https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 06 May 2026 16:24:36 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-solve-a-house-tiff-with-dh#post-2819672 Tue, 01 May 2018 16:00:08 +0000 codeitall 2819672@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you guys. I know I'm not totally overreacting, but sometimes it is just nice to get that confirmation ;)</p> <p>I talked to DH and while I still think he's not really getting how it literally causes me anxiety, he has agreed that he needs to put in more effort. So he actually looked up a monthly chore chart and we filled it out. I think it is doable, but he is aware that if this doesn't work, I'm calling in the service. He wants the service to be a last resort and so I'll give him a chance to actually pitch in. I even had him put the chores on our shared google calendar so he has no excuses :silly: </p> <p>As I've read your responses, I realized that it isn't even the cleaning that drives me crazy, it is that I feel like I either need to do it all or ask repeatedly for him to do it. The only jobs he has around the house are the typical car maintenance and taking the trash out and while he's always willing to help with other stuff, I have to ask him to do it, and that mental load was just too much.</p> <p>So now I know what he's going to do and what day and I can not worry about it. Er, at least I hope, we'll see ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-solve-a-house-tiff-with-dh#post-2819575 Tue, 01 May 2018 10:51:58 +0000 alphagam84 2819575@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Either he does the cleaning or you hire a cleaning person to come clean for him. That puts it on him. Give him two weeks and if it's the same situation, hire the cleaning person. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-solve-a-house-tiff-with-dh#post-2819558 Tue, 01 May 2018 09:53:33 +0000 avivoca 2819558@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We don't have a cleaner because my husband sees it as an extravagance that we can't afford. However, we do have yard people and it's the best money I spend every year. We struggled to keep the yard up before kids, and once I was pregnant I physically couldn't mow in the summer, so we started then and haven't stopped. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-solve-a-house-tiff-with-dh#post-2819553 Tue, 01 May 2018 09:38:33 +0000 misolee 2819553@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband sounds like yours in a sense that he was weirded out by cleaners. He also vacuums and picks up after himself so he considers the house clean and didn’t understand why we had to pay for someone to do that. I convinced him to do one initial cleaning first. They came and started by taking this huge dust rag to our fans, vents on top, blinds, etc. This thin cloud of dust landed on our dark hardwood floors. The visual shocked him and he had relented to once a month cleaning. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-solve-a-house-tiff-with-dh#post-2819516 Mon, 30 Apr 2018 21:26:33 +0000 Tanjowen 2819516@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: My husband realized a long time ago I cannotnrest unless chores are done . So he pitches in to make sure the daily items are taken care of so we can sit down at night together. </p> <p>We use the Keep app. It has been the best thing for us as a couple. We can both keep a running to do list for the day and mark off as we accomplish something. For example, everyday we have to wash bottles, vacuum (pets in house), run a load of laundry and then clean an area of the house. It's nice because we both know what needs to be done at a bare minimum. </p> <p>We did finally hire a house cleaner to come and scrub toilets and tubs and deep clean floors every other week. Well worth the money and time saved. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-solve-a-house-tiff-with-dh#post-2819515 Mon, 30 Apr 2018 21:17:20 +0000 periwinklebee 2819515@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband doesn't do chores, except his own laundry if he's out of clothes. If the dishes got bad enough he'd do them, but I need to wash/sterilize bottles and pump parts daily and can't let it get out of hand for days on end. He wouldn't complain either if I didn't do chores - words can't describe how disgusting his apartment was when he lived on his own. I'm pretty overwhelmed now, my house is messier and diet unhealthier than its been in many years, and it really stresses me out because it feels like there is no semblance of order in my life. I'm looking into outsourcing. My husband doesn't like the idea of me giving a key to someone else but he's going to have to deal with it if I find a cleaning person. :meh: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-solve-a-house-tiff-with-dh#post-2819511 Mon, 30 Apr 2018 20:28:01 +0000 Anagram 2819511@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're okay with the cleaning (I mean, our place is not immaculate but we both pitch in and do *close* to equal amounts around the house. My husband does his own laundry--I've never touched it and I never will. I do my own. Our part time nanny does the kids. </p> <p>We don't have a regular cleaner but we live in a condo, so it's not a huge space to clean. Also, my husband has a bathroom to himself because the one area where he's just really slovenly is the bathroom. My kids are cleaner than he is in the bathroom, so me and the kids use one bathroom and he uses the other and his is rarely clean and I just don't go in there. </p> <p>No chore chart, but we clean every weekend and I do bigger stuff like baseboards and grout in spurts when I notice its grungy. We do stuff like dishes immediately. We make our beds and kids beds as soon as we wake up each day.</p> <p>Truly, our house was cleanest when we had s full time nanny because my husband would clean up in the morning before she arrived daily and she would maintain until I got home. Then the kids would play, but I would put everything up before DH got home from work so we all got to enter a clean house daily. Now that we just have a part time sitter, he doesn't do that anymore (booo). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-solve-a-house-tiff-with-dh#post-2819483 Mon, 30 Apr 2018 17:30:51 +0000 Silva 2819483@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is why we hired a cleaning person. A solid 30% was for the tub/stone-tiled shower alone.<br /> I grew up without a ton of extra money, and with frugal parents who would never spend on something like this "luxury." But the messiness was becoming insurmountable to me- and I stay at home! I can keep up with the basic tidying but baseboards, windows, actually scrubbing things? That happens like once a year and it was absolutely raising my anxiety and stressing me out.<br /> I was surprised by how affordable a cleaner turned out to be. I mean- its definitely still a luxury, but we are hiring someone to come every other week and I think it will end up being around 200/ month, maybe less. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-solve-a-house-tiff-with-dh#post-2819478 Mon, 30 Apr 2018 17:02:55 +0000 gingerbebe 2819478@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Chuckles: Yeah, this sounds a lot like us. We do not have a chore chart or whatever. It just has to get done whenever it needs to get done. If our laundry piles up I will tell DH "hey we are running out of towels." And that's enough. If he's just really busy, I'll go ahead and pick through the laundry to wash what we need right meow and say something like "the kids had no clean t-shirts, so I ran a load earlier - can you please move it to the dryer in a bit?"</p> <p>Dishes get piled up more than I would like, but instead of starting a fight about it, I just got an extra dishpan to load up, a lot of spare sippies and tupperwares, and moved on with my day. DH also loads the dishwasher in a way that I find bizarre, but I had to just be like woosah and let him do it how he does it.</p> <p>I feel like if DH's chores get done 90% of the time without my whining about it, we're winning. This doesn't mean it happens daily, and it often means that it doesn't get done the way I want and that many times I'm waiting longer for it to get done than I'd like. But DH knows I cannot cook or pack lunches or get the kids bags ready if the dishes and laundry aren't done at least every other day. He knows if I slap paper plates on the table at dinner, he needs to do some work that evening. So we deal.</p> <p>But since the tasks are assigned, it DOES take a lot of mental load things off my plate because its just not my problem (unless I decide to do it myself, but that's my choice). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-solve-a-house-tiff-with-dh#post-2819477 Mon, 30 Apr 2018 17:01:48 +0000 Chuckles 2819477@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@808love: Yeah, I let him choose so that he'd be on board with the plan, but I was definitely hoping to be the laundry person. Even though it can be time consuming on the weekends, at least I can get it all done in a couple of days and then not have to think about it all week. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-solve-a-house-tiff-with-dh#post-2819474 Mon, 30 Apr 2018 16:45:54 +0000 808love 2819474@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Chuckles: That's pretty brilliant about one do the dishes and the other do the laundry. Only thing is that DH folds better than me and I want to be the laundry person. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-solve-a-house-tiff-with-dh#post-2819473 Mon, 30 Apr 2018 16:42:48 +0000 Chuckles 2819473@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH would not react well to a chore chart unless he participated in making it. In our house, we have a cleaning lady come every other week. That was a requirement for me before going back to work FT out of the house.<br /> In terms of division of labor, we both help pick up around the house as an ongoing thing. And I got tired of having to ask for help with the laundry and dishes. It was just like the mental load cartoon where DH was happy to help as long as I specified that something needed to get done. So we talked about it and agreed that he would be responsible for dishes, and I'm responsible for the laundry. It's worked really well. He will sometimes let the dishes pile up for a couple of days, but I try to let it go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-solve-a-house-tiff-with-dh#post-2819458 Mon, 30 Apr 2018 15:46:05 +0000 808love 2819458@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband is vain. If I invite over guests (our friends), he will clean like crazy. It's in him and he knows what to do, he just needs the right motivation. I, on the other hand, have no shame and no motivation...except perhaps to save money so I don't have to pay a housecleaner. I made a chore chart early in our marriage..I just never wanted to follow it a few months later after getting pregnant with LO. I may have to redo it now that LO is 7 years and chore capable. I wish DH supported housecleaning but he is always half in/half out. We are in the process of cancelling our housecleaning (had it for 6 months) at DH request, but I am dragging my feet. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-solve-a-house-tiff-with-dh#post-2819457 Mon, 30 Apr 2018 15:40:40 +0000 jape14 2819457@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I are both very neat and we both work full-time (I partially work at home - he works longer hours, but I have a longer commute) and we have a nanny. I think we generally have a good split bc we are very similarly neat and conscientious, although I shoulder most of the mental load which is still frustrating and a continual negotiation.</p> <p>We have a cleaning lady that comes every other week and she does the major stuff: all bathrooms, dusting (including the blinds), vacuuming, mopping the floors, and changing the sheets on all of the beds (my most hated chore). Our nanny packs our son's lunch for preschool (except Monday's lunch), does the kid laundry once a week, and puts away kid laundry if I leave it for her. </p> <p>DH and I both cook dinner, but who does more depends on who gets done with bedtime sooner (he does bedtime for 3yo and I do it for 10mo since she's still nursing). We clean the kitchen together - he generally does dishes and I wipe counters/sweep the floor/throw in laundry at that time. He does kid breakfast/cleanup and I do kid dinner/cleanup (we eat separately after they go down). I don't really consider the dishwasher a chore (@sweetiepie: :silly: ) but we load dishes as they are used and run when needed (not daily, maybe like 5x a week). It's an even split as to who unloads it - sometimes me, sometimes DH, occasionally our nanny if we run it before work.</p> <p>I generally do: meal planning/grocery shopping; scheduling kid appointments and dealing with any preschool forms, camp signups, etc; laundry (though DH/nanny put away fairly regularly, but I always initiate the laundry process); cleaning out the fridge; 99% of household purchases including kid clothes, diapers, etc etc.<br /> DH does: 90% of bill paying/finance-related stuff; yard work; vet appointments; kid baths.<br /> We split fairly evenly: dealing with mail, putting away kid toys/clutter, car maintenance (I take mine and he takes his), taking kids to appts, and any cleaning that happens in between cleaning lady visits. </p> <p>In your situation I would hire a cleaning lady for the big stuff (2x a month or whatever fits in your budget) AND sit down for a serious discussion of an equitable division of household labor. Maybe not a chore chart, but more along the lines of "here are the things that need to get done on a daily/weekly/monthly basis" and then everyone claiming the things they don't mind doing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-solve-a-house-tiff-with-dh#post-2819455 Mon, 30 Apr 2018 15:30:35 +0000 hellobeeboston 2819455@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We used to argue a lot about house cleaning and who would do what, when, etc.... Then, we bit the bullet and hired a house cleaner, and it changed everything. </p> <p>We haven't had one fight about it in the two years we've had a cleaner. Even if it's just once a month, it's a HUGE help. If you can swing it - I would try it out.</p> <p>otherwise, i'm not sure. we used to fight about it so much... </p> <p>one thing I used to do was invite friends or family for sleepovers, then he would be FORCED to do some deep cleaning. ha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-solve-a-house-tiff-with-dh#post-2819449 Mon, 30 Apr 2018 15:18:38 +0000 snowjewelz 2819449@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am super duper neat and I literally cannot relax until the house is cleaned and all chores done. DH is a total slob but he has stepped up a lot. And we don't have cleaning people. </p> <p>Clean both bathrooms (including toilets/bathtub) 1x week<br /> - This is mostly me. DH will wipe/scrub toilet if he made a mess if you know what I mean haha. Girls bathe in bathtub so I absolutely scrub that weekly (usually before I shower, after I'm already in there)</p> <p>Vacuum 1x daily (or really as needed)<br /> - Both DH and I do this</p> <p>Mop 2x a week (at least, more as needed)<br /> - A little more me (b/c I'm picky haha) buy DH regularly helps with this</p> <p>Tidy up/wipe down kitchen 1x daily<br /> - Mostly me but more b/c I'm super particular. DH almost always does all cooking &amp; washing dishes while I put kids to sleep, then when I come down I finish tidying up and wiping down counters, etc </p> <p>Laudndry (1x a week and as needed)<br /> - We share. Often DH will start a load and I'll switch and finish</p> <p>Scrubbing the sink (1x a month approx)<br /> - DH kind of took over this... He says he does it faster lol</p> <p>I agree the bigger, more random chores are really hard to get to. I put it on a list to for stuff I need to do like file bills/paper, clean the range hood. I recently did a complete re-organization in the house b/c we never really changed up our system after kids. I thought I needed to take a few days off of work, but I literally just worked one area a time at night and I'm almost done.</p> <p>DH is responsible for all outdoor stuff. We have a landscaper but there is a lot of misc upkeep. I def have a honey do list for him. He def slacks on it. I've learned to lower my standards a lot (still prob really high for many), and learned o relax a little bit if stuff doesn't get done according to my time line. But there are def things like laundry and cleaning bathtubs that I consider essential... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-solve-a-house-tiff-with-dh#post-2819441 Mon, 30 Apr 2018 15:06:35 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2819441@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hmm, I don’t know about a chore chart. My husband does the majority of the laundry. I have to fold and put away my clothes and sometimes the baby’s. We both pick up around the house and he’s the speed cleaner before the cleaning person comes. I think we tried to clean our home together maybe 3-4 times before realizing a service was necessary. Knowing what to do (chore chart) didn’t necessarily mean it would get done. I also don’t begrudge LO for spills and messes he makes. Obviously I would much rather not have to clean up after an accident, but that’s life. We actively try to reduce little kid messes like you won’t see any sort of crafts at our house except for crayons and paper. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-solve-a-house-tiff-with-dh#post-2819435 Mon, 30 Apr 2018 14:56:58 +0000 Becky 2819435@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are in a very similar situation. My house growing up was immaculate. I found out last year my mom, who was an ICU nurse, has OCD so that might have had something to do with it. While I have lowered my standards a ton, I can’t keep up with the housework needed for us to not get sick on my own while working 40+ hours a week with two little kids. My husband typically works about 60 hours a week but it’s been a lot more the past month. He would always say he would get the bathroom washed but it rarely happened. When I found I hadn’t washed the tub in 3 months I hired house cleaners without asking him. We had discussed doing this and he said it was a hard no. After they came, he just said “Did you get the house cleaned?” And hasn’t mentioned it since. While he can live with a level of dirtiness I think he recognized that our house was so much more pleasant. For yardwork type things my approach has been for him to realize how bad things are because he has literally no time to do it and then let him hire someone (mowing our 1 acre rolling yard, plowing in Buffalo when we don’t have a snowblower). I’m giving him 3 weeks and if he doesn’t clean the outside windows (he’s been saying he’d do it and it’s been 2 years) I am hiring someone to do it. If he had a problem with this or it was a big financial decision I would never do it without making sure we were on the same page. I don’t ask him to do anything except the dishes when I feel like he has time (like he’s scrolling Facebook while drinking coffee; he always does cleanup the 3 nights he is home for dinner). If he had more time we would absolutely split up tasks and we used to more: I would do the housekeeping type things including cleaning, laundry, and cooking and he would organize large-scale things (basement, garage at the change of seasons, lawn furniture at the change of seasons) and do the maintenance stuff (we have a rental property as well so I counted maintenance there in the split). I haven’t really taken over that stuff, but have rather outsourced it. He is super efficient so there are certain Home maintenance things that aren’t urgent that I just let go knowing one day he will go past his tipping point and get it done rather than hiring (gutters, garage, cleaning up after big storms). And a chore chart would never work for us and in my experience doing this with roommates in college, doing it at home, and doing it at work it’s not a good solution for most people. It’s not going to make him do it, and you’ll come off as the nagging wife when you constantly have to remind him (my DH still says I nag him a lot but I also see him for about 1-2 hours a day and stuff has to get done!). Also, if something needed to get done and he refused to hire someone to do it I would hire a babysitter to watch the kids somewhere else while I did it (this would click with my DH though and make him realize we needed help).</p> <p>I guess my big thing is if my husband had more time on his hands I would expect him to do the same amount of work as me. Is your husband not emptying the dishwasher because he doesn’t have time, or because he doesn’t feel like it? That would not fly in our marriage and that goes both ways (my DH would apply the same expectation to me). If my DH sleeps in and is in a hurry to get ready for work and says he can’t put the dishes away I’ve started just saying “Then you should have gotten up earlier.” BTW when he is home and gets stuff done he likes to tick off a list of all his accomplishments which grates on me so much because I do way more and never say anything, so it’s not like everything is butterflies and rainbows in our cleaning realm 😋 I am also so much less stressed and this has had a positive impact on our relationship and my ability to not get angry about the fact that he works so much. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-solve-a-house-tiff-with-dh#post-2819423 Mon, 30 Apr 2018 14:27:22 +0000 Foodnerd81 2819423@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you can afford it at all- get a cleaning person! We have one monthly so I wipe down the bathrooms and swish the toilet bowls with cleaner in between, but she does the tub and shower. And she does the really good vacuuming and mopping. It helps avoid so many fights. </p> <p>That said neither DH or I are super neat- my mom also always has struggled with cleaning and organizing, his mom is super neat and organized, but we both fight the good fight against clutter. We don’t have a chore chart and I stay at home so I do most of the day to day stuff and the laundry. But he usually unloads the dishwasher which I just hate doing. Basically our house is often untidy but can be picked up quickly and neither of us feels unfairly burdened, so I guess we are good. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-solve-a-house-tiff-with-dh#post-2819417 Mon, 30 Apr 2018 14:09:07 +0000 Ajsmommy 2819417@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH does the dishes and his own laundry and we still have a cleaning lady. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-solve-a-house-tiff-with-dh#post-2819416 Mon, 30 Apr 2018 14:08:43 +0000 gingerbebe 2819416@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband is a slob. I'm not a naturally neat person either, but DH's home office is like hoarder's level crazy. We've largely had a truce about his office since we got married, with the exception of like 2-3 times a year when I either completely lose it or someone is visiting and then it HAS to get cleaned.</p> <p>As to the rest of the house, we have assigned chores. Sure, we'll pitch in to help, but the primary responsibility for a certain set of chores lies with the person to whom its assigned. We started doing this more after we had our kids because I struggled with PPA and PPD and having a super messy house made me feel worse.</p> <p>When we had a baby in the house, DH was in charge of bottle/pump part washing and sterilizing each night. He sets up the coffee before bed. He does the dishes and washing the laundry. He does the garbage/recycling on Sunday nights before pick-up on Monday. He does any heavy lifting required around the house. He handles all our finances/bills/paperwork and anything related to customer service. He manages all the service providers we use - the lawn guy, repairmen, etc. He also gasses up the cars.</p> <p>I do all the cooking, shopping, meal prepping, and getting the kid's lunches and daycare bags packed. I clean out the cars (I shoot for weekly). I do any organization that has to be done in the house. I fold most of the laundry, but DH helps when he sees me do it. I will often also do the dishes, but only if he's emptied the dishwasher. I clean the kitchen and I wipe down the counters or toilet seats in the bathroom with a Lysol wipe. I'm actually the handier one, so anything that needs to be fixed or drilled or whatever, I do. I research any contractors or service providers and schedule them.</p> <p>We have a housecleaner that comes twice a month. They do all the hard stuff - vacuuming, mopping the floors, dusting and polishing the furniture, dusting all the blinds and baseboards, deep cleaning the bathrooms and the kitchen and disinfecting the fridge. I got tired of deep cleaning the bathroom and kitchen and my husband would never in a million years do it himself, so we agreed to a housecleaner.</p> <p>Bigger than the chore list is the shift that happened when my husband realized that keeping order in the house actually had a profound affect on my mental health and mood. Perhaps he would not have taken it as seriously if I hadn't had such a hard time with PPD/PPA and the messiness actually became one of my triggers. I had general anxiety and depression before and I would fume about things being too messy, but it wasn't until it was a really dire situation for me and DH was trying to do everything possible to keep me from having a panic attack that he realized that simply doing the dishes actually had a concrete impact on my health. Conversely, if I start grousing louder than usual about the mess at home, he stops to ask what's going on with me and tries to hone in on what's really bugging me (perhaps I'm stressed, perhaps I'm sick, etc). Like, if I start raging about his office, he knows I'm really pissed off about something and we need to address it. </p> <p>This understanding has made a profound impact on our marriage and between the assignments and just a general acceptance of "order helps mama not be crazy," we don't fight too much about the house or chores. I think if your husband wants your mental health and your ability to parent kindly to be the priority, he's going to have to either clean the bathroom or get over his issues. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-solve-a-house-tiff-with-dh#post-2819413 Mon, 30 Apr 2018 14:05:05 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2819413@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah no way does he get to be critical of you not doing things that he could easily do as well. A chore chart might work and divy up like you said but also for anything he doesn’t want to do and you don’t have time for, too bad. He either does it himself or you can hire out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-solve-a-house-tiff-with-dh#post-2819411 Mon, 30 Apr 2018 13:58:16 +0000 looch 2819411@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't give people choices in situations like this. My husband would have reacted worse to a chore chart than he would to someone coming in to clean the bathroom. You just get over it, it's like if you eat beef. You don't have to know the process of how that filet mignon came to be in order to enjoy it.</p> <p>I would also suggest maybe doing a trial run with a cleaner. Give it a month, and if he's still not convinced, try the chore chart. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-solve-a-house-tiff-with-dh#post-2819408 Mon, 30 Apr 2018 13:49:51 +0000 Sams Mom 2819408@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband does and folds all of the laundry except our son's and that's because the babysitter does it. He cleans toilets, I clean shower/tubs. I pick up after son and vacuum, husband cleans the counters off. I load and unload the dishwasher, and handwash the few things that have to be. I mow, he sprays weeds and weedeats. I cook and do all the grocery shopping, and manage the finances. </p> <p>You can just tell your husband that he either cleans the bathtubs or you're paying someone to clean them. Choices instead of open ended questions help me get further with my husband. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-solve-a-house-tiff-with-dh#post-2819407 Mon, 30 Apr 2018 13:44:10 +0000 codeitall 2819407@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Preface: the rest of this is really a rant, the TLDR is give me your chore schedule that your DH actually helps with or help me convince DH that it is perfectly acceptable to have a cleaning lady clean your bathtubs.</p> <p>I grew up in a very neat house. I get very stressed when the house is not clean because I really do feel like it is my responsibility to keep the house up. I also feel that way about the laundry, kids clothes, cooking and the kid's educational time. (I mean really, is it that hard to pick up a book and read to your kids...)</p> <p>Whatever. point is that I had a mental breakdown this weekend. I shouted at DD for making a disaster in another room while I cleaned in the back. It isn't her fault that DH hadn't put the dishes in the dishwasher for two days after saying he would each day, that the laundry hadn't been started, that I hadn't cleaned the bathtubs or bathroom floors since I moved in in DECEMBER.</p> <p>Something has to change, and bless DH, every time I freak out, he steps up and does stuff around the house, but casually mentions all the things I just haven't had time for (filing this pile of papers away, planting the garden seeds, putting away the winter gear, gluing this random toy back together) and I'm DONE.</p> <p>I want to have a printout of chores that need to be accomplished on a daily, weekly, monthly basis that I can hold him accountable to OR I need to convince him that he can get over having strangers clean his bathroom. He has this thing with laundry too, my mother forwarded a load of laundry after DD was born and he got really freaked out over it. So no laundry, fine, but someone still needs to clean my bathroom floors.</p> <p>Thanks bees. </p>