https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 21 Jun 2026 18:25:03 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hittingbullying-in-kindergarten#post-2784764 Tue, 07 Nov 2017 11:33:33 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2784764@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Academicsocialite: Some very firm and matter of fact ones like @2littlepumpkins: work well.</p> <p>I try to emphasize that tone means everything. If he whines, they're going to feel like they can egg him on and get a reaction from him. So I make sure to tell him that he has to be very firm and loud when he does it. </p> <p>"I don't like when you touch me. Stop it, now."<br /> "You're not acting appropriately."<br /> "Would you like x done to you? Then don't do it to me."</p> <p>The last one seems to resonate more with kids that age. I use it constantly at home with him when it comes to his younger brother and to combat bullying. The key is to practice it daily, and tell him that if the person won't stop, to stop reacting to what they're doing. It's a really hard concept for them to grasp, but the bullies are looking for someone who reacts, and whines. If there's no reaction, they'll move onto someone else. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hittingbullying-in-kindergarten#post-2784675 Mon, 06 Nov 2017 20:59:53 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2784675@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with the others who said this sounds like unwanted touching. The most powerful thing I have done with my dd is to help her find her words and practice them. If it was a sudden hit I don't know that words could have stopped it, though. I am sure the teacher must not be monitoring the situation, so I would try to find out more from her, and I would try my very best to be non-accusatory.</p> <p>As far as the lava thing.. I honestly don't think that's meant to be threatening. I would leave that alone personally..unless it was the same kid.</p> <p>Eta, phrases we use so far have been simple but effective:</p> <p>"I don't like it when you do that!"<br /> "Don't hug/grab/whatever me!"<br /> "If you want to play together, just one hug."<br /> "No."<br /> etc. We kind of have tailored them to situations she has been in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hittingbullying-in-kindergarten#post-2784617 Mon, 06 Nov 2017 16:30:28 +0000 Mrs. D 2784617@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My daughter was being bullied in the halls and the bathroom from the start of this year by a girl that's not even in her class. I wrote an email to my daughter's teacher and CC'd the principal, detailing the three incidents I knew about. They responded by saying they were in contact with the girl's mother and had a new plan in place so my daughter wouldn't be alone with this girl (not allowed in halls by herself, buddy in the bathroom), plus the other girls mom was told that sterner actions would be taken of the behaviour continued. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hittingbullying-in-kindergarten#post-2784542 Mon, 06 Nov 2017 14:36:23 +0000 Mama Bird 2784542@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's a tough call! I would probably say something to the teacher but frame it as "could you keep an eye out for this?" and not as "you're failing to protect my child!!!" Not that I think you would say that. </p> <p>I went in all upset one time when DS was having a problem with another kid in pre-K. I didn't say anything really rude, but I feel like I came off more accusatory than I meant to be. It's one of those things that will stay with me for life... I didn't know at the time, but the teacher was very sick, she was doing her best but it was taking a toll on her, and the last thing she needed was me complaining that DS and this kid kept getting in shoving matches. She left teaching very soon after that, and the last thing I'd said to her was this dumb complaint :crying: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hittingbullying-in-kindergarten#post-2784538 Mon, 06 Nov 2017 14:26:26 +0000 Academicsocialite 2784538@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks all for talking me off the ledge! @2peasinapod: would love to get some of those phrases from you! I'd love to start reinforcing those kinds of statements with her to better prepare her for resolving/de-escalating without relying on teacher intervention. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hittingbullying-in-kindergarten#post-2784531 Mon, 06 Nov 2017 14:18:35 +0000 Anagram 2784531@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My daughter was bitten on the hand last year in her public pre-k. It was a one time incident, so I didn't even ask what the school did to address the situation. They called us immediately because the bite broke the skin and DD was bleeding a bit. It was a boy in another class and they were on the playground and it never happened again. </p> <p>In your case, I would just email the teacher or catch them at drop/off pick up and explain what your daughter has told you and ask what can be done to mediate between the two. I wouldn't use the term bullying--just "conflict". Is it likely thst your daughter went to the nurse because she was crying and upset (which would be super appropriate and normal) and not because the shove was hard about to knock the wind out of her? </p> <p>The lava gun is....I hate to do the "boys will be boys" thing, but I have found it to be extremely common at that age. I was just at a 5 year old birthday yesterday where the boys were chasing each other around pretending to shoot each other. The girls were all singing Karaoke to the Trolls soundtrack. There was a stark difference at the party yesterday--the boys were climbing the couch and jumping off the back, literally standing on the windowsills and jumping off, and running/screaming and tackling each other. The girls sang and then played with troll dolls on the floor. It was an interesting dichotomy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hittingbullying-in-kindergarten#post-2784517 Mon, 06 Nov 2017 13:53:03 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2784517@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Academicsocialite: While I never think it's ok to hit, I also do think that teaching her some basic phrases to start using to stand up for herself is needed. I want to say that I also have a rule follower for my 5 year old. He is extremely sensitive and cries/gets upset easily. I've been practicing phrases that he can use to help combat bullying and helping him ignore kids who won't stop. It's helped some, but it has to be reinforced every day. Hoping your LO doesn't get picked on much more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hittingbullying-in-kindergarten#post-2784507 Mon, 06 Nov 2017 13:34:53 +0000 Academicsocialite 2784507@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks all - this is super helpful. I should probably frame my use of the "bullying" word, by saying that she had come home over the weekend saying that two boys in her class told her they were going to make paper guns and were going to shoot her and her friend in the face with lava (very imaginative but also mildly threatening?). So, also not bullying precisely, but in context with getting hit, it was making me concerned about a pattern of conflict/negative behaviour in the classroom. </p> <p>My daughter tends to be a bit of a "teacher's pet/rule follower", and is highly verbal and dramatic, as was I at the same age. I worry that she is being teased or stands out because of this, though I agree that "bullying" is probably not quite accurate here either.</p> <p>Oy, it's a big class and there are so many diverse needs in the student population. I just don't know how to proceed without somehow coming off as a "delicate flower" sort of parent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hittingbullying-in-kindergarten#post-2784504 Mon, 06 Nov 2017 13:30:31 +0000 misolee 2784504@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Although upsetting, I wouldn't call it bullying. It just seems like the boy was having a mood and he was lashing out. Not excusable, I hope he was disciplined in a correct manner, but not bullying. </p> <p>Schools have a zero tolerance bullying policy. If you raise a big stink over this one incident (calling principal, etc), I don't think it's a great way to handle it. I would just ask the teacher to keep a lookout on him but that's it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hittingbullying-in-kindergarten#post-2784498 Mon, 06 Nov 2017 13:18:32 +0000 SweetiePie 2784498@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: @winniebee: agree, I wouldn’t call this bullying just yet. It sounds like an isolated incident and bullying is more like repeatedly targeting the same child. </p> <p> It’s not totally the same, but the closest thing I can compare to - Last year when my son was in a twos preschool program he got bit. Actually posted here about it. My son said who it was and I’d seen/heard the boy act not nicely towards my son before (saying things out loud to his mom like “I don’t like him” “I want him to leave” when all my son was doing was playing by himself, not even interacting with this boy). What I did was, also bearing in mind that they are 2 to 3-year-olds and it’s somewhat normal behavior, contact the director and just make sure she was aware that I had found it, it happened, and I was aware. And wanted to make sure that she was aware that it happened as well. I didn’t want disciplinary action against the boy who my son said did it. Because again it is sort of expected at that age and as far as I knew it was a one off scenario. But I wanted them to be able to watch the situation (interactions between the two) and I wanted to make sure they knew that I knew and it couldn’t just be ignored if it happened again. I made sure they knew I was coming to them without anger or accusations, just concern and as an “FYI”. I wouldn’t really get angry or raise a big stink about it until it became a repeated issue. There may be a situation at some point where your daughter is the aggressor. It just happens, they’re kids. And I wouldn’t want someone assuming that my kid was bad or I did something wrong as a parent because they were the aggressor one time. </p> <p>It never did happen again, I think it was just a weird incident, maybe my son actually took a toy he was playing with and he lashed out (who knows - no teachers saw it happen, I just found the bite mark when we got home). So I’m glad I said something and glad that I didn’t raise a huge stink about a pretty routine occurrence in a preschool. </p> <p>Just my two cents! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hittingbullying-in-kindergarten#post-2784446 Mon, 06 Nov 2017 12:03:20 +0000 winniebee 2784446@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: Agree. </p> <p>Though upsetting, for now, this seems like an isolated incident, and therefore possibly not bullying, just unwanted touching. I would speak to the teacher about her policy on unwanted touching and what can be done to prevent it in the future. I'm sorry that this happened! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hittingbullying-in-kindergarten#post-2784442 Mon, 06 Nov 2017 11:53:37 +0000 looch 2784442@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My experience last year, with my son in public K, is that there is for sure a policy in place when kids have issues keeping their hands and bodies to themselves. That's how I'd approach it, rather than bullying, which involves repeated incidents aimed to intimidate. If it's a single incident vs repeated really makes a difference in my mind/experience and colors how I would approach it. I would also probably call the principal, I think it is important that the admin is involved in the discussion.</p> <p>Ask what the policy is in terms of keeping kids separated, both in the classroom and while en route somewhere (which is where a lot of incidents happen because the kids are on their own a bit). There is probably something where the kids can go to another classroom to have a change of scenery, or go to a support staff room (like a social worker or psychologist). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hittingbullying-in-kindergarten#post-2784437 Mon, 06 Nov 2017 11:44:36 +0000 Adira 2784437@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh, I'm so sorry your daughter experienced that! I don't really have any advice, but I guess I'd ask the teacher about their policy on bullying and what they plan to do going forward to prevent this sort of thing. Hopefully their answers will alleviate some of your concern going forward! &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hittingbullying-in-kindergarten#post-2784430 Mon, 06 Nov 2017 11:22:54 +0000 Academicsocialite 2784430@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just got a call from the school nurse at my 5yo daughter's school. Apparently, they were walking in line to the cafeteria and she was holding a boy's hand, her table partner I'm assuming. The boy then said that he didn't want to work with her anymore and then punched her in the chest. She was hurting enough (winded I think?) that she ended up seeing the nurse.</p> <p>So, she told the nurse that she was ok to go back to class, and I encouraged her to do so. I was trying to do some reading on the subject, and there is a lot out there about what to do if your kid is a hitter, but how do I keep my cool as the parent of the person who got hit? I have zero tolerance for violence in my home, but how do I talk to the teacher without completely losing it? I know this is normal behavior for 4-5 year olds, so I'm trying to keep it in context. ARGH. </p>