https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 21 Apr 2026 03:21:47 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying/page/2#post-842817 Sun, 09 Jun 2013 09:27:47 +0000 immabeetoo 842817@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladyfingers: sorry it didn't turn out well :( could you try just not rocking the rock n play as a start? I don't think you're selfish at all. We were the same way and I felt like I was not enjoying his awake times because I was dreading the next nap time. The day we could just put him in his crib and walk away with him happily putting himself to sleep was life changing! It'll get better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying/page/2#post-842676 Sun, 09 Jun 2013 05:21:14 +0000 hilsy85 842676@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladyfingers: hugs!!! Sleep training is so tough--I was in a similar situation to you and @SleepyMonkey: where we tried sleep training at 5 months and it was a complete fail. We tried again at 6.5 months and it went soo much better. I know it's tough to think about lasting in your current situation another month or two or whatever, but at some point he will be out if the rock n play--somehow!! Also I hope you and your dh can get on the same page...mine didn't do any research on sleep training and kind of just expected me to take the lead on everything, which was rough as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying/page/2#post-842669 Sun, 09 Jun 2013 04:12:47 +0000 ladyfingers 842669@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We gave up after 2 hours of crying, on and off. He had maybe 20 total minutes after 1 and a half hours, where he was quiet but awake. Then he started crying again and we just couldn't do it anymore. As soon as his body hit the rock n play, he was out and slept until 3 a.m. when he woke to eat. I feel terrible. We basically made him cry for 2 hours and then accomplished nothing except tiring him out.</p> <p>The worst part is my husband. I'll do all this research and present him with options and he'll say which he wants to do, and then we do it and he's all, "this is ridiculous, stupid Ferber, he's screaming, listen to him, this isn't working." After my first check, I came out and he was like, "that's it? You didn't even comfort him. I was in there for 2 minutes. He's still crying!" And after I yelled at him not to make me feel shitty and informed him that I did comfort him and talked to him and kissed his face a million times, he didn't even apologize. So basically, I do all the sleep training research, he goes, " whatever, fine, sounds good, let's do it," then we do it and he's like, "this is awful and mean, why are we doing this?"</p> <p>@Keppa: interesting, thanks. He seems to be through the regression, barring the 3 wake ups Thursday night -- he had been back down to 1 the rest of the week. But I guess he's just still not ready to be anywhere but the rock n play. So I don't know. I guess we'll just try again at 5 months but I can't do CIO again so maybe we'll try the countdown ;) </p> <p>oh and I don't even need him to STTN. I'm fine with 1-2 night feelings if he needs them. I just want him to be able to sleep somewhere other than his rock n play and be able to put himself back to sleep, both so we don't have to sit there intermittently rocking him upwards of 30 minutes every night until he falls asleep because if we leave the room sooner he'll cry for us 3-4 times... And because sometimes he does wake up when not hungry and needs our help to put him back to sleep. It just sucks because he won't nap in the crib at daycare, we can't visit my dad because he won't nap in their playpen, I have to bring the rock n play and basically spend the whole visit rocking him to sleep in that thing which is impossible because it won't rock on their stupid carpet. If we have guests and LO needs a nap i spend all this time in the other room trying to get him to nap. basically I know I'm selfish but i hate thst he needs us still 90% of the time to fall asleep. Ugh. Ok now I'm on a tangent.</p> <p>@SleepyMonkey: no, it's ok. It's good to hear. I just feel terrible for trying to force him to do something he's not ready for.</p> <p>@MerryC: we've tried staying in the room and he still cries the same way. We've tried not rocking him, just having him in the rock n play but we're right there. He tries and tries to sleep, sucks his thumb, rubs his lovey on his face, but won't fall asleep most of the time unless we rock the rock n play. We also tried being in the room while he's in his crib and he still screamed and screamed till we took him out and put him back in the rock n play. Granted I haven't tried sleep sense's precise approach of gradually removing yourself, so maybe we'll try that later on. basically he gets so upset that even if we're in the room and we talk to him or pat him, he's so worked up he can't acknowledge what we're doing so it doesn't soothe him at all. The only thing that "works" is giving in and putting him back in the rock n play.</p> <p>@photojane: he's not napping well at daycare. They put all the babies down at 9:30 and he's always the only one who doesn't sleep. Then they do lights out from 12-2 and he'll usually finally sleep around 1, for an hour maybe, but usually more like 30 minutes. He ends up getting a total of 1-2 hours of naps at daycare and is sometimes so overtired he's screaming on the way home or too tired to nurse when we get home. They try really hard and pull out all the stops. They try rocking him in their arms, napping him in the crib, I got him a noise machine, they use his paci, they put him in the swing, put him in the bouncer. And it's just a crapshoot -- there's nothing that works consistently. He'll just basically pass out once he's tired enough. And then wake up the minute somebody walks through the room or a baby cries, etc. Sometimes he'll do an amazing 2-hour nap and this week he was a bit better but there's just no consistency. Which makes a routine impossible because whatever we do on the weekends doesn't match what's going on during the week. I know some of this is just basic "they can't nap at daycare" but I believe most of it is compounded by the fact that he doesn't know how to fall asleep on his own.</p> <p>@erwoo: yeah we will probably not try again until he's 5 months. The problem is, any type of transition out of the rock n play automatically comes with a struggle. The only way to soothe him to sleep is by rocking the rock n play. Very occasionally, this isn't necessary and his paci and lovey are enough -- as long as hes in the rnp. he doesnt acknpwledge his lovey or leep his paci in if he's in the crib/pnp. He will not get drowsy or fall asleep if we rock him in our arms and he rarely falls sleep nursing -- only if he is beyond exhausted. Even if we do get him drowsy, the second he hits the crib he's wide awake and crying. So basically unless we are willing/able to do some sort of sleep training, it feels like he is just always going to be in the rock n play. Which is what it is, I know it's not the end of te world for now, but he's getting big for it and he's squirming himself into awkward positions and like I mentioned earlier in this comment, it means he can't sleep anywhere else but home, in his rock n play. </p> <p>Btw we have tried elevating his crib and pnp mattresses and tried a rolled up towel under his sheets to "nuzzle" him<br /> And neither have worked.</p> <p>I think really the problem is me and my lack of consistency/follow through and me and DH's total inability to support each other or be on the same page at any given moment. But I think one thing is clear: CIO does not work for him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying/page/2#post-842515 Sat, 08 Jun 2013 22:09:56 +0000 erwoo 842515@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not sure if anyone mentioned this... but perhaps you can just hold off until he is 6 months old and try again then. In the mean time try to transition him to his crib but do your usual rocking him to sleep or whatever you do to help him fall asleep. </p> <p>I sleep trained both of my boys around 5.5 - 6 months and they've been great sleepers ever since. Before then I rocked and rocked until my arms and back and legs were super achy. Thinking back waiting for us was the best thing we did despite all the pains. We maintained a strict bed time routine before sleep training and they both love it. If we stray they will let us know. My oldest will remind me what I forgot and my youngest will just cry his eyes out until I remember. I think establishing a good routine before sleep training helped for us. This includes establishing a middle of the night waking routine as well. </p> <p>As for how long to let him cry, I asked my kids' pediatrician and she recommended not longer than an hour. My max threshold was 45 minutes but most times it was 30 minutes. The amount of crying did get less and less and now I can just plop my 14-month-old down and he just settles in. He did, however, used to cry for a few seconds after I put him down for a very long time until recently. Weird, but I think he's starting to get over that now. </p> <p>Hang in there! He will get there. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying/page/2#post-842507 Sat, 08 Jun 2013 22:01:46 +0000 photojane 842507@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladyfingers: hi friend! I just got all caught up on this thread. I'm so sorry it's been so rough. I tried letting Sadie CIO this morning, but after 30 minutes of whimpering it was just too sad. I was crying as much as she was! It is NOT easy! I think at he end of the day you know D the best, and if you don't think he's ready, that's okay! He's still little, so you can try again in a month or so. If the RNP is still working, keep using it! If you do want to stick it out, I believe you can do it! If he's ready for it, it will come. Baby sleep is such a freakin' hard part of parenting, but you're not alone!</p> <p>How is he napping at daycare? What do they do as far as putting him to sleep and soothing? Does he sleep in a crib there? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying/page/2#post-842497 Sat, 08 Jun 2013 21:52:48 +0000 twinmama 842497@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladyfingers: Have you considered the 'stay in the room' method of sleep sense? That's what we used, and have had success with it. My son would vomit after crying not very long when he was left alone (which was why traditional cio didn't work for us), but he never did when we stayed in the room, so it was a way for me to gauge that he was staying at least somewhat calmer through the process. For both me and my kids, staying in the room just made us all less anxious about it. I was able to stay focused on the idea of teaching them this skill because I was in there with them, helping them through it, and comforting them.</p> <p>We did Sleep Sense when our twins hit 10 months exactly. Honestly, I don't think our kids (or us) were ready before then. We were finally ready to night wean, and we felt like they were kind of telling us they needed help learning to sleep better (because they were waking so much, napping so poorly, and overall SO cranky). And while some people think sleep training once the kids are more mobile is challenging, I actually think it's kind of a plus, because the child can adjust and settle themselves better. In short, if you're not ready, it's ok to wait! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying/page/2#post-842373 Sat, 08 Jun 2013 20:03:02 +0000 SleepyMonkey 842373@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladyfingers: ok. well this probably not what you want to hear, but this is my experience....i tried CIO with my LO at 3 months, again at 4 months and at 6 months. at 3 months, she got hysterical and was hysterical for half an hour, which is unusual for her. i just felt too bad to let her cry. at 4 months, she cried for 2 hours, not hysterical, but def pissed, and on and off. she'd fall asleep, wake up, cry, rinse repeat. at 6 months, she cried but was like a 4 on a scale of 1-10 and she fell asleep in 45 mins and that was it. for her, in retrospect, i don't think she was ready at 3 months and at 4 months but she was at 6 months. it felt SO bad after i didn't follow through when we tried at 3 months and at 4 months, it was tremendous guilt, mixed with failure. but its ok. you will get there, either tonight (hopefully tonight), or sometime in the very near future. and if you decide to go get him tonight, its OK and he will smile at you in the morning and love you as much as he did yesterday. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying/page/2#post-842351 Sat, 08 Jun 2013 19:52:32 +0000 Mrs. Oyster 842351@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We didn't sleep train until around 5-ish months, because the 4 month sleep regression hit LO HARD - and we did whatever we had to in order to make it through. What worked for us was an extinction method we refer to as "The Countdown" haha. Anyway - we do our nighttime routine, say a nursery rhyme/lullaby, and lay LO down in his crib. If he's having trouble getting himself to sleep (he has NO self-soothing techniques - he doesn't suck his thumb and has never taken a pacifer) - my husband goes back into the room and soothes him for 3 minutes (usually just pats on the back or bounces the crib mattress and tries not to take out of the crib). If, at the end of 3 minutes, LO is still crying, he leaves or sits in the rocker next to the crib for 3 minutes. After that he goes back in and soothes for 3 minutes again, then he leaves for 2 minutes. Finally he soothes for 3 minutes again and then leaves for just 1 minute. If this doesn't work, the cycle repeats again.</p> <p>It's supposed to give the baby time to learn to soothe himself, while also teaching him that you will come back for him and will never let him cry for that long. The first couple times we tried it, we went through probably 3-4 cycles...which feels like FOREVER and is so hard....but it also felt good to be actively doing something and it always works in the end. </p> <p>Good luck! You'll get there eventually. If it makes you feel any better - my LO is 10 months and we still have to use The Countdown a few nights a week....oh, and he's still not STTN :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying/page/2#post-842332 Sat, 08 Jun 2013 19:41:28 +0000 ladyfingers 842332@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>2 hours and he's still not asleep. He's had periods where he's quieted down but has still not gone to sleep.</p> <p>Is this abnormal? Is he just not ready for this? I just want to put him in the rock n play and end it already... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying/page/2#post-842255 Sat, 08 Jun 2013 18:59:56 +0000 SleepyMonkey 842255@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladyfingers: awww. CIO is so so tough! hang in there, you can do it!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying/page/2#post-842250 Sat, 08 Jun 2013 18:57:58 +0000 ladyfingers 842250@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh 7:57 and he's back to crying again. We're going to wait 10 minutes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying/page/2#post-842247 Sat, 08 Jun 2013 18:55:58 +0000 ladyfingers 842247@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If he starts crying again -- but hasn't fallen asleep -- do we revert back to the minimum check time? Or continue with 10 minute checks? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying/page/2#post-842235 Sat, 08 Jun 2013 18:52:12 +0000 ladyfingers 842235@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just feel like everybody else is like oh, 45 minutes oh whatever. I mean, over an hour? And he's basically not calming down at all?</p> <p>DH just said he's not going to let him do this for more than 2 hours. I told him, then why did we do it at all? That then we'll basically have to start from scratch tomorrow night. He rolled his eyes. Ha.</p> <p>ETA At 7:49, he stopped crying completely. He's still awake I think, it looks like he's sucking his thumb on the monitor but he's not even fussing. I can't tell if his eyes are open. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying#post-842230 Sat, 08 Jun 2013 18:46:30 +0000 immabeetoo 842230@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladyfingers: hang in there! First night is the worst ive heard! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying#post-842226 Sat, 08 Jun 2013 18:44:30 +0000 Smurfette 842226@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladyfingers: stay strong Mom!! Hugs. I know this is going to be us when we sleep train. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying#post-842224 Sat, 08 Jun 2013 18:42:51 +0000 ladyfingers 842224@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>OMG it's been over an hour and he's still crying. Even with the checks. </p> <p>This effing sucks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying#post-842199 Sat, 08 Jun 2013 18:14:05 +0000 hilsy85 842199@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladyfingers: good luck!! stay strong and be consistent. You guys will all make it through :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying#post-842194 Sat, 08 Jun 2013 18:06:22 +0000 keiki_mama 842194@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladyfingers: You can do it!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying#post-842193 Sat, 08 Jun 2013 18:04:24 +0000 Katrocap 842193@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have no experience with this, but just want to wish you luck. You can do this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying#post-842190 Sat, 08 Jun 2013 18:01:25 +0000 MaisyMay 842190@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladyfingers: I found that we were able to more easily transition LO from the R'n'P to a crib by elevating her crib matress by putting a towel under one end. She had become use to the incline. Have you tried this? Or maybe your LO is used to the snug feeling of the R'n'P? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying#post-842183 Sat, 08 Jun 2013 17:50:19 +0000 ladyfingers 842183@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>OK. I read Ferber (the important parts, anyway...), we committed to his method of the checks because we hadn't really given checks a solid try, and he acknowledges anyway that LO may be more upset when we leave after a check. But we just can't handle not checking. We have our video monitor set up, he's in the pack n play in our room, and he's been crying for 14 minutes (we've done 2 checks already at 3 and 5 minutes).</p> <p>Haha. WE ARE DOING THIS! Help me stay strong! It took me 30 minutes to get him to go down last night and he was up 3 times so we really need to do this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying#post-841073 Fri, 07 Jun 2013 20:51:52 +0000 MrsF 841073@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladyfingers: I totally agree with @SCG00387 on the video monitor. You turn the volume off and just use the video. When you feel panicky go somewhere you can't hear the baby (outside, earplugs, whatever) and just look at the monitor every once in a while to see that LO is safe. We are biologically programmed to panic when we hear our babies cry and this was a good way for me to help M sleep without having a meltdown myself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying#post-841004 Fri, 07 Jun 2013 19:55:43 +0000 immabeetoo 841004@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladyfingers: I hear ya. I'm guessing the transition from both movement to sleep and RNP to crib is making it harder for your little guy to figure it out :( We started out having to rock to sleep (in a glider) - so when I'd pick him up, we'd go back to that until he was 99% asleep, no matter how long it took. If he started crying when he was transferred/put down, I'd walk out and down the hall - if he was still crying when I walked back, I went in and repeated. A lot of the time, in the beginning, he'd cry hard to protest being put back down but it was only for 30 seconds. Then I just lowered the percentage he was asleep slowly but surely he gave up crying at all and figured it out.</p> <p>That sounds overly simplistic.. it was exhausting at first and I worried I was teaching him if he cried, I'd pick him up, but I told DH I'd try it for 7 nights and if there wasn't any progress, I'd try something else... and it worked! </p> <p>Regardless of sleep training method, I'll also say that our middle of the night wakings were when he first started being able to fully put himself back to sleep after (like after his night feed), and then his going to bed put down, and then his naps. Have you ever tried transferring him in the middle of the night (if he wakes in the middle of the night) instead of at first?</p> <p>Once he figured out rolling, he became a tummy sleeper quickly which also helped a lot, as did an a+a security blanket.</p> <p>Lastly, and sorry this is a novel, GET A VIDEO MONITOR! Seriously. Made such a big difference, I learned some of his "tells" of when he was about to settle or I could see if he had a leg caught, etc. </p> <p>I think we've commiserated before about having non-sleepy babies... I hope your LO's sleep gets better ASAP! Sleep is so hard! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying#post-840367 Fri, 07 Jun 2013 15:00:36 +0000 ladyfingers 840367@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@scg00387: Sort of... I can't say I've really given ANYTHING a decent try. But I did try pickup/put down and not only would he not always calm once I picked him up, but once he did, he'd start crying hard immediately once I put him down. So it just seemed like it was doing more harm than good, you know? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying#post-840198 Fri, 07 Jun 2013 14:17:36 +0000 MamaG 840198@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At that age we were still rocking to sleep. It wasn't until closer to 8 months I think that I finally had enough. I didn't use any one method, we just did what worked for us. We laid LO in the crib and gently rubbed or patted her while we said our good nights. Then as far as "CIO", we did the 5-10-15 minute interval crying. When I would go back in her room, I would re-settle her, and repeat the rubbing/patting and good nights. I tried to be out of her room in a minute. We never went past 15 minutes of crying. We have a video monitor, I don't know that I could have done it without being able to see her.</p> <p>If you are going to put it off for a reason, I would recommend getting a video monitor before you get really serious. Also, I'm the bad guy in the house. I had to send DH to the other floor without the monitor and be the strong one. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying#post-840161 Fri, 07 Jun 2013 14:04:46 +0000 immabeetoo 840161@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladyfingers: have you tried any other methods? I have nothing against CIO but had good luck with pick up put down no cry sleep stuff. Am happy to say more if you're interested; I think it takes more time And patience but it was a really good experience for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying#post-840045 Fri, 07 Jun 2013 13:37:06 +0000 Springtime 840045@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladyfingers: I don't have any advice but we attempted sleep training 3 different times, finally success at 11 months. If you feel like it's not working or maybe you're not ready for it, try again next month! But don't wait until he's 11 months :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying#post-840039 Fri, 07 Jun 2013 13:34:02 +0000 edelweiss 840039@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>it's definitely tough. checks weren't working/helping with us, so we went with extinction. we live in an apartment so to try and avoid hearing him cry, i went into my room, closed the door, turned the white noise machine on, put in earphones and watched a comedy on amazon prime.</p> <p>ETA: and drank a glass of wine or two. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying#post-840028 Fri, 07 Jun 2013 13:32:17 +0000 Smurfette 840028@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladyfingers: Yeah DH and I got into one night when after 2 hours she still wasn't asleep and he just left her in the crib. I was like you can't just decided at 10 at night to sleep train her. I told him if he wants to do it then he needs to do some research and not just leave it up to me to do. </p> <p>And I totally get justifying putting it off, I am dreading it, which is why I am still nursing to sleep, cause it is already a battle with her. And with her adjusting to day care, I don't want to add another change for her to handle. That is my justification. Plus I don't think she is ready for it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-i-cannot-get-past-the-first-20-minutes-of-crying#post-840015 Fri, 07 Jun 2013 13:28:21 +0000 ladyfingers 840015@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Smurfette: Yeah I'm thinking maybe I'll just take the time to research Ferber and Weissbluth, talk with DH about it, and do it in a week or so. Instead of just coming home randomly one day and announcing to DH we're sleep training tonight haha.</p> <p>ETA I think I'm just totally trying to justify putting it off... </p>