https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 15 Apr 2026 23:05:49 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-backed-out-of-being-a-bridesmaid#post-2907973 Thu, 09 Jan 2020 14:40:53 +0000 MoonMoon 2907973@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Petitduck: @ALV91711: @SugarplumsMom: I know, I'm so relieved, and I appreciate her understanding! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-backed-out-of-being-a-bridesmaid#post-2907970 Thu, 09 Jan 2020 14:26:38 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2907970@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MoonMoon: Yay! So glad she understands :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-backed-out-of-being-a-bridesmaid#post-2907816 Tue, 07 Jan 2020 21:52:47 +0000 ALV91711 2907816@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MoonMoon: Glad you were able to meet up and talk. I think any real friend would be understanding. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-backed-out-of-being-a-bridesmaid#post-2907797 Tue, 07 Jan 2020 17:57:12 +0000 Petitduck 2907797@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MoonMoon: :happy: I feel like she wouldn’t be a great friend if she wasn’t understanding. So, yay! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-backed-out-of-being-a-bridesmaid#post-2907794 Tue, 07 Jan 2020 17:06:59 +0000 MoonMoon 2907794@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Update: met with her and she's super understanding. I told her I'd give her my final decision within a day or 2 but she said either way she still wants me at the wedding, which is such a relief. My anxiety was telling me the friendship would be over. I'm thankful it's not! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-backed-out-of-being-a-bridesmaid#post-2907783 Tue, 07 Jan 2020 14:36:51 +0000 MoonMoon 2907783@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SugarplumsMom: that's so awesome! Must be a relief for you and her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-backed-out-of-being-a-bridesmaid#post-2907761 Tue, 07 Jan 2020 11:17:26 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2907761@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MoonMoon: She grew out of all her allergies! 🙏🏽 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-backed-out-of-being-a-bridesmaid#post-2907747 Tue, 07 Jan 2020 09:01:56 +0000 MoonMoon 2907747@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SugarplumsMom: oh wow, your situation sounded truly stressful! I think anyone would agree you had to do what you did and I'm glad everything worked out with the wedding and your friendship in the end.</p> <p>How's your LO doing these days? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-backed-out-of-being-a-bridesmaid#post-2907740 Tue, 07 Jan 2020 06:00:55 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2907740@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've backed out on being a bridesmaid. It was a really difficult decision because we're good friends and have known each other and kept in touch since we were in elementary school. I think of her as a sister. </p> <p>I agreed to do it when I was still in my first trimester and her wedding was set when LO would be around 6 months old. We live abroad and LO had major food allergies that we were just discovering. She was even sent to the emergency room for anaphylactic shock. She's our first and only child - I was a complete mess! </p> <p>Coupled with the fact that we didn't have a reliable babysitter, I decided to back out. There was no way I could have made her a priority on the off chance that something were to happen to LO. I wouldn't have been able to concentrate on the bride let alone actually participate on bridesmaid duties. </p> <p>At first she understood, but later told me that a mutual friend had convinced her to push me to do it and it confused her :bummed: I know she was hurt. I never wanted to involve that friend that told her those things, but I was frustrated and sad by it. I think a lot of people just doesn't understand how difficult it is to travel with a sick LO that's still on the bottle (and in our case, LO was on a prescription formula -- and getting enough of it to travel was a pain in itself). </p> <p>But we still flew to her wedding, I just wasn't a bridesmaid. After all these years, now that she has babies of her own, I know that she now understands why I couldn't do it. But it took a few years. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-backed-out-of-being-a-bridesmaid#post-2907734 Mon, 06 Jan 2020 22:44:58 +0000 MoonMoon 2907734@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@misolee: it's really good to hear your perspective. I'm glad your friendship survived! I don't want to lose a friendship, I'm just overwhelmed by the thought of being in a wedding right now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-backed-out-of-being-a-bridesmaid#post-2907731 Mon, 06 Jan 2020 21:25:02 +0000 misolee 2907731@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a friend back out about seven months out and it was no big deal (over ten years ago) She had just started this super overwhelming job, she didn’t have any extra room in her finances for wedding stuff, and I understood. We’re still friends ten years later. I think friends will understand if you are honest about the reason. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-backed-out-of-being-a-bridesmaid#post-2907702 Mon, 06 Jan 2020 16:21:09 +0000 MoonMoon 2907702@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@crazydoglady: funny you should ask! She just texted to ask to reschedule for tomorrow. The anxiety continues... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-backed-out-of-being-a-bridesmaid#post-2907696 Mon, 06 Jan 2020 16:02:35 +0000 crazydoglady 2907696@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MoonMoon: How did the conversation go?? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-backed-out-of-being-a-bridesmaid#post-2907654 Mon, 06 Jan 2020 12:02:02 +0000 MoonMoon 2907654@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: you're right! There are 5-6 others </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-backed-out-of-being-a-bridesmaid#post-2907647 Mon, 06 Jan 2020 11:09:05 +0000 LCTBQE 2907647@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MoonMoon: you didn't mention but it sounds as if you're not like, one of the two or three bridesmaids total. that plus 8 months = no guilt :) :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-backed-out-of-being-a-bridesmaid#post-2907636 Mon, 06 Jan 2020 08:57:05 +0000 MoonMoon 2907636@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@helloperidot: thank you! It was really considerate of you to offer her an "out" and I'm glad everything worked out for your wedding!</p> <p>I'm meeting up with my friend this afternoon...wish me luck... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-backed-out-of-being-a-bridesmaid#post-2907615 Sun, 05 Jan 2020 23:02:58 +0000 helloperidot 2907615@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't have anyone back out, but I did have a bridesmaid who was super overwhelmed with the arrival of her third and I (awkwardly) asked if she wanted to step down (it sounds bad but I was trying to give her an out if she needed it!!!). That was maybe 5 months before and it would've been no big deal at all. She ended up staying in the party, which isn't the point-- the point is that it was way more important to me that she feel comfortable and capable, and I didn't want to add to much to her plate. I say you're giving her plenty of time, and it shouldn't be a big deal at all! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-backed-out-of-being-a-bridesmaid#post-2907608 Sun, 05 Jan 2020 19:55:44 +0000 MoonMoon 2907608@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyPenny: @Petitduck: oh I'm so glad to have you ladies' perspective, as the bride.</p> <p> I think I'm sleep deprived, but I was working myself up into a panic that my thoughts of backing out are nuclear levels of bad. I asked her if we could meet up soon, so hopefully I can let her know in person. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-backed-out-of-being-a-bridesmaid#post-2907605 Sun, 05 Jan 2020 19:51:22 +0000 Petitduck 2907605@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MoonMoon: 8 months is so far out that it’s no big deal. It happened to me 10 months out and I was sad not to have my good friend up there with me, but understood; it was for a baby. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-backed-out-of-being-a-bridesmaid#post-2907604 Sun, 05 Jan 2020 19:43:35 +0000 JennyPenny 2907604@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's fine to back out. I had a bridesmaid back out on me just a month before the wedding and really, the only thing it impacted was needing to demote a groomsman to usher to keep numbers even. This far out I don't think it'd be a huge deal. Just be apologetic and maybe ask if there is anything you can do to help if it did mess anything up (which I really doubt it will but it can't hurt to offer) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-backed-out-of-being-a-bridesmaid#post-2907603 Sun, 05 Jan 2020 19:35:36 +0000 MoonMoon 2907603@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Petitduck: I would definitely be honest and apologetic. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-backed-out-of-being-a-bridesmaid#post-2907600 Sun, 05 Jan 2020 19:20:31 +0000 Petitduck 2907600@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>8 months out I’d say you’re good. Though I’m no bridezilla. Haha. I’d just be really honest and apologetic. Here’s no point in doing it when you’re not really into it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-backed-out-of-being-a-bridesmaid#post-2907594 Sun, 05 Jan 2020 18:11:32 +0000 MoonMoon 2907594@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@crazydoglady: not 100% sure! We were good friends in school but outside of school we don't interact much and have very different lives. I know this is mostly on me for not thinking it through before saying yes. :meh: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-backed-out-of-being-a-bridesmaid#post-2907592 Sun, 05 Jan 2020 18:08:18 +0000 crazydoglady 2907592@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, boy. Any idea why she asked you if you two aren't close? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-backed-out-of-being-a-bridesmaid#post-2907590 Sun, 05 Jan 2020 18:01:46 +0000 MoonMoon 2907590@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Brief background: friend from school asked me to be one of her bridesmaids a few months back, wedding in Sep 2020. I'm not very close to her and don't know her family or other friends at all. I agreed, but it's dawning on me now that it's a lot of commitment and time, and I have such precious little time off from my job, the thought of using it for dress shopping, bachelorette events, etc is causing me some resentment, I have to admit. I've already missed out on dress shopping (hers and ours) because I work nights and weekends and the schedules don't work for me. </p> <p>I'm so worn down from work, family, and now dealing with infertility and the depression that goes with it. I know I can't be a good and supportive bridesmaid. </p> <p>My question is, is it ever ok to back out? Will this really mess up her plans, if the wedding is 8+ months away? What would be the best way to go about this? </p>