aren't pregnant are like, I really want kids but we're going to have to figure out how I can stay home because I could NEVER do that to my child, they're so tiny, putting them in daycare, how horrible. Believe it or not I have heard that tons of times. And I'm like hey, I get it -- I feel guilty sometimes too -- but don't make me feel like a shithead for having to do this.</p> <p>Bottom line is that nobody knows what anybody else's life or motivations are like, so comments like that are just inappropriate and ignorant. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-anyone-ever-toldyou-why-have-kids-if-you-dont-want-to-raise-them#post-489219 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 15:11:37 +0000 mrs. bird 489219@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i have people say that to me all the time which is super awkward because *I AM THE NANNY*..... really, what are you supposed to say to that?!? my default is just to mumble, 'to each their own' while walking away. people say foolish things. people have children for all sorts of reasons, only they are in a position to decide if it's right for them. i've wondered it a few times in my head (not about ppl i've worked for! but like celebrities &amp; ppl i don't know), but i'd never say that to someone out loud. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-anyone-ever-toldyou-why-have-kids-if-you-dont-want-to-raise-them#post-489214 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 15:10:18 +0000 chopsuey 489214@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No one's ever said this to me since I'm a SAHM, but I've heard people say it about other moms. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-anyone-ever-toldyou-why-have-kids-if-you-dont-want-to-raise-them#post-489210 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 15:08:50 +0000 .twist. 489210@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also, what about just needing a break to re-energize to be a good parents. If you're run off your feet and exhausted and grumpy you're not being a great parent, if someone (a nanny!) can help you keep your shit together, I think you'll be a better parent overall. </p> <p>That friend was out of line. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-anyone-ever-toldyou-why-have-kids-if-you-dont-want-to-raise-them#post-489186 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 15:02:36 +0000 blackbird 489186@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Holy moly. Nobody's said anything like that to me, but I would get real nasty fast. Shit.</p> <p>I wonder if fathers get asked this question? Because fathers typically work 40 hours/week (if not more). Yet nobody questions whether or not they are "raising" their own child, right? I really, really don't understand the whole "if you aren't with your child all day and night, you aren't raising them" mentality. Nobody would dare tell a father he isn't raising his own child by providing for them by working.</p> <p>My mom was a SAHM and had a nanny when my brother and I were little. I never felt like she didn't raise me or didn't want me. But it sure was nice to have someone cook and clean for her! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-anyone-ever-toldyou-why-have-kids-if-you-dont-want-to-raise-them#post-489185 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 15:02:23 +0000 chrispygal 489185@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, that's a harsh comment! I agree that you still "raise" your child even if they are not with you all day. Heck, if parents didn't "raise" children after school, on nights and weekends then we'd have a bunch of cloned kids running around since they are all in school together. That is obviously not the case. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-anyone-ever-toldyou-why-have-kids-if-you-dont-want-to-raise-them#post-489182 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 15:01:22 +0000 MrsTiz 489182@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just wrote this big response then realized that I misread your post, ha! </p> <p>Okay, revised:<br /> I feel that parents do need help when they are unavailable, (at work, doctors, etc) I do not agree that a parent should have a nanny around when they are not at work. If that is the case, then no, I don't think that person is being a "parent".</p> <p>Your friend was out of line by saying that because your friend might *have* to work. I would die if someone said I was being an awful parent because I had to work (which I will) to support our family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-anyone-ever-toldyou-why-have-kids-if-you-dont-want-to-raise-them#post-489179 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 15:00:44 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 489179@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@artbee: I don't want to bash men but, it's such a common phrase coming from them! What people don't realize is that even when LO isn't with a mom 24/7, that doesn't mean she's not raising them. When LO is at my moms, I'm pumping, shopping for lo's necessities and/or taking a break to lean his bottles! It's never ending! So what if someone holds your kid so you can eat...ugh!<br /> I hate that comment. What did you say? I would have cried, maybe. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-anyone-ever-toldyou-why-have-kids-if-you-dont-want-to-raise-them#post-489178 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 15:00:40 +0000 MamaMoose 489178@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In general I agree that this attitude is really annoying. But I will say there are certain instances where I really don't understand why people had kids. I used to work on wall street and I knew plenty of couples where both parents worked at investment firms and they could literally go days without seeing their child awake. The hours are INSANE. So I don't know why you have kids when you can't spend time with them. I also don't get SAHMs who have nannies. A babysitter every now and then I totally understand. But not a full time nanny when you are a SAHM. Of course I would never judge someone's parenting choice to their face. It's not up to me to comment on how thy raise their kid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-anyone-ever-toldyou-why-have-kids-if-you-dont-want-to-raise-them#post-489166 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 14:56:22 +0000 heffalump 489166@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pen: yes just because lo is not with you 24/7 doesn't mean you're not raising him. Eventually my lo will be in school. Does that mean school is raising her? Am I supposed to homeschool? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-anyone-ever-toldyou-why-have-kids-if-you-dont-want-to-raise-them#post-489163 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 14:52:56 +0000 Mrs. Pen 489163@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I hateeeeee this comment but I think it's a common stigma A. for men. B. for the older generation. </p> <p>I think we're going to have to go another generation before working moms become the norm. I'm not a working mom, but I know my sister feels similarly; she said the most important job for me is to be with my LO and if that doesn't make me happy, it's a heart issue. I understand that that's where HER heart is, but it's not fair to project that on others. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-anyone-ever-toldyou-why-have-kids-if-you-dont-want-to-raise-them#post-489162 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 14:52:17 +0000 Foodnerd81 489162@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've definitely heard that. It's not really fair, I don't think. No one has said it to me yet, since most people don't even know I'm pregnant but I've heard people say it about friends. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-anyone-ever-toldyou-why-have-kids-if-you-dont-want-to-raise-them#post-489155 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 14:50:20 +0000 heffalump 489155@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My friend (who doesn't have kids) said this to me about another friend and I wanted to punch him.</p> <p>She is going back to work soon and a nanny will take care of her lo during he day so she was there getting to know her and her lo and we all went to breakfast. Our food came, the baby started crying, the nanny scooped up the baby so my friend could eat. I told this story to my friend, saying how nice it was for her. I'm a sahm, when my baby cries I don't get to eat so I know how it feels. His response, "she's spoiled. Why have kids if you don't want to take care of them?"</p> <p>So parents don't deserve help? We don't get to eat? </p>