https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 03 Jun 2026 11:38:54 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-trouble-waiting-serious-baby-fever-today#post-1807683 Sun, 10 Aug 2014 06:08:32 +0000 Mrs.Panda 1807683@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow your story is similar to mine! I'm 28, DH turned 27 in May and we got married in October after being together 8 years. The only difference is I didn't stop talking about wanting a baby even when DH said he didn't think he was ready. I talked to him about why that was and didn't take I don't know as an acceptable answer. I asked him what he thought would be different and what would change for him. I acknowledged his feelings and told him I was nervous too, but that this was a good change and something I really wanted. Plus he had always said he wants like 4 kids so I did the math with him and told him that we would realistically have to start soon to have children without cramming them super close before advanced maternal age (nothing wrong with that but I have enough trouble ovulating).</p> <p>What I really think did it for him was the fact that almost all of our friends have kids. He admits now that he didn't really start feeling ready until I actually got pregnant (which shocked me as he said he was ready) but says he's so happy I kept bringing it up because he would never have taken the leap himself. I'm not saying this will work for everyone, but you know your husband and what makes him tick. It could just be fear of the unknown or of change. We are expecting our first this October :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-trouble-waiting-serious-baby-fever-today#post-1807255 Sat, 09 Aug 2014 17:35:38 +0000 peaches1038 1807255@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MRSHONEYBEAR: that's a great way to think about it! Thanks for sharing! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-trouble-waiting-serious-baby-fever-today#post-1807115 Sat, 09 Aug 2014 14:45:04 +0000 MRSHONEYBEAR 1807115@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was also in this same situation last summer, and now I have a sleeping 3 month old laying on me. My DH couldn't pinpoint why he wasn't ready but my thoughts were that his anxiety issues were keeping him from feeling ok about change. I finally changed the way I was framing the conversation around ttc and instead of saying "let's make a baby", i positioned it as "let's have fun and see where life takes us." This took the pressure off and helped him see the change in a different light and let go of some anxiety. Turns out we are beyond lucky and got pregnant the first month trying. By the time it was real/tangible he was so happy and excited. Neither of us ever felt 100% ready but so glad we took a leap of faith and let go of anxiety. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-trouble-waiting-serious-baby-fever-today#post-1806881 Sat, 09 Aug 2014 08:18:57 +0000 Mrs. Peanut 1806881@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I could have written this exact post too. Back in early spring, I was ready, and we were going to try. DH got cold feet at the last minute and we agreed to wait. I definitely want him to be 100% certain and comfortable. However, it's frustrating when he doesn't know why he's not ready! He just "isn't". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-trouble-waiting-serious-baby-fever-today#post-1778218 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 10:27:23 +0000 MrsPastryLady 1778218@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsD2442 this could be me. i am in the same situation and my DH is not ready and doesn't know when he will be. I understand your frustration. I hope that your DH comes around soon :fingers crossed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-trouble-waiting-serious-baby-fever-today#post-1704726 Tue, 17 Jun 2014 09:52:30 +0000 As Time Goes By 1704726@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsD2442: For my DH it really was about knowing we would be secure/not need to rely on anyone for help and continuing to afford our current lifestyle. I am a teacher and in my area there is a huge surplus of teachers. Getting a job in a district on call is hard enough not to mention actually getting a contract. Our goal had been to wait until I had a full time permanent position, but after I was hired and realized how tough it is he realized we could be waiting for quite a few more years (he's 33 and I'm turning 30). The funny thing is, once we agreed to start, I was offered a full time permanent position :grin: </p> <p>I felt like my laying off allowed him to process the idea of trying and he was able to come around on his own time, but my DH is also the type of person to keep these things to himself and not talk through it then one day share the decision he has made. </p> <p>I hope you and your DH figure out a timeline that makes both of you happy! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-trouble-waiting-serious-baby-fever-today#post-1704603 Tue, 17 Jun 2014 09:07:12 +0000 MrsD2442 1704603@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@As Time Goes By: I'm amazed that your husband came to you and said it was time! I can't imagine DH coming to me and saying that. I imagine we will decide during a conversation about it in several months time. He doesn't really express any concerns, and I used to press him on the issue but have since given up. He just says he's not ready and he's not sure when he will be. Talk about disheartening. </p> <p>@peaches1038: DH does the same things! We were driving the other day and were talking about the World Cup starting soon and he was like "oh, I think our kids should definitely play soccer. We're both too short so it's obvious our kids won't be tall and so they won't be great at basketball or football, so I think they'll have to play soccer"! I was in SHOCK. Where did that come from? I guess its a good sign because at least that means starting a family is on his mind. </p> <p>It is completely reassuring that others have had their partners give the green light, I agree! Fingers crossed that happens to us. And I think that's a great point, to stay in the moment and enjoy it while we're kid-free. It's nice to know that I have some place to go when I need to talk about it though, especially since I have decided to stop bringing it up to DH! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-trouble-waiting-serious-baby-fever-today#post-1702926 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 12:41:21 +0000 peaches1038 1702926@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsD2442: you are definitely not alone! He doesn't really say when exactly he will be ready. It's very confusing because he will bring things up on his own like, "when we have kids" or "our kids will...". He even talks about how we will set up the nursery. I think what others have mentioned about seeing other people successfully raising children is so true. We moved to a new city 3 years ago and none of our current friends have kids and most of them aren't even married. We have a lot of friends that do have families but we never see them because now we live so far away. He has 2 sisters who both have a kid and they are doing ok with it but I think that he sees how they are and thinks that is what our lives will become even if it's not true. </p> <p>It's reassuring to hear that others had their partners give the 'green light' because that seems so strange that one day he will just wake up and be like "yup, let's do this" hahah. </p> <p>I'm trying to stay in the moment and enjoy our lives now because it will undoubtably change once there is a little one in the picture. Just know that there is always someone to vent to on hellobee! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-trouble-waiting-serious-baby-fever-today#post-1702323 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 09:28:33 +0000 As Time Goes By 1702323@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Hoots: I could have written the same thing... We kept having things come up that would push back our timeline then one day he said why not start trying!</p> <p>For us it was job security and having a good savings cushion that was preventing DH from wanting to try. While he never outright said that, whenever we talked about trying we usually discussed our financial security/position. Does he give any hints about his concerns when you talk about it?</p> <p>I also agree that seeing friends have kids helped him be ready! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-trouble-waiting-serious-baby-fever-today#post-1702139 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 08:13:06 +0000 MrsD2442 1702139@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@peaches1038: I feel your pain! I am (selfishly) glad that I'm not the only person in this situation. Did he give you any kind of timeline for when he thinks he might be ready or at least ready to discuss it? As of now, we've decided to table any serious discussion regarding starting a family until after our 1 year wedding anniversary, which is in October. I'm like you where I truly don't want to push him, I want it to be a decision we make together and I want us both to be ready. I'm just ready now and he's just not. So frustrating!</p> <p>@ninjaduck: That's a great point, hearing from friends that it IS challenging but also rewarding would probably be really helpful and insightful for both of us to hear. Problem is - we don't have any close friends that have children! In fact, his 22 year old sister got pregnant accidentally and has a 18 month old and is truly struggling. So a lot of times I think that's sort of working against us... he sees how much work it is for her and maybe it causes him to hesitate. She is a single mom, and although the father is still in the picture, it's a lot of work for her and she is really struggling financially. I've reminded him many times when we talk about her situation that we're not in the same position as her - we're married, both have great jobs, we own a home and have money saved. We've traveled and have had the opportunity to experience a lot of different things. Oh well, I guess I just have to hang in there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-trouble-waiting-serious-baby-fever-today#post-1701459 Sun, 15 Jun 2014 11:41:05 +0000 Hoots 1701459@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsD2442: I've been ready for awhile, him not so much. The only thing holding me back was a job situation. That was remedied last year. I completely understand about the change in plans being a downer. I am a huge planner and a total type-A personality. DH and I have been together 12.5 years now (married 2.5), with him being 3 years older than me. But, I just wanted to let you know that there is hope. Never in my wildest dreams did I think he would tell me he was ready. I figured he'd never be ready, but he completely surprised me.</p> <p>We originally were going to start trying sometime last year, but he said he wasn't ready. In fact, he actually started his master's degree and there were a few huge fights over the fact I thought he'd never be ready. Then one morning out of the blue this spring, he gave me the green light. No, he didn't say the exact words. But, it was his decision (I asked about a million times if he was sure at that point).</p> <p>There were a few things that I think helped things along. I tried very hard not to bring it up very often. Believe me, he knew I was still thinking about it. I pretty much cry every time someone else I am close to announces they are expecting. Don't get me wrong, totally happy for them, but I want to be that person (and that makes me feel like a terrible person). But, I tried really not to pressure him. The other thing was that a lot of others in our circle of friends and co-workers are starting families or have started them a few years ago. Cookouts and events have become filled with children when just a few years ago they weren't. I think this kind of showed him life as he knows it won't end. Good luck with the wait (and the baby fever only gets worse when you get the green light...). :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-trouble-waiting-serious-baby-fever-today#post-1700847 Sat, 14 Jun 2014 19:04:35 +0000 ninjaduck 1700847@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I felt like it helped to admit that the life change was going to be hard and scary and that he wasn't alone in feeling like it might be very overwhelming. However, I could list all the reasons why it would be okay, even with all the hard stuff. However, the biggest thing I think was when we were out to dinner with his best friend and his wife who have two kids. They brought it up and dh admited he was hesitant, but I was ready and his friend told him how scary it is, but how rewarding it is. I think hearing it from someone else helped. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-trouble-waiting-serious-baby-fever-today#post-1700834 Sat, 14 Jun 2014 18:50:57 +0000 peaches1038 1700834@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I seriously could've written this exact post! My husband (29) and I (28) have been together for 13 years and married for almost 3. We decided last year to start trying this summer. We had a pretty extensive baby bucket list and crossed off one of the last things last month. Just like you, recently during a random talk, he says that he doesn't feel ready yet! Whaaaaa?! </p> <p>I can understand that he isn't ready (sort of) , but like you, I am upset because we had a plan and he is backing out. He also cannot pinpoint the exact reasons he isn't ready, he says things like we don't have enough money (we do) and that he isn't as secure in his job as he wants to be (he's been working at this place for 2 years). There is no way that we will start trying until he is 100% ready because I would not want him to be resentful or feel like he isnt heard. But I totally feel your pain! I'm going to attempt to keep quiet about it and see what happens. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-trouble-waiting-serious-baby-fever-today#post-1700621 Sat, 14 Jun 2014 13:48:32 +0000 Synchronicity 1700621@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsD2442: I totally understand. I'm a planner too, and I would be pretty devastated if it turned out that my SO wasn't ready to TTC when we planned. It's hard, because it is such a huge decision and major life change that you can't force the issue, but one person being ready and the other not... that's really tough! </p> <p>Keep in mind that he is probably just processing things, and he may end up being ready soon! I would just try to keep myself as busy and distracted as possible for a month or so, and then gently broach the topic again. I wouldn't ask him for a timeline, I would just want to talk about where his head is at. That's just me though... you know what works in your own relationship! </p> <p>I'm always here to listen if you need to vent :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-trouble-waiting-serious-baby-fever-today#post-1697636 Fri, 13 Jun 2014 04:59:01 +0000 MrsD2442 1697636@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PermaStudent: I am 28, and my husband is about to turn 27 in a month. We got married in October, and have been together for over 8 years. I know we haven't been married that long, but I'm a planner - I like to have a plan and stick to it. So it's hard for me that he changed the plan! I think that's great advice. I will stop bringing it up completely. I try not to talk about it much, but stopping completely might help tremendously. Thanks for your help and support! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-trouble-waiting-serious-baby-fever-today#post-1695598 Thu, 12 Jun 2014 12:51:11 +0000 Synchronicity 1695598@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are also waiting to TTC, and I have serious baby rabies, so I know how you feel! We have too much going on this summer to even think about TTC, so we are waiting until the fall. </p> <p>Can I ask how old you are? Have you been married long? Please don't answer if it's too personal, I was just trying to get an idea of why he may feel like it's not the right time. Although I haven't dealt with this exact situation, I've found that when I'm trying to get my SO to discuss timelines or major decisions, the best thing I could do was to stop bringing it up at all. Completely drop the subject for at least a month or two, so that the pressure is off and he can think about it on his own time. I know that is easier said than done, though. I'm sorry you guys are on different pages - that's hard! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/having-trouble-waiting-serious-baby-fever-today#post-1695527 Thu, 12 Jun 2014 12:28:42 +0000 MrsD2442 1695527@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I are on different pages when it comes to TTC. I'm ready. Like right now. He had originally told me, about a year ago, that we would start trying this summer. Relatively recently he told me that he's not ready and won't be ready to try this summer. He said that he'd like to wait a while longer. I am ok with this and can understand that he's not ready, and I certainly don't want to force him into something he's just not ready for. But today, I am really struggling. I guess I'm just having a bad day. I can't help but wonder if he'll ever be ready! I can't seem to picture him coming to me and saying "ok, I'm ready now!" Add all this to the fact that a college friend of mine had her baby this morning and there are baby pictures all over facebook. I'm having a serious case of baby fever today and I'm feeling like it will never happen for us! (Ok - I'm being dramatic. Sorry!)</p> <p>Any advice for helping him along with getting ready to be a parent? I've already discussed with him several times a "baby bucket list" and when I ask him why he's not ready he simply says he doesn't really know, he just isn't ready. He also says he's not sure when he'll be ready. It's frustrating that he can't pinpoint anything specific he wants to do before starting a family or tell me what is holding him back. I am trying to be as understanding as possible, but it's hard. I guess that's why I have Hello Bee! To vent. So thanks for listening!! </p>