https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 15 Apr 2026 13:10:28 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-heard-of-a-fiver-party#post-2865626 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 15:50:39 +0000 Ms.Mermaid 2865626@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LBee: to be clear, my kid understands neither being polite nor saving for a toy. My friends who have these parties have slightly older kiddos who do understand saving and are in a social circle where you don’t show up empty handed so it is a good solution for them. In my social circle all parties are no gifts and it’s honored. This is the kind of thing that can vary broadly across various socioeconomic groups. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-heard-of-a-fiver-party#post-2865579 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 13:36:45 +0000 charm55 2865579@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This was all the rage last year in DDs social circle. Almost every party she went to was a 5er party. They actually requested 5$ to the birthday child and 5$ to a charity of the birthday child’s choice. I will admit it was nice as a parent not to have to stress about what to get, but when it came to DDs party towards the end of the year we didn’t do one. I felt a bit weird asking for specific amount of money. Also, I feel like it’s more for the parents than the child... my daughter loves opening her birthday presents and we got some really cool stuff that I never would have thought to buy her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-heard-of-a-fiver-party#post-2865569 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 13:02:18 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2865569@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LBee: agreed. I think my oldest is pretty good about this stuff, but she's also very talkative and can't remember who gave what (neither could I) so I could see that happening though. On the other hand I'm sure there are some kids who went to her party and don't know what they gave her bc thenparents did it. Anyway, my opinion when it comes to birthdays, showers, weddings, whatever, is always that gifts are gifts, say thank you, appreciate being thought of, and move on!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-heard-of-a-fiver-party#post-2865544 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 10:51:30 +0000 LBee 2865544@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Iced Tea: I have thoughts, but we are going to have to agree to disagree. My entire point of all my posts is that the idea of dictating anything regarding a party reeks of privilege. In the case of your story, if I was trying to avoid that I would request if you want to bring a gift, bring a book you no longer need or a balloon. Or just a card. Why ask for cash? Your mom would have been immensely relieved if the birthday thrower simply requested a hand drawn card. Or a quarter. Children have no concept of money. My child is equally excited for a quarter as a five dollar bill (or even a penny). To you a $5 bill may be nothing, but it is to other people. If you want to remedy the not showing up empty handed ask for a penny or a quarter - or flowers from the person's yard. </p> <p>ETA: I also don't think that people who have "fiver parties" are doing it to pay for the parties like you mentioned. I think it's because they are trying to make it easier for less privileged families - I contend that it just doesn't. That is why I say this is a first world problem. I also had parties I wanted to have that my parents couldn't afford - we just didn't have them. We didn't ask our guests to help me have my dream party. I survived. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-heard-of-a-fiver-party#post-2865543 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 10:47:45 +0000 periwinklebee 2865543@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm surprised many are quite negative on this. I wouldn't do it personally for a party, but would have no issue with being invited to a party like this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-heard-of-a-fiver-party#post-2865542 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 10:44:58 +0000 Iced Tea 2865542@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LBee: I think you're right that it takes some time to understand saving for a toy. For me, the primary motivation for setting up a fiver party was to make things easier and cheaper for the guests. We are relatively privileged and don't need someone else to provide the gifts. But I'm keenly aware of families who aren't as privileged, since that was MY family growing up. We could only attend the parties of our best friends because we couldn't afford to buy gifts. Even for the few we did attend, I could see the stress it caused my mom to adjust the budget for gifts. She wouldn't let us arrive empty handed. </p> <p>I think it's primarily this cultural impulse that you shouldn't arrive empty handed that prompts book parties, fiver parties, and toy swap parties. Even when you say "No gifts", most people don't feel right showing up empty handed, so these are easier-to-digest alternatives that don't cost guests a lot. I know my mom would have been immensely relieved to be able to send us off to parties with just five dollars and a simple card. </p> <p>Reducing waste and clutter is a secondary consideration for me. Saving for a toy is a secondary consideration. Preventing my child from focusing primarily on the gifts, and instead focusing on celebrating with friends, is also a secondary consideration. </p> <p>And like @Sams Mom: said, it's really a privileged position to make a blanket statement that if your child wants a big $$ item, the parents should buy it. That's not possible for a lot of families unless their community comes together to make it happen (like they might with a fiver party). For some families, this might even be the way they pay for the child's much-desired party itself. I remember how I wished for a skating rink birthday party that I could never have; maybe some parents can make a party wish happen if we can be flexible enough to give what's actually helpful instead of what we want to give. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-heard-of-a-fiver-party#post-2865538 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 10:13:11 +0000 LBee 2865538@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ms.Mermaid: @2littlepumpkins: I almost think this is a more important concept to teach than saving money for a toy? The art of being polite and receiving gifts graciously. My son is 4, but we've talked about it for years. This year he received a few duplicate gifts and he just said thank you and moved on. He later said, "I already have xyz" to me and asked if we should return it, give it to someone else, or take it to his grandparent's house. Again, I stand by my comment that this all isn't that complicated. If you cannot handle the logistics of getting gifts, ask for no gifts or don't have a party. In fact, if your child is saving for a toy, why don't you forego the party and give them the cash?</p> <p>For reference, I manage money for a living (and have heavily studied the ability to comprehend money management) and I can tell you that if your child can't comprehend the art of being polite I'm seriously side eyeing the claim that they can understand "saving for a toy" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-heard-of-a-fiver-party#post-2865504 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 07:15:46 +0000 Ms.Mermaid 2865504@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ChiCalGoBee: my youngest got 3 Sophie the giraffes for Christmas at different events and my oldest immediately said in front of the gifter, “since L already has one, can I have one?” and has been asking what we did with the extras. I didn’t tell her I returned them bc she would definitely tell. Maybe when she’s a little older but omitting truth to be polite is a hard concept for kiddos. It was easier when she was two and I could open her gifts for her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-heard-of-a-fiver-party#post-2865499 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 02:25:09 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2865499@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ms.Mermaid: @ChiCalGoBee: I bet mine would let it slip too! Especially if she saw it and then didn't get to keep it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-heard-of-a-fiver-party#post-2865483 Mon, 07 Jan 2019 22:53:36 +0000 ChiCalGoBee 2865483@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ms.Mermaid: Goodness, your daughter would inform her friends you returned their presents? You're right, that would potentially be hurtful. We open gifts at home and I peek in each one before he opens to see if there are things like multiples/things I would rather he not have and decide to return or donate. I wouldn't want anyone's feelings to be hurt. My son isn't quite taking inventory on how many gifts he got, so if I tell him he got X from 3-4 friends he wouldn't bat an eye. As for a Target trip causing too much time I don't have, with young kids, I make it there about once a month, so no problem to return at that time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-heard-of-a-fiver-party#post-2865476 Mon, 07 Jan 2019 21:20:05 +0000 hummusgirl 2865476@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I probably wouldn't do it (still on the no-gifts train for now) but I like the idea. To help the birthday kid get what they actually want + cut down on waste seems like a win-win. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-heard-of-a-fiver-party#post-2865474 Mon, 07 Jan 2019 20:09:20 +0000 Ms.Mermaid 2865474@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We always do no gifts for parties and so does everyone we know - we live in tiny houses with no storage and going to Target involves a schlep to the suburbs. But I know so many people whose friends ignore the “no gifts” thing that I think dictating gifts makes sense in that context. Also getting three of the same Lego set and returning them takes time I don’t have and my kid would definitely tell her friends I returned her gifts.<br /> I also know a lot of people who are helping their kids learn the concept of money and saving up to buy something so I think this is good for that. We probably still won’t do it but I would be fine with going to one. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-heard-of-a-fiver-party#post-2865461 Mon, 07 Jan 2019 18:38:14 +0000 DesertDreams88 2865461@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's a cute idea and I wish it were more acceptable. I like @Iced Tea: 's description. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-heard-of-a-fiver-party#post-2865454 Mon, 07 Jan 2019 17:54:23 +0000 Lindsay05 2865454@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For a small kid, no. The thrill of opening presents is what helps make a birthday party so fun. I’d say for an older child 8-10, this may be a better idea because they appreciate money a bit more. And as a guest, I wouldn’t mind sticking a fiver in a card and sending it away! So easy! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-heard-of-a-fiver-party#post-2865450 Mon, 07 Jan 2019 17:26:10 +0000 Foodnerd81 2865450@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyPenny: yeah- I think I would like going to a party with a $5 bill and a card vs picking out a generic present for a classmate I don’t know well, but not for me. Asking for cash is weird. </p> <p>We have done no gift parties happily. But even at parties with gifts, I’ve never seen the birthday child open gifts at the party. They are always put on an out of the way table or whatever. </p> <p>At my 3 yo’s No gift party one of my friends brought me wine instead. 😊 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-heard-of-a-fiver-party#post-2865445 Mon, 07 Jan 2019 16:57:02 +0000 JCCovi 2865445@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I generally try to follow instructions regarding gifts, but this one would annoy me enough that I'd probably ignore it and just bring a regular gift. Asking for cash gets side eye from me, but stipulating an amount (even if it's small) would be a hard no. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-heard-of-a-fiver-party#post-2865439 Mon, 07 Jan 2019 15:40:33 +0000 Sams Mom 2865439@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My family traditionally does something like this when we were growing up. We weren't well off, and I know that my aunts and uncles and grandparents would chip in on a big gift. The difference was, the gift was bought ahead of time, was given at the party, but we knew it was from the extended family. </p> <p>We did get other smaller gifts, but they only reason we ever had a Barbie Jeep or treehouse or playhouse was because my mom's side of them family went in on something every year.</p> <p>(I think it was because 1) we weren't well off 2) two of the three of us had birthdays right after holidays and taxes but pre tax refund) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-heard-of-a-fiver-party#post-2865434 Mon, 07 Jan 2019 14:47:58 +0000 shabang 2865434@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't heard of that. I wouldn't care if someone asked us to do that. Whatever.</p> <p>When we've had the chance, it's nice to take my kid to a store and have her pick out a gift for her friend (or look online), but it reality, we don't have that kind of time, and all these classmate parties really just get generic 4yo/5yo/6yo gifts that I pick out.</p> <p>I used to do NO GIFTS on their party invites, but people assumed that meant we wanted gift cards or felt bad not bringing anything and apologetically gave us gifts anyway or felt bad when they saw others bring gifts when they didn't - it was kind of a mess. I've gone back to not writing anything about gifts on the invite. I think many people want to be able to teach their kids about the joy of giving, and I want to teach mine to graciously accept gifts and send thank you cards, so that's working out for us.</p> <p>But, like I always tell my kids, other people do things differently, and that's fine too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-heard-of-a-fiver-party#post-2865432 Mon, 07 Jan 2019 14:40:56 +0000 Pollywog 2865432@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've only heard about this on Hellobee. I like the sentiment, but hate it in execution. First, it's a price of admission. For a few of J's friends they seriously don't have an extra $5. Even though that's way less than I'd spend on a gift, I hate to have a kid decline because they couldn't afford it.</p> <p>Second, I hate the idea of gifting money to kids. It takes all of the thought out of the gift. And something about this approach screams of fundraiser instead of celebration. I want to love it, but it just makes me feel a little off put.</p> <p>What we are doing is strictly no present birthdays. If people bring gifts, they will be tucked away and opened at home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-heard-of-a-fiver-party#post-2865431 Mon, 07 Jan 2019 14:37:52 +0000 ChiCalGoBee 2865431@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: This gets some serious side-eye from me. It's a birthday party, and if you don't want gifts, indicate that on the invitation. Otherwise people can bring-or not bring-what they'd like. For my son's recent birthday (he's mid-November so just in advance of the holiday gift craziness), I wanted to make it no gifts, but as I let him pick out toys for his friends on their birthdays, he was excited it was his turn to get gifts. Fine. We got 3-4 identical lego sets (it was a super hero party so they were attached to the theme), and I returned them to Target. He then has a G.C. to buy things he'd like, but he knew "A, R, W, and T got me that lego set!" No, a G.C. from returned gifts is not much different than the $5 concept, but the buyers don't have to know they got redundant gifts, and their kids can still feel excited with what they brought. If my son really wants a big-ticket item, I, as his mom, will get it, or his grandparents will. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-heard-of-a-fiver-party#post-2865430 Mon, 07 Jan 2019 14:34:43 +0000 JennyPenny 2865430@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My first thought was "I like this better than buying presents for kids I don't really know" but as I thought more about it - I think in that case parents should just say "no gifts" and buy the larger item themselves. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-heard-of-a-fiver-party#post-2865428 Mon, 07 Jan 2019 14:29:11 +0000 erinbaderin 2865428@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I hate this. I like to take my son shopping and we pick out a present together for his friends, or I for children of my friends I like to think about what they like and what I think they'd enjoy. We've also gotten some cool toys that I'd never heard of from his friends. It seems like the next step is not to have a party at all, and everybody can just e-transfer you $5. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-heard-of-a-fiver-party#post-2865426 Mon, 07 Jan 2019 14:22:36 +0000 LBee 2865426@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would find this annoying as I don't keep cash, but do buy gifts ahead when on sale. I really love giving gifts and sharing toys that we've loved with others. I also don't really understand the idea of a child saving for a big gift - if you know the child wants it, why aren't you getting it for their gift? Why should I chip in and get it? I feel like this is really different than no gifts and would be turned off if someone I didn't know really well did this. Cheaper or not, I'm not giving a non-teenage child cash, or at least a child I felt had a concept of money. </p> <p>I find this whole new craze of dictating gifts fascinating. If you don't want stuff, then say no gifts. If you feel your house is cluttered, then donate stuff and/or sell it. Having problems with the gifts you receive at your child's birthday party (so much so that you have to provide instructions regarding the gift) really redefines first world problems. It's unreal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-heard-of-a-fiver-party#post-2865424 Mon, 07 Jan 2019 14:19:29 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2865424@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have heard about a “fiver” on HB. @Iced Tea: that’s a great way to share it too especially if the guest list are people you happen to know a bit outside of your kid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-heard-of-a-fiver-party#post-2865423 Mon, 07 Jan 2019 14:19:00 +0000 Aria 2865423@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just went to one of these parties. I’m also of the mindset that it’s a little tacky to dictate the gift people bring, but I can totally see how other guests might really appreciate not having to choose a gift, and it is a small amount so it doesn’t feel like a big deal. So, not for me, but I’m not terribly bothered if someone else decides to do it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-heard-of-a-fiver-party#post-2865421 Mon, 07 Jan 2019 14:12:59 +0000 Iced Tea 2865421@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We said something like, "No gifts are expected, but if you must bring something, make it a card with a five dollar bill. M loves cards and is saving up for a wobble board. There will be gifts from parents and a tea party with cake and snacks."</p> <p>I added the part about gifts from parents for those who would otherwise imagine with horror a birthday child with NO gifts whatsoever. You know. It was a big success. They were having so much fun playing at the party, that we never even got around to opening the parent gifts. We didn't end up with a lot of unwanted stuff, and she was able to purchase her wobble board. Some parents told me they really appreciated not having to shop and wrap gifts, so I call it a win-win. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-heard-of-a-fiver-party#post-2865416 Mon, 07 Jan 2019 13:57:59 +0000 Jennibenni 2865416@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’ve not heard of it but I think anything with directions or stipulations attached to gift giving is in poor taste. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-heard-of-a-fiver-party#post-2865412 Mon, 07 Jan 2019 13:46:22 +0000 Foodnerd81 2865412@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Basically, it’s a birthday party where you ask guests to give a $5 bill to be used towards a big ticket item (that the parents buy), instead of each guest bringing a smaller present. </p> <p><a href="https://babyology.com.au/occasions/parties/fiver-parties-the-new-birthday-party-trend-that-makes-so-much-sense.html?fbclid=IwAR0zVwwQbadLRCEnNBQA9Ytuxz06Hlj8rxa7GRG5ZXrSoBXTgPfhg6fBKDw" rel="nofollow">https://babyology.com.au/occasions/parties/fiver-parties-the-new-birthday-party-trend-that-makes-so-much-sense.html?fbclid=IwAR0zVwwQbadLRCEnNBQA9Ytuxz06Hlj8rxa7GRG5ZXrSoBXTgPfhg6fBKDw</a></p> <p>I don’t know. I’ve never heard of this before, and I don’t like the idea of asking guests to bring anything. But unless you say no gifts, clearly just about everyone is going to bring something anyway and probably spend more than $5 on it. Would have been a cute idea for a 5th bday. And maybe for my mid December birthday it would work since between family bday and Christmas presents she does not need a lot of other presents, but I can only get away with no gifts for so long before she starts noticing. </p>