https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 21 Apr 2026 20:47:24 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah/page/2#post-997208 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 16:09:46 +0000 plantains 997208@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: I need to be so much better about this and really use my slow cooker more. I am trying to be a lot more organise about meal planning and grocery shopping, things would be a lot smoother that way. Thank goodness for Jamie Oliver and his 20 minute meals. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah/page/2#post-997203 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 16:06:57 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 997203@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@plantains: As a family, we just make dinners for the week on Sunday and then we don't have to cook during the week. And in a pinch we can always unfreeze a lasagne that we've made or another freezer meal. It just takes a little planning and sacrifice of weekend time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah/page/2#post-997158 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 15:50:58 +0000 plantains 997158@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsMcD: Yes, eating dinner as a family is such a big deal and is the thing that makes the day so hectic sometimes but so worthwhile. I totally get what you mean. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah/page/2#post-997138 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 15:46:12 +0000 deactivated_account 997138@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@plantains: I suppose its not that I want to avoid increasing pressure and expectations. But I do like making my DH dinner every night and I would like to eat dinner with my future LOs. Soooo..... big law sometimes doesn't accomodate that. Neither does "small law" or "medium law", but at least its more accomodating in general. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah/page/2#post-997120 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 15:38:26 +0000 ElbieKay 997120@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you for starting this thread. I have a lot of anxiety about how I am going to balance everything, and I really hope my management is receptive to my request to work a 4-day week for 6-7 months after my maternity leave.</p> <p>As much as I get tired of the grind -- and especially of commuting! -- I think I would go crazy spending all day, every day with a baby no matter how much I love my child. And anyway, I currently earn about 60% of our household income, and we have a mortgage. So staying at home is not really a feasible option! Thank you, NYC area, for being so outrageously expensive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah#post-997112 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 15:37:22 +0000 plantains 997112@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsMcD: @Mrs. Jacks: this is a very real problem that most of my friends are facing at the moment. How long can one delay increasing pressure/expectations without negatively affecting prospects for progression? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah#post-997100 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 15:33:26 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 997100@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsMcD: I've been able to find some wonderful work-arounds. Moving to Utah was probably the best decision I ever made. Everyone is so family focused here that the baseline expectation is much lower than it was in Seattle. I'm still on the fast-track, just measured against a different bar. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah#post-996989 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 15:13:06 +0000 deactivated_account 996989@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsLipGloss: Oh my gosh... i am feeling this 'progression of career" pressure right now. As a fifth/sixth year associate, I really need to move up to a bigger law firm. But moving up aboslutely means higher expectations which, ugh, means working more. DH switched careers so that I can work less once we have LOs. Ugh again... my career is being sacrificed. I care and don't care in equal amounts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah#post-996915 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 14:59:00 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 996915@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a bit more time to post my thoughts so here goes...</p> <p>Although these women may lament about their current pay and responsibility the article says all the woman still think their decision to leave the workforce at that time was best. There is still something to be said about work-life balance. If you have it being a working mother can work. Clearly, they underestimated the toll it would take on their careers and to some extent their marriage, but here we are able to learn from them.</p> <p>I am not surprised many of these marriages fell into a more traditional role where the wife ran the home with little input or help from the husband. Even now DH thinks cooking, cleaning and such should be my domain. He is absolutely unhelpful. DH would have a field day if I stayed home. I worry too much for DH ever stay at home. My dad was a SAHD and my parents did not have a partnership, I wouldn't want that in my marriage. </p> <p>SAH is luxury wether you have to save &amp; sacrifice to do so, or can easily opt out and never look back. But, if you want to get back in the work force at some point like the article said you have to strategic with how you spend your time out of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah#post-996895 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 14:55:26 +0000 Maysprout 996895@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@plantains: I'm not saying it wasn't difficult just saying it was something they had considered. For the MDs I know backing off (though I don't know any who fully stayed at home) it impacted their career but they knew that going in. Same with the PhDs, there was difficulty and setbacks when reentering but they weren't naive about what the situation would be. I'm not surprised that this article highlights women who were surprised, since that's what the article is about, I guess I'm just surprised that women wouldn't consider the effects since I've never encountered women who hadn't made the decision a long and thoughtful process. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah#post-996854 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 14:45:53 +0000 looch 996854@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: I agree! </p> <p>@plantains: yeah, it was interesting times...I was trying to get my firm to pay for an international relo that spring, not pretty. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah#post-996809 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 14:38:22 +0000 plantains 996809@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I can't even imagine how anyone who was planning on job hunting aroud September 2008 felt. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah#post-996791 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 14:34:51 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 996791@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: And in medicine, you can't really leave and hope to keep skills at the high level needed to take care of patients. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah#post-996787 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 14:33:48 +0000 looch 996787@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@plantains: change "big pharma" to "wall street" and you have most of my peers! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah#post-996775 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 14:29:56 +0000 plantains 996775@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: It looks like we have had very different experiences as I do know a lot of people who are fnding it so much harder than they thought to re-enter the workforce. I have a lot of friends who left big pharma thinking they wouldn't have a problem getting back in and that industry has completely turned upside down. </p> <p>A lot of people don't consider all the potential ramifications and are taken by surprise at how difficult it can be to get back in. This was actually true for almost every single woman profiled in that article. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah#post-996759 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 14:25:25 +0000 Maysprout 996759@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@plantains: It wouldn't make sense for you to say that being a SAHM is a bad idea for everyone so I'm glad that's not what you're saying. And I agree that finding a job in the future for a SAHM who wants to return to work isn't going to be straight forward and is definitely something to consider but I've just never talked to anyone who didn't consider this in their decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah#post-996712 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 14:09:25 +0000 immabeetoo 996712@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm neither in a high powered profession nor working out of the home at present, so I'm not sure my comments count, but I found this interesting! I've been urging DH to consider taking a year off when I go back so he can stay at home but he has concerns about how it'd affect his career long term.</p> <p>I read it quickly on my phone, but I'm struck by how the author portrays some of the women as really surprised that just doing "bake sales" didn't keep them in the loop enough to get a job again once they wanted it. I know they gave at least one example of a woman staying connected and easily getting a job through her (elite) personal network but I find it surprising that these bright, high achieving women didn't actively stay with their foot in the job pool even while SAH. Or at least that is how I read it. </p> <p>I cannot imagine going back to work FT and having DH expect me to still manage all the household stuff. Yikes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah#post-996708 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 14:08:35 +0000 plantains 996708@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsCB: your last sentence totally cracked me up!</p> <p>@Maysprout: I agree that most of the women profiled were not necessarily happy with their working lives before anyway, but I'm not sure I agree that most women realise the effect staying home can have on career progression. I have seen first hand that a lot of people think that with a good amount of hard work etc, they will be able to make up the difference and in many scenarios, this simply isn't true. </p> <p>I'm not saying that SAH is a bad idea, simply that a lot of people haven't accounted for just how difficult it can be to get their careers back on track nor have they accepted the possibility that they might very well be leaving for good regardless of their intention. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah#post-996680 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 14:02:31 +0000 Maysprout 996680@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think there's a variety of reasons why women decide to stay at home or continue working. Most women who decide to stay at home do realize that their career isn't going to magically progress while they're home. This paragraph towards the end of the article shows that most of the women who 'opted out' had enough dissatisfaction with their job pre-kids that even with the penalties they paid they still wouldn't want to return to where they were before.</p> <p>"But most people don’t make life decisions based on statistics or the collective good. And not a single woman I spoke with said she wished that she could return to her old, pre-opting-out job — no matter what price she paid for her decision to stop working. What I heard instead were some regrets for what, in an ideal world, might have been — more time with their children combined with some sort of intellectually stimulating, respectably paying, advancement-permitting part-time work — but none for the high-powered professional lives that these women had led." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah#post-996676 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 14:01:29 +0000 ShootingStar 996676@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Very interesting article. I know for myself, SAH is not on the table, because of the struggles mentioned in the article. I feel like it's important for me to contribute financially to the household, because I can. It's also important that we save enough for retirement, and that would be difficult to do on one salary. And DH and I both work in the software industry, which can be volatile. Just because we could in theory afford for me to stay home now, it doesn't mean that will always be the case. </p> <p>And on the more selfish end, I like working. I will love my child more than anything, but after having a few bouts of unemployment, I need a purpose for my day and a place to go, and adult interaction. I also like vacations and nice houses and being able to provide nice things. We wouldn't be able to do that on one salary. I also hate housework and prefer to pay someone else to do it, lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah#post-996675 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 14:01:29 +0000 Ginabean3 996675@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I sort of struggled with the idea of becoming a SAHM. I kept thinking, I went to a 4-yer college, them got a graduate degree, and now I'm going to stay home? But then our family circumstances changed and it makes sense for me to stay home.....and I just can't put LO in daycare. (mostly because in the beginning of her life she spent so much time in the hospital....I feel mother's guilt leaving her again!) I can see myself going back to work one day though. In my industry, there are a lot of women who take time off to have kids ad return when their kids are in school. Gosh it's just so hard to have it all! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah#post-996667 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 13:58:27 +0000 blackbird 996667@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh man, you definitely cannot leave my field and just expect to come back. Staying home is not for me, for these reasons and many more. Looking forward to reading the rest of the study. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah#post-996562 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 13:31:48 +0000 plantains 996562@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: very informative study. The findings are utterly fascinating. Thanks for sharing! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah#post-996393 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 12:45:42 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 996393@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What a powerful article. If there was ever a cautionary tale about "off-ramping" this story tells it. Even more than not wanting to leave my career, I felt equally strongly about not being mommy-tracked in any way. </p> <p>Yeah, maybe these are tough and frazzled years and while I don't "have it all", I certainly "have enough" and my girls are thriving. </p> <p>The one voice that is missing from this piece is that of the children. Did the children fare any better or worse whether their mothers were working or not? The research says no on the whole (though I'm sure there are some papers that say yes and some that say no).</p> <p>I figure if my kids aren't going to suffer at the hands of my career, then why make a big change in it?</p> <p>Edited to add: I AM an 80 hour a week player, but even with that I feel like my girls are getting what they need. I make it to all the school events and picnics. I take them on business trips with me whenever possible. Maybe I'm lucky in that I've learned to function on relatively limited amounts of sleep... so like last night, I just worked after the girls went to bed.</p> <p>Here's a link to one review of the outcomes for working/SAHM moms: <a href="http://parenthood.library.wisc.edu/Hoffman/Hoffman.html" rel="nofollow">http://parenthood.library.wisc.edu/Hoffman/Hoffman.html</a><br /> This article references a recent extensive meta-analysis on the subject:<br /> <a href="http://articles.latimes.com/2012/feb/13/health/la-he-the-md-working-mom-20120213" rel="nofollow">http://articles.latimes.com/2012/feb/13/health/la-he-the-md-working-mom-20120213</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah#post-996383 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 12:42:13 +0000 PurplePeony 996383@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not a "high-powered" worker the way the article described, but I do make a very good living and together, DH and I are fairly comfortable. I'm sure I will have pangs after our LO is born and the time comes to return to work, and I wish I could have 6 months of maternity leave instead of 3. But on the whole, I find the argument for staying in the workforce much more compelling for me than staying home. First off, I think I'd go nuts staying at home; I don't love my job with every fiber of my being, but I enjoy it and I need the intellectual stimulation. Its pretty flexible and family-friendly, and aside from some occasional travel (planned well in advance), its 40 hours per week. I also know it would be incredibly difficult to get back in if I leave. </p> <p>More than that, though, is the fact that I don't want to be a burden on my kids in my old age, and there's no way we could sock away enough money for that if we weren't both working. And we want to be able to sustain our lifestyle as much as we can once the kids are here -- restaurants, trips to both international and domestic destinations, sailing, whatever else sounds good. Both of us come from families who really struggled financially when we were growing up, and I personally don't think a few years at home with the kids would be worth (potentially) subjecting them to that kind of stress for their older childhood and teen years. Sh*t happens, of course, but I'd rather do what we can to hedge against it. As well, DH helped support me when I was in law school and there absolutely was a money dynamic I didn't like during that time; I don't know if it would be the same if I stayed home but I don't really want to risk it.</p> <p>I know some of the women from the article didn't think these kind of concerns applied to them, but I think the end results are a good reminder that whatever decisions we make should carefully balance both the long- and short-term considerations. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah#post-996376 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 12:41:05 +0000 littlek 996376@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsLipGloss: Same here. You really need to be "seen" at the office. On occasion I can WFH, but it's not really the best thing for career advancement. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah#post-996349 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 12:29:32 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 996349@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for the very enjoyable read. SAH is not an appealing option for me.</p> <p>S/N my alma mater was mentioned in the article! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah#post-996333 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 12:26:50 +0000 cascademom 996333@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsLipGloss: In my profession (archives and records management), you need to be present as well. For nearly 7 years, I spent every day in the office. It didn't become tough until I had LO, daycare, managing meals, etc. Once or twice a week helps to manage it better. Right now, I could be working on hardcopy that's been delivered, but I'm at home, so there's that. For my profession, working from home full time or more than two days a week seems excessive hence my resentment over a newbie doing it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah#post-996312 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 12:20:05 +0000 MsLipGloss 996312@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cascademom: In my profession (law), while it is possible to work from home, for career progression (as opposed to stagnation), being physically present is a must. I have flexibility, sure, but I will never be able to work from home and maintain any kind of career progression. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/high-powered-women-going-back-to-work-after-sah#post-996299 Wed, 07 Aug 2013 12:16:34 +0000 MsLipGloss 996299@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littlek: I absolutely cannot get out and come back in. That is a huge consideration for me . . . I really want to stay home with LO, and we can afford for me to do that, but what do I do when she goes to school . . . *gah* Never an easy decision. It's either I pay now or I pay later . . . and I don't want my DH to feel like the (considerable) weight of our life is all on his shoulders. And then there's the idea of what type of role model I want to be to my daughter. I hope beyond hope that I am the kind of mother that she needs me to be . . . I hope she understands why I am making the decisions that I am making. Although that is a total crap shoot. When the mommy guilt kicks in I can imagine her screaming at me as a teenager about how I am never home and she doesn't understand why I can't be home for her . . . and it breaks my heart. I hope that that scene never comes to be. I know all parents just do the best they can and hope that their decisions are the best that can be made for their families. Where the EFF is a crystal ball when you need one?! </p>