https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 11 Apr 2026 14:01:52 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him/page/2#post-860258 Sat, 15 Jun 2013 13:17:53 +0000 SugarplumsMom 860258@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Whoa. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him/page/2#post-860195 Sat, 15 Jun 2013 12:24:05 +0000 googly-eyes 860195@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pen: I agree with everything you posted!</p> <p>I think in this case, she met his needs, when a lot of people would have ran. I admire her, and I hope I would have the insight and strength to do the same. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him/page/2#post-860159 Sat, 15 Jun 2013 11:59:36 +0000 stargal 860159@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@TurtleDoves: exactly. honestly if my husband ever treated me like that, I would peace out in a heartbeat. you do not treat someone you love like that for months on end. esp treat our kids like that...hell no. sorry. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him/page/2#post-859506 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 19:52:19 +0000 anbanan15 859506@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Edited: you never know until you have been in those shoes... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him#post-859483 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 19:36:07 +0000 Mrs. Pen 859483@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. High Heels: I agree with this 100%!! It totally reminds me of my days in depression now. I still sometimes deal with dark times in my marriage but my husband knows being depressed isn't about him, he doesn't take it personally, he knows its an internal battle for me and he fights with me. I think in a dark time it's easy to say "I don't love you", "I'm not happy" and think leaving (change) is the answer. I am so glad no one left me when I was a depressed teen. I hurt a lot of people, but they stuck with me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him#post-859474 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 19:33:32 +0000 Mrs. Pen 859474@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsTiz: hmm I have to say I see this as anything but selfish (except on his part). If he truly wanted to leave, he could have. He didn't need her permission.</p> <p>I firmly believe that it's not the responsibility of a spouse to make the other happy. I even included that in my vows to DH!<br /> Happiness is something you make for yourself. I think it was definitely a midlife crisis and he was unhappy with himself, not with her and his family. </p> <p>I think what she did was amazing and brave. </p> <p>@mrskc: same. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that DH and I have loved each other. If either of us were ever to say otherwise, I definitely wouldn't believe him either! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him#post-859458 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 19:23:01 +0000 CottonCandy 859458@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would say GTFO!! That man was so disrespectful to not only his wife, but children as well. I would not tolerate it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him#post-859442 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 19:13:02 +0000 mrbee 859442@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I view it just like @Mrs. High Heels! He was depressed and not himself... I think what she did was really admirable! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him#post-859441 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 19:12:17 +0000 Adira 859441@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. High Heels: I agree with what you said completely! Your analogy to someone who was depressed is so spot-on! I think this wife is a strong woman who knew herself AND her husband well enough to be able to stand her ground! I only hope I would be so strong if this happened to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him#post-859439 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 19:10:53 +0000 Boogs 859439@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow. I'm glad things turned out well for them in the end. I think she's a strong, admirable woman for doing what she was able to do, I'm not sure that I would be able to personally do the same. But, I applaud her for doing what she felt was right for her relationship and her family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him#post-859430 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 19:05:44 +0000 Raindrop 859430@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think my gut reaction was to just throw the guy out! </p> <p>After thinking about it, only she knew her husband and what he truely meant. Granted I don't think my husband would ever say those things to me but I trust that she knows her husband and knows if he meant it or not. </p> <p>I think every relationship is different and she had a choice here, to fight for her marriage knowing what she knew or to let go of her marriage knowing what he knew.</p> <p>I think she did what was right for her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him#post-859368 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 18:20:10 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 859368@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsMini: yup.<br /> In a marriage, you do not speak the words "I don't love you" and see the light of day. Nope....you respect the marriage and your partner...or get out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him#post-859365 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 18:13:38 +0000 sorrycharlie 859365@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @Mrs. High Heels. </p> <p>Having been in a similar situation - the first part, at least, not the part about doing what he wants for 6 months - I can say that you truly do not know how you will react until you're put into the situation. My husband said he thought the best thing for us would be to divorce. He said he wasn't happy anymore. Mind you, this was a week before our first wedding anniversary and I was seven months pregnant. I simply said, "no. absolutely not. we are going to work this out." and put my foot down. He was going through some really dark times, and is still struggling, but I am forever glad that I didn't just say "okay" and let him walk out the door. I feel as though we are stronger now for it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him#post-859362 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 18:09:50 +0000 Grace 859362@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsTiz: How do you let someone leave? If they want to go, don't they just pack their bags and do it? </p> <p>I got the feeling from the story that her husband wasn't being himself and she wasn't going to be dragged into his mess. And maybe she knew him well enough to know what he needed.</p> <p>Also, as an aside, my aunt told my uncle that she hadn't ever loved him. She left, broke his heart and years later has admited that she made a huge mistake and that she considers him the love of her life. But the damage was done. I wonder what would have happened if my uncle could have pulled off the "I don't believe you" angle. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him#post-859305 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 17:24:39 +0000 mrsmate 859305@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I read this over and over when nyt published this a year or a few years ago. This is what for better or worse, death do us apart really means. I hope if something like this happens to me or DH we will know each other well enough to diagnose what's really happening with our partner, what would make him or her do this. And not once did I think the author was a pushover, far from it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him#post-859294 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 17:14:02 +0000 runsyellowlites 859294@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Read it before! I love it &amp; admire her stance &amp; perspective! I think this is the epitome of what a *marriage* is! It's about standing your ground on the foundation of your vows, even if you are the only one standing in that moment (aside from infidelity &amp; abuse). I don't think it's about making someone (your spouse) happy or expecting the other to be the one to fulfill that in yourself. Happiness is fleeting, and a cycle of coming &amp; going... your marriage, by the very definition, is supposed to be the constant in that! I only wish we could see MORE spouses like her! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him#post-859281 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 17:02:06 +0000 MrsStormy 859281@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrskc: I think this is a great point, if DH told me he didn't love me and thought he never did, I could not believe him. I think that would be a huge sign that something was wrong, he was depressed or struggling or something.</p> <p>I don't know if what she did was the right thing (it obviously was for her family) and I don't know what I would do, but it was interesting. I also really agree with @MamaMagpie: every relationship is so different so it really is impossible to have a universal right answer or thought. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him#post-859267 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 16:51:00 +0000 MamaMagpie 859267@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. High Heels: I couldn't have said that better, and I totally agree with you. </p> <p>I think each relationship is so profoundly different from another, too, so for some people I can understand the thought process behind letting him go. I personally would try anything first before giving up and divorcing. Unless abuse was involved, that's a deal breaker. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him#post-859246 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 16:37:12 +0000 mrskc 859246@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know if I'd be able to react the way she did, but I would not believe my husband if he told me he didn't love me and thought he never did. This would be the time that we would open up the box we sealed on our wedding day and read the letters we wrote to each other. I see it the way you do @Mrs. High Heels: He went through something internally and had to find happiness within and get over whatever he was going through. A divorce probably would not have made him happy in the end. Makes me ponder how I would react if my husband did come to me with something like this.... I just pray that day never happens. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him#post-859245 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 16:37:05 +0000 HLK208 859245@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So interesting. I admire her. I don't think she was selfish at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him#post-859230 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 16:28:25 +0000 Freckles 859230@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsTiz: Ah, gotcha. I think it's easy to feel that way when your pride is wounded. I used to have that same mindset, but i find that i've changed over the years.</p> <p>@Mrs. High Heels: My otherwise always happy DH went through a dark period related to a dissertation-related rut. I took it personally and felt it was all about me, when really, he just had some things to figure out. Sometimes, i think you just need to give space (especially for men). Divorce is a serious, "final" process. I would rather fight than easily let him go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him#post-859220 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 16:23:52 +0000 swedishfish 859220@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsTiz: I get what you meant - why hold onto something that he's saying isn't there anymore and maybe never was? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him#post-859212 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 16:19:56 +0000 MrsTiz 859212@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: I don't know if selfish was the right word but I mean more of a "why won't you just let him leave? If he's not happy let him go" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him#post-859211 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 16:19:27 +0000 LindsayInNY 859211@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've read this before - I can't remember where or when though. It's really interesting! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him#post-859130 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 15:41:16 +0000 aprk 859130@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. High Heels: I agree. I admired the wife. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him#post-859128 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 15:40:27 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 859128@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hmmm... I almost view it the same way I would view a depressed person. I went through some depression in my teen years when my dad passed away, and I was so not myself - I lost the sense of who I was, and I became very selfish and did not care about how my actions affected others. I was so consumed by what i was going through and only cared about what I needed that I was a terrible daughter and friend to everyone around me. </p> <p>I guess I see this man's crisis in a similar way. I would lose respect for him if he cheated or directly did something awful to his wife, but it seems like he just lost his way... and his wife was able to see that and give him the space/distance he needed to find himself again. I don't see her as weak or as someone who doesn't respect herself - if anything, I think she knows herself so well that she was able to find the inner strength to stand her ground and move forward even as the world around her seemed to be falling apart.</p> <p>I don't see unhappiness in and of itself as a good enough reason to let someone go. Luckily this story had a happy ending and her husband snapped out of it! I totally choked up when I got to the Thanksgiving dinner part too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him#post-859097 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 15:27:58 +0000 littlek 859097@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him#post-859090 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 15:25:10 +0000 swedishfish 859090@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsMini: I also agree. A worthy partner wouldn't treat their wife this way. Let him go; he's obviously not worth it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him#post-859083 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 15:22:51 +0000 bamblm 859083@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>lol @MsMini: yes! and ditto @deerylou: @plantains: I never want to be in a relationship where the other person did not want to be with me. I understand wanting 24 hours of space, or even a week to get away and be with family or friends. But six months? No.</p> <p>My brother in law's first marriage ended that way. His first wife told him she was not happy and thought they should get a divorce. Same idea, he gave her space with a time frame of six months. During that six months, he saw her three or four times. By the six month, they had nothing to say to each other, they had been living separate lives for so long. He always told my husband that his biggest regret was not showing her how much he cared and didn't want her to leave.</p> <p>I'm glad things worked out for the original author, but I'm not sure it would work out this way for everyone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/he-said-he-was-leaving-she-ignored-him#post-859078 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 15:21:54 +0000 .twist. 859078@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hm. Really interesting. I'm totally not even sure how to feel about any of it. My initial reaction is the same as @MsMini: . </p>