https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 09 Apr 2026 17:33:21 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1070053 Fri, 06 Sep 2013 10:39:12 +0000 Lindsay05 1070053@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DiamondEyes: I am glad I could help out lol You got some great advice here ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1068287 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 18:35:05 +0000 sandy 1068287@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, it was really hard for me the first few weeks and there were some tough moments the first few months...and we had an easy baby! It can be such a crazy time emotionally bc of hormones...and not only was it hard for me to deal with, but hard for me to work through with my husband at first. And there are differences in parenting styles that come up even though you've talked through everything beforehand...sometimes things change once baby arrives.</p> <p>Most of the time it was amazing and great, but there were definitely moments in the first few months that were so hard and that we had to work through...keep talking and don't use the baby as an excuse (even though that is a big reason why things are changing so much)...stay focused on your relationship and keep loving each other verbally, physically, emotionally, etc. The best thing you can do for your baby is to maintain a strong relationship...parents that love each other is so beneficial for babies...don't let the stress build up.</p> <p>Despite the hard times the first few months, it was still an amazing time and I really do feel like our relationship is better than ever. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1068212 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 18:13:16 +0000 autumn865 1068212@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Absolutely with having a baby your relationship changes. To start I love DH more each passing day. To see him evolve into a father and to love our little girl has allowed me to see a whole new side of him and it is the most wonderful side. I trust DH more than anyone in the world and it is because I trust him with our baby. I feel like we have a more intimate relationship. Physically having a child is very emotional and to experience that together has brought our intimacy to another level. That said having a baby has also made our relationship harder. It is harder to find time (or quality time) together and lack of sleep certainly can bring out the worst in a person. I would say we bicker more now about stupid things or nothing. Bottom line though I think it's a good conversation to have pre TTC but you really can't predict how your relationship will change. Just create a good foundation now and everything will work out :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1068201 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 18:10:19 +0000 chopsuey 1068201@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The first few weeks were tough both times just because we were adjusting to life with a baby and life with a toddler + newborn.<br /> I don't think our relationship has suffered at all since having kids. If anything we're better communicators and love and appreciate each other more now. </p> <p>When my DH's not traveling he's home all day with us and we have 4-5 hours to ourselves after the kids have gone to bed. When he does travel, I solo parent and miss him like crazy! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1068193 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 18:06:05 +0000 chrispygal 1068193@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So it has been both better and more difficult, if that makes any sense whatsoever. I think before LO our relationship was pretty effortless, with minimal fights. Now we are a lot more hectic, tend to fight more, and we definitely have to put more work into spending time together and making each other a priority (which, we are really bad about). That being said, we absolutely are both smitten with our daughter and our love for each other has grown immensely now that we're parents. It's a really special thing to see your hubby as a daddy. I love him in a whole new way now. </p> <p>Unlike many I think the earlier months were easy for us. I had minimal issues adjusting, LO was a great baby, and DH's life was not disrupted in the least. It was better because I was home and he had dinner on the table every night, etc. It wasn't until I went back to work that things got somewhat tough. Then we found our groove, and that got better. We've had a hell of a lot less sex but we're older, so that may be part of it too. haha! We have gotten much better, but I do understand what people mean when they say marriage is work now where before I didn't understand what was so difficult. </p> <p>Either way, I think communication with each other is great. Pre-TTC, during, and post. It's a big decision to make and an even bigger commitment, but it is hands down the BEST thing I've ever done in my life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1068066 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 16:52:16 +0000 MrsStar 1068066@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We went through quite a rough patch after dd was born, even after discussing it when I was pregnant that expectations would change etc. I felt resentful of dh because I had felt that my life had changed completely and I was attached to a baby 24/7 and it seemed his life didn't change at all - he went to work, he went out drinking and socialising, he got to have time out to just play games or whatever and that resentment definitely built up that we both ended up mad at each other and I was sure we were just going to break up. Buuuut, a few months later we got in the groove of things and we're much, much better thankfully. He still gets to do "his thing" such as going to the gym etc but he knows when he comes home he has to help with the workload of looking after dd. And he's getting better about letting me lie in bed one weekend morning a week. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1068045 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 16:41:07 +0000 Cherrybee 1068045@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you've read my most recent post and the venty updates contained within, you will know that DH and I have been snapping at each other a lot of late. Early parenthood is ridiculously tough, you're both tired, things get said..... Ugh! That said, I think having DD has actually strengthened our relationship. I've had to learn to argue (instead of cry), to not take things to heart so much and to bounce back from an exchange of cross words (previously I would have stewed for ages, convinced we were doomed - I was deeply hurt by any confrontation). DH has had to learn to back down and admit when he is wrong - he actually apologised to me today for being off last night!!! We've had to lean on each other more and work as a team and I appreciate him so much more now than I ever did (although with that comes higher expectations which he doesn't always meet!). I crave time with him now, where before maybe I took him for granted. All in all, its been a positive experience, disguised as a really bloody awful one!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1068028 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 16:31:52 +0000 deactivated_account 1068028@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: Cheers to that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1068008 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 16:22:27 +0000 blackbird 1068008@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One thing that DH is really good at (far better than me) is stopping me for a second and saying, "hey, give me a hug". If the baby's crying? Well, she can wait 3 seconds. If i'm running around like a maniac, cleaning bottles and getting ready for bed? It just forces me to stop and relax for a second. It sounds so cheesy and lame, but since my mind is on baby stuff most of the time (esp while on maternity leave), he really forced me to stop and take a breath. And, you know, hugs are good. </p> <p>Very helpful! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1067982 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 16:11:07 +0000 googly-eyes 1067982@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@skibobrown: ITA about the bickering... Even during our transition to parenthood in theearly months we didn't bicker much because we knew we needed each other. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1067974 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 16:08:50 +0000 googly-eyes 1067974@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rahlyrah: I had really bad PPD around where you are and our relationship was not in a great place either. We had help with LO from MIL so that helped us get along, but in many ways we weren't on the same page. Once I was better and LO settled down things started to get on track. Probably by 6/7 months pp things were good again with me and with our relationship. It could be faster than that for you though, we were busy with other things at the time which sort of prolonged the lack of "normalcy " (dh's job and school and travel related...) We finally did reach that "new normal" people talk about. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1067970 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 16:07:40 +0000 yoursilverlining 1067970@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsMcD: "Having a baby will not fix anything."</p> <p>Yes, this x1000000000000000000000000. I wish more people realized this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1067953 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 16:00:09 +0000 skibobrown 1067953@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The hardest thing for us is that we have *no* time. We both work 40+ hour/week highly demanding jobs, and on top of that we have to be there to raise our child. It can be really hard to find time to communicate, and that wears on us when multiple days go by in a week when we have no time to do anything for ourselves. The lack of time definitely leads to strain in our relationship. However, we are both very conscious of the strain, and we try to find ways to mitigate it. I try to tell DH regularly how much I appreciate him, and he tells me the same. We both know that we wouldn't be making it without each other's support, so that helps immensely. That's not to say that the transition hasn't been incredibly difficult for our relationship, but we already had a lot of the communication and support skills in place before having our daughter to make it work. </p> <p>Actually, sometimes I even think we fight less now that we have a baby. Certain little things that we would have bickered over pre-baby now just don't seem so important. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1067951 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 15:59:50 +0000 googly-eyes 1067951@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Stronger but yes in some ways it's more difficult. Mosty because we have much less time for each other. But still, at almost a year into this, I think we are finally really settled into this life an have a good balance. It helps when LO sleeps, but there's no predicting that!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1067933 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 15:53:50 +0000 deactivated_account 1067933@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsLipGloss: You are funny, friend. I always pee in my wetsuit. I was a swimmer growing up so.... But seriously... there's always challenges with a new situation. I think it can be an absolute rule, however, that couples should get their relationship rock solid because they start TTC. Having a baby will not fix anything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1067921 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 15:48:41 +0000 MamaJ 1067921@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rahlyrah: it really strained our marriage too. I feel like roommates sometimes as well. LO is 9 months now and we have definitely had ups and downs. And the downs are really really down. We are working on it though... It's tough sometimes! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1067890 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 15:28:38 +0000 MsLipGloss 1067890@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rahlyrah: You're not in the minority. So many people don't talk openly about how difficult the transition is because there is so much shame attached to it . . . and the fear of appearing ungrateful or unloving toward their LO. Everyone struggles in some way. Imo, there are two types of people in this world (forgive the diving analogy), those who pee in their wet suits, and those who lie about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1067841 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 15:06:30 +0000 Ra 1067841@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am in the minority I suppose. Having a baby has put a huge strain on our relationship. We bicker a lot more than usual and still haven't had sex. It sucks. We live more like roommates instead of a married couple.</p> <p>That being said, we are only 11 weeks in and I have PPD. I'm hoping this rough patch will smooth itself out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1067833 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 15:05:01 +0000 HellOnHeels 1067833@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for the responses, everyone!</p> <p>@Lindsay05: Honestly, your post did help me decide about writing this post. I hope everything gets worked out and better for you guys!</p> <p>@deerylou: I enjoyed the novel! Really helpful! #1 resonates with me because when we discussed our timeline, DH mentioned that he doesn't want to come home after work, have me hand the baby to him and say, "Here, it's yours to deal with now". I told him I want to have a PARTNERSHIP and parent together. Not just me, and not just him. Together. I know he's tired when he gets home, but I will be as well and we'll need to find a balance. I think I will have to bring that one up and emphasize it again, especially because we have a couple friends who complain that the husband doesn't help at home and have told me to be prepared to be a "single parent" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1067825 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 15:01:53 +0000 Bookish 1067825@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, it gets harder, but on the flip side, watching DH be a father is absolutely amazing, and has really intensified my love for him. </p> <p>Now, the day to day love? That is sometimes hard. Like @deerylou: said, do not be a martyr. Ask for help. Don't assume your DH knows what you need. I have trouble with this, but I am really trying to spell out what exactly I need help with, and he is great about doing it. </p> <p>Also, date nights or just nights where you cuddle on the couch and eat popcorn are very important. Pay attention to each other. Just giving small compliments, butt squeezes, or sweet text messages throughout the day has made such a difference for me. </p> <p>You'll be ok. It is extremely hard and extremely rewarding, but I know my DH and I will get through it and continue to have a strong, loving marriage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1067818 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 14:59:23 +0000 yoursilverlining 1067818@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Having LO has not made our relationship harder, or much different really; except that of course a lot of the attention we each spent on ourselves/each other now is directed for LO. </p> <p>I think it's absolutely crucial that you speak honestly, and often, about your expectations for post-baby - and I mean the nitty-gritty, non-fun stuff you'll have to do. Are you on the same page about expectations for diaper changes, midnight waking, early mornings, meal making, doing dishes, "free" time, etc. Are you on the same page about the big issues: working post-baby, daycare/SAH, religion, etc.</p> <p>We spend time together every night, just us. I think that helps a lot. </p> <p>One of the best pieces of advice I got was that you need to make time every single day for yourself. Even if its just 20 minutes to go for a run, or get a cup of coffee outside the house - you need to get out of the house every day and have time just for you. We each make sure that we each get a break on a regular basis. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1067805 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 14:53:17 +0000 deerylou 1067805@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're under two months into parenthood, but so far, things have been really awesome.</p> <p>Don't get me wrong; before becoming pregnant, we had far less worry, more spontaneity, and could be more frivolous with our income. There's definitely some stress and frustration associated with tightening the purse strings (in our case, considerably, as I may not be returning to work until sometime next year), and having to plan your every outing, deliberately. We currently take LO with us on casual "date nights" (she sleeps through dinner, or just quietly looks around), which makes things simple, but definitely takes our attention away from each other. We're working up to allowing her to be babysat by our families, as we are admittedly still a wee bit obsessed with her. ;) </p> <p>Having a child has definitely added an element of adventure and closeness to our marriage that I rather enjoy. Some things fall by the wayside (intimacy, alone time, the chance to devote hours to personal hobbies), but I think we'll find our grove, eventually.</p> <p>As for advice, I'll say this:</p> <p>1. Do *not* allow yourself become a martyr. I tend to absorb tasks and responsibilities of those around me, all the while, mumbling under my breath, and kicking rocks. I did *not* want to be bitter towards my husband, so I made a point to be vocal. When DH comes home from work, I let him know when I've had enough and need a break. In fact, he usually offers before I even have to ask. We split duties as evenly as possible. When DD was a newborn and waking up several times at night, DH would bring her to me, and help get set up to nurse, and then change her diaper before we put her back down. It was nice to feel like a team. Now, LO is primarily bottle fed, and sleeps about six hours before waking, so it's much easier for me to do things, solo. DH lets me sleep in on the weekends, which is awesome. </p> <p>2. Make sure you have a good support network. Whether it's skyping with your parents overseas, joining a mommy group, or meeting your sister-in-law for coffee twice a week, reach out, and maintain contact with other adults, and people that care for you. Encourage your husband to do the same. Feeling supported by others has made me feel less alone, and more connected to my "former life" which actually works to help me feel closer to DH.</p> <p>3. Praise and encourage each other. When I finally put a particularly cranky LO down for the night, DH is always quick to say, "Nice job, mama!" When DH dresses LO for the day, and even coordinates her headband to match her dress, I give him a squeeze and tell him how pretty she looks. It sounds minor, but it really does wonders. </p> <p>Okay, I wrote a novel. Best of luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1067804 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 14:53:14 +0000 LuLu Mom 1067804@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I acutally think after having a baby we were better than we had been in a long time. We had this higher connection that made us argue less, and we tend to be the couple that bickers at each other ;) </p> <p>Everyone else warned us how your relationship takes a toll with paernthood but with us we found the opposite was true, we were closer than ever. Yes, we have less sex and have less sleep but overall having a child was great for our relationship, it improved it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1067751 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 14:34:37 +0000 mediagirl 1067751@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Great question to ask before TTC!</p> <p>For us, it got better. While it was different before, now we are a team working towards one goal - help our lo succeed. We spend quality time together every single day with our lo and with just the two of us. We do what works for us, though and every couple is different there. It took us a while to get a little routine down and finally found one that fit for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1067746 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 14:33:11 +0000 Mrsbells 1067746@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It definitely has its challenges, but once you get past the newborn stage (first 3 months) you figure out something that works for you </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1067737 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 14:30:51 +0000 Lindsay05 1067737@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am sure you can tell from my post I started today! It is hard. We were very spontaneous people and also people who enjoyed our alone time. That pretty much all gets changed. Yes, you can still make it happen but just not as easy. Definitely talk about things before doing it. Dont get me wrong, having a child is one of the greatest experiences ever but it literally is life changing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1067718 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 14:26:40 +0000 HLK208 1067718@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think our relationship is stronger since having children. We are both so madly in love with our children and it's so special that no one else shares the type of we do for them! Pregnancy was hard on our relationship (lack of understanding on his part, and my crazy hormones). We do sometimes argue about parenting and money is of course tighter after having them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1067704 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 14:22:58 +0000 heffalump 1067704@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think it has made it harder. It's different... We really appreciate any us time we have now while before it was all the time so it wasn't as special. I do have to make an effort to put our relationship first sometimes... Like we've gone on 2 overnight trips without lo. I hate leaving her but know I need to for the sake of my marriage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1067691 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 14:17:45 +0000 looch 1067691@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It has made it different. We're both a little older and have lived alone for a long time, so adjusting to a new dynamic was a challenge. Then when our son was born, he was pretty high needs and I honestly didn't cope well. What I learned from this is that I have to speak up and ask for what I need, my husband isn't a mind reader. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-having-kids-made-your-relationship-harder#post-1067682 Thu, 05 Sep 2013 14:14:46 +0000 edelweiss 1067682@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i had read a lot about how hard things are after a baby is born, and i shared this information with DH and we talked about it a little. it didn't prevent things from being hard, but it helped to know that going through a rough patch didn't mean that something was wrong with us. </p> <p>i have left DH alone with LO for a few hours, and went away on a couple of weekends by myself. i think this gave DH an opportunity to realize how much i do for the family, and we are more conscious than ever about expressing our appreciation for each other. </p>