https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 28 Apr 2026 13:27:46 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-to-deal-with-mil-and-dh#post-2544592 Mon, 09 May 2016 13:47:54 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2544592@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Autumnmama79: Congratulations on your new baby, and happy belated Mother's Day!</p> <p>Your MIL sounds like my mother. We clash very often. I think you're doing the right thing with no visitors on your first day home and hope that went well. Perhaps he can enforce no visitors for the first week until you get your bearings and can get into some sort of mini-routine. </p> <p>You also need to have a conversation with your DH on what's appropriate vs. what's not when it comes to his mom. For instance, there will be no dropping by when he's not home. For the days she does drop by, I'd have a nice line about how she needs to discuss with you or DH beforehand when she comes as you're exhausted and trying to adjust to life with the new baby. I had to have this very frank talk with my mother about how overbearing she was, and she was poking holes in my self-confidence as a mother myself. We don't have to agree on parenting styles. She had her moment to be a parent, now it's my turn to have mine (and your turn to have yours). If you need advice, you'll ask. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-to-deal-with-mil-and-dh#post-2544355 Mon, 09 May 2016 10:37:45 +0000 alphagam84 2544355@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>19 visitors?! Wow! That is crazy!</p> <p>I totally understand and I think she sounds amazing and I'm not hormonal! My MIL drives me crazy too. DD is named Emma and a week or two after having her, my MIL decided she needed a nickname and wanted to randomly make up a nickname and start calling her that. She came up with "Mimi". WTF. That really pissed me off that she wanted to not call my DD by her name and call her Mimi. I shot that down immediately. And Mimi is no shorted to pronounce than Emma, it's two syllables! And it has nothing to do with her name. You can't just make up a nickname for a baby, it has to happen organically. Good lord that was annoying. Just stick to your guns and say "this is DS's name, you need to call him by his name" and that's that. We stuck our ground with my MIL so many times in the early days and it has helped now that she's a little older. And limit her visits at home to once a week for your own sanity. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-to-deal-with-mil-and-dh#post-2543945 Sun, 08 May 2016 16:00:03 +0000 MoonMoon 2543945@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry, she sounds like she's being awful! Is she normally like this? This isn't just your hormones, she's being rude and overstepping her boundaries!</p> <p>Definitely say no visitors. Nurses are great about stuff like this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-to-deal-with-mil-and-dh#post-2543921 Sun, 08 May 2016 14:13:01 +0000 catomd00 2543921@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry you're going through this. She sounds like my mom, who I have slowly reduced contact with since DD was born and we have a very strained relationship. It's unfortunate DH isn't supportive of your feelings on it, but I can see where he's coming from too - it's a hard position to be in between your spouse and your mom. I hope he comes around and can address this before it gets even worse. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-to-deal-with-mil-and-dh#post-2543909 Sun, 08 May 2016 13:26:02 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2543909@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Autumnmama79: I won't bother with advice since you've gotten good advice anyways, plus what you decided sounds totally reasonable and as an internet stranger I support you 100%!!!</p> <p>The name part reminds me of how my MIL kept calling him by some random name she liked until we told her our name we had finally chosen, and her only response was "are you sure?" She was out of the country at the time and the night before when I was in labor and having complications she called my husband to ask him to help his brother who was a complete mess and got admitted to a county hospital on a 72h hold as a danger to himself! He has a substance abuse issue and he was depressed, drunk, and threatened to hurt himself. Of course somehow he managed to call his mom and complain about how he was being treated blaming everything on the "abusive cops". So she called to have his brother, my dh, rescue him. First of all, you can't do anything in that situation, second, his story was clearly BS, he belonged in there for a couple nights! And third most importantly, we were a little busy!! She was so ridiculous. Still is as a matter of fact. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-to-deal-with-mil-and-dh#post-2543904 Sun, 08 May 2016 12:02:57 +0000 MrsB2012 2543904@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Congratulations on your new baby :heart:<br /> I think the first thing you need to do is tell the nurses absolutely no visitors today, even family.<br /> Next I think you need to have a discussion with your husband. Explain that you A) need a break from her for a few days. B) Don't like the way that she's talking to you about what you're doing with the baby. Explain that you're a new mom, and that you're going to do this how you want to do it, and you don't need her piping in, criticizing/giving her opinion on everything you're doing.<br /> I think it's really important that you set up boundaries with her, before things go further and it gets even more difficult. ( This is coming from someone who has lots of MIL drama, and I just recently went and spoke to someone on how to deal with her.)<br /> I'm sorry this is coming up, and I hope that she learns to respect your boundaries. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-to-deal-with-mil-and-dh#post-2543900 Sun, 08 May 2016 11:58:48 +0000 Autumnmama79 2543900@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you for your input it's really helpful. I've pushed the no visitors thing for today and DH gets that message loud and clear. We had 19 yesterday, I can either host a viewing party for baby or I can recover from major surgery but I can't do both.</p> <p>We're hoping to be released today so I went the step further and said no visitors at home either. I will keep saying it over and over. I have to stand up for my health and well being. I totally agree that part of this is due to hormones, on a regular basis she is rude/annoys me at a 5 but throw brand new baby and postpartum into the mix and she's way past 10.</p> <p>Thank you again for the input. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-to-deal-with-mil-and-dh#post-2543899 Sun, 08 May 2016 11:54:43 +0000 catlady 2543899@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The criticism thing is tough, because I remember being such a mama bear and in retrospect, people weren't nearly as annoying as I thought they were, but I couldn't stand anyone being near my baby at that point. So your DH might be right, she may not be as critical as you think. That said, the thing about calling your baby by the middle name is really bad. Did you ask your DH about that? I would be livid if my ILs just decided to call my LO by the middle name simply because they didn't like the name we had chosen.</p> <p>As for the visits, I definitely think you should tell your DH that you'd like a little time off from visitors right now. I would make sure someone tells your MIL directly though. You don't want extra drama if she shows up at the hospital and the nurses stop her and no one gave her a heads up.</p> <p>Congrats on your new baby! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-to-deal-with-mil-and-dh#post-2543895 Sun, 08 May 2016 11:50:40 +0000 Reese 2543895@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: kick her in the clam. Dead.😂</p> <p>Yes to all of this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-to-deal-with-mil-and-dh#post-2543894 Sun, 08 May 2016 11:29:40 +0000 TrailRunner 2543894@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No advice but I'm so sorry you are going through this. :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-to-deal-with-mil-and-dh#post-2543890 Sun, 08 May 2016 11:14:47 +0000 littlebug 2543890@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Would it be weird to text your MIL? I would not be comfortable texting mine directly, but I'd send out a blanket group text saying we're not accepting visitors today. Make it clear it's a group text, like, "Hey, everyone. I know people are excited to see the baby, but I'm not feeling too great today and we'd like to have a quiet day to ourselves to snuggle the baby and allow me some time to recover. Please wait to hear from us before you come visit again!" That way the control is yours - you get to decide when you're ready for visitors again! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-to-deal-with-mil-and-dh#post-2543882 Sun, 08 May 2016 10:32:59 +0000 Foodnerd81 2543882@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Definitely no visitors. Have the nurses back you up, say you need to rest more and they don't think you should see anyone. </p> <p>She sounds incredibly annoying. I also agree with @gingerbebe: that you have extra no patience for this bs right now recovering from major surgery and insane post birth hormones. So I think the best thing for everyone is for her to stay far away today! </p> <p>Congrats on the new baby! What an extra special Mother's Day! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-to-deal-with-mil-and-dh#post-2543875 Sun, 08 May 2016 10:13:11 +0000 gingerbebe 2543875@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom is like this so I totally get it but also keep in mind you are super tired and hormonal so this is probably getting on your last damn nerve faster than usual. Your DH probably doesn't think she's being insane because he's not in such a heightened state of WTF. Just tell your DH she can't come today because you're gonna kick her in the clam. Day 3 is when your swelling is gonna kick it up a notch and your incision is gonna sting more, so just claim medical reasons and tell the nurses you are not accepting visitors today. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-to-deal-with-mil-and-dh#post-2543874 Sun, 08 May 2016 10:10:48 +0000 Maysprout 2543874@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd say to DH that whether he thinks you're overreacting or not, the comments (and tell him specifically which comments) are upsetting you. You're recovering from surgery and you'd rather she not visit until you're feeling better if you have to just listen to criticism or he needs to be the one to step in and make it stop, it's his choice for which way to go.</p> <p>Or suggest he take her out for Mother's Day and distract her instead of coming to the hospital. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-to-deal-with-mil-and-dh#post-2543871 Sun, 08 May 2016 10:02:26 +0000 Alba4 2543871@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yikes... I think you need to bring it up again with DH and let him talk to his mom. Your MIL sounds like a really anxious person. I'm sure you could get away with not seeing visitors today, since you just had major surgery, </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-to-deal-with-mil-and-dh#post-2543870 Sun, 08 May 2016 09:49:49 +0000 Autumnmama79 2543870@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm looking for some help. Baby was born 2 days ago. MIL has been to the hospital twice. I have not enjoyed either of her visits and yesterday I was silently becoming enraged while she was here. She barely acknowledges that I'm the one who in fact had the baby, she barely acknowledges me when she arrives or departs, she does not ask how I'm doing following my c section, she does not try to converse with me. </p> <p>What she does do however is spend her visits criticizing the things we are doing with/ for baby. For example: he should be wearing clothes, he should have his circ done at this time, she doesnt like the name and has started calling baby by his middle name, he should be sleeping in the basinette, he should be doing this and that and blah blah blah. </p> <p>Talking to her is not an option. Last night I told DH it's not very nice for her to be criticizing everything we are doing, he said no she's not. Where do I go from here? Besides to the nurses station to let them know I am not accepting visitors today. </p>