https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 22 Apr 2026 01:26:02 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-a-shy-kid-participate-in-activities#post-2888840 Mon, 24 Jun 2019 17:44:26 +0000 turquoisemama 2888840@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nwm: oh gotcha! Well my DD is extremely shy and she’s been in various activities over the years. She’s now 4.5 and has gotten a lot better but still gets very shy and upset if she starts something new or if there’s a new teacher or something. She really loosens up after a few weeks but still goes through phases of being extra shy or crying when we drop her off. I bet your little guy will come around in a few weeks and have fun! I’ve learned that even if they don’t participate, they are still taking everything in and learning. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-a-shy-kid-participate-in-activities#post-2888759 Mon, 24 Jun 2019 09:09:01 +0000 nwm 2888759@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@turquoisemama: hm, maybe! Camp ends this week and then he’s just hanging out for the rest of the summer so hopefully that will help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-a-shy-kid-participate-in-activities#post-2888754 Mon, 24 Jun 2019 08:45:05 +0000 graceandjoy 2888754@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DD1 is 4.5 and we have not done any classes outside of school b/c she refuses too. She is already a lot less shy than before 3! I am in the camp of letting her do things on her own terms so we haven't forced anything on her! Just for pre-k graduation, she stood there like a deer in headlights throughout their whole performance :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-a-shy-kid-participate-in-activities#post-2888717 Mon, 24 Jun 2019 02:49:53 +0000 turquoisemama 2888717@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nwm: I hope you don’t take this as a criticism of your choice to put him in soccer but honestly that sounds super exhausting for a little one. Maybe the transition to more school time and soccer on top of that is just too much for him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-a-shy-kid-participate-in-activities#post-2888642 Sun, 23 Jun 2019 08:41:18 +0000 erinbaderin 2888642@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nwm: Oh, I meant patented like the parents participate. With W all the other classes he’s taken have involved the parents, so I figure he’s just not ready for one on his own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-a-shy-kid-participate-in-activities#post-2888639 Sun, 23 Jun 2019 08:01:12 +0000 nwm 2888639@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you everyone so much! This is really making me feel better.</p> <p>@Jess1483: @ALV91711: @muffinsmuffins: great ideas, I think role play is a great strategy we haven’t tried so will aim for that this week and see if it helps. So good to hear things improved for you with age!</p> <p>@erinbaderin: in theory it is unparented but every other parent was camped out right on the sidelines so the scenario didn’t really make me feel like we could drop and go, which might have been better for my LO. All the people there might have been too much. I’m wondering if he’s just not ready also but going to keep trying for a little bit to see if we can build some bravery skills. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-a-shy-kid-participate-in-activities#post-2888610 Sat, 22 Jun 2019 20:03:19 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2888610@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son is like this. He goes through phases. Currently (5.25 years) he’s struggling. So my husband participates with him. He volunteers and my son is fine. Tomorrow he has a drop off party, so my husband or I will just go with him. It kind of sucks at times but we won’t always have to and it’s easier than the crying battles. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-a-shy-kid-participate-in-activities#post-2888602 Sat, 22 Jun 2019 17:20:54 +0000 erinbaderin 2888602@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is it parented or unparented? We just went through this - we signed both kids up for an unparented soccer class, thinking W (3.5) would be ok with B there. He didn’t play a single minute of soccer, he just sat in my lap on the sidelines for 6 weeks. I think he’s just not ready. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-a-shy-kid-participate-in-activities#post-2888600 Sat, 22 Jun 2019 16:11:22 +0000 DesertDreams88 2888600@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>G is 3.5 and very similar. Ages 0-2 intense stranger danger, would cry inconsolably in church nursery (so we stopped after maybe 4-5 tries) and only had one trusted babysitter but he was sad with her the whole time. </p> <p>At age 2 he finally was willing to go to the toddler class, i think because we talked about "playing with new friends" and watched the Daniel Tiger episode about grownups coming back.<br /> At age 3 we started really pushing it, joining another church for Saturday nights and talking a bunch about being brave and how he'll play with new friends.<br /> This summer we signed him up for 4 different weekly drop-off camps, 9am-12 noon. It has gotten better every day and he has warmed up to it a lot. He has been so much more talkative and brave in other situations too, so I think it's finally starting to click </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-a-shy-kid-participate-in-activities#post-2888585 Sat, 22 Jun 2019 13:47:14 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2888585@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Very timely as we had an incident like this at soccer this morning with 4.5 yo DS. He was totally not into participating when he was younger and was glued to me and crying during parent participating classes we tried. Game changer was kid only swim class where we couldn’t go with him. He got super confident and willingly goes easily now. Every time we start a new activity he goes through this phase of not wanting to do it (as in soccer this morning) but then he gets his confidence and loves it. He also doesn’t like attention focused on him AT ALL. This morning I walked onto the field with him and helped him for a few minutes and then said I was gonna go watch and he continued on. 2 boys in his JK class are in the soccer class which is helpful too as they encourage him to join and it’s familiar. Talking it up and practicing with the soccer ball outside the class, as well as good old fashioned bribery helps too. As in this morning we went to the splash pad after or he gets a special treat if he does good listening. Also telling him how proud we are about trying new things...he seems to really take pride in it and understands that now he’s older. I would keep at it and really talk it up before next week. Maybe offer a little treat after to get him excited and hopefully it carries on. I remember from 2-4 it was super annoying because I was like dude I’m not going to this because I want to, it’s for you! So it was hard to drag him when he was so whiny. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-a-shy-kid-participate-in-activities#post-2888558 Sat, 22 Jun 2019 12:08:49 +0000 ALV91711 2888558@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is so hard. DS1 was like this. He’s 6 now and so much better. Starting kinder was the turning point. </p> <p>When he was 2-3 we did parent &amp; tot gymnastics which he loved. Then 3-4 he did the preschool class with no parent and it could get pretty miserable. There was a lot of screaming, crying and unwilling to participate. I tried bribing but that didn’t really work. But we went every week because he had wanted to do it and we had signed up for it. We would do a lot of talking about what to expect and how he was going to react in different situations. </p> <p>Now sometimes he still gets nervous about new things but he is willing to try them and knows how to express when he doesn’t want to do something or isn’t comfortable with it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-a-shy-kid-participate-in-activities#post-2888548 Sat, 22 Jun 2019 11:00:51 +0000 MrsSRS 2888548@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Try the book Growing Up Brave </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-a-shy-kid-participate-in-activities#post-2888543 Sat, 22 Jun 2019 10:46:30 +0000 Jess1483 2888543@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My first was a lot like this (including soccer meltdowns!) He’s 6 now and super outgoing. I also found that when I pushed him, it went worse than when I let him come around on his own terms (even when it drove me nuts). Mine was a parent participation class, so I couldn’t drop and run, but I can definitely see that helping. (In my class, I had to request that no parents clap for him when he made a goal for him to willingly participate...) And that was after, like, 2 years of soccer. </p> <p>I think the only thing that “helped” (other than time) was role-playing and really talking through what he could expect in different environments. And I totally bribed, though I’m not sure that helped. If I remember correctly, I did require him to give an answer when the coach called his name. He could say “no, thank you” if he didn’t want a turn, but he couldn’t refuse to answer. Then one day he just took his turn!</p> <p>It’s hard, and you’re doing great! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-a-shy-kid-participate-in-activities#post-2888540 Sat, 22 Jun 2019 10:21:12 +0000 nwm 2888540@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>my almost 3.5 year old DS is such a super sweet guy, very silly and loving with people that he knows. however, he is exceedingly shy with new people. he went to a 2-3s program for the full school year, and though he had some separation struggles at the start, he did great for the rest of the year. (though, i will say, while he follows instructions pretty well, if there is a voluntary group activity he is often content to just do his own thing with whatever activity was occupying him and ignore everyone else.) recently school switched to camp, which meant going 5x/week instead of 3x, for 4 hours a day instead of 2.5, with mostly new kids and one new teacher, and he did amazingly well with the change.</p> <p>i felt like maybe he had turned a bit of a corner on shyness and so i took a leap and signed him up for a weekend soccer class, which started this morning. it was pretty much a disaster. he sat on the sidelines and absolutely refused to participate, and started crying repeatedly wanting to go home. a few times when we stopped pushing him to participate he seemed to cheer up and laugh at the jokes the coach was making, but he never once had any interest in joining in. even after the class was over the coach tried to get him to do a few little things one on one and he was totally not into it.</p> <p>he is very active and really enjoys activities and other kids once he's comfortable, so i feel like classes like these could be great for him! but i just have no idea how to successfully get him over the hump of how nervous he gets in new situations when it's an informal class like this (vs. school, where they have a whole structure set up to get him comfortable). should we just drop him off and walk away in hopes that the peer pressure in that situation causes him to participate (this one makes me really nervous given how upset he was today, but maybe it's this attitude on my part that is contributing to how shy he is?)? just bag it and try again when he's older? keep going and just let him sit there til he gets bored and decides to participate? we tried a small amount of bribery/rewards today and it was not super effective but i think we could probably do it in a more structured way. i would love to hear any tips or advice anyone has on this. </p>