https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 07 Apr 2026 22:01:58 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-difficulty#post-298964 Mon, 17 Sep 2012 18:45:49 +0000 shopaholic 298964@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Jennimac - {{{HUGS}}} I haven't read through all the comments, but I just wanted to reach out and give you a big virtual hug.<br /> I had a M/C in April, and even though I am pregnant again, and finally pass the crazy worrying stage, I can imagine how much you must still be hurting. There are days/moments when I still catch myself thinking about where I would have been if I had been pregnant with the first time, and I just told DH that Christmas will be hard since that was our original due date too.<br /> And it's really hard for other people to understand, even those closest to you, the pain that comes up here and there. I think you just have to allow yourself those days to feel bad, and then hope that those days come less and less. {{{HUGS}}} </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-difficulty#post-298811 Mon, 17 Sep 2012 16:18:12 +0000 MrsMccarthy 298811@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just want to send you HUGE HUGS and tell you that I continue to be amazed by your strength everyday. No Mother should have to endure what you went through. I am sending you wishes for light, love and that take home baby you will shower with affection. No one deserves it more than you. XOXO </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-difficulty#post-290093 Mon, 10 Sep 2012 18:26:59 +0000 singingbee 290093@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Got up and did Day 1 of Couch to 5K. It was good. I was really productive today. Going to pack my back and be ready for tomorrow! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-difficulty#post-288971 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 22:46:15 +0000 stargal 288971@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jennimac: im so glad you were able to talk to your husband, it seems lke you guys have an open and amazing relationship, lean on that to get you through this. i just have to say i really admire your strength and just through your blog posts i can tell you are amazingly strong women. i am in awe of how you are handling the loss of your daughter ( i always think of her beautiful name when i see your posts) . you are very strong, just remember that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-difficulty#post-288968 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 22:35:26 +0000 singingbee 288968@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you, thank you everyone!!!!! Your kind words and prayers mean so much to me. Today was a good day. I made an effort to not let my frustration show when people did things I felt were stupid. That's kind I what I was talking about in trying to cover those feelings. I don't have a filter on my facial expressions right now, so I'm trying to stop that. I did talk to my husband about everything and he totally got it. He was glad his vacation fell at this point because he wanted to make sure I was doing okay. He told me he was actually worried this kind of thing would happen and I wouldn't really be willing to talk about it or acknowledge it, so he was keeping an eye out. He was glad I brought it up. I told how I was worried I would start working out and that would have a negative effect on us trying to conceive, but I also realized that I can't be fat, depressed, ticked off at the world and trying to bring a baby into it, so I am going to the gym tomorrow. I'm going to start couch to 5k again. I have my gum bag and my work bag packed and ready to go! I'll let you guys know how it goes. Like Dory said in Nemo, "just keep swimming, swimming, swimming!" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-difficulty#post-288576 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 16:07:43 +0000 BabyBoecksMom 288576@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jennimac: I am so sorry for your loss. I know nothing I can say will even begin to heal the hole in your heart. The only thing I can speak to is what to do with your time. </p> <p>Exercise. I'm not talking about a brisk walk every now and then, I'm talking about super tough, want-to-collapse-at-the-end kind of exercise. Not only will it help you to get out your frustrations, but you'll be able to clear your mind and have a great endorphine rush afterward to keep you relaxed and feeling good all day. It does wonders for the mind. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-difficulty#post-288453 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 13:13:17 +0000 MrsCastro 288453@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jennimac: I miscarried at 6weeks, I know it's different. I am 3 weeks out from my D&amp;C and 4 weeks out from when the Dr told us the baby didn't have a heart beat. And it's still really tough, I woke up last night sobbing. I had had a dream that I was with a group of women and one was pregnant and kept saying stuff like "my baby has a healthy and strong heartbeat" I remember in the dream I grabbed my stuff and walked out. I woke up sobbing. I felt so incompetent. Everyday is going to be a battle I fear. I just know that I don't want to feel like this forever. </p> <p>Sending you many hugs!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-difficulty#post-288328 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 10:23:07 +0000 JessicaMcB 288328@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>JenniMac I'm so sorry you're in pain lately. While I can't even imagine how awful your late loss was, we had an early loss in January who would've been due today so I can relate to the "what could've been's". I hope your rainbow baby is on the horizon!</p> <p>Could you maybe take up a new hobby like knitting to occupy your mind? I'm terrible for this sort of advice because I became OBSESSIVE about ttc until we conceived Emma (which thank God wasn't long).</p> <p>I hope you can find something to give you peace this week- big hugs! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-difficulty#post-288320 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 10:17:20 +0000 sslm 288320@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry you're having a tough time. I think you've been handling things really well, considering. It's definitely normal to still be grieving. I'm still grieving too, even though I thought a new pregnancy would change that. </p> <p>I agree with everyone else, a new hobby would be a great idea! I took up golf this summer to take my mind off things. Knitting would be excellent :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-difficulty#post-288270 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 09:38:55 +0000 photojane 288270@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>just wanted to pop in and let you know you're being thought of and prayed for. i'm so glad you have this time with your husband this week - i'm hoping it's just what you need. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-difficulty#post-288250 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 09:19:44 +0000 regberadaisy 288250@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't think you need to watch your emotions. Although I've never experienced a m/c I have experienced loss. You never know what will trigger that memory and send you to a dark place. That's all a part of grieving. Take your time. What's important is not to get lost in that dark place.</p> <p>So glad your husband will be off this week. Go do something fun to enjoy this fall weather we're having! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-difficulty#post-288243 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 09:11:18 +0000 Trailmix 288243@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry. I think that you've actually handled things pretty damn well, considering...I think it's natural to still be feeling this way, to still have bad days and be angry, you were dealt an absolute crap hand in the game of fertility roulette. Just being aware of how you're feeling and being compassionate towards yourself can go a long way. It's totally ok to feel the way you do, it really hasn't been that long since your loss. We are all thinking of you and hoping for you to find peace eventually... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-difficulty#post-288235 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 09:07:03 +0000 sorrycharlie 288235@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't relate so I don't know the right words, but also just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you! I can't imagine how hard it is. But let yourself feel whatever you feel - there's no right or wrong when it comes to emotions, and sometimes even the ones that you feel like shouldn't be going on can help you get through it. </p> <p>Hugs!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-difficulty#post-288160 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 07:35:22 +0000 heffalump 288160@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think the pain ever really does go away, nor should it. It's such a hard loss to lose a baby :( I have a perfectly healthy 13 month old baby girl and I still get upset about my miscarriage, especially like you said around the due date of my other baby. Just because you have another baby doesn't make the loss of this one any less hard. I'm just lucky enough to have my LO so I can hug her a little tighter on those days.... and you'll get there too!</p> <p>For me it helped to have some sort of closure. I'm Jewish and we use rocks on grave stones instead of flowers, so I found a nice rock and I wrote a message to my LO on it. It sits outside of my house by my front door so I see it every time I sit out front in my rocking chair. Maybe you could find something like that to do. Or make a box and put things in there that remind you of your LO......</p> <p>Wishing you good luck and a sticky baby, and if you ever want to talk about it I'm happy to listen :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-difficulty#post-288145 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 07:18:07 +0000 pastemoo 288145@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hugs! It is really rough passing your due date!<br /> It is ok to be frustrated with TTC even if you aren't also mourning.</p> <p>Your whole life you will have a place in your heart for that baby. It will get easier but it will never go away. It is not only OK to mourn, it is important to mourn,</p> <p>And.... lots of sticky baby dust. &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-difficulty#post-288136 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 07:04:57 +0000 Beebug 288136@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jennimac: Hugs to you.</p> <p>I think @Chastenet: had some great advice. I think there are going to be good days and bad, for life with what happened, and I hope some good days are ahead with your DHs week off. Know that when you have those good days to never feel guilty, enjoy them, and remember to always talk to someone (DH, family/friends/this board!) on the bad days to help talk through and work through things.</p> <p>Agreed on finding something to distract you, something you can maybe commit to on a weekly basis (or more than 1x week!) and look forward to, whether it be sport, hobby, activity, divert the focus and perhaps on those bad days help work through your feelings of anger (depending on what you might do!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-difficulty#post-288110 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 06:20:33 +0000 mediagirl 288110@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh @jennimac, I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm sure you'll always struggle with your loss, but hopefully it will get better with time. Paying attention to how you act around others will only make others think you're ok when you're really not. Do you have someone to talk to? That's my suggestion. Sometimes just talking about things helps get the anger out and bring some acceptance and peace in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-difficulty#post-288077 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 04:02:41 +0000 tequiero21 288077@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>=( definitely normal. i went through it. was so sad when i hit the due date and didn't help that 2 of my close friends had their kids' bday parties around the same date.</p> <p>it's depressing, i guess, but it helped me to just go online and read posts about miscarriage and everyone's responses. i guess just knowing other people were feeling the same way?</p> <p>also, if u have a friend who went through the same thing or maybe just talking to your spouse... and just talking about your feelings....</p> <p>feel better! easier said than done, i know. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-difficulty#post-288062 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 02:30:31 +0000 Chastenet 288062@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jennimac: I think what you're feeling is normal. Like you said, some days will be easier than others. I think getting over a loss is a process and it isn't necessarily a linear one. Sometimes you may make what feels like a few steps back, but you'll move forward again. As for something to take your mind off of it, are there any hobbies/activities that you've always wanted to do but haven't? Maybe now would be a good time to take up knitting or learn a new language or how to play an instrument....Something that you've always wanted to do and can focus on. Sending you many hugs, happy dust and baby dust. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-difficulty#post-288032 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 00:40:41 +0000 mamabird 288032@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine your pain. Make sure you give yourself grieving time. Your baby is just as important as all of our babies. You'll come around, but right now I just think you are going through a normal process. &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-difficulty#post-288018 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 00:18:10 +0000 singingbee 288018@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyD: Thanks. I didn't really put two and two together until my friend said anything. I'm trying to make a conscious effort to be aware of how I"m acting around others. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-difficulty#post-287992 Sat, 08 Sep 2012 23:46:21 +0000 JennyD 287992@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm very sorry for your loss. I don't really have anything to suggest or advice to give. Just wanted you to know you're not alone tonight. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-difficulty#post-287981 Sat, 08 Sep 2012 23:33:55 +0000 singingbee 287981@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So, we miscarried at 20 wks and have been trying since we were cleared. We have been doing pretty well, felt normal, had some bad days, which is to be expected. </p> <p>However, I've found myself acting like I did after our miscarriage--back in my angry, everything bugging me stage. I know that our loss is something that I'll deal with on a daily basis, but we were really in a good place. I was feeling okay with everything. </p> <p>I didn't really think that anything was bothering me (or that anyone could tell), but a good friend asked if everything was okay. They said that I seemed like something was off and was worried that work was stressing me out. I told them that we are pass our due date and I've realized that now we are doing all these things that I really thought we would be doing with our baby. I guess I just alternate between being okay, getting emotional, and then getting angry at everything. </p> <p>I did all right around our due date because school was just starting and I was getting in my groove with that. Now that I'm settled in, somewhat, I'm guessing I need something to focus on. I don't want to obsess about TTC, so I need some ideas or advice or something. </p> <p>Kudos if you've made it this far. It's late, Hubby is working nights, and I'm alone with my thoughts. Happy thought---Hubby is off an entire week. Couldn't have come at a better time. </p>