https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 16 Apr 2026 14:36:55 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-a-talk-with-parentsin-laws-before-baby-comes#post-642953 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 21:52:20 +0000 DillonLion 642953@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Here is my advice after going through a horrible fight that lasted months:</p> <p>1. Communicate either in person or over the phone. No emails, o letters, no texts</p> <p>2. Make your wishes clear, be willing to listen to other ideas as long as everyone remains respectful</p> <p>3. Tread lightly. You'd be shocked at how sensitive these topics are with new grandparents</p> <p>4. Set your expectations low. Hope for the best, expect some level of push back </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-a-talk-with-parentsin-laws-before-baby-comes#post-642913 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 21:41:57 +0000 pl0508 642913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LaughLines: big phone convo with my mil. It went ok, but like I said she always tries to flip the script once she gets here. She lives in a diff state ! We just explained how we wanted his arrival to go in terms of guests ! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-a-talk-with-parentsin-laws-before-baby-comes#post-642525 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 20:36:28 +0000 LaughLines 642525@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@RAHLYRAH and @COACHESWIFE123 how did they react when you talked with them? Did you have a big sit-down conversation or did things come up over time in small doses? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-a-talk-with-parentsin-laws-before-baby-comes#post-642440 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 20:27:07 +0000 pl0508 642440@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had to do this with my MIL and I suggest it . Make uour wishes very clear! My mil tried to run the show once she got here for his birth but since we had already talked we could just stand our ground!!! </p> <p>This time is about you, your husband, and your baby ! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-a-talk-with-parentsin-laws-before-baby-comes#post-642410 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 20:23:37 +0000 Ra 642410@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had to have a talk with all of our parents.</p> <p>My mom and step dad are very religious. In fact, step dad is a preacher. DH and I are both agnostic. So, we do not want any sort of religion pushed on LO. We had to explain that while we do not expect or want them to change their daily routine (i.e. grace before meals, etc.) we do not want bible stories for LO or religious beliefs on issues such as gay marriage discussed with him. This is especially important because my mom will be our nanny.</p> <p>My father is a chain smoker. We had to make it clear that we will not bring our baby into his house and don't want him smoking around him.</p> <p>The hardest conversation was with MIL/FIL. MIL is an unmedicated bipolar who is verbally abusive. Under no circumstances will she EVER be alone with LO. We also made it clear that if she is ever verbally abusive to me or DH in front of LO that she will be cut out of our lives for a significant period of time. If she is ever abusive towards DS she will be cut out of our, and his, lives permanently.</p> <p>They were not easy conversations to have but we thought it was best to lay out our expectations from the beginning. That way, if either sets of parents do not respect our wishes we can lay out some sort of consequence. He is our child. Not theirs. Sometimes you have to be straightforward to ensure what is best for your family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-a-talk-with-parentsin-laws-before-baby-comes#post-642099 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 19:44:20 +0000 Beebug 642099@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>After having a bad experience, I would have loved to have had a talk before, that "awkwardness" of initiating such a thing would have been far easier than dealing with what's happened because of what happened post-baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-a-talk-with-parentsin-laws-before-baby-comes#post-642087 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 19:42:42 +0000 LaughLines 642087@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BLACKBIRD I love that you have a list of rules! I'll probably come up with one, too. any other suggestions? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-a-talk-with-parentsin-laws-before-baby-comes#post-642053 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 19:38:36 +0000 blackbird 642053@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This was something my therapist said I needed to do with my parents, since they are not respectful. I have ten rules and I just need to set the boundaries with my parents. I'm waiting to do it when they say they are coming up-but I have already told them they cannot stay at our house. </p> <p>The rules are things like don't come over unannounced, etc. I literally have ten things we went over together for how to manage the parental visit lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-a-talk-with-parentsin-laws-before-baby-comes#post-642050 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 19:38:24 +0000 prettylizy 642050@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm really bad at confrontation so I just casually brought a few things up conversationally before DD was here. Now that she is here, I find it much easier to just stand my ground and ask for/say what I want or expect. My mom is worse than MIL for annoying little things, but it's easier for me to roll my eyes at her and say "Mom, stop. You're being overbearing." The biggest thing I try to remember is that all of our parents LOVE her more than anything, and most of the things they say/do are out of love. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-a-talk-with-parentsin-laws-before-baby-comes#post-642032 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 19:34:36 +0000 littlebug 642032@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We laid out our expectations for visiting in the hospital, like we didn't want anyone coming until after I delivered, no visitors the first weekend home, and you MUST have your flu and Trap vaccines prior to baby's birth. Apparently we should have laid out other rules, like call before you visit ( from 1.5 hours away), but I assumed that kind of thing is common courtesy, so I didn't bother. MIL must have missed that day in manners school. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-a-talk-with-parentsin-laws-before-baby-comes#post-641979 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 19:27:00 +0000 T.H.O.U. 641979@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's fair to start setting expectations but I think you may get a lot of "oh wait and see". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-a-talk-with-parentsin-laws-before-baby-comes#post-641904 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 19:17:32 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 641904@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think about this kind of stuff too and am just on Cycle 1. Anyways, I know my mom will be on her best behavior and the only spoiling I forsee from her are clothes and I welcome that. My MIL on the otherhand is thick headed and will likely try to do things her way. I don't see much of her now because of travel distance. I don't mind correcting her though.</p> <p>Edit: DH suspects his parents will want to come visit (stay) after a baby arrives. I want his fam to come when invited for a welcome shower. I will have to work on him first before I lay down the law with the inlaws. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-a-talk-with-parentsin-laws-before-baby-comes#post-641611 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 18:37:59 +0000 Rubies 641611@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be very frank. My MIL spoils LO so much so that LO becomes so naughty with us. When I approached MIL about this she just, without shame, said that it was her goal to be the favourite grandma. WTF?!?! Because of that comment, LO hasn't seen my MIL in over two weeks. My MIL knows that if a week goes by without seeing LO, it means she's done something wrong. LOL. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-a-talk-with-parentsin-laws-before-baby-comes#post-641569 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 18:30:08 +0000 LaughLines 641569@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been reading the posts recently about MILs with a lot of interest. I get along fantasticly with my MIL, not so much with my actual mother - and i DO anticipate some issuse coming up when we have kids. </p> <p>It will be the first grandkid on both sides, my mom and I have never gotten along and she is already insisting she will stay at my house for the first month (um.... no way) and while my MIL is great, i do see her wanting to spoil the baby or be the type to give sweets when i don't want LO to eat them or buy excessive / noisy toys without asking us first. </p> <p>SO, due to all these considerations, i would LOVE to have a "talk" with my mom, dad, MIL and FIL (and DH of course) while pregnant to lay down some groundrules (in a very nice way). Just to help "manage expectations" so they can know ahead of time no one will be in the room during delivery, no one will be staying at our house when LO is born (stop by whenever, just call first!) and any big purchases have to be run by us first.</p> <p>Has anyone considered a talk like this? did it blow up in your face or work well?</p> <p>---btw, I'm not even TTC yet, so there's still a while for all this stuff, but i'm already getting lots of comments from both sets of parents because they both want grandkids so badly, my mom basically think she already is all set to stay with us for the month after and my MIL is already buying stuff in anticipation..... the pressure for grandkids is a whole other topic... </p>