https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 12 May 2026 03:09:10 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-with-my-sisters-baby#post-2521739 Mon, 11 Apr 2016 16:57:38 +0000 lemondrop 2521739@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: I think this is a great idea! Then you lose less work time, can be more of a help getting things ready for a family holiday, and lose less time with your own family. </p> <p> :heart: It is so much fun to be an auntie though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-with-my-sisters-baby#post-2521735 Mon, 11 Apr 2016 16:53:37 +0000 ChiCalGoBee 2521735@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lemondrop: Exactly. Even with a direct 5.5 hour flight, it's a 3 hour time change, so it "costs" a day to get there. Thanks for that point.<br /> @QBbride: @SweetiePie: Thanks. Yes, she's my only sister and in my family "showing up" is a big deal, but I feel like there's a better solution for right now. My son needs me at this young age still.<br /> @KayKay: I like how you framed it-I actually mentioned that I wished my mom (who came for a week after my son was born and will probably go to my sister for a week) had come later than right away. We needed time to adjust and I was really running on adrenaline. If she'd come a few weeks later I think it would have been more helpful, so I'll make that point.<br /> @catomd00: That's actually crossed my mind. That would mean my husband would have to trek a few days later with my son solo, but it's a possibility. Thanks for the suggestion!<br /> @Ree723: @travelgirl1: @snowjewelz: @daniellemybelle: I think she is falling into the excited/doesn't "get it" yet because she isn't a mom category. And if I'm being completely honest, she can be pretty self-centered. Which she admits from time to time :wink: . It sounds like everyone here agrees that I'm not being selfish by not going, so in a few months when the dust has settled I'll let her know that it isn't a possibility. It's one of the drawbacks of living so far apart, but it is what it is.</p> <p>Thanks again, everyone! Your support and ideas are really appreciated. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-with-my-sisters-baby#post-2521666 Mon, 11 Apr 2016 15:22:50 +0000 daniellemybelle 2521666@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>She's probably not really thinking. If this is her first, it's just hard to understand! And I'm sure she is more in the mindset of wanting to lean on you as a veteran parent.</p> <p>Having said that, I don't know that I would go unless I felt like I was the only person that could help. My only sister is still in elementary school so I can't relate. But if my brother that is close in age, for example, had a baby I wouldn't worry about needing to help because I know my mom would, and I would assume his wife's mom would too. But if there were no one else to help I would try. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-with-my-sisters-baby#post-2521072 Mon, 11 Apr 2016 08:14:14 +0000 snowjewelz 2521072@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ehh it's a tough one. I honestly would not even expect someone else, however close, with their own kid to help out. It really is different without kids and with. I'd be talking it over w/ DH and assessing how much you can handle as a family and how much you will be able to help out. In the mean time, I do agree that setting up meal deliveries, or boxes of essentials, etc may help her and make her feel like she's cared for? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-with-my-sisters-baby#post-2521055 Mon, 11 Apr 2016 07:57:09 +0000 travelgirl1 2521055@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't feel obligated at all.</p> <p>I had both my kids with no family in the country and no one came out either time. It was all fine, nice, actually, because it was just us as a little family unit.</p> <p>I did a lot when my sister had her first but by the time I became a mother she had two kids and no way did I expect her to leave them to help me. </p> <p>I would just stick to your planned visit 😊 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-with-my-sisters-baby#post-2521054 Mon, 11 Apr 2016 07:56:25 +0000 Ree723 2521054@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's an unrealistic expectation and comparing it to you helping your brother, when you did not have a child of your own to care for, is like comparing apples and oranges.</p> <p>I'd make it clear you'd love to be there for her, but leaving your toddler son at home for a week is not an option. She may not understand now but she will soon enough.... As others have suggested, I'd do lots of little things to help her - send diapers and wipes so she's stocked up, order in some meals for them, maybe order a book on caring for a newborn that you found extremely helpful, and check in regularly without expecting a response in return. Anything expected beyond that is a bit ludicrous - to be honest, it makes me a bit ragey to think that someone would expect their sibling to drop everything, including their own toddler, to fly across country and help with a new baby. It seems very self-centred and spoiled, and honestly, having a newborn is difficult but let's be real here, people have been doing this since the beginning of time and they just get on with it, with or without help. If she has a supportive partner, especially one who is going to take paternity leave, then extra help from family members is really just a nicety, but not a necessity that requires one to abandon their own family in favour of someone else's, unless there are extenuating circumstances at play here that haven't been mentioned. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-with-my-sisters-baby#post-2521022 Mon, 11 Apr 2016 07:02:11 +0000 catomd00 2521022@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>An alternative might be to fly out alone a few days before your planned trip? That way, you will be more useful to her since it's usually after the first two weeks that visitors stop, partners go back to work and things get lonely. My sister came around week 3 and planned it that way for those reasons. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-with-my-sisters-baby#post-2521016 Mon, 11 Apr 2016 06:50:25 +0000 KayKay 2521016@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think if you can &amp; want to do it, it'd be awesome. I'm sure she would appreciate your help and your experience (and just your company...maternity leave can be so lonely!).</p> <p>But I realize that many/most people wouldn't necessarily be able to leave their own kid for a week to go help someone else. I wouldn't be able to, either. So I think if you can't, the prepared meals, a house cleaner, or a night nurse are great ideas.</p> <p>Honestly, I think you could also frame it as giving her &amp; her family time and space to get settled as a new family and that sometimes FTM feel better hunkering down without visitors. And that you'd feel equally/more helpful coming a month later! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-with-my-sisters-baby#post-2521012 Mon, 11 Apr 2016 06:23:49 +0000 SweetiePie 2521012@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ChiCalGoBee:<br /> 1) I can see why you feel conflicted, but I agree that it's a lot to ask you to leave your own...cross country.<br /> 2) I love the idea of a PP Doula, Night Nurse or both! I had both since my family lives far away and had limited time off (and my sister is a mother of 3 and had a 3 month old at the time! I never would have dreamed of asking her). It was a Godsend having 4-5 nights a week of solid sleep (I didn't BF though) and a couple hours a day of help from the PP Doula. I think that's a fantastic idea. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-with-my-sisters-baby#post-2520984 Sun, 10 Apr 2016 23:18:10 +0000 QBbride 2520984@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No I definitely wouldn't feel obligated to go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-with-my-sisters-baby#post-2520983 Sun, 10 Apr 2016 23:17:14 +0000 lemondrop 2520983@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would also mention the practicality of flying across country twice in the span of one month (or less if she went late) and getting time off for both. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-with-my-sisters-baby#post-2520981 Sun, 10 Apr 2016 23:08:15 +0000 ChiCalGoBee 2520981@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone so much for the advice and feedback. </p> <p>@Eko: @winniebee: @Mrs. Lemon-Lime: @katsupgirl: @Truth Bombs: Thanks. It's good to hear that others had the same reaction I did. I think since she doesn't have a kid yet, she doesn't understand what it would be like to leave him.</p> <p>@youboots: @tofuwad: The expectation is I leave mine so I can be 100% helpful with hers, so I couldn't bring my son. Honestly bringing him on a cross-country trip would be so stressful for me (as would caring for him while we are there in a new space with a 3-hour time change), so bringing him isn't really an option :bummed: .</p> <p>@yellowbird: @catomd00: @oliviaoblivia: @Miss Ariel: It's not a matter of not wanting to go-I love my sister and want to help her and be there for her at that exciting time! It's more a matter of my husband having a job that's really hard to take time off from, and he'd need to take time off to be with our son so I could go. Not to mention me taking time off from work as well. </p> <p>I think I'm going to do research on a night nurse/PP doula as a gift, in addition to seeing if I can help set up a meal train for her friends in the area, like @MamaCate: suggested. </p> <p>Hoping my sis understands that it isn't a lack of love or excitement, but a matter of (im)practicality with my own family. We'll see! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-with-my-sisters-baby#post-2520979 Sun, 10 Apr 2016 22:39:15 +0000 youboots 2520979@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If I could bring DD maybe. Otherwise, no. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-with-my-sisters-baby#post-2520977 Sun, 10 Apr 2016 22:20:57 +0000 Miss Ariel 2520977@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's a little more complicated than that. I know when I was expecting dd, I was afraid to do it on my own. Granted I wasn't really because I had Dh, and my in laws live in the same town as us, but going into things I felt a bit abandoned that certain family members and friends weren't planning on being there. Granted I think part of it is that my mom isn't alive and a lot of it was that i wanted her there.</p> <p>With that said, once dd arrived I was fine and the family that did come was more stressful than helpful.</p> <p>With that said maybe see how things go and if your sister is having a hard time you could try to make it for a long weekend. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-with-my-sisters-baby#post-2520971 Sun, 10 Apr 2016 21:48:30 +0000 tofuwad 2520971@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If my sister asked me I would do it but I'd make it clear that I would bring my own child. And if my child isn't welcome then I probably can't help. But I do think family stuff is so different for every family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-with-my-sisters-baby#post-2520964 Sun, 10 Apr 2016 21:27:07 +0000 oliviaoblivia 2520964@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My sisters have both dropped everything (3 times!) to come help me when my girls arrived.<br /> We don't have any help nearby, so having them here has meant so much to me. I will do everything in my power to help them in anyway that I can when they become mothers. I say that knowing that it's a ways off for both of them so my kids will be old enough to be left with Dad for a week.</p> <p>In your case I'd stick with the already scheduled visit. Send a week of prepared meal service or something and then visit when you had planned. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-with-my-sisters-baby#post-2520960 Sun, 10 Apr 2016 21:19:11 +0000 Truth Bombs 2520960@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There would have to be serious extenuating circumstances (multiples, single parenthood, etc) for me to leave my own child(ren) to go help take care of my sibling's child(ren). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-with-my-sisters-baby#post-2520948 Sun, 10 Apr 2016 20:48:07 +0000 catomd00 2520948@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My sister came and left her 2 kids (3.5 and 6 months). It was super nice and I really appreciated it. Definitely didn't expect it though. She offered and I wouldn't want someone here who didn't truly want to be there. I'd go because I would want to, but if you don't want to then you shouldn't. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-with-my-sisters-baby#post-2520944 Sun, 10 Apr 2016 20:45:20 +0000 katsupgirl 2520944@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd say no. It's really just a circumstance thing. If you had an older child maybe. Leaving a toddler is tough. I'd try to figure out other ways to be supportive. I totally get the conflict though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-with-my-sisters-baby#post-2520943 Sun, 10 Apr 2016 20:42:42 +0000 MamaCate 2520943@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have not had anyone say this to me directly but I think I know how you feel: my brother and SIL are expecting twins in the next few weeks. I would love to go help them! But they haven't asked and I haven't offered because we live across the country, I am still nursing my 9 mo old, and I am the default parent for both kids due to DH's schedule. The last time I saw them I did say something about wishing I could come but that I would be a package deal with my two kids so I think that would be a net negative. </p> <p>Maybe there is a way to help your sister feel supported from afar? Like what is she expecting you to do if you were there? Help with meals or cleaning? Maybe there is a way to arrange that? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-with-my-sisters-baby#post-2520942 Sun, 10 Apr 2016 20:42:41 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2520942@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Umm no, that sounds crazy. I really don't expect anyone except for maybe retired grandparents just to pack up &amp; help for an extended period of time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-with-my-sisters-baby#post-2520941 Sun, 10 Apr 2016 20:38:10 +0000 winniebee 2520941@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Um no. I did a lot for my sisters two girls, but when I had my son she had 2 kids and 1 on the way. I didn't expect that of her. Maybe some extra attention or checking in on her, but not up and leaving your family to help with hers. It would be one thing if she lived the next town over and you could spend a few days with her but come home to your own life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-with-my-sisters-baby#post-2520940 Sun, 10 Apr 2016 20:38:03 +0000 yellowbird 2520940@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would probably go, but only because I would want to. My Dh could manage our two kiddos without me. I wouldn't go for longer than a week though. That would be too long to be away from my kids. I'd miss them too much!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-with-my-sisters-baby#post-2520934 Sun, 10 Apr 2016 20:29:53 +0000 Eko 2520934@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That seems pretty ludricious to expect you to do. I whole heartedly say no to that. I would never leave my child for an extended period of time. She can figure things out for herself. Perhaps she made the comment out of anxiety. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-with-my-sisters-baby#post-2520932 Sun, 10 Apr 2016 20:25:26 +0000 ChiCalGoBee 2520932@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just found out my sister is expecting her first. She made a comment about wanting/expecting me to come out and help when she has the baby, as I did with our brother when he had his first. The issues are that:</p> <p>1) I didn't have my own child when my brother had his, so leaving at the drop of a hat was a lot easier than it is now<br /> 2) She lives on the other side of the country<br /> 3) We have a planned visit to see her a month after her due date anyway (Thanksgiving)<br /> 4) She did not come to help me when my baby was born but came out 7 weeks later to visit my parents and me.</p> <p>Leaving my toddler son is hard to do, but I feel bad saying no to her. Would you go anyway out of obligation, or put your own child/family/needs first? </p>