https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 07 Apr 2026 22:12:14 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-needs-infant#post-2507443 Sun, 27 Mar 2016 09:14:26 +0000 gingerbebe 2507443@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jackiedavis87: We started with 5-10 minutes of independent playtime once or twice a day when he was little - like in the PNP or in his play mat before he was mobile (I'd be within ear shot but just out of his line of sight). Then as he got older we extended the time and gave him access to more toys. By the time he was 1 he could play independently in a secured spot for 30 minutes with no issues and as an 18 month old is still a good independent player. When he went through patches of separation anxiety we used an egg timer and would come out yelling and cheering when it went off. It's been one of the best skills we've imparted on our son! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-needs-infant#post-2507362 Sun, 27 Mar 2016 00:22:35 +0000 LindsayLou 2507362@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jackiedavis87: There is absolutely a light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there! My baby is 7 months now, and while she's still very attached me and loves to be held and worn, we've come a long way. She will take a nap in her crib most days, and actually enjoys playing on her own now. It definitely gets better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-needs-infant#post-2507360 Sun, 27 Mar 2016 00:03:34 +0000 SweetiePie 2507360@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jackiedavis87: :heart:<br /> I should also clarify - I'm not against CIO! We did it for night sleep at 4 months after my Pediatricians urging. But I've heard that night sleep training/CIO should happen before nap training/CIO. But if you are happy with his night sleep and want to try nap training, I don't necessarily think he's too young since many say 12 weeks / 12 lbs is the magic number.<br /> Big hugs! You'll get through it and even someday look back on it kind of fondly. Kind of. :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-needs-infant#post-2507282 Sat, 26 Mar 2016 19:34:52 +0000 arosebyany 2507282@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrswin: we could be the same person! @LindsayLou: @gingerbebe: @Ginabean3: @yoursilverlining: @erinpye: ❤️❤️❤️ Thank you ladies so much!! Y'all are giving me hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, which is really what I was hoping for! I am going to commit to baby wearing as long as DS tolerates it, since that seems to be a concensus. DS is very good with night sleep, and even when I recreate it during the day it doesn't seem to help, so we're gonna keep trekking through naps. I have to say this forum has really been a lifesaver for me as a FTM. I love you ladies for your kind words and invaluable advice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-needs-infant#post-2507275 Sat, 26 Mar 2016 19:21:15 +0000 erinpye 2507275@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Mine were both like this, and it eased around 6 months. I babywore my first 24/7 (my second didn't like to be worn, just held, or placed in the RnP sometimes). I held my babies through many a nap too. It is hard, but have heart, it eventually eases. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-needs-infant#post-2507263 Sat, 26 Mar 2016 18:05:10 +0000 yoursilverlining 2507263@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just wanted to send you hugs of comisseration. My LO was a high-needs, colicky infant. It was miserable. She is now the most SUPER easy going toddler/preschooler. So, there's light at the end of the tunnel. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-needs-infant#post-2507252 Sat, 26 Mar 2016 16:46:52 +0000 Ginabean3 2507252@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Me!!! My second was a super high needs infant and combine that with having to chase around a very active toddler and I was like at my wits end. Baby wearing saved my life. I started with a boba wrap and then moved up to a boba ssc when she got bigger. I did everything while wearing her...I cooked (just threw an apron over her), did chores, even went to the bathroom. </p> <p>We also co-slept and are just now transitioning her to her crib at almost 8 months. I found that she got a lot better around the 6 month mark when she could sit up on her own.</p> <p>Good luck mama and hang in there....❤️ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-needs-infant#post-2507243 Sat, 26 Mar 2016 14:53:26 +0000 gingerbebe 2507243@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jackiedavis87: *raises hand* I had a colicky reflux newborn and he didn't sleep or stop screaming for like 12 weeks? At 12 weeks his colic peaked and we got his meds straightened out and it was a slow ascent out of hell from there until about 5.5 months. By 6 months he was more "normal" but weeks 10-12 were the absolute worst weeks of my life.</p> <p>All of this depends on your kids personality but my son was easily overstimulated. I had no idea bc everything about reflux and colic tells you to wear the baby, hold and bounce on the ball, shush and sway, hold them upright forever, sleep them in the RNP, etc. None of those things worked - he just screamed. He particularly hated being worn and the RNP. The few things that would work sometimes was DH sitting in a recliner in the dark with DS on his chest or stroller rides. </p> <p>DH decided since nothing worked anyway we were going to sleep train. We tried all sorts of gentle methods, they just made DS angrier, and so finally we did straight CIO. It took a few days but suddenly DS slept. For like 2 hour stretches. He slept best in a dark cold room, with white noise, alone, on his back, no swaddle, sprawled out like a starfish. WTH?!! </p> <p>I'm not saying you should CIO, it's just what helped us figure out what worked best for our son. He has always slept like a champ in a cold dark room alone - he's just weird. He is still not a cuddler and doesn't like being fussed with at 18 months old. Everything counterintuitive to a reflux colic baby was what worked better for DS. So just experiment.</p> <p>As to the screaming thing, ditto what every one wale has said - 15 minutes of crying won't kill him if it will give you a chance to shower or eat or poop or breath for a second. You will be a better mom in 15 minutes. Just put him in his crib and leave the room. Honestly doing this once a day will probably help him learn not to freak out as much anyway.</p> <p>If the car seat works, get a snap n go or adaptor for your stroller and just go walk around. I used to put him in the stroller in the kitchen while I cooked bc it would buy me a few minutes while I did the dishes or something. We took LOTS of stroller walks every day. I went on at least 1-2 and DH took him at least one other time. The fresh air will be good for both of you.</p> <p>Hugs - it really will get better. At some point the screaming won't give you an anxiety attack and their voices won't be quite so piercing. My son became normal at 6 months and he's only gotten better and better since. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-needs-infant#post-2507235 Sat, 26 Mar 2016 14:18:16 +0000 mrswin 2507235@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jackiedavis87: I'm so sorry, this was my DD. I swear she hated being a newborn almost as much as I hated her being a newborn (I mean that in the best way). She had reflux, was extremely colicky and was a terrible sleeper. On top of that I was dealing with some PPD which made it feel like the walls were closing in a lot of the time. Things have only become better the more mobile she has become. She is still very demanding at 11 months. But when we are out or people are over she is the happiest kid ever. She is just an extrovert, which is completely foreign for me!</p> <p>For where you are now I would agree with the other ladies that a carrier saved me. It took some getting used to do dishes and things but I learned to eat a snack, load the dishwasher land prep a meal with her in the KTan.</p> <p>Sleep for better for us after we switched to always putting her down in a dark room with white noise, she is too easily distracted by things happening around her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-needs-infant#post-2507234 Sat, 26 Mar 2016 14:15:32 +0000 LindsayLou 2507234@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My kiddo also refused to be put down for the first 4 months of her life. She thankfully slept well at night, but during the day, she needed to be held. Every single nap was in someone's arms. Bouncers, swings, baby holders of any kind didn't work. My husband worked out of town Monday to Friday from weeks 4 to 9. I felt like I was going crazy. But it does get better.</p> <p>Around 4 months, she started being ok with 5 minutes on her own, and started napping for about 10 minutes when put down. It wasn't much, but I needed those minutes. Babywearing has been essential to us. You do get used to carrying baby while getting stuff done. </p> <p>It is ok to let baby cry for a few minutes while you take a shower or take a minute to yourself. Not pleasant I know, but it's ok. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-needs-infant#post-2507227 Sat, 26 Mar 2016 13:38:03 +0000 hony bologna 2507227@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jackiedavis87: It was definitely a bit cumbersome in the beginning and takes some getting used to! My daughter was a leg-straightener, so I only ever had one had free, but it was at least something, you know? Maybe you could try back-carrying once he's a little older as well, that really makes things easier. Going out as much as you can sounds like a good idea too. Having a high-need newborn as a first-time mom is so hard, you're doing a great job! Hang in there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-needs-infant#post-2507225 Sat, 26 Mar 2016 13:19:36 +0000 arosebyany 2507225@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@oliviaoblivia: @hony bologna: @eko: I did at one point run to Walmart and grab a carrier. I do use it sometimes, I just feel weird when I'm wearing him while trying to clean and cook. Maybe it just takes time to get used to? I'm going to make it a point to wear it more. Thank y'all </p> <p>@SweetiePie: I almost cried reading this, thank you so much for your words. ❤️</p> <p>I guess because I was thinking about all the bad I forgot to mention that he does love going places and will be so content to sit in his car seat as we walk around stores. He can literally be screaming in the bouncer, and I put him in the car seat and he stops. I do only put him in the car seat though if we're going somewhere. The problem is I live 20 mins from anything, even a gas station, so going out everyday isn't an option. But we do go out a lot more than we used to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-needs-infant#post-2507217 Sat, 26 Mar 2016 12:53:48 +0000 SweetiePie 2507217@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>1) it is so hard, hang in there!<br /> 2) mine was like that, he was high needs and seemed to be discontented very easily (though I will admit yours sounds a touch worse in terms of having to hold for every nap, I'm sorry!). Mine even did the whole turn purple, hysterical crying shaking convulsing thing. I definitely posted about it but that was a year and a half ago so I barely remember what I said. But similar to saying he seems like he is discontented if I'm not holding him.<br /> 3) I will say that when I told this to my pediatrician (I was going insane at my 4 week well visit) she said it sounded like he was overtired. I employed some tips (watching for sleepy signals, no longer than 1.5 hours or so awake at a time, try to put down drowsy but awake...but it sounds like you may be past drowsy but awake without some pain involved) and we saw a big difference. I still spent his naps policing and going in and out to replace the pacifier and sooth him back to sleep for a long time (without picking him up)...but I got way more peace than I did before. </p> <p>I wouldn't yet formally nap train him...BUT it is totally ok to let him cry and scream and wail if you need some alone time. I was fried and asked our pediatrician if it was ok to let him cry. She said an emphatic YES. so sometimes I put him in his crib, shut the door, went to my bathroom, put the shower on and either hopped in or sat there and pooped. Haha. The shower covers the crying and it is OK! You can google this :-) It's common. </p> <p>Also, my son never slept out in the open - living room in a swing, for example. He always always always slept best in his room darkened and white noise on, in his crib or rock n play. He also was always Overstimulated VERY easily (thanks, MIL, for shaking blinking, flashing, beeping toys in his face when he is tired and crying). So since ours sound similar, that might be part of the problem? Overstimulated easily so a darkened room with white noise is best? Not even just for naps, but just go in there to calm him down. </p> <p>Do you swaddle? The Love to Dream sleep sack is fantastic for the slightly older babies. It might help with being able to put him down for sleep. Or he may be old enough for Merlin Magic Suit. Truly magical!</p> <p>Lastly - I will say it DID get better. First when we employed some of the sleep tricks I mentioned above...but also when he got to about 5 months and could sit up assisted. That's when I could put him on the floor in the bumbo, a highchair, or eventually the exersaucer. When he could sit up assisted but on his own and see where I was and what was going on around him and play with toys not lying down all the time...game changer. And it just kept getting better and better and continues to get better at 18 months. He's now a very happy and outgoing kid who doesn't want to be held and instead wants to explore and play with everyone and everything. In Sunday school he is the one who barely looks back at me and I'm told he plays well with others. So he is independent from me, more so than most toddlers with their moms. </p> <p>I remember feeling the way you do...just barely. It is foggy and I remember that I did feel that way but it is SUCH a blip on the radar I can barely remember it. I promise this is just a season and it will get better. And even if he continues to be a clingy mamas boy, you will at least get used to it! It's still SO new to you right now and parenthood is such an adjustment. There are still many challenges with my son and I'm not saying it's a piece of cake - but as many told me, it has become the new normal. And the things that stressed me and worried me ("I'll never have a life again!") are either simply non issues now or I have just gotten used to them and they don't bother me.<br /> Lots of hugs! xoxo </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-needs-infant#post-2507214 Sat, 26 Mar 2016 12:38:07 +0000 Eko 2507214@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DS was just like this. It does get a lot better!! Do you have a carrier you use already? My LO needs one that faces out because the pressure on his belly against mine really aggravated his reflux. My LO did well on stroller rides so we did that. Mostly it was a lot of holding while pooping and showering when DH was home. Plus the sound of the vacuum calmed him so we did that on occasion too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-needs-infant#post-2507206 Sat, 26 Mar 2016 12:10:26 +0000 hony bologna 2507206@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He sounds a lot like mine when she was that age. I second the recommendation for babywearing! My girl was also finicky about carriers (predictably), so we had a whole bunch - Boba, K'tan, ring sling, Ergo (starting at 4-5 months). It was a slow process, but it definitely gets better and is worth the effort in the end. I get so many comments on how easy and happy she is now at 18 months because she never cries, and my arms/a carrier still work like magic at calming her down. It feels like forever, but this is a stage that will definitely pass! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-needs-infant#post-2507187 Sat, 26 Mar 2016 10:44:42 +0000 oliviaoblivia 2507187@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hugs mama that sounds really hard.<br /> Unfortunately it'll be a long time before you poop in peace. My three year old knows exactly when I'm going and declares she has to go too. :happy:<br /> Do you have a baby carrier, wrap, sling? Babywearing really helps with high needs babies.</p> <p>It will get better. Hang in there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-needs-infant#post-2507171 Sat, 26 Mar 2016 09:51:19 +0000 arosebyany 2507171@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Tell me it will get better!? My 14 week old is extremely high matinence, and has been since birth, but it's gotten worst in the last 4 weeks. A little background is DS was a slight preemie at 36 weeks and I've always held him for naps since birth and we co-bed. He also has MSPI and severe reflux. He's now on alimentum and Nexium, so both of those issues are a lot better. My problem now is my child REFUSES to be sat down. If he's not being held he screams bloody murder! I'm serious, this child at 3 months old knows how to throw the perfect fit, with just enough dramatic flair. 😑. If I put him on the floor, in the swing, in the bouncer....anywhere but a persons arms he screams till he chokes, throws his arms and legs around, scratches hisself and turns so red he's almost purple. As soon as you pick him up he's fine. It's not a mommy preference because he's fine as long as somebody is holding him, he doesn't care who. I need help! I can't do anything. I can't eat, bath, clean, or so much as use the bathroom without listen to a child scream. DH has been working out of town so I've been solo for a few weeks. If I want to get something done I've just been taking him to my MIL. For the most part I'm confined to a chair all day. 😭😭. Is he too young to let CIO in the bouncer? If not for how long? Is my life effectively over until he's in school? Will I ever poop in peace again? Lol I just need someone to tell me this is a phase and he'll grow out of it, or if it can be fixed. Sorry for the long rant. At this point I just miss being able to wash the dishes.</p> <p>Eta: I forgot to say I hold him during naps because every time I've set him down after he's in a deep sleep, he wakes up within 10 mins, no matter how long he's been asleep. He knows he's not being held. </p>