https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 05 Aug 2026 12:11:37 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-kids-while-one-parent-is-still-in-school#post-713413 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 17:39:25 +0000 Maysprout 713413@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had LO during DH's last year of a PhD and I thought it was a great time to have a baby. He had a lot more flexibility then and his PI knew him well so he didn't have to prove himself at that point. There was a bit of a stressful time the month before he turned in his thesis but not too bad. We'll be having #2 next year when he's in his last year of med school (he's doing the dual degree program), I agree with you that having a support system is important for both of you, def one of our important factors in deciding where to go in the future. I did know a couple guys who had kids early in their PhD and it turned out just fine, though I do think it's easier once you're a bit established. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-kids-while-one-parent-is-still-in-school#post-713283 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 15:45:30 +0000 IRunForFun 713283@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone! I appreciate all the different perspectives! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-kids-while-one-parent-is-still-in-school#post-713248 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 15:20:29 +0000 MamaCate 713248@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had LO while DH was in ths second year of med school. It has workeed out ok but can be challenging in terms of schedules and the lack of flexibilty he has. I WOH FT and we live off my salary and only borrow tuition to limit our future debt. Thankfully my job is flexible and supportive so they have been willing to work with my need to be the designated person to get LO from daycare etc.</p> <p>Our nearest family is 2 hours away, but we do have some supportive friends here. If you are both on the same page about what the situation will look like then i think you can make it work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-kids-while-one-parent-is-still-in-school#post-713205 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 15:00:03 +0000 red_seattle 713205@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Jeez. I wrote a lot there. Oops. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-kids-while-one-parent-is-still-in-school#post-713204 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 14:59:44 +0000 red_seattle 713204@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm currently in law school, and DH is working on a 1 year certificate program through the university where we got our undergrad + he's also working full time. Our son, X, is 17 months. I think for me, the biggest thing is that I try to keep things in perspective-- it's hard having a kid now, but it will be harder once I start working. Now, I get to spend 10 hours a day with my son and be his primary caregiver. I could take a semester or even a full year off if/when we have another child with minimal impact on my career. I won't have those options later. So, for us, in terms of our ages and careers, this is really the best time to have small children. And that's been echoed by others in the field that I've talked to. Also-- law school is very competitive (like a lot of post-grad programs), and while I'd love to compete more with my classmates, the truth is my goal is to graduate with decent job prospects and with my family intact and mostly happy. So if that means I'm a B/B+ student, I'm ok with that. My family comes first.</p> <p>Practically speaking, we make it work a few ways: We don't have to pay for childcare because of the way my classes line up with my husband's work schedule. (Plus DH's program is mostly online, so that can be done after X goes to bed at night.) We have family nearby, and they fill in any gaps with childcare. The biggest challenge is that we don't see each other much 4 days a week, and during finals, I'm so stressed that DH just steers clear of me. We cope by having regular date nights (even if it's just a movie and a cocktail at home), and we make a point to spend extra time together when I'm on a school break. </p> <p>Financially, it's also hard-- it's scary taking on a huge amount of school debt while you have a family. But long-term, it's going to be better for our family, so we're trying to look at it as an investment. Going forward, we'll stay flexible-- maybe we'll have a second child while I'm in school, maybe we won't. Maybe I'll go back to work and cut back my school schedule to one class at a time... it's hard to say what's going to be best for us-- but we're staying flexible and we'll see what we can do that's best for our family long-term. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-kids-while-one-parent-is-still-in-school#post-713137 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 14:15:15 +0000 mrs. 64 713137@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: I posted a similar thread a few days ago. You can check it out here: <a href="http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grad-school-bees" rel="nofollow">http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grad-school-bees</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-kids-while-one-parent-is-still-in-school#post-713116 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 13:41:42 +0000 birdofafeather 713116@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH has been in paramedic school that's 2 hours away for the last 7 months. 4 months of pregnancy and 3 since our daughter has been here. Finances are tight now but once he's done, we'll be fine. We knew it was going to be the situation so we've been saving for a while. It's tough sometimes but I know it's not forever. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-kids-while-one-parent-is-still-in-school#post-713093 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 13:22:58 +0000 nana87 713093@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: glad you guys found a compromise then that works for you both! my parents are actually moving to where dh and i are now (for their jobs) so we actually are going to have the best of both worlds when we have a lo, we'll be near them plus at the best school for me! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-kids-while-one-parent-is-still-in-school#post-713076 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 12:55:50 +0000 Bookish 713076@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm currently 27 weeks pregnant and working on my Master's + working FT, but my situation is easier because my degree is almost entirely online. We went into TTC knowing that I would more than likely be a year into grad school when the baby got here, and we had a lot of discussions of expectations, work load, etc. It's working out well for us because DH has committed himself to helping me out for the next couple of years while I get my Master's, because he knows its what I need to do to get the jobs I want. He's aware that he will be taking on more than the average dad when it comes to housework and taking care of LO, but he has no problem with that. We also plan on sending him back to school for his Associate's when I'm done, so I will then take the turn of doing more work/being supportive.</p> <p>My main advice, then, is to have lots of conversations. Lay out your finances, your 5-year plan, where you both expect to be (location, family planning, etc), what the expectations of shared housework are, etc. If you communicate and have a plan, I don't think you'll have too many problems. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-kids-while-one-parent-is-still-in-school#post-713044 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 12:08:48 +0000 IRunForFun 713044@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nana87: Nope, he's not getting his PhD to go into academics, he would be going into the private sector. Our situation is also slightly different, in that we got engaged before he decided he wanted to go back to school, so I did not go into this knowing we might be moving all over the place for his education. He asked me to marry him knowing how important my family is to me and how much I value a strong support system. With those things in mind, compromising is the best decision for us. If he hadn't gotten into several good programs and across the country was our only option, I would have reconsidered, but he had choices. We had to make a choice that would benefit us both. </p> <p>And no offense taken!</p> <p>ETA: And I am also the daughter of an academic, but grew up close to extended family, because my dad refused to give up on finding a job that would keep him within a reasonable distance of his parents and siblings. He turned down a lot of jobs that would have taken him to a different coast. It is funny how the way we grew up can influence the way we envision raising our own families! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-kids-while-one-parent-is-still-in-school#post-713038 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 12:02:17 +0000 nana87 713038@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: forgive me if this sounds offensive, but as crucial as a support system is while starting a family, for me, the best opportunity would definitely trump that. is your dh getting a phd to become an academic? because in my field, the school--and particularly the advisor that you work with--is central to your future success on the academic job market as well as your intellectual development. my husband married me knowing that we'd end up going wherever my career takes us, be it grad school, post docs, or future jobs. (luckily, his job is flexible so that we are able to do that.) that said, my field also has a terribly restricted job market. if your husband's field is more flexible or he's going into the private sector than maybe the department isn't as important as having family nearby (like, econ phds are in WAY higher demand than other social sciences), but i know for me, in my chosen field and career path, I would have resented my husband for discouraging me from attending my top choice program</p> <p>eta: i also say this as the daughter of academics who grew up very far away from extended family because that's where my parents' jobs took them... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-kids-while-one-parent-is-still-in-school#post-713032 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 11:57:00 +0000 Baby Boy Mom 713032@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've had two kids while DH is in medical school, so it's definitely doable. I SAH so a large part of the childcare falls on me, although I think it would regardless because of BF. There are pros and cons- Finacially things are tight and we don't have any help because we are far from family. On the other hand, DH still has school breaks so then we get a lot of quality time all together. And during some of the easier rotations we get some time in the afternoons as well. I think it actually worked out well since his schedule is only going to get worse as we head into residency, and like you I felt like I didn't want to wait any longer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-kids-while-one-parent-is-still-in-school#post-713015 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 11:46:00 +0000 IRunForFun 713015@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rahlyrah: @vnvdvci: Your replies have helped cement for me that I was right to make sure we would be near family while he does this. My mom is retired and will gladly help us with childcare, which I will be really grateful for! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-kids-while-one-parent-is-still-in-school#post-712991 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 11:23:58 +0000 vnvdvci 712991@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm 39 wks preg and starting law school in Canada this fall. Our biggest concern is childcare since we'll have no family around us. My mom's offered to take LO for a few months at a time but I won't plan on that until after 1 year since I'd like to BF until then. DH will have paternity leave until LO is 1 so that helps too.</p> <p>Pretty much our only real issue is money--we can only count on DH's income and while he makes above average it's still a squeeze and our lifestyle will definitely have major adjustments. Childcare in Toronto is crazy! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-kids-while-one-parent-is-still-in-school#post-712980 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 11:18:16 +0000 IRunForFun 712980@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Weagle: I totally understand. SO originally considered getting his master's with tuition reimbursement from his company, but there were so many stipulations. The degree would have to directly correlate to the company's work, they would have to pre-approve courses before he could take them, and he would have to agree to work for the company for x number of years after degree completion. Ultimately he decided that wasn't the right path for him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-kids-while-one-parent-is-still-in-school#post-712977 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 11:17:41 +0000 nana87 712977@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>we're just starting ttc now, and I'm about halfway through my phd program. I was waiting until I finished my prelims and coursework since that was pretty all-encompassing for me, but I'm pretty sure I'll be able to balance a baby, teaching, and dissertation writing just fine since my schedule will be so much more flexible than if I had a "real" job. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-kids-while-one-parent-is-still-in-school#post-712975 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 11:17:29 +0000 Ra 712975@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I plan on going back for my masters. I'm a teacher, so I won't be taking classes full time, but I will be taking a class or two a semester. Luckily, my mom is our nanny and DH works from home. Plus, I have my summers off to make it work. I'm sure it won't be easy, but I really don't have much choice in the matter! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-kids-while-one-parent-is-still-in-school#post-712969 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 11:16:03 +0000 Weagle 712969@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: Yes, it's pretty sweet. But, he will have to make a really good case for why he needs to go back, and then obviously will have to work there for however many more years. Its pretty hard to get the approval. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-kids-while-one-parent-is-still-in-school#post-712960 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 11:13:54 +0000 IRunForFun 712960@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rawrasaur: Thanks! That is helpful! SO originally wanted to do his PhD clear across the country from all of our friends and family, and it took a lot of convincing on my part to get him to understand that it wouldn't necessarily be the best idea for us to start a family SO far away from our support system while he was busy with school. I should start practicing my flexibility now, though. :) </p> <p>@Weagle: So your DH wouldn't not have to work for the year but would still get his salary? That would be a really nice option! Good luck with whatever decision you guys make! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-kids-while-one-parent-is-still-in-school#post-712951 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 11:10:25 +0000 Weagle 712951@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're thinking through this. DH would like to go back for his masters. Luckily, if he does, he would still get his salary + be able to be full-time student for a year. So, he wouldn't be working and going to school for a while. I'm not looking forward to many nights alone with LO (possibly 2 LOs), but I think it will be manageable. We don't have any family nearby to help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-kids-while-one-parent-is-still-in-school#post-712946 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 11:07:54 +0000 rawrasaur 712946@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: My family is 2 hours away and his 3. When he was preparing for his prelim, I spent two separate weeks at my parents so that he could focus and get where he needed to be, but he is a very slow and meticulous worker so it is easier for him to fall behind. We just do what works best and I try to stay very flexible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-kids-while-one-parent-is-still-in-school#post-712935 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 11:02:04 +0000 IRunForFun 712935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rawrasaur: I would definitely expect to take on most of the work load, and we're in a good place right now financially, so I'm not as concerned about that, although it's definitely a factor because I'm not sure how income would be if I stayed home. </p> <p>Can I ask if you have any family nearby to help out or anything? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-kids-while-one-parent-is-still-in-school#post-712925 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 10:56:52 +0000 rawrasaur 712925@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband is working toward completing his PhD and we had our daughter 4 months ago. We don't struggle financially, but some weeks are much busier for him and I take most of the work load. I also stay at home, so there are times I don't get much of a break. We are lucky in that our daughter is a pretty easy baby overall and we only have a year left until he is finished. Also, he has a really flexible schedule, which is nice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-kids-while-one-parent-is-still-in-school#post-712907 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 10:40:59 +0000 IRunForFun 712907@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm curious to hear about people's experiences with having a baby while one person is still in school. Did anyone do this? SO is a PhD student and will be for several more years, so he will definitely be in school when we start trying for our first. </p> <p>We've heard mixed things from people who have gone through a similar experience. Some people say it's a huge struggle because of finances, because he'll be so busy with school he won't be around much, etc, and others says it's totally doable. </p> <p>The issue is that he waited 5 years after undergrad to go back to school, so we'll be close to 30 once we get married, and if we waited till he was done with his PhD, I'd be 34 or 35 when we started trying. Since we want a few kids, I don't feel comfortable waiting that long.</p> <p>Anyone have insight or advice? </p>