https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 24 May 2026 05:33:35 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-your-views-on-worklife-balance-evolved-since-you-got-married-or-became-a-mom#post-698016 Sun, 07 Apr 2013 21:35:41 +0000 PrincessBaby 698016@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah! I used to think I'd always be in a high-paying high-powered career!</p> <p>But now I just really couldn't care less about work. It just seems so...trivial. </p> <p>I heard my baby girl giggle and laugh for the first time last week. I told the nanny about it and she basically said that H had done it already for her a few times. That irked the piss out of me.</p> <p>My husband does well and we could live fine on one income. I used to want to be rich. Now I feel like- How much money do you really NEED??? I just want to be there for my girl. I don't want to witness her milestones as sloppy seconds to a nanny! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-your-views-on-worklife-balance-evolved-since-you-got-married-or-became-a-mom#post-697983 Sun, 07 Apr 2013 21:25:23 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 697983@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: PM and R has a pretty family friendly schedule. We're pretty jealous of it... But then again, I could never do PM &amp;R. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-your-views-on-worklife-balance-evolved-since-you-got-married-or-became-a-mom#post-697932 Sun, 07 Apr 2013 20:50:48 +0000 Beebug 697932@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When I go back to work (October) I will be a FT WOHM. Pre-LO I would have said I wanted to be a SAHM, but think (think!) I have learned since that I do want to be a WOHM, however.....</p> <p>Pre-LO me and back to work WOHM me are going to be two very different people.</p> <p>Work/life balance has meaning to me now. Before I just worked, worked, worked. DH at times had some resentment to me working so much (at work, at home, never turning off) and since I've been off and three people are covering for me work has realized my balance was not balanced at all, on top of that, I am definitely going back a little more "checked out" in terms of what's most important to me now. I can't wait to see what I think now in action, all the awful, bad work things I maybe take/took too personally, or how certain things were a big deal, I hope will roll off me a little easier than before.....!</p> <p>We will see. </p> <p>You definitely have to do what works, and who knows I may eat my words in a few weeks, months, or when I go back! So much can chang, gosh knows!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-your-views-on-worklife-balance-evolved-since-you-got-married-or-became-a-mom#post-697842 Sun, 07 Apr 2013 19:22:19 +0000 pastemoo 697842@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Let's just say that since becoming a parent--everything is harder and I always feel like I'm doing something wrong!<br /> When I SAH I thought I should work... and I wanted to "escape" and get a break by being at work.<br /> When I WOH I miss my son--when I work out of home with my son there, I am COMPLETELY exhausted and I feel like I need a break and wish I could have someone watch him or not work.</p> <p>And with the no control schedule--my DH recently got out of the military. I hate that schedule.</p> <p>With all that said... I really don't know what is "right" and I feel like no matter what you choose, you wish you could have both.</p> <p>The grass is always greener... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-your-views-on-worklife-balance-evolved-since-you-got-married-or-became-a-mom#post-697809 Sun, 07 Apr 2013 19:01:11 +0000 Ocean girl 697809@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaCate: weighing in here as I've gone through being the partner of a medical student. DH is now and 3rd year resident (urology) and it has been a long road... We don't have children yet (#1 is due in August) but I know it will be difficult for me to go back to work after my mat leave is over. That said - I enjoy working as it allows me to meet new people outside of our little medical community (I love his colleagues/attendings and their families, but it's nice to talk non-hospital every once in a while). DH is lucky that he's now considered a senior resident so his call schedule is a little lighter, but his studying and research load has gotten heavier plus he is involved with longer OR cases which keep him at the hospital later into the evening than before. I am preparing myself to do about 80% of the parenting... which I knew would be the case going into this! </p> <p>Anyway, I'm off-topic but I just wanted to say that I will be in very similar shoes when mat leave is up in Aug 2014... But as it stands now, I think I'll go back! I think I'll need it for my sanity, and financially it will be necessary! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-your-views-on-worklife-balance-evolved-since-you-got-married-or-became-a-mom#post-697731 Sun, 07 Apr 2013 18:01:55 +0000 Maysprout 697731@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaCate: PM&amp;R (physical medicine and rehabilitation). He was interested in peds too and both of our research focus has been heavily focused on infectious diseases so PM&amp;R is a bit of a different turn. But the hours are excellent and the research is really wide open and he loved his rotation in it so I'm pretty sure that's what he's going to stick with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-your-views-on-worklife-balance-evolved-since-you-got-married-or-became-a-mom#post-696979 Sat, 06 Apr 2013 22:48:02 +0000 MamaCate 696979@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: I am glad I am not the only one! I am glad that you have found a balance that works for you. I am thankful financially that we have been able to make it work to live on my salary while only borrowing tuition so that we have more financial flexibility down the road. </p> <p>What is your DH planning on doing for a specialty? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-your-views-on-worklife-balance-evolved-since-you-got-married-or-became-a-mom#post-696977 Sat, 06 Apr 2013 22:45:45 +0000 MamaCate 696977@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: You are of course right that it is more than 4 years but focusing on 4th year and residency are enough to focus on for now! DH is considering peds so we will see where that lands us in a year, and then take things one step at a time. </p> <p>I did not add that I am master's-level social worker, which has its pluses and minuses. I love what I do and think that it is meaningful, but it is stressful and not well-compensated (I make less than what I am learning is a starting resident salary as a comparison). It is a female-dominated field so my agency has been very supportive of my attempts to balance work/family and the idea of stepping out of the workforce for a time is fairly common. The financial side though makes it harder to justify going to work if all I will do is cover child care expenses... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-your-views-on-worklife-balance-evolved-since-you-got-married-or-became-a-mom#post-693871 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 10:12:15 +0000 Maysprout 693871@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband's a 3rd year med student too. He's getting the dual degree (so luckily we don't have to deal with the debt aspect and have a bit of money coming in) and we went to a different location for him to do a PhD so we've been moving around, which has made things a bit hectic. I was a post-doc for crazy people when I found out I was pregnant, it was a husband and wife who had kids and looking at their life and what their kids went through just made me really sad and I knew it was def not a lifestyle for us. </p> <p>So I mainly am a SAHM now, I teach college classes sometimes and do some write ups/editing but I'm pretty picky about what I take on. It's a temporary thing while we grow our family and has given me time to pursue interests that I think will make me a lot more satisfied than my time spent in the lab. </p> <p>My husband is choosing a specialty that has really good hours because he's expected to be a big participant in our children's lives, for me that's non-negotiable on both our parts. So even though his third year has been busy, with me working few hours its let him have lots of time with his daughter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-your-views-on-worklife-balance-evolved-since-you-got-married-or-became-a-mom#post-693859 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 10:06:34 +0000 Bookish 693859@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah, they definitely changed. I didn't want kids before, and then about 6mos into marriage all of a sudden I did lol! I also did not expect the pangs of regret that I can't be a SAHM. My career and education have been my focus for the last few years, and I was surprised (although I guess I shouldn't have been) that when it came time to sit down and look at the budget, it broke my heart that it wasn't even an option for me to SAH. </p> <p>However, I have noticed that since we set our minds to both of us working FT, I am a lot more invested in my work, because I want to do better for my family. Not that I work longer hours or anything, because I don't, but I definitely have more concrete goals in mind. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-your-views-on-worklife-balance-evolved-since-you-got-married-or-became-a-mom#post-693853 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 10:02:56 +0000 looch 693853@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you have to be very careful in these economic times. After you've been out of the job market for a while, employers are less likely to want to hire you back because your skills might be stale or whatever. So even if you do SAH and plan to re-enter later, it's important to do continuing ed and network like a crazy person. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-your-views-on-worklife-balance-evolved-since-you-got-married-or-became-a-mom#post-693756 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 09:30:43 +0000 Honeybee 693756@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Add me to the list of people who never thought she would be a SAHM! Before my first was born, I thought I would never want to stay home. But once my DD was born, I changed my mind. Part of the issue is that DH was in a very demanding job (working 80+ hour weeks at least 6 months out of the year) and going to grad school at the same time. It was really hard to be the main person in charge of the house, the baby, etc... When Dh graduated from grad school, I started my grad program and got pregnant with DS, plus DH was still working crazy hours. It was a lot. I worked FT, did grad school, and took main responsibility for the house/DD while I was pregnant, and then became a SAHM once DS was born. It's been an adjustment for all of us, but life has been much smoother with me at home with the kids while I finish my degree.</p> <p>DH recently got a new job which has a lot fewer hours and a lot more flexibility. Because of this, I'm looking to go back to work in the next year (I'll finish up my degree this summer). If DH was still in the more demanding job, I probably would stay home longer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-your-views-on-worklife-balance-evolved-since-you-got-married-or-became-a-mom#post-693720 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 09:18:46 +0000 Pirouette 693720@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have kids yet, but i can definitely say meeting DH changed my work/life views, because before meeting him i didn't want to have children! so there was no balance, it was all work! it remains to be seen whether having kids changes me, but now that we are trying I can see a shift in my priorities. I am fairly certain i'll always be a WOHM, but to what extent may change over time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-your-views-on-worklife-balance-evolved-since-you-got-married-or-became-a-mom#post-693714 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 09:15:32 +0000 Anagram 693714@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think if your situation changes and it becomes financially logical (or emotionally logical, or whatever) and you want to SAH and can afford to, why not? You can always go FT back to your field later.</p> <p>Right now, I'm definitely going to go back to work after LO arrives. If I didn't (being a teacher and delivering over the summer), in my current school district, my insurance would lapse only two weeks after school ends--so I would have no insurance for myself or baby when she arrives. So, I've already told my school I will be back next year after my 12 weeks FMLA.</p> <p>But daycare here in super expensive. Exorbitant really. So if we have a 2nd kid, I wouldn't work if daycare for 2 costs as much as my take home pay each month. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-your-views-on-worklife-balance-evolved-since-you-got-married-or-became-a-mom#post-693700 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 09:12:03 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 693700@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaCate: you've got more than 4 years of no control coming! I have to admit that work life balance is elusive, especially when you want to do both things excellently.</p> <p>We made some short term sacrifices. Partner Jacks was a stay at home dad for two years. We pay a lot in child care.</p> <p>But in the end, it's totally worth it. My career has taken off. With the supports we've put in place, the girls are thriving. I have no regrets at this point.</p> <p>We have our rough patches (we're in a growth period now). But all in all we're going to be ok. Both careers are intact and the girls are doing well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-your-views-on-worklife-balance-evolved-since-you-got-married-or-became-a-mom#post-693695 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 09:11:06 +0000 mamabolt 693695@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Before we had LOs, I thought I might want to SAH while they were young. Financially we couldn't consider that when LO 1 arrived last year, and I'm actually glad about that. I've realized I would NOT make a good SAHM. I do wish I could work less so I could have a better balance, especially since DH is an attorney and working less is not an option for him. I'm hoping to negotiate to PT when we have a second LO in a few years, but who knows if that will work out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-your-views-on-worklife-balance-evolved-since-you-got-married-or-became-a-mom#post-693686 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 09:06:55 +0000 Foodnerd81 693686@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a little different in that I always planned to be a SAHM, if our situation allowed it, so that is still my plan. But as I've gotten older I understand a lot more about what goes into the choices people make and I feel like I can see how different choices are better for different people and situations. I think because my mom was SAH and a lot of my friends' moms were, I always thought that is what women wanted to do unless they couldn't afford to-- which is so small minded, I now realize. My mom still kind of thinks that way and I try to explain other ways of thinking, but you know moms... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-your-views-on-worklife-balance-evolved-since-you-got-married-or-became-a-mom#post-693639 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 08:50:56 +0000 MamaBehr 693639@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mamacate When I got pregnant with DD I never thought in a million trillion years I would be a SAHM. Honestly, I thought it was too hard. I disliked maternity leave and I SKIPPED back to work. I liked my job, found it fulfilling, and I thought I was pretty good at it. </p> <p>Well, as you said, life happens while you are making other plans, and we moved. I was able to find a new job, but an hour from our house. At this point DD was 18 months old and I was 3 months along with our second. I knew it wasn't working. The commute was too long and it was taking a toll on DD and myself. Since I didn't qualify for FMLA, I quit. </p> <p>Now, I'm a SAHM. I really struggled with this for a long time, partly because it wasn't completely my decision, it was more of something that happened to me. At this point, I'm glad I'm home. I have enjoyed it and found all sorts of fun things to do with my kids, and I have been able to meet some other really cool moms and make friends in a new city. </p> <p>But, I do look forward to the youngest being in Kindergarten so I can go back to work. If you ever need someone to talk to about this, feel free to talk to me. I felt the same way (and sometimes resentful that DH got to pursue his dreams and career, while I take a break and possibly fall behind in the field I'm in) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-your-views-on-worklife-balance-evolved-since-you-got-married-or-became-a-mom#post-693517 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 08:13:28 +0000 looch 693517@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have been both a SAHM and a WOHM. My schedule now is pretty grueling, a lot of people would probably not do it with a toddler, but I have a TON of help from my parents. </p> <p>I don't do it for the money, I do it to keep my skills and contacts current. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-your-views-on-worklife-balance-evolved-since-you-got-married-or-became-a-mom#post-693506 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 08:08:44 +0000 MamaCate 693506@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SAHM0811: Sorry I lost track of this thread--thank you so much for sharing! It is reassuring to hear that I am not the only one with these misgivings. Your situation sounds a lot like ours on some rotations right now, and I know that residency will only be worse. It is also great to hear that the adjustment has gone well for you and I agree with you that quality of life for ourselves and our LOs is so important. </p> <p>I do have colleagues with kids where both parents work, but they do it with predictable and/or flexible schedules, where like you mentioned everyone is home by dinner, or either parent can leave at 3 if need be on a given day. Some also have lots of extended family support, which is not our situation either. </p> <p>I am trying to think of it as a season--right now we are in the season of me WOHM FT while DH is in school, then we will switch to him doing residency and earning money while I SAH, and then we will see what makes sense for us after that...</p> <p>I really appreciate your thoughtful reply! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-your-views-on-worklife-balance-evolved-since-you-got-married-or-became-a-mom#post-660259 Fri, 22 Mar 2013 00:04:14 +0000 SAHM0811 660259@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah, I never thought I'd SAH either. I went back to work after my first LO and was a WOHM for 3.5 years. DH is an attorney and his schedule is crazy busy. It's unpredictable too. It's hard to plan weekends with him, let alone vacations. Another thing is, he works from home too (so even if he is physically here, he's not really) and lately, he hardly even sleeps trying to juggle a bunch of cases and deadlines. I know all about doctors and their insane schedule too since I'm a nurse. I feel for you... There's med school, residency, fellowship... Then the demands of being an attending... It's Not Easy!</p> <p>And i have no concrete advice, but only my empathy and story. </p> <p>I did SAH after #2 for financial reasons (daycare for two is a LOT!), but mostly because my DH works soo much, that we felt it was better for me to be able to take care of the kids, house and him, rather than outsource it for not too much return after childcare costs and other bills. </p> <p>The way I started to see it was, why have both of us work AND have childcare costs? We could also just take out childcare costs, and budget ourselves so I can SAH. </p> <p>I think it would be different if both parents came home at 5:30 pm everyday. There's still a lot of quality time there a family can have M-F and on weekends. But for our family?? DH barely ever gets home before 9pm and his weekends are usually filled with work at home too. To have one of us SAH and compensate for his crazy schedule has really upped our quality of life. I'm a better wife and mom now that I can focus 100% of my time on my family. </p> <p>Being a WOHM was very fulfilling though, don't get me wrong. It worked for us for 3.5 years, like I said. I loved working and having more balance! I was like you, ambivalent about staying at home... And honestly, I didn't want to do it. I'm not "domestic" by nature. But it's been almost 2 years now, and I have grown into it and I can say now, that it has made me a better mom too. I also know it's not forever...</p> <p>I can't wait for the day DH's hours die down though... I don't get a lot of breaks as a SAHM, especially as a SAHM who solo parents a lot... But til then, this is what's working for us, even if I never thought it would ever end up this way!</p> <p>Sorry for my novel... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-your-views-on-worklife-balance-evolved-since-you-got-married-or-became-a-mom#post-660237 Thu, 21 Mar 2013 23:27:15 +0000 MamaCate 660237@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I currently am a FT WOHM. I always planned on working FT and balancing this somehow with raising kids while my partner also worked. Before I met DH, I imagined that we would both adjust our work schedules and/or negotiate some flexibility to be able to make this work. I thought being fulfilled in work would help make me be a better mom.</p> <p>Of course, life is what happens while you are making other plans. My wonderful DH decided to pursue a medical career and is currently a 3rd year med student. This has meant that he has zero control over his schedule and I have become the default parent for many things. We knew this going in, but the reality is that we are facing at least 4 more years of this zero control, combined with long, unpredictable, and annoying hours. </p> <p>I am finding myself reconsidering what makes sense for me and for our family and the idea of SAH or at least very part time work seems more and more appealing. But it is never what I had envisioned for myself so I am adjusting to the idea and trying to picture it. </p> <p>Is anyone else in the same boat? I am not trying to cast judgement on choices, just thinking about their evolution...</p> <p>(thanks for reading my novella if you got this far! :)) </p>