https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 13 Apr 2026 12:08:56 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-had-to-choose-a-side-if-close-friendsfamily-divorced#post-52916 Sun, 15 Jan 2012 20:17:47 +0000 Rubies 52916@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm upset with my friend because she has treated her husband so terribly and he's always been so willing to help their marriage. I don't emotionally support this friend of mine, sadly. I support her husband...</p> <p>Drama, drama, drama. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-had-to-choose-a-side-if-close-friendsfamily-divorced#post-52581 Sat, 14 Jan 2012 21:05:46 +0000 heffalump 52581@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My BIL got divorced and my ex SIL got upset with hubby's family because they weren't nice to her anymore. She was awful to my in law's son/my husband's brother. Of course we're not nice to her! (Not that we're mean, we just don't talk to her.)</p> <p>Are you upset with your friend because of what she did? I also have a friend who caused his wife to leave him because he was "talking" to girls on facebook. And I think doing more than that... and it sucks because I hate what he did but I can't hate him. He's like a brother to me, so I have to support him no matter what. But of course I don't have to support his actions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-had-to-choose-a-side-if-close-friendsfamily-divorced#post-52359 Sat, 14 Jan 2012 00:24:58 +0000 tequiero21 52359@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>=( sorry you're going through this. i don't know of any divorced friends/family, so i can't say exactly, but you gotta stick with your principles. but also, i guess who was your friend first? tough call. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-had-to-choose-a-side-if-close-friendsfamily-divorced#post-52203 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 17:18:26 +0000 yoursilverlining 52203@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, we’ve had a few close friends divorce and have another close friend couple that will be separating (and divorcing) this summer. “Luckily” (given an all around bad situation), we were more friends with one spouse, or had been friends with one spouse in each of the couples before they were married so we sort of just went to that spouse in the divorce by default. </p> <p>There is no easy answer that I know of – I also tend to keep my nose out of their biz until the dust settles (unless they specifically reach out for a shoulder to cry on, or help, etc.), and then see where everyone is at. Good luck. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-had-to-choose-a-side-if-close-friendsfamily-divorced#post-52172 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 16:29:41 +0000 Modern Daisy 52172@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When my cousin divorced her husband of 10 years, it was painful for the entire family. Her ex had become one of us, he didn't have a lot of family of his own so he brought his Mom and aunt to all of our family gatherings. And we liked him so much, we frequently hung out with him even if my cousin couldn't make it. And it broke my heart when I saw him at an event while the divorce was being processed, he told me that he's just waiting for her to come back. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-had-to-choose-a-side-if-close-friendsfamily-divorced#post-52162 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 16:07:14 +0000 Rubies 52162@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>SIGH. Yeah...</p> <p>Sad, awkward, confusing... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-had-to-choose-a-side-if-close-friendsfamily-divorced#post-52157 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 16:00:44 +0000 mrs. wagon 52157@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've got the first divorce of close friends looming and it's been difficult and awkward. It's definitely going to split people because it's clear we have to choose sides... especially since they have kids. Rob Sr. was pretty close with the husband, and the circumstances of the split have made it pretty clear that I guess we're on his side... it's just crazy awkward when I see the wife. Luckily it's not that often. Just so sad... and AWKWARD. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-had-to-choose-a-side-if-close-friendsfamily-divorced#post-52128 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 15:14:41 +0000 twinmama 52128@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A couple we were very close to divorced almost 2 years ago. We knew they were going through a rough patch, but honestly didn't expect it. Like Rubies, one party (and the one I was closest to) gave up very quickly and just moved out. Like went to counseling twice and then filed for divorce. And then they both unloaded to me on google chat about it on the same night...oi!</p> <p>We tried really hard to remain friends with both, but it's been difficult. I wanted them to know I cared during the stressful part of it, but at the same time didn't want to get involved in the details. In the end, we keep in touch with the person that I was closest to begin with, and not really the other person, but it's still not like it was. Quite frankly, based on how everything went down, I lost a lot of respect for the leaver. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-had-to-choose-a-side-if-close-friendsfamily-divorced#post-52059 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 13:22:25 +0000 sorrycharlie 52059@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rubies: thanks, good luck in your situation too! I totally hear you on the wanting to ignore them both..but that backfired. then they both thought I was agreeing with the other (?!). So I calmly told DH, BIL/SIL and them that I am not getting in the middle because it's not my marriage. do you think that might work for your friends? you can support either one (I totally agree with MIL over FIL) but just not let THEM know it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-had-to-choose-a-side-if-close-friendsfamily-divorced#post-52056 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 13:15:31 +0000 Rubies 52056@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sorrycharlie: It's not horrible of you...It's just a reality that the decisions your ILs make just happen to drastically affect your life. I hope everything works out for you and them in whatever way it can. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-had-to-choose-a-side-if-close-friendsfamily-divorced#post-52047 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 13:07:08 +0000 sorrycharlie 52047@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>ugh..totally stinks. the ILs are going through a divorce right now. well - the "prequel" to it I guess. they're dragging DH and BIL into the middle. </p> <p>is it horrible that one of the worst parts for me is if they divorce, and sell/lose the house (duplex), we need to find a place to live? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-had-to-choose-a-side-if-close-friendsfamily-divorced#post-52039 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 13:01:45 +0000 cyneswith 52039@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yep. Almost the exact same situation. And no idea how to handle it well. 'Course, he distanced himself from me, while she got all chatty. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-had-to-choose-a-side-if-close-friendsfamily-divorced#post-52029 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 12:51:34 +0000 Rubies 52029@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are very close with a couple - the woman was a VERY VERY close friend to me and the man is still a very close and dear friend. Recently this friend walked out of their marriage because she didn't feel like being married anymore (her words, not mine). She is expecting me to be there for her and to listen to her and to remain friends but I feel I cannot support her during this time because of the way she handled whatever hardship she is experiencing.</p> <p>I support her husband at this point and feel guilty and confused about all this.</p> <p>Have you ever had to choose a side? How do you handle the situation when close friends of yours are divorcing? I WANT to ignore both of them until they settle things on their own but not sure if that's the right thing to do... </p>