https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 25 May 2026 18:26:08 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hb-book-club-nurture-shock-praise-amp-sleep-all-are-welcome-to-discuss#post-1472086 Thu, 06 Mar 2014 09:26:05 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1472086@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pinata: you have plenty of time to join the discussion. Each book is discussed for the entire month. Other discussion questions/ posts will be posted throughout the month. Join in whenever you start it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hb-book-club-nurture-shock-praise-amp-sleep-all-are-welcome-to-discuss#post-1471719 Thu, 06 Mar 2014 00:00:38 +0000 Elderberrygin 1471719@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ooh! I read this a while back and I'm keen to chat about it. Love some bits of this book and other bits totally stressed me out. </p> <p>The praise issue is something I was aware of prior to having a baby through education and pedagogy literature I read for work so that really resonated with me reading the book. I find its so hard, even being aware of the studies, to resist the urge to praise - its just so ingrained. I've been trying to remember to enthusiastically describe what my daughter does. This week its been a lot of "You took a step! Walking is hard work!" Mostly I feel kind of idiotic, but I've read the studies and they're pretty compelling. And I've had very similar experiences to @cole with teaching students whose reliance on praise has made them incredibly fragile in terms of listening to and learning from constructive criticism.</p> <p>The sleep section was one that totally stressed me out. My daughter was a terrible sleeper up until recently and is still only so-so. I have various sleep disorders and insomnia and remember the enormous impact it had on me in childhood and adolescence so reading all the stats on sleep just made super anxious about the fact that she never napped for more than thirty minutes at a time for the first six months of her life. On the other hand, a clear understanding of children's natural sleep rhythms was helpful. We definitely prioritize sleep routines in our house.</p> <p>As for the nurture shock - I don't think I ever had an expectation that maternal instinct would kick in during the baby stage. The newborn stage was really hard, but I think nurture shock is really setting in now as we move to toddlerdom. I love being the mother to a toddler way more than a baby, but I'm also really aware that the day to day decisions and parenting approaches are much more complex than the wet? hungry? tired? cycle of the first few months. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hb-book-club-nurture-shock-praise-amp-sleep-all-are-welcome-to-discuss#post-1471657 Wed, 05 Mar 2014 23:23:23 +0000 Mrs. Pinata 1471657@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not very good at keeping updated on the boards, and I didn't know there was a HB book club going! I've had this book for about a year now and have really been wanting to read it! This is just the motivation I needed! Is it ok that I ask on the time frame? Am I already WAY behind? :/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hb-book-club-nurture-shock-praise-amp-sleep-all-are-welcome-to-discuss#post-1468598 Wed, 05 Mar 2014 07:34:46 +0000 looch 1468598@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'll bite.</p> <p>Regarding praise, you better believe I praise my son when he learns a new skill. I am not launching 1000 balloons and throwing confetti, but I do tell him that he did a great job when he names things correctly or when he counts in sequence. I do correct him if he makes a mistake, his biggest thing now is not to name the letters correctly, on purpose, so I correct him every time. He has in turn learned to give praise, he told me I did a good job last night when I was reading his bedtime book and I named all the cars correctly....streetsweeper, bus, van, UPS truck, etc. etc.<br /> Granted, my son is 3, but he does not get rewarded for poor behaviour. We are working on doing a better job at listening and following directions at the moment and it is not easy.</p> <p>As for sleep, I do believe that if children do not get enough sleep, they tend to function at a lower level at school. I also think it is important for children to be offered balanced meals (what they eat is a different story), as hunger can also affect behaviour. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hb-book-club-nurture-shock-praise-amp-sleep-all-are-welcome-to-discuss#post-1464576 Mon, 03 Mar 2014 17:12:56 +0000 Cole 1464576@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>-If you have a child already did you experience nurture shock?<br /> I am currently expecting our first child so we aren't there yet. I have been a nanny for ten years though and taught elementary school for 3 so I am hoping I get to skip it! I have a whole slew of other worries but thankfully the nitty gritty of getting through the day shouldn't be too tricky most of the time.</p> <p>Praise-- I am Montessori trained and my program really was a huge fan of the book "Punished by Rewards" so I was steeped in the idea of limiting praise from that. I have been able to change some of my habits but "good job" still creeps out sometimes. It is really hard because I feel like most of us use praise to connect, so we see a drawing the child did and tell them it is beautiful, we get to share a moment together and feel like we did something nice and they (in theory) feel good about their drawing. I have found though that it works just as well to sit down and ask questions about the picture. Statement of facts seems to make kids remarkably happy even though if sort of feels trite. At the same time sometimes the praise is super genuine and those are the times I don't even try to bite my tongue, for example, we had been working with a child who was very late to be drawing pictures as opposed to scribbling. When I saw one of the first real drawings I just gushed, I was so proud and thrilled that to stuff those feelings down and just label the parts of the picture as acknowledgment felt fake.</p> <p>When I was teaching I found that I had several kids over the years who were obsessed with praise. Every thing they did needed praise and they sought it out and even asked point blank for admiration of their work. It was kind of sad to see them so desperate for validation. </p> <p> Does sleep come first in your house or are you stuck in the not enough hours in the day trap? Do you remember your thoughts on sleep from high school? Did you get enough sleep as a teen?</p> <p>Sleep is crazy important for me so I try really hard to make it a priority. Once we have a little one though I really worry about my husband being able to spend time with the baby during the week since he works so late. Balancing out the need for sleep and wanting them to spend time together seems really daunting though. As a nanny, sleep was often my nemesis. One family in particular really struggled with this because as their kids gave up naps they really needed to be in bed with lights out by 7 and the mom didn't get home until 6, dad was lucky to be home by 7. They were frequently sleep deprived and it was really tricky. I don't envy them at all in that regard.</p> <p>I distinctly remember going through the phase of not being able to fall asleep at a decent hour as a teen. I was sleep obsessed even then so I figured out that I needed to be asleep by 10 each night but it was really hard even when I wasn't crazy busy. I think I did better than most teens but I still was always super sleepy in the mornings. I don't think I ever fell asleep at school though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hb-book-club-nurture-shock-praise-amp-sleep-all-are-welcome-to-discuss#post-1464556 Mon, 03 Mar 2014 17:05:57 +0000 Cole 1464556@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi everyone! So the goal was to read the chapters on Praise and Sleep but I know it is still early in the month so don't worry if you aren't there yet just come back and add your thoughts when you have them. I am going to try to break this up as much as I can so lets discuss the Race chapter on Friday. I thought I would add a poll just for a little extra fun.</p> <p>In the intro they talk about the term "nurture shock" and that it refers the panic that new parents get when they realize that "the mythical fountain of knowledge is not magically kicking in at all." Basically, maternal instinct is to keep your child alive, not turn them into a Nobel Peace prize winner.<br /> -If you have a child already did you experience nurture shock? </p> <p>Praise-- The book talks about how as a society we are somewhat fixated on building kids self esteem, "great job!" falls out of our mouths without a second thought and every kid gets a trophy. Yet more and more research is showing that this excessive praise is detrimental rather than helpful. Does this knowledge make you more likely to shift the way you praise? </p> <p>Sleep-- It is mind boggling that children are getting, on average, an hour less sleep a day than they used to. Does sleep come first in your house or are you stuck in the not enough hours in the day trap? Do you remember your thoughts on sleep from high school? Did you get enough sleep as a teen?</p> <p>Feel free to bring up other points as well! I think the book is fascinating so far and I appreciate the quick chapters and useful information! </p>