https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 27 May 2026 03:11:39 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-decide-if-this-professional-advice-was-good-advice-please#post-1060223 Mon, 02 Sep 2013 13:50:31 +0000 junebugmama 1060223@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Leaving alone doesn't seem to really make any sense to me. 5.5wks is too young for CIO due to brain development. </p> <p>Trust your gut. For us, my son going to sleep at 7 didn't make any sense. My husband works 2nd shift and waking up for the day at 7am would be super stinky. My littlest went to bed around 10pm and woke up at 9am. It worked through infancy. Now at 15 months he goes to bed around 8:30 and wakes up for the day 8:30 as well. I much rather get the later sleep myself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-decide-if-this-professional-advice-was-good-advice-please#post-1060144 Mon, 02 Sep 2013 13:07:11 +0000 Mrs. Pen 1060144@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I try to ignore most advice and figure out what is best for baby AND me. If something's not working, I am willing to try new things. I think that a lot of parenting is based on maternal/gut instinct and those instincts serve a purpose. Whenever I followed those instincts, I never had regrets. Not once. </p> <p>What's right for some babies isn't right for others. So do what you feel is right and remember your baby is a baby and will be only once for a short period of time. When I remembered that I realized that if I want to hold my baby and rock him to sleep - by golly I will and won't allow anyone to guilt me that I'm "spoiling" him! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-decide-if-this-professional-advice-was-good-advice-please#post-1060139 Mon, 02 Sep 2013 13:00:40 +0000 sea_bass 1060139@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: like most people in the UK- Let the HV fill in the red book then ignore, ignore, ignore. </p> <p>Which is what I'm sure were thinking when she was saying all this. It certainly doesn't look like you'd seriously consider the advice-which is fine, your the Mum. </p> <p>It's not your style, so just smile and nod at the next visit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-decide-if-this-professional-advice-was-good-advice-please#post-1060087 Mon, 02 Sep 2013 11:55:53 +0000 Foodnerd81 1060087@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't like a lot of that advice! But, we do put C down in our room, alone, then go watch TV and leave her alone- with the video monitor that I DO occasionally watch like a hawk on. And I let her fuss- while watching on the monitor, bc she frequently does fall back asleep and doesn't if I go pick her up. As soon as if turns into actual crying I pick her up, or if its been 3 hours anyway ill get her when she starts fussing. </p> <p>Our "bedtime routine" has been to change, swaddle, go into our room with the lights dimmed and sound machine on, and nurse to sleep. But sometimes she falls asleep earlier while we are watching TV anyway, though we make sure she is swaddled first. </p> <p>But we could use better daytime sleep though- we have the opposite problem. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-decide-if-this-professional-advice-was-good-advice-please#post-1060029 Mon, 02 Sep 2013 11:24:23 +0000 Boheme 1060029@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're the mama! Do what works for you. I don't know... Maybe my view is skewed because I am pretty hardcore about attachment parenting, but I strongly disagree with the health advisor. I say trust your gut. You are the perfect mother for E, so going against what you feel may be counterproductive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-decide-if-this-professional-advice-was-good-advice-please#post-1060005 Mon, 02 Sep 2013 11:02:59 +0000 Cherrybee 1060005@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Twine: I'm good at considering my baby and my LO - and everyone else who wants to visit me for that matter - but I'm awful at remembering to see to my needs too; some days I don't eat because I "don't have time" between looking after LO and keeping the house clean. Fortunately, my DH is very good at making sure my needs are considered if not always met - he tells me off if I don't eat and insists I sleep when LO is napping. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-decide-if-this-professional-advice-was-good-advice-please#post-1060001 Mon, 02 Sep 2013 10:55:46 +0000 Mrs. Twine 1060001@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just don't appreciate it when anything is presented as sort of the "only" right way to do something. Especially coming from a medical professional, it could hamper a family's ability to find the path that will work best for them if they thing there is one particular way they should be doing things. I agree with everyone so far who has said that you should work on figuring out what works for your daughter and your family as a whole. The only additional advice I would give is to remember to look at the big picture, too. I have a tendency to just look at what my kids want and need, and forget entirely about myself and my husband. It seems to work best when I can manage to think about everyone. But if something just doesn't feel right to you, assuming your husband is largely on board, I would say just don't do it. Sounds like you are already a long way towards knowing your personal parenting "self." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-decide-if-this-professional-advice-was-good-advice-please#post-1059997 Mon, 02 Sep 2013 10:50:57 +0000 Cherrybee 1059997@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Baby Boy Mom: Your ped would be 100% right if he said that about our LO - she is fussy in the evenings because she wants to sleep and she can't quite drift off. Poor thing. Rocking her helps - but sometimes she does need a good cry before she can relax and I'd HATE her to have to cry alone. </p> <p>@Bookish: Yeah, I know this is a problem I have - my house is gently lit by daylight streaming through trees and quiet all day while I'm here alone and then DH gets home, the lights go on, the TV goes on, he bangs about... The dogs peacefully sleep all day but as soon as DH gets in they start tear-arsing around the house, playing. Perhaps she hasn't got day and night mixed up, maybe she has just decided that she's more likely to be able to relax during the day!!!! :happy: Ugh - I HATE noise (and artificial light). I can't possibly live brighter and louder than the evenings every.single.day.. Sob sob. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-decide-if-this-professional-advice-was-good-advice-please#post-1059994 Mon, 02 Sep 2013 10:39:49 +0000 Baby Boy Mom 1059994@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So based on my two kids I would probably: wake her up during the day but probably every 3 hours, not every 2. We did this with my second and it really helped him sleep better at night because he was getting more calories during the day. I would start a bedtime routine as well but you can do this later in the night like at 10 pm or whenever works for you. But just a bath and change into pajamas to signal that night is different than day helps them out. The absolute best advice I got from my pediatrician (who is totally attachment parenting everything) is that a baby's fussy time means that they should be sleeping then. So I would focus lots of energy on getting her to fall asleep before it starts. It was seriously a revelation for me personally and even though not easy I did basically anything to get them to sleep then (carrying, walking, anything that works for you) and lo and behold the witching hour basically disappeared. The one thing I would definitely NOT do is let her cry/fuss alone. I believe that babies cry for a reason. The way all this worked for us was we get them to sleep downstairs in the evening, then "bedtime routine" before WE went to bed, then all go back to sleep upstairs together. Hope that helps, but feel free to take as much or as little from this. Like others have said it's all about what works for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-decide-if-this-professional-advice-was-good-advice-please#post-1059981 Mon, 02 Sep 2013 10:28:06 +0000 Dandelion 1059981@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would pretty much ignore her if you know it's not going to work for you. </p> <p>I think it's crazy when health advisers give out parenting advice. If the baby is healthy, then that's all that she should be concerned about. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-decide-if-this-professional-advice-was-good-advice-please#post-1059980 Mon, 02 Sep 2013 10:27:43 +0000 swedishfish 1059980@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: well, I'm not really into attachment parenting for the most part so I agree with the advisor on the trying to fix night/day sleep. I put LO on a three hour schedule during the day since she got home from the hospital. </p> <p>The monitor thing is silly. We have video and we don't sit there staring at it...anymore ;-)</p> <p>We do try to let LO fuss to make sure she's really hungry or needs a diaper change before we pick her up. Sometimes she's just making noises in her sleep. </p> <p>Do what feels right for YOU! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-decide-if-this-professional-advice-was-good-advice-please#post-1059979 Mon, 02 Sep 2013 10:27:30 +0000 loveisstrange 1059979@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, we started a bedtime routine at 6 weeks old. We did a bath, swaddled her, fed her and then put her down in her crib. I made sure to keep the house bright and noisy during the day and dark and quiet at night. We did the bedtime routine. She went to bed at 6pm every single night and slept until 2:30am, ate and went back to sleep. I think the part about establishing night and day is a great idea. I think a bedtime routine is never a bad thing.</p> <p>However, I wouldn't wake her up during the day and I would maybe let her fuss a little but not cry. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-decide-if-this-professional-advice-was-good-advice-please#post-1059978 Mon, 02 Sep 2013 10:27:25 +0000 lawbee11 1059978@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I only wake her if she's been napping more than 3 hours and it's getting close to bedtime (I normally put her down around 9). During the morning/afternoon I let her nap as long as she wants (though she normally doesn't nap longer than 2-2.5 hours at a time anyways). </p> <p>I do agree with putting her in your room when you put her to sleep. By letting her sleep downstairs with you for the first chunk of her night sleep, this may be contributing to her confusion of nights/days (because she's still hearing you and your DH talk, the lights are on, etc.). I swaddle DD, turn white noise on, feed her, then put her down (all of this is done in our room with minimal light). DH and I then hang out for about an hour before going to bed, and check on her through the video monitor (I think the video monitor advice she gave you is BS). </p> <p>I also don't agree with the not holding her advice. </p> <p>I do let M fuss if her eyes are closed, but if they're open and she's screaming I pick her up. I say go with your gut on this one. I do think it's too early to sleep train at this point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-decide-if-this-professional-advice-was-good-advice-please#post-1059973 Mon, 02 Sep 2013 10:25:53 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 1059973@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lamariniere: oh you give me hope for the future!! Thank you :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-decide-if-this-professional-advice-was-good-advice-please#post-1059964 Mon, 02 Sep 2013 10:19:09 +0000 Anagram 1059964@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: if she's sleeping longer during the day than at night, I would wake her during the day after 2 hours. I do that with my 7 week old....it doesn't help *that* much with making night time s,eep longer, but it's helped a bit. She used to sleep longer during the day also, and now at night, she has 1 longer stretch of sleep (usually 9 pm to 1:30 am), then goes back to waking up every 2 1/2-3 hours after that stretch. But part of the reason I did that is because I can't sleep during the day, so her short night sleep times were making me a zombie.</p> <p>The monitor thing is crap.. We put our LO down at 9 and put the video monitor on her while we watch tv or whatever in the living room. It's nice to see her and hear her. If she's stirring but not crying, we just watch the monitor until she stops. If we didnt have the video, we'd go in the room to check in her and that would disturb her. We definitely don't stare at it all night!</p> <p>We don't let our LO escalate into a full cry..but we do make sure she's actually awake and fussing as opposed to fussing in her sleep before we pick her up. Because sometimes she'll fuss for a couple of minutes and fall back asleep. But we also do that at night when we are all in the same room. Kind of a wait and see approach, but I bet you do that already!</p> <p>The holding too much thing.....I hold my LO as much as possible, BUT I have to out her down several times a day while I pump since I'm an exclusive pumper, and she's always fussy when. Have to do that. I also out her down while I shower, make lunch, eat lunch, etc. so I'm actually not holding her a large part of the day. Basically. I don't neglect myself to hold her, and yes, that means we've had a shower or a car ride occasionally where there was some screaming from her before I picked her up.</p> <p>So I guess....maybe meeting somewhere in the middle with the nurses advice could be good? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-decide-if-this-professional-advice-was-good-advice-please#post-1059962 Mon, 02 Sep 2013 10:18:46 +0000 Cherrybee 1059962@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: Yeah, I let her fuss if her eyes are closed - she fusses in her sleep, sometimes - but if she grizzles for more than a couple of minutes with her eyes open I at least put a hand on her tummy. Usually, this calms her down but if not I will scoop her up. If I have to pick her up, I put her down as soon as she is happy and sleepy again.....</p> <p>She's currently napping and has been doing so for 2.5 hours. I couldn't bring myself to wake her up!!!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-decide-if-this-professional-advice-was-good-advice-please#post-1059959 Mon, 02 Sep 2013 10:17:27 +0000 Bookish 1059959@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First off, take my advice as just what worked for us. You do what's right for YOU, and if something makes you uncomfortable, don't do it. That being said:</p> <p>- Wake her up during the day if she's been sleeping more than two hours? -- Nah. I wish I could get LO to sleep more than 2 hours. However, if she is having issues mixing up night and day, that might be something to work on. You might want to start differentiating...like with more noise/light/playtime during the day and quiet/dark/soothing at night. </p> <p>- Leave her alone in our room between 7pm and 10.30pm (ish)?- I have no problem with this. We do this every night, and have for a couple weeks. She goes to before us, and I didn't think it was necessary to sit there watching her sleep. That's what monitors are for! In fact, I'm in my office doing homework (sorta) while LO naps in her room. No biggie</p> <p>- Let her cry alone - only comfort her if she is really screaming? - I've let LO fuss a bit from day one. I always go to her if she's actually crying, but if she's just grunting/making fussy noises, I let her be. It's usually when she's trying to sleep, and it doesn't bother her or me. </p> <p>I also started her on a bedtime 'routine' at about 6 weeks. It actually really helped her, but every baby is different.</p> <p>Don't stress!!! Do what makes you and baby healthy and happy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-decide-if-this-professional-advice-was-good-advice-please#post-1059957 Mon, 02 Sep 2013 10:15:35 +0000 lamariniere 1059957@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JoyfulKiwi: I totally agree about the sleep advice. DS was a horrendous terrible no good sleeper until he turned 1. He is now 2.5 and has slept like a dream (except for when sick) ever since he first STTN at 1 year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-decide-if-this-professional-advice-was-good-advice-please#post-1059956 Mon, 02 Sep 2013 10:14:33 +0000 JerricaBenton 1059956@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Trust your instincts! I honestly wouldn't follow any of that advice , especially at 5.5 weeks. We did everything you are currently doing and LO's sleep evened itself out and she's down earlier now and STTN for months. We didn't leave her alone to sleep until 6 mos. As far as picking her up too much? No such thing IMO. You have to do what feels right for you and what works for your baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-decide-if-this-professional-advice-was-good-advice-please#post-1059955 Mon, 02 Sep 2013 10:13:57 +0000 Cherrybee 1059955@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rainbow Sprinkles: I had it in my mind that she would just figure it out and, until that time, I have to accept that my nights are no longer my own! </p> <p>I had intended to start introducing nighttime routines and bedtime at 3 months then sleep train at 4/5 months if required. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-decide-if-this-professional-advice-was-good-advice-please#post-1059954 Mon, 02 Sep 2013 10:13:52 +0000 lamariniere 1059954@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Throughout your whole post, I was totally agreeing with you on every single point and not the Health Service. I would not let my baby cry until much later (like 3 or 4 months?) and he nursed basically every 90min with an occasional 2-3 hour sleep stretch, so I just let him sleep whenever he would! It all boils down to what you are comfortable with. I think 5.5 weeks is still incredibly young and I felt like I wanted to be close to my baby at all times at that age. Go with your maternal instincts, if you feel like your baby needs you, listen to you, and not someone who doesn't know your baby.</p> <p>I agree though that the advice would be better suited around 3-4 months. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-decide-if-this-professional-advice-was-good-advice-please#post-1059950 Mon, 02 Sep 2013 10:09:54 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 1059950@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We never woke our son from daytime naps. We started leaving him alone in our room to sleep for a fee hours at maybe 3ish months. Only at 6+ months did we let him fuss alone in his room at night.<br /> Basically, we did none of what she suggests. However, at 11 months his sleep is crap - so don't take my word for it :)</p> <p>I think if it makes you uncomfortable, don't do it. I feel like all the advice of that sort is to help babies create good sleep habits and prevent sleep problems in the future. Personally I'm a little skeptical of sleep "problems" and wonder how much of that is just unrealistic expectations our modern culture has created around infant sleep. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-decide-if-this-professional-advice-was-good-advice-please#post-1059948 Mon, 02 Sep 2013 10:08:48 +0000 blackbird 1059948@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At 5.5 weeks old, I would follow little of that advice except to let her fuss a little. And that is only because I quickly learned that I would accidentally wake her up if she was fussing so I started waiting to make sure she was actually upset before intervening. I don't rush to her at her first noise, I wait a few seconds to see what the deal is. Sometimes she's just making a noise. </p> <p>Well I think around week 6 we started putting E to sleep in her bassinet and then we would come watch tv with the video monitor </p> <p>Trust your instincts. The rest of the advice, I started implementing around 3 months old. We couldn't get on an earlier sleep schedule until around 3 months, too. We only recently got to an 8pm bedtime! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-decide-if-this-professional-advice-was-good-advice-please#post-1059947 Mon, 02 Sep 2013 10:08:40 +0000 lemondrop 1059947@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Go with your gut. No such thing as "too much" of anything at this young age! She's a baby, enjoy this time as much as you can, because it goes fast.</p> <p>We didn't start a bedtime anything routine for many more months. I wouldn't change anything we did. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-decide-if-this-professional-advice-was-good-advice-please#post-1059943 Mon, 02 Sep 2013 10:05:30 +0000 autumnlove 1059943@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My Dr. gave us similar advice and it worked well for us. She started STTN as soon as we left her alone in the evenings. She isn't much of a crier... I wouldn't be comfortable with CIO before 4 months. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-decide-if-this-professional-advice-was-good-advice-please#post-1059942 Mon, 02 Sep 2013 10:03:47 +0000 Rainbow Sprinkles 1059942@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If I were you, I<br /> -wouldn't wake her when she is sleeping during the day<br /> -wouldn't start putting her in her bed in your room alone (I'd keep doing what youre doing)<br /> -I wouldn't let her cry</p> <p>Basically, I'd ignore her advice. You are way more in tune with your baby than she is.</p> <p>Fwiw, my baby had her nights and days confused and she figured it out on her own. I don't think you should ever wake a sleeping baby, especially a newborn!!<br /> - </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-decide-if-this-professional-advice-was-good-advice-please#post-1059933 Mon, 02 Sep 2013 09:58:54 +0000 Cherrybee 1059933@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Bees, help me out here. Give me your wise perspectives, please. And while you read, remember my baby is only 5.5 weeks old....</p> <p>Here in the UK - in my City - we have regular visits from the Health Visiting Service when we have a new baby. They weigh the baby and offer parenting advice and tips. My Health visitor has been today. </p> <p>I think I must subscribe more to the attachment parenting philosophy, although I didn't realise it until today when the Health gave me some advice that I'm really not sure about.... She had already told me not to hold Elliott so much (and I really don't hold her *that* much) and I ignored that advice. If she needs me, she needs me. Now I'm wondering how much of today's advice should I take?</p> <p>Today, she told me that I need to help Elliott to understand the difference between night and day because she sleeps longer stretches in the day (while we are out walking, usually) and wakes more frequently in the night. She told me to wake her in the day if she sleeps more than two hours. How do you feel about this? I kinda feel that, if she is sleeping, it's because she needs to - and sleep begets sleep, right? She is only 5.5 weeks old, I don't expect her to be sleeping through yet! I'm concerned because when she is awake she's generally yawning and if I miss her sleepy cues and don't get her to sleep she becomes overtired and miserable. Why would I deliberately cause this?! </p> <p>She also told me that I need to be putting the bedtime routine into practice now and putting Ellie to sleep (in her moses basket in our room) at 7 or 8pm. Currently, she sleeps in the moses basket downstairs after her bath and we take her up with us when we go up. Sometimes, she doesn't get her bath until 10pm and we all go to bed together - but she's a baby, she eats every 3 hours, is that such a big deal?? </p> <p>Also - the Health Visitor was adamant that she would be okay up in our room alone from 7pm - 10.30pm while we are downstairs (she also told us to get an audio only monitor and not a video monitor in case we stare at the screen all evening!!!). I can't help but think that, surely, they advise you to have the baby in your room for the first six months because, well, you need to be beside them??? Plus, 7pm - 11pm is her fussy time... which leads me onto her final point....</p> <p>She said that it was okay to let her fuss and cry while she is in our room alone (and we are downstairs) - and that we should only go to her when she starts really screaming. It just doesn't sit right with me, she's a tiny baby - she's in the "fourth trimester" - surely she needs to be responded to to engender feelings of security that then allow her to form relationships with others in later life???</p> <p>What do you reckon? </p> <p>- Wake her up during the day if she's been sleeping more than two hours? </p> <p>- Leave her alone in our room between 7pm and 10.30pm (ish)? </p> <p>- Let her cry alone - only comfort her if she is really screaming?</p> <p>Am I being too much of an "attachment parent". Is there such a thing? This advice sounds more relevant to a 4 month old in my mind, as opposed to a 5.5 week old? </p>