https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 07 Apr 2026 10:35:12 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-with-divorceseparation#post-2906031 Mon, 16 Dec 2019 13:36:43 +0000 graceandjoy 2906031@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Portboston: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-with-divorceseparation#post-2906025 Mon, 16 Dec 2019 13:22:04 +0000 jennlin821 2906025@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Portboston: Thanks for the update! I'm glad things are going fairly smoothly. I hope that the holidays don't cause to much stress. </p> <p>I'm glad you are ready to 'seek happiness'. What a great way to start 2020 :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-with-divorceseparation#post-2906014 Mon, 16 Dec 2019 12:40:00 +0000 Portboston 2906014@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Update for all those who’ve been so supportive to me:</p> <p>My ex still doesn’t want to accept it but I got a rental Sept 1 and we’ve been doing the “nesting” thing. Which I HATE. But it’s over January 2nd. He’s still insistent on doing things as a family, which I’m fine with but it is difficult to be around him because he still is refusing to go to therapy on his own. I’m very close to setting the boundary that I won’t do things as a family until he does. However he claims that is damaging to our son because it’s important for him to be able to be with both of us. Most of my lack of boundary setting is due to guilt. But I’m working on that. </p> <p>I ended up filing for divorce on October 4th and it was finalized on October 23rd. All without lawyers or mediators. I didn’t ask for any type of support since we are doing 50/50 custody and I don’t want him hanging spousal support over my head. Oh and he’s still wearing his ring. I don’t know that he will ever fully accept it. </p> <p>All in all- I feel (mostly) free. I can’t wait to be in my rental full time and really be settled. I feel like I’m finally able to seek happiness. :) </p> <p>Thank you again for all your support!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-with-divorceseparation#post-2896874 Fri, 13 Sep 2019 14:28:07 +0000 Portboston 2896874@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: totally agree. I’ve been pretty good at setting boundaries but I think I need to be a bit firmer.<br /> @Autumnmama79: thank you ❤️ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-with-divorceseparation#post-2896869 Fri, 13 Sep 2019 14:08:12 +0000 Autumnmama79 2896869@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Portboston: Just sending :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-with-divorceseparation#post-2896858 Fri, 13 Sep 2019 13:00:14 +0000 gotkimchi 2896858@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Portboston: @wrkbrk: there’s certainly some middle ground here. You can set and enforce some boundaries and take care of yourself without being a dick. Too often we’re all going to one side or the other </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-with-divorceseparation#post-2896830 Fri, 13 Sep 2019 09:29:31 +0000 Portboston 2896830@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: I like the idea of giving him a firm date! so simple. Why did I think of this?? </p> <p>@wrkbrk: I have a friend going through this same thing only she’s in my husbands position and her husband is being a complete dick. It’s crazy how different men act in these situations. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-with-divorceseparation#post-2896813 Fri, 13 Sep 2019 06:15:08 +0000 wrkbrk 2896813@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Portboston: Yeah I get it. I know you’re trying to protect your son. :/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-with-divorceseparation#post-2896800 Fri, 13 Sep 2019 00:48:01 +0000 gotkimchi 2896800@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Portboston: maybe you can just tell him what you told us. Like hey I’m not the best one to support you through this. I’d like to agree on savings/debt/house before court and keep everything amicable but I will be filing on nov 1.</p> <p>That way you guys have a date. And I don’t think any of this gives him any “ammo”. You want to move on amicably. Anything else is on him </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-with-divorceseparation#post-2896797 Thu, 12 Sep 2019 22:04:37 +0000 Portboston 2896797@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: agreed. It would be so much easier to disregard his feelings and do what I want but I am choosing to take the high road mostly to benefit our child. Since I’m the one ending it, I don’t need to give him any more ammo then he already has. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-with-divorceseparation#post-2896792 Thu, 12 Sep 2019 21:24:10 +0000 wrkbrk 2896792@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Portboston: It hit me how astoundingly female your post is. I don’t mean that as an insult at all - just another testament to how caring women tend to be. Reverse the situation - I’ve never personally heard a dude ask how to best support the wife he is leaving. Just some perspective. You’re being overly kind. You may need to just file. As you know, things can be negotiated and changed up to enforcement of the judgment so don’t worry about that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-with-divorceseparation#post-2896780 Thu, 12 Sep 2019 19:50:11 +0000 MrsSRS 2896780@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We went to a marriage counselor to have a safe and designated space to talk through our separation details. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-with-divorceseparation#post-2896759 Thu, 12 Sep 2019 15:17:13 +0000 Portboston 2896759@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ajsmommy: thank you. Its pretty hard. I'm lucky that he agreed to nest for a couple months so we are taking turns staying at a rental. Once that is done, our son will go back and forth. He says we have "3 months to figure everything out". Thats the timeline we have given the nesting. Maybe Ill start pushing a little more once the appraisal is done. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-with-divorceseparation#post-2896755 Thu, 12 Sep 2019 14:46:14 +0000 Ajsmommy 2896755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My cousin just went through a divorce and her DH didn't want to believe it either. She ended up having to file and he was served at their home. He was ridiculous. He refused to leave until the very last court ordered day and he was just in denial and disbelief. Unfortunately, it hasn't been easy for her after either... he is very bitter and holding resentment.</p> <p>You are very admirable for wanting to be kind and you are giving your DH so much time to adjust. He has to eventually let you move on though and you shouldn't hold up everything for an unnecessary amount of time. It's not fair to you or anyone really. </p> <p>I'd try to be open and a little stern with him and maybe set a date/time when you want to have things hashed out by. Is there any type of 3rd party? mutual friend who can sit with you both while you talk/work it out? I don't know how long something like that would take but maybe setting a time with another party might force him to participate so you can move forward.... </p> <p>Good luck!!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-with-divorceseparation#post-2896752 Thu, 12 Sep 2019 14:22:57 +0000 Portboston 2896752@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I are separating. This has been 100% my choice and he is extremely unhappy about it. There is a long backstory that I do not want to get into but the jist of it is that we are not compatible in certain areas. We've been in therapy on and off for 6 years (since right after we married) and things just haven't gotten to where they need to be so I have chosen to end things. </p> <p>My questions:<br /> DH is refusing to lean on outside parties for support. He does not want to go to therapy alone and does not want to talk to his friends about things. He frequently texts me that he is having a hard time. I want to be compassionate and caring but his texts are guilt inducing. How do I ask him to stop leaning on me for support without sounding like a complete bitch? </p> <p>He flat out refuses to talk about anything except the schedule for our joint custody. I am ready to file but he wants to wait. This has been going on since the beginning of May and I would like to get on with things. Any suggestions on how to tell him that I would like to talk about things so I know where my life is going? Thankfully, we are refinancing our house and they are requiring an appraisal so that forces his hand there but we need to talk about health insurance for our son, savings, debts, etc. </p> <p>I know the majority of his reluctance to talk about things with other people, as well as talking about our stuff, is because he does not want to accept that its ending. I know that I technically can file without his input but I would like this to be as amicable as possible and for us to agree on everything before it goes to a judge. We are trying to DIY everything since I am in the legal field and we'd like to save as much money as possible. If need be we will go to a mediator but I know we will agree on all issues, we just need to actually talk about them! </p>