https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 04 Apr 2026 06:16:04 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/3#post-540001 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 15:16:48 +0000 mrbee 540001@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Shutterbug: Definitely don't want to gang up on anyone! I kept the thread anonymous at first for that reason... </p> <p>I'll just go ahead and close this thread now. Thanks to everyone for weighing in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/3#post-539995 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 15:14:56 +0000 plantains 539995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pen: If it makes you feel any better, DH and I make a pretty good living and being in NYC is enough to make us feel like we might not be able to afford another kid. I don't think anyone would look at your situation and say you shouldn't have Cobi or for that matter 5 more kids if you want to. </p> <p>But if you make a post saying that you have no idea where the extra money will come from for daycare or if it is even possible to make cuts, it can't be very surprising that someone might respond suggesting that you put off having the next kid until you are a little more comfortable financially. I don't know why that would constitute an attack, but I do think that it is important to phrase it gently and with a good amount of sensitivity as one would to a friend in the real world. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/3#post-539991 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 15:13:34 +0000 mrbee 539991@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>&lt;&lt; Some people make poor choice and I don’t think it’s mean/trolling/baiting to not congratulate them if they do. Some people here feel differently. &gt;&gt;</p> <p>@yoursilverlining: Actually, I couldn't agree with you more. I firmly support people saying what they think. My main request is that people do it in a civil manner.</p> <p>I also agree with you that lots of our members have qualified for government assistance - if not now, then earlier in life. My brother drew unemployment while we lived together and I was starting my first company. Without that help, I never would have been able to start my career as an entrepreneur. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/3#post-539990 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 15:13:30 +0000 Crisark 539990@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I like the idea a lot. </p> <p>I appreciate your time on the matter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/3#post-539984 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 15:12:12 +0000 Shutterbug 539984@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I like the idea Mr. Bee, but I am worried that @KissMeCait is getting a little ganged up on here. That being said I love the HB community and their ability to have civil and thought provoking discussions without it turning into the comments section on youtube. Heck, we've even discussed same sex marriage (mostly) civilly. </p> <p>I think the thing with internet forums in general is that people tend to be super snarky and blunt by default, and so it might take new members a while to recognize that the tone here is a lot different. I know sometimes I want to make a comment and I stop myself (much like I would in person) because I know that it might come out rude. I guess after 16 months it doesn't really feel so anonymous here anymore, and I don't want to damage any of the (virtual) friendships I've made. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/3#post-539977 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 15:10:13 +0000 mrbee 539977@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>&lt;&lt; No, I was not. I was saying that I couldn't respect someone who would turn their back on ME during a difficult time. And I couldn't. &gt;&gt;</p> <p>@KissMeCait: So you were saying that if you were in the exact same situation with a friend/sibling, you wouldn't respect someone who acted the exact same way as the OP. Sorry, I don't see your hypothetical as being only about you. Come on now, you posted on a thread where someone else posted their real life problem.</p> <p>I'm not going to quibble with you. It's not that hard to respectfully disagree with people. A dozen or two posters also disagreed with the OP on that thread. You were the only one that got flagged. The onus is on you to figure out how to fix that.</p> <p>Good luck. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/3#post-539940 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 15:03:03 +0000 yoursilverlining 539940@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pen: I wasn’t judging – and I do know how close to the poverty level you have to be to qualify for many different programs and as a big ole’ liberal have zero problem with social programs. You made a comment that “those types of people don’t frequent HB” (people who take advantage of assistance programs). There are “those people” here too – that’s part of the diversity here and some of the reasons people find themselves using assistance programs are the choices they make. The people you pegged as “those people” are probably saying the same thing you do – they are just trying to “make it work”. </p> <p>Some people make poor choice and I don’t think it’s mean/trolling/baiting to not congratulate them if they do. Some people here feel differently. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/3#post-539915 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 14:53:55 +0000 Mrs. Pen 539915@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: I just want to say you have no idea how hard it is to actually get government subsidies! Unless you're not working or a single parent (who most likely needs and deserves it), it's hard to qualify. You have to be nearly at poverty level. So I highly doubt that the ladies here are using government subsidies as a back up plan. Sure it may be annoying or frustrating to see those comments but you don't know everyone's unique situation, and the fact is we all do "make it work". It's called finding a balance, budgeting, being frugal etc... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/3#post-539887 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 14:44:16 +0000 yoursilverlining 539887@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with everything Plaintains said and I also do agree with the majority of Kissmecait’s posts and the point she made that it does get frustrating to lots of people when some people take a “God will provide, we’ll make it work” mentality towards their own lives and everyone else’s when in reality it ends up being “other taxpayers will provide/subsidize to make it work for us”. </p> <p>Mr. Bee is right though that people don’t appreciate being told they shouldn’t reproduce; or that they shouldn’t do whatever it is they want to do, but I really don't think it's necessarily mean, trolling or baiting to tell them your opinion when your opinion isn't "OMG, congrats!!!". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/3#post-539878 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 14:41:18 +0000 spaniellove 539878@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@KissMeCait: On a post about having people working in one's home, you made comments blaming me and my experiences for my apprehension about having people working in my home, and implied that anyone who had a bad experience must be "those who scour the yellow pages", vs your relatives who swear by Angie's List. I didn't even have the energy to bother replying. For the record I didn't flag you, but I was pretty amazed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/3#post-539797 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 14:23:57 +0000 plantains 539797@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@KissMeCait: Can I just say that to be 100% honest, when I read a lot of your comments, I agreed with the principle of what you were trying to say? I think the issue you are having is probably how you worded it. </p> <p>Everyone here is very warm and welcoming and it does genuinely feel like in person interactions. I think it tends to go best if we talk to each other the way we would face-to-face in real life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/3#post-539747 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 14:17:33 +0000 Mrs. Pen 539747@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: same! I'd love to know if I was ever flagged. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/3#post-539723 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 14:14:08 +0000 Boogs 539723@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I look forward to how this will all play out, I'm hoping this community stays as great as it has been as long as possible! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/3#post-539702 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 14:10:30 +0000 daniellemybelle 539702@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think this is a great policy. I for one think Mr &amp; Mrs Bee do an amazing job fostering an awesome community here.</p> <p>I know I have ventured into iffy territory myself - the Internet makes it so easy to do that. So I would agree with others that it would be very nice to know if I have been flagged for something. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/2#post-539608 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 13:52:07 +0000 Mrs. Pen 539608@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@KissMeCait: Thanks, I really appreciate that :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/2#post-539596 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 13:50:39 +0000 KissMeCait 539596@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pen: Fair enough. I'm sorry if I upset you (or anyone else for that matter). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/2#post-539582 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 13:47:47 +0000 Cherrybee 539582@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I think this is a really brilliant idea and is one of the many reasons I totally WOULD pay to subscribe to Hellobee (sorry - I didn't get chance to reply yesterday and the post is closed now!). Thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/2#post-539571 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 13:44:28 +0000 KissMeCait 539571@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: "@KissMeCait: Were you implying here that if you were the OP's sister, you couldn't respect her?"</p> <p>No, I was not. I was saying that I couldn't respect someone who would turn their back on ME during a difficult time. And I couldn't. </p> <p>"In my experience, most prospective parents don't appreciate being told they shouldn't reproduce. I understand that it may be difficult, but this is a parenting site and a bunch of us are going to be reproducing."</p> <p>I'm sure they don't but sometimes people should think about the big picture before having additional children, especially when finances are an issue. I'm not talking about the poster who sparked this whole thing, just in general. </p> <p>Anyway, could I get some examples of my other "incendiary comments"? I'm genuinely curious about the other things that I've said that could have upset or offended someone (prior to this thread, of course). </p> <p>OT but it would be nice if this site offered a PM function so that all of this commentary didn't have to be out in the open for all to read. Just a suggestion. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/2#post-539550 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 13:38:25 +0000 Mrs. Pen 539550@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@winniebee: THIS! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/2#post-539546 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 13:37:32 +0000 Mrs. Pen 539546@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@KissMeCait: Well this is coming from a girl who probably wouldn't be viewed by others as "financially able to reproduce". I'm not working because I couldn't make enough to cover childcare, so DH is our only source of income. He's still entry level and paying of his loans from his masters so what we take him barely makes ends meet and we literally have nothing leftover each month... but you know what - it doesn't matter! My family makes me SO happy. And if anyone ever told me I shouldn't have had Cobi because of how we're struggling now, I wouldn't stand for it and cut that person out of my life.<br /> And no, we don't make or ask our family/friends to pay for our child. Also, I wouldn't ever allow someone to tell me I shouldn't have another child because of our financial situation. It'd be tough if I got pregnant - sure - but I WOULD make it work and my family would not suffer because of it. And I know for a fact that thehistoryofus wouldn't do that either. She is a responsible parent. What you're referring to seems to be people who take advantage of government handouts and don't work - those types of people don't really frequent hellobee. Hellobee is a very upstanding community of families who work hard and are great parents. I suppose even if your comment was directed to people who do take advantage of "the system" and their family to pay for/raise their children, then it still wasn't fair to assume that thehistoryofus was one of those people. I understand you're new here, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.</p> <p>I would just hate for HB to lose it's positive community vibe - we're all here to support each other! </p> <p>Thanks for your respectful response. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/2#post-539542 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 13:35:42 +0000 mrbee 539542@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>&lt;&lt; I certainly couldn't respect someone who would turn their back on me during an incredibly trying time in my life, regardless of our differing beliefs &gt;&gt;</p> <p>@KissMeCait: Were you implying here that if you were the OP's sister, you couldn't respect her?</p> <p>&lt;&lt; It's just difficult to keep hearing about people who continue to reproduce when, financially speaking, they probably shouldn't. &gt;&gt;</p> <p>In my experience, most prospective parents don't appreciate being told they shouldn't reproduce. I understand that it may be difficult, but this is a parenting site and a bunch of us are going to be reproducing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/2#post-539508 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 13:27:22 +0000 winniebee 539508@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@KissMeCait: This is a very welcoming community - I think by the very nature of a pregnancy/parenting blog (unlike, say, a wedding blog) people tend to be very supportive and really contemplate responses to posts before posting. I have been a member of another internet community where members were pretty abraisive - that's definitely not HB. TTC, pregnancy, and parenting are all super stressful, so why be a member of a site that's anything but supportive (in my view, anyway!) People DO offer differing viewpoints and opinions AND say what they feel, it's just done in a very civil way. Once you are around here for a bit, I'm sure you will agree this is a really warm community!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/2#post-539482 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 13:21:19 +0000 KissMeCait 539482@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I'd like examples of my "incendiary comments", if you don't mind. </p> <p>I was warned for saying... " I certainly couldn't respect someone who would turn their back on me during an incredibly trying time in my life, regardless of our differing beliefs.". I can't understand how that is in any way offensive. </p> <p>@Mrs. Pen: You're probably right. I should have just kept my mouth shut. It's just difficult to keep hearing about people who continue to reproduce when, financially speaking, they probably shouldn't. Someone normally ends up picking up the slack and it's often times not the parents (not saying that this is the case with that poster, just in general). I'll be sure to keep those opinions to myself in the future. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/2#post-539468 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 13:17:50 +0000 Bao 539468@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pen: Exactly this! Well put. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/2#post-539453 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 13:13:41 +0000 Mrs. Pen 539453@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@KissMeCait: I don't think that's true at all. There are many, many different opinions here and we are open about them. We have moms of every religion, moms who breastfeed extensively and moms who choose to FF. We have moms who vaccinate and moms who delay or don't. We have moms who cosleep and those who are against it. Etc etc. These are ALL very controversial opinions HOWEVER we have found a balance on how to respectfully state our opinions and differences. For example: I posted a blog post on homeschooling. I was homeschooled and had a great experience. Mrs. Cowgirl on the other hand is a public school teacher and feels very strongly about taking advantage of the schooling offered - HOWEVER she was never ever rude in stating her differences and in fact her comment on my post was one of the nicest. THAT's what sets this community apart. We are all different but we know how to communicate that in a nice manner.</p> <p>The ONE instance I had a problem with something you said was when you told someone she shouldn't consider having a baby if she can't afford daycare for two. I believe it was insensitive and not relevant to the OP's original post. Just my two cents! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/2#post-539409 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 13:01:43 +0000 mrbee 539409@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>&lt;&lt; I could be wrong but I'm going to assume that this is in reference to me. &gt;&gt;</p> <p>@KissMeCait: I wasn't going to out you, but since you asked... yes, this is in reference to you.</p> <p>&lt;&lt; Sorry if I offended anyone, I certainly didn't mean to, but when I read things that seem like the OP is making a huge mistake, I'm going to speak up. It seems like some people here may have WB syndrome where they're a little too sensitive. &gt;&gt;</p> <p>You're definitely allowed to speak up! All we ask is that you keep it civil and not make personal attacks.</p> <p>&lt;&lt; Personalities are different and we have no way of knowing if a simple reply that isn't meant to upset, is going to ruffle the feathers of someone who should perhaps grow a thicker skin if they're going to use the internet. &gt;&gt;</p> <p>The "internet" is like the wild wild west and I agree that anyone using the internet should grow a thicker skin.</p> <p>But this isn't the Internet at large. This is Hellobee. We ask that you keep things civil and avoid personal attacks. If that doesn't sound like something you'd enjoy, then you'd probably be happier at another website.</p> <p>&lt;&lt; Also, Mr. Bee, if you're going to "warn" someone in a thread, I think it would be nice to reply to them when they question why they were called out. You referenced part of my post and asked that I keep the thread civil, which I certainly thought I was doing (trust me, I didn't say half of the things I was thinking). &gt;&gt;</p> <p>Civility is more than just holding in some of your thoughts. It's about saying things in a way that isn't a personal attack or doesn't elevate the emotional temperature of a thread +100 degrees.</p> <p>I put you into moderation because you're a new member, and you've left quite a few incendiary comments (some of which you've referenced above). If you were a longtime member, I would have reached out privately and explained things more. New members don't get nearly as much leeway as longtime members.</p> <p>&lt;&lt; If the moderation team feels that I'm not a good fit for this place then tell me. We're all adults here and trust me, I can handle being exiled from a forum. It wouldn't be the first time... &gt;&gt;</p> <p>You haven't been exiled; you're just in moderation. I've cleared all of your comments today and will continue to do so as long as you refrain from personal attacks and keep things civil. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/2#post-539406 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 13:00:46 +0000 Mrs. Pen 539406@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@anonysquire: I have this picture of when I was 8, I drew a beard on my face with my mom's brown eyeshadow hahahaha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/2#post-539398 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 12:57:39 +0000 Bao 539398@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@anonysquire: Sadly, no...I have seen some women with beards. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/2#post-539393 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 12:56:05 +0000 anonysquire 539393@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: @Bao: Ok easy, people! I can't be the only woman with a beard lol! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hellobees-no-ban-policy-and-how-we-plan-to-handle-trollsflamebait/page/2#post-539378 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 12:53:06 +0000 Bao 539378@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: haha I agree with that! </p>