Hellobee Boards Topic: Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?

Hellobee Boards Topic: Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 12 Apr 2026 16:09:29 +0000 MrsMccarthy on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2051102 Mon, 02 Feb 2015 16:44:47 +0000 MrsMccarthy 2051102@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I'm really scared of this subject, not only because it is so sad to think about but because my parents are incredibly financially irresponsible and always broke. I imagine that my sister and I will be left to try to scrape together what we can to do whatever we can for them. Hopefully we can all just enjoy the present because I know they don't have any plans. Tidybee on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2051032 Mon, 02 Feb 2015 16:12:19 +0000 Tidybee 2051032@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @wonderstruck: it's important to do even now bc End of life care can become an issue at any age especially with car accidents or other types of accidents that may cause life threatening injuries. Just look at the Terri Schiavo case. It's a tough conversation but it only has to be done once and it saves a lot of conflict at a very emotional time. ValentineMommy on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2050945 Mon, 02 Feb 2015 15:26:32 +0000 ValentineMommy 2050945@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My parents have everything set up with a lawyer. I have the lawyers contact information, with the instruction to get in touch with her when the time comes. I have a vague idea of their wishes as well. youboots on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2050528 Mon, 02 Feb 2015 11:18:19 +0000 youboots 2050528@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Yes, my parents had a living will created over 5 years ago. I'm not sure about MIL. MaryM on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2050413 Mon, 02 Feb 2015 10:09:27 +0000 MaryM 2050413@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My father passed away in 2009 from cancer, so when he was diagnosed and had his first surgery, I was the witness to his living will and it got us all talking about everything. My brother is a lawyer specializing in wills and trusts, so I know he knows every single detail of my mother's wishes (which is good, since she also lives in an in law suite off his house). I know the basics of her wishes. Sometimes I feel like knowing too much can be a struggle (depending on the children). My mom told all three of us about the details of her will, and let's just say one sibling didn't find it "fair" and that resulted in a several-year-long hissy fit. So even if you don't get into details (of if the parents don't want to get into them), I think it's smart to at least urge them to have the details written down somewhere and notarized. As for age...my father was in his 50s when he died. So it's not fair to the kids to say "we're still young." Thankfully we knew what was coming and he could prepare. alohaorchid on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2050384 Mon, 02 Feb 2015 09:54:24 +0000 alohaorchid 2050384@https://boards.hellobee.com/ This is not something I have ever discussed with my parents. They are kind of weird about this stuff, and won't admit that they are even close to retirement, let alone anything past that. Granted they are still young (early-mid 50s), but I feel as though they need to "grow up" a little and start looking towards the future. Lol, I'm pretty sure my parents have said those exact words to me ~15 years ago. Funny how things change as we get older hey?! Dandelion on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2050168 Mon, 02 Feb 2015 05:42:06 +0000 Dandelion 2050168@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My have living wills and there's a plan for everything. My inlaws have no plan. DH talks with them, but they brush it off, saying they're not gonna live much longer anyways. They're in their 50s and smoke and have no motivation to change their unhealthy habits. So, DH has money saved for them. SugarplumsMom on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2050162 Mon, 02 Feb 2015 05:05:47 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2050162@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Nope. My grandma passed away a few months ago and my mom is in no way ready to talk about anything related to death and dying. But I do know she's fully insured and wants to be cremated. Thankfully, she's healthy and will hopefully have many years ahead of her. Snowdrop on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2050160 Mon, 02 Feb 2015 04:45:00 +0000 Snowdrop 2050160@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My parents are giving my brother and I power of attorney so if they loose mental capacity to make their own decisions we can act in their best interests. I hope it is a long way off but I think it is a sensible decision and something I will be doing with my husband too. They brought it up themselves after the deaths of my parent in laws. Iced Tea on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2048810 Sat, 31 Jan 2015 14:29:27 +0000 Iced Tea 2048810@https://boards.hellobee.com/ When she was fighting cancer, my mother shared (verbally) some of her wishes with me and my stepdad. It made decisions a lot easier for us since she was not able to make decisions later. However, it would have been even easier if she had written those things down. She was pretty young; her parents were still living. They fought some of the plans because they had not heard them and nothing was written down. For my dad, we never really discussed anything. The few things he said (make no fuss, don't waste money) were just said kind of jokingly. Again nothing written. So the people with the strongest opinions got what they wanted when he died unexpectedly. I would advise trying to have these conversations and encourage writing things down. GoGoSnoGirl on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2048790 Sat, 31 Jan 2015 13:56:52 +0000 GoGoSnoGirl 2048790@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Not really. Years ago my dad had a health scare & he talked to me about being his decision maker (my parents are divorced, but friendly). We have dementia/Alzheimer's in his side of the family, so he's pretty worried he'll eventually be affected, as well. I was not necessarily comfortable taking about it, but so happy he brought up his concerns, because he doesn't often tell us about his health issues. Mrs. Pickle on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2048760 Sat, 31 Jan 2015 13:23:48 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2048760@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Yes, with our moms. We've talked about their estates and wishes for care when they can't take care of themselves alone anymore. sarac on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2048746 Sat, 31 Jan 2015 12:56:59 +0000 sarac 2048746@https://boards.hellobee.com/ It's really important to keep having these conversations. My father was ill my whole life, so we had many of them. Still, when the end came, it was a scenario that we hadn't specifically discussed. Thankfully, his wife and I felt like we knew what he would have wanted, and we were able to easily agree on a plan that we felt respected his desires. Those workbooks are really useful, but it's really important to have a good general idea of how your loved ones feel about various end of life things, because you're unlikely to end up in a textbook scenario. Mrs. Tiger on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2048741 Sat, 31 Jan 2015 12:46:17 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 2048741@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My parents recently named me the executor of their will and we went over everything. Have never discussed with in-laws but they're still in their 50s. Cole on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2048737 Sat, 31 Jan 2015 12:37:33 +0000 Cole 2048737@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I know my mom's wishes, we have been having the discussion bit by bit over years as things come up with friends and family. I also know my Mil's most basic wishes but I gave no idea about my fil l, although I could make an educated guess. I should ask my husband to bring that up. yoursilverlining on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2048733 Sat, 31 Jan 2015 12:30:06 +0000 yoursilverlining 2048733@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My MIL cared for her second husband through dementia and Alzheimer's and so she is on top of everything and has a binder with written instructions for end of life care as well as a will and instructions for all her assets, etc. I have talked to my parents too, and know their wishes. I think it's inportant to talk about this even if your parents are young. We have 2 friends who suffered strokes (1 was in a coma for months after) in their 30's and 40's. Sure, it's rare, but it happens and there is good reason not to talk early. AmandaB8 on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2048724 Sat, 31 Jan 2015 12:13:50 +0000 AmandaB8 2048724@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We haven't, but my parents are pretty easy in that respect. All of my grandparents have died since I've been a teenager, and basically, my family doesn't do life support for more than 24 hours (recovering from an accident or major surgery excluded). All but one of my grandparents died at home, in their own bed, with hospice care. looch on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2048721 Sat, 31 Jan 2015 12:08:05 +0000 looch 2048721@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My parents have purchased their plots, so I know where to put them. I basically told them if they didn't, I would cremate them and to my father, this is unacceptable, so they went shopping. This prompted them to make an appointment at an estate attorney, it was LONG overdue. I feel like there is no time like the present for these conversations. I don't want to make decisions in emotional times. mrsjyw on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2048720 Sat, 31 Jan 2015 12:05:57 +0000 mrsjyw 2048720@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Yep. Ils went through it with us last year and updated their wills and trusts. We spoke to my parents about it last year as well. regberadaisy on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2048718 Sat, 31 Jan 2015 11:55:56 +0000 regberadaisy 2048718@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Thanks for sharing this. I have been telling DH we need to total to his parents about this. But it's so hard to bring up. I'll check out that kit you listed. My mom is pretty cut and dry and I think we all know what she wants. blackbird on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2048711 Sat, 31 Jan 2015 11:49:06 +0000 blackbird 2048711@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Yes I know what they want. Pepper on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2048708 Sat, 31 Jan 2015 11:41:58 +0000 Pepper 2048708@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My parents had mentioned little things here and there throughout their lives about how they wanted to be buried, etc. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer, she and I discussed in great detail what she wanted in terms of end-of-life preferences. She didn't want to be kept alive by machines unless there was a chance she could recover, she wanted to be cremated, etc. After she passed away, my dad discussed his wishes in greater detail. DH and I have also discussed our wishes as well. It's not a conversation most people want to have, but I think it's so important. I was so glad I knew my mom's wishes at the end of her life. When it came time to decide if we should move her to hospice, or keep her hooked up to machines, we didn't have to worry if we were making the right decision. That was a huge relief in the midst of all of the grief and stress. woodentulip on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2048688 Sat, 31 Jan 2015 11:21:08 +0000 woodentulip 2048688@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My husband's parents are young, though his dad has a very aggressive and untreatable form of cancer that will take his life before too long. They have not had this conversation. I have had bits and pieces with my parents, but nothing in detail or really 'serious' in terms of a conversation. We need to. Rockies11 on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2048687 Sat, 31 Jan 2015 11:18:34 +0000 Rockies11 2048687@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I have spoken with them about their will, all their documents, and what the want for end of life care. I also insisted on us having this convversation with my brother and sister present, so that we all were understanding these wishes. We have had too many stupid fights with my parent's siblings about this type of stuff for me to be comfortable leaving us to guessing. wonderstruck on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2048635 Sat, 31 Jan 2015 10:35:23 +0000 wonderstruck 2048635@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I didn't vote because while we haven't had this conversation I don't think we're really at the point where it's necessary. My parents are only in their 50s, my grandparents are still alive, and they do have a binder containing pertinent information on their accounts, passwords, life insurance, etc., that I know the location of. I have a feeling that someday when my grabdparents pass away it will prompt this conversation. Mrs. Lemon-Lime on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2048617 Sat, 31 Jan 2015 10:10:45 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2048617@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Yes, I have spoken to both of my parents (they are divorced) about what kind of care they want in case I have to make decisions for them. My brother hates that I have had these conversations, but death is as much as life as birth is. What we still need to do is write it all down and perhaps play around with scenarios to truly understand how they want to live their final days. babycanuck on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2048611 Sat, 31 Jan 2015 10:05:04 +0000 babycanuck 2048611@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Little Misters Mom: They totally did. After my grandparents all passed my parents began talking about pre-paying for things. Their plots are already covered as it's part of their membership to a synagogue, but the service and everything they've figured out and paid for. I hate thinking about it! Tanjowen on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2048610 Sat, 31 Jan 2015 10:05:03 +0000 Tanjowen 2048610@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My parents refuse to talk about anything with us, much less end of life care. :sad: We tried to jokingly ask them about a will by saying we kids might "duke it out" over some of their items, but they just tell us they hope everyone will sort it out. Ugh. Boopers on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2048609 Sat, 31 Jan 2015 10:04:48 +0000 Boopers 2048609@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I recently had to start having the conversation with my parents. My stepdad had a blood clot in his liver and needed two stents in his heart all within months of each other. It made me think about what my parents would do when they no longer can care for themselves and eventually pass. My grandma had dementia for far too long before her passing and it's definitely a possibility for my mother so we need to have plans laid out while she is still capable of making the plans she wants for her life. My sister thought it was morbid that I started the conversation, but my mom has said how upset she still is that my grandma refused to have any conversation and it caused more problems for my mom and aunt when the time came to make decisions for life care and handling her estate. Little Misters Mom on "Have you talked to your parents about end-of-life care?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-talked-to-your-parents-about-end-of-life-care#post-2048608 Sat, 31 Jan 2015 10:04:01 +0000 Little Misters Mom 2048608@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @babycanuck: That's great. Did they initiate that or did the children? My parents would never bring it up themselves!